The Psychic Counselor

Do you have questions about life changes? Emotional concerns? Relationship issues? Spiritual matters? Send your questions to The Psychic Counselor, Lynda Hilburn, and check back here for your answers. Or you can read through the previous posts (check the Archives) to find answers you didn't even have questions for! [*LyndaSoul isn't my name -- it's the combo of my first name with the first word in the name of my hypnotherapy training school.]

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

She Saw What She Wanted to See

Dear Lynda:
I used to be a secretary at a high school and I worked for the principal. We are both in love with each other and we both are married to other people. I will try to make a very long story shorter and tell you what is going on. I hope you can give me some insight or direction.

The first time I saw this man "Alex," I knew immediately that I was attracted to him. Since I was his employee and I didn't know if he shared the attraction, I didn't do or say anything. As the days and weeks and months went on, we got to know each other better and it was clear that we enjoyed each other.

Eventually, we started going out to lunch together and driving to meetings and conferences together, and we told each other everything about our lives.

We both talked about being unhappy in our marriages and it was wonderful to have someone to share things with.

Things really heated up last summer and we became physically intimate. I couldn't think about anything but him. He wrote me poems and letters and gave me sweet gifts. I've never been so in love with anyone.

About a month ago, my husband found the letters and poems Alex wrote, and he confronted me about the affair. I didn't deny anything, and now my husband is very angry and he's trying to turn our children against me. My husband called Alex (he found my cell phone bill and got the phone number) and threatened to tell Alex's wife and, ever since then, Alex has been afraid to talk to me. He wrote me a short note saying he needed to think about things and that he'd be in touch later. I feel so alone and abandoned. My husband is filing divorce papers and I don't know what is happening with the man I love.

What do you see? Will Alex and I be together? What should I do?
Devastated, NY, NY

Dear Devastated:
I wish I could tell you that things are going to work out the way you'd like, but the outcome seems to be moving in a different direction.

It is clear that you are hurting and that you love "Alex." It is also clear to me that Alex has no intention of leaving his wife or even changing his life for you. He only felt safe to explore his attraction to you from the security of his marriage. He doesn't have the courage to make the life shift that one part of him would like to make.

I think you saw what you wanted to see, instead of what was really there, and you attributed a lot of qualities and characteristics to Alex which you, basically, made up. He isn't the man you thought he was.

This is a turning point for you. Take some time -- since you'll be living alone for a while -- to look at the ways your choices, beliefs and decisions created this situation. And, interestingly, I suspect you'll marry again (but it won't be Alex). Talk to a counselor. Don't try to go through this alone.

Oh, yes. Just one more thought. What do you think about the idea that there was a part of you who wanted your husband to find the letters? Who left them in your shared space unconsciously on purpose? Just wondering.

Sunday, October 17, 2004

Psychic Attack?

Dear Lynda:
My friend and I have pulled away from the pagan path we were traveling. Since this has occurred, we have both been getting ill and having strange physical circumstances, weird dreams and health issues. We are concerned we are under psychic attack from the teacher or her teacher. Is this possible? And if so, what can we do to protect ourselves from the attack without causing any negative karma?
Cynthia, Denver, CO

Dear Cynthia:
I probably have a different take on this issue than some other intuitives you could consult. I know that many metaphysical practitioners hold fast to the notion that others can send evil, chaos, illness or darkness to us and that we are unwilling receivers.

Years and years ago (I've been involved in the "nontraditional" for over 30 years now), when I spent more time in various groups than I do now (I guess I'm just not a joiner anymore), I witnessed things that seemed to be created/sent from "out there" by some malevolent person or another. Very convincing and dramatic. And, to be honest, quite exciting because we all long for evidence of the extraordinary in our daily (mundane?) lives.

First let me differentiate pagan (Druid, Wiccan, Native American, Goddess) groups from totally unrelated/unconnected groups (satanists/devil worshipers, etc.). These "dark" organizations are a reaction to Christianity and have nothing to do with pagan anything.

Anyway, I noticed that pagan groups (specifically Wiccan) seemed to have a couple of different membership orientations: some people were drawn to the idea of magic as a reaffirmation of life, Mother Earth and celebration of being human; others sought out what Starhawk calls "power over." These lost souls were more interested in the black capes, ritual athames, control/manipulation spells and opportunities to find sex partners.

Reading your letter made me wonder if your group had fallen into the latter category?

So, here's what I've found over the years. Nothing comes to us without our energetic/vibrational invitation. Are we inviting consciously? Not usually.

Does that mean I'm blaming the victim? Not at all. You must have had some interest in the group you joined -- some attraction to magic and power (like all of us). But perhaps you had some conflicting beliefs/ideas that had come from childhood (or wherever), which created a push/pull for you. By giving your attention to those individuals (before you left) and buying into some of their claims about their powers/abilities, you were in alignment with some of their more dramatic intentions.

There is a lot of interesting research about curses, and whether they can do harm without a corresponding belief in the victim. You might want to read some of that research. It's very enlightening.

Now, having said all that, I do recognize that we need to deal with the beliefs you already have. So, with that in mind, I recommend that you perform a ritual of grounding and filling. That differs from "protection" (which is often just giving more attention to that which you don't wish to attend to) because you connect to Earth, then imagine yourself filled with loving/healing energy to the point that it fills you and then pours forth from you, grounding and filling everyone around you. If you are filled with "yes" energy, there is absolutely no room for "no" energy. If you are swimming in healthy energy, illness is a mismatched vibrational frequency.

You might be amazed to discover that turning your attention from what you don't want (your fears about the power of those individuals) to what you do want (it might be good to know what you do want) literally changes your experienced reality. Keep me posted.

On the Horns of a Dilemma

Dear Lynda:
I just finished two long years of writing a guidebook for a publisher. A couple of weeks ago, about midway through edits, my publisher told me that the book is no longer publishing this spring, and it is on hold indefinitely. Even though my publisher pulled it, I was at the end of my rope, both emotionally and financially (the project was only supposed to last nine months, but it was too big for its britches), and I likely sealed the book's fate through my increasingly negative attitude.

Now, the thing is, the possibility of picking up the pieces and moving forward to try to finish the book does exist, as does walking away entirely. As does some solution I haven't thought of. Part of me wants to wipe the slate clean and walk. I want to be free ot if, though that might mean returning my advance and burning bridges. Another part of me wants to see it through to completion and try to get it published. I've put an enormous amount of time and effort in already, it still might possibly help my career, and I feel I owe a debt to the people who helped me with it. But, this could mean more unpaid hours and little time to pursue other interests. Back to square one.

I admit I'm kinda angry at my publisher (and maybe at myself). I don't know what to do.

Also, working on this book has forced another issue to light: Am I weary of writing because this project has drained me, and I'll want to write again soon, or did this project not go so well in part because I should be considering other career options? I'm rather confused about my direction lately. And I'm really tired of being broke.

In addition, I fell in love with a guy who lives in a really small town, and how I'll make my living (and also enjoy the work), has me nervous. We could relocate, but we both like it here. If we do leave, it'll be my doing, and maybe that has me nervous, too.

I'm trying to figure out how to get off the fence and move forward. I appreciate any insight, advice, etc., that might bring some clarity.
Kate, Torrey, UT

Dear Kate:
First, finish the unfinished book project.

Even just scanning your letter as I added it to my pile of letters to be answered in the blog, I felt strongly that it is imperative that you complete the project. Tie the last knot on the last thread of this tapestry. Something about the energy drain that could happen if you don't complete the circle makes me want to jump and down and wave my arms at you. So, aside from all the other reasons for you to finish it, energetic completion is the only one that matters. The leak that happens in situations like this is often referred to as a hole in one's aura or the displacement of an aspect of soul.

I won't bother trying to second-guess what your mindset was when you initially proposed, began and slogged through the guidebook project, but it now feels like a lifeless endeavor. We must find a way to energize the guidebook so you can finish it with a positive attitude (attitude is an inside job) and then honestly acknowledge that -- perhaps -- there wasn't enough passion for the project to begin with.

That's my strongest feeling about where you find yourself now. I had the odd sense that you did that project as some kind of "should." But it was a half-hearted "should."

I think your resistance to many aspects of completing this book came from not choosing a rabidly-alive topic, more than any cosmic hints that you need to find another career path.

You didn't say, but I hope you're also writing fiction. Something that taps your imagination and your alter ego.

Just a quick thing about living in the small town with your fella. I read that you said you both like living there, but as I scanned your words, one of my eyebrows raised all by itself. What does that mean? It is one of my personal indicators that things aren't as they appear to be (but then, what ever is??). I know we women do lots of things in the name of love. Or lust. Or whatever childhood pattern we remain hooked into. But I want to ask you to be honest with yourself about everything -- not just the topic of your writing.

The romance looks good -- with the exception of my suspicion that you push your own needs/desires to the back burner. If that's true, it will backfire.

This ought to make you smile wide: I see two things. One, as you refuse to follow anyone else's rules (about everything) and follow the most scary, challenging part of your dream, success will tap you on the shoulder. Which leads to the second thing. Money.

I have found that it is often necessary for creative types to have several income sources happening at any given time. I want to encourage you to make your writing skills available in even more outside-the-box ways than you do already. Don't give up writing. Just expand what that means to you. And, as I said before, fiction, fiction, fiction.

And, your publisher is a mirror for something about yourself. I wonder what that is?

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Standing at a Crossroads

Dear Lynda:
I'm an artist specializing in watercolors and a romance writer. I've known that I've wanted to do these things from the age of 12. If it helps, I'm a Pisces.

I'm on disability for chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia plus a few other things. It's a blessing in disguise. For the first time I'm getting the chance to really learn how to write genre fiction and it's exciting. Also, for job retraining I'm finishing my Associate's Degree (I love going to school). I don't think I can enter the workforce doing an office job like before. I'm an INFP on the Myers-Briggs test, so you can understand why I feel that getting out of the office job was a blessing.

I've been married for 16 years (he's an Aries on the cusp). I love him, but he's demanding, self-focused, perfectionistic and has no clue that not only do I want the art and writing to be my job, but I have to create. I get physically ill when I'm not able to create.

Because of the disease and brain damage I'm slower. Because of the memory loss (some days are better than others and I can hold my own) I deal with the situation as best I can, knowing it will be a blessing to wake up to another day.

I donate my art and artistic endeavors to local benefit silent auctions to share with others who are in desperate need. It's my way of giving back to the community. I'm getting involved in some local writing organizations to network and update my resume as much as the CFIDS allows. I must keep on with my dream. Without it a large part of me will be lost.

He wants a spotless house and almost all his meals made from scratch, etc. Needless to say, I've begun to try to focus my energy on myself and he doesn't like it. I'm trying to eliminate what stresses me. He doesn't believe in my disease, even though four specialists have agreed on it and physically there are things I can't do anymore.

Do you have any suggestions as I try to finish my novels, sell my artwork and deal with my hubby? I'm grateful for your time and advice.
Pookie, Pasadena, TX

Dear Pookie:
I'm going to walk very tenderly along the path your questions have created for me. It's always challenging for me to find ways to express my sense of someone's dilemma without doing anything to add to the already-excessive stress levels.

First, I want to say that I feel your warm heart, giving nature and your almost innocent willingness to love. Your spirit shines like that of a young child--hopeful, optimistic and very dear.

I believe you have some tough decisions to make.

I've noticed over the years, as I've worked as both a psychic and a psychotherapist, that there are strong correlations between the manifestation of chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia and certain inner resistances. I'm not saying they aren't real, physical illnesses, because they certainly do show up in the body and wreak havoc. But before they reach the level of the outer physical, they were emotional/vibrational/energetic disruptions. It seems to me that all physical illness has roots in the inner world. I've never witnessed it being otherwise. Your illness continues because you are abandoning yourself emotionally. You aren't taking a stand for yourself.

Because it is painful for you to really look at the core problems, you make yourself sicker. You have allowed yourself to be manipulated and taken advantage of by someone in the name of love. The two of you are doing a destructive dance and, as many behavioral therapists say (including Dr. Phil), we teach people how to treat us. We attract what we vibrate. We elicit what we believe.

Your husband can't treat you any way that you don't allow. I get a strong undercurrent of fear from you about your life and your relationship.

I hope you will begin to actually sell your artwork instead of only giving it away. That is a lovely gesture, but if you think about what it says, metaphorically, it isn't such a good thing. Imagine that you are your artwork. You are giving yourself away. Now, there's nothing wrong with donating SOME of your work to charity. That's just being a caring soul. But there is a connection between the way you are with money and the way you feel about yourself.

Look carefully at your life. What would someone have to believe to create the life you have? How would a person have to feel about her/himself in order to be where you are now?

I'm thrilled for you that you are writing. What a delightful way for you to begin to express your true and deep emotions. I hope you will realize that the writing is more about opening the doors to your soul than about selling books, etc. Although, that is a possibility if you will allow yourself to become the truly strong woman you really are.

I see varied options for you regarding work. No. Office work isn't for you. Go ahead and cross that off your list and expand your horizons. Aim higher. Be brave. Be outrageous.

Let me say this again. Your illness has emotional roots and healing comes from the inside. I also want to reframe the word "anger" for you. Think of it as passion, aliveness, or life force rather than something negative. Your passion/anger is yearning to break free. It definitely wants to talk to your husband.

If you insist on remaining with him, I strongly recommend counseling because you are draining yourself dry from the inside and he -- perhaps unknowingly -- is not part of the solution. I wonder how sick you are willing to get before you make the hard changes? My fingers are crossed for you.

Monday, October 11, 2004

Seeking a Positive Shift

Dear Lynda:
I started a metaphysical business about a year and a half ago. We are hanging in, but it's scary as the economy hasn't really improved enough to generate more business for us. It took me a while to let go of my "corporate ego," and now I'm living more in line with who I am at my core. Can you see any blocks in my life that are preventing the abundance I have been working on shifting my way? I do healing and readings and have a lovely shop with my partner. Am I missing something I should be doing differently? Better? Do you see a shift for the positive coming for us?
Cheryl, Denver, CO

Dear Cheryl:
I'll say this odd thing and then try to figure out what I mean by it!

The growth of your business happens simultaneously with giving yourself huge permission to really have what you want and be who you are. Not polite ideas. Not politically- or spiritually-correct ideas. Not "being a good girl" ideas. But instead, wild, audacious, messy, chaotic, impolite, naughty, too-much, too-loud, too-emotional ideas.

Or, put a different way, Wild Woman needs to spend more time in your business and the other parts of you can take a coffee break.

You likely know this already, and I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir, but it's possible to be absolutely light-filled and audaciously crazed at the same time. In fact, I believe it's required.

I mention this because I see an imbalance. An unacknowledged passionate desire versus a should/ought.

As for financial abundance, I believe the tide has already whispered its intention to turn. I see two small shifting points that occurred in August. One caused you to lose hope and another (perhaps not yet known by you) pulled itself up by its boot straps and signed on for another trek up Optimism Mountain. The time period of the Autumn Equinox to the Summer Solstice is especially juicy for you, manifestation-wise.

Continue to ride out this difficult economy (I won't point any fingers at anyone in a large white house), keep things very simple and concise and -- as every in-breath is followed by a release -- your contraction will ease. Go back into the dreaming and goal-setting stage, as long as it's only done with pure joy, playfulness and daring.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Yes, our beliefs attract our realities, but there is also the formidable energy of consensus reality/consensus beliefs to deal with. Sometimes it's like slogging through quicksand. I love the example in Richard Bach's book, "Illusions." Imagine yourself out the quicksand and watch what happens. Keep me posted!

Wrestling With Financial Fears

Dear Lynda:
I left a frustrating, limiting job a few months ago to take a breath, spend time with my children, and complete my MBA. Now the kids are back to school and I am drifting, searching for a new job but with not much luck at the moment. In fact, I have gone for a large number of job openings with little response and, for those that I did interview, not an offer.

In the past I have considered pursuing other careers but that is out of the question at the moment. Our current income covers day-to-day and no more. My future income needs to help with living expenses and to cover other financial goals we have, including college and retirement savings. I keep telling myself that fate is trying to steer me but I am impatient . . . and more than a bit nervous about my future and career.

I wonder if you can see what my future path may hold, as I am feeling more than a bit lost. You have guided me in the past and I miss not having seen you in quite a while.

Lisa, Boulder, CO

Dear Lisa:
I'll jump right into the good news because I understand what it feels like to be swallowed whole by the Money Monster.

I can't urge you strongly enough (since your intention is to stay in the same field for the time being in order to gather funds) to continue to fill out applications, send out resumes and attend interviews (yes, there will be actual interviews). An opportunity is approaching. You don't know about it yet, so it isn't something you've already interviewed for. Unless it is a different position in a familiar company.

Let me be totally clear. Money -- spendable, healthy and positive -- is flowing toward you on the cosmic highway. Leave your porch light on. When will it arrive, you might rightfully ask? That's the tricky thing about offering feedback via psychic/intuitive means. There is no time/space in the Deep/Expanded Self, the place where the 6th sense (and 7th, 8th, and so on) reins supreme. I'd say that the seeds for the financial reprieve have already been planted (on the emotional/vibrational level) and you will experience results within the next few months. That's fast, cosmically speaking!

And there's something about the primary male in your life. You didn't mention anything about him (isn't that interesting?). Somehow ideas that he harbors are coloring your world view, and you are holding yourself back in some way. I know you are doing everything you can think of, and I heard you say that you need to hunker down and stay the course until things turn in your favor (please read above for indications of the change), but I'd like to try to persuade you to take a risk of some sort. If not financial/career, then perhaps an emotional/spiritual one. It appears to me that you are, indeed, supported and can take whatever leap you've been avoiding. As the saying goes, you will land safely or be taught to fly. Honest.

Friday, October 08, 2004

She Doesn't Want To Be a Robot

Dear Lynda:
I've spent most of my 44 years just trying to survive the journey that I picked for myself. I face many decisions now that were not even possible several years ago. I feel torn in many directions. My conservative side says to go to school (which I'm doing), work in a big corporation (which I'm also doing), own a home (ditto), and guess what? I'm bored out of my mind. I feel like a robot going through life, not really experiencing happiness, sadness or much of anything. I'm not depressed. I just don't have enthusiasm for my life right now. I know that this is not the road I'm supposed to be on.

But where am I supposed to be? Where are the things that I miss terribly that seemed to center me in the past? Things such as sunsets, sunrises, listening to stories from the elderly. I no longer have the time to do these activities. The types of jobs that I would love to do pay below living wages.

I feel that if I continue on this rather mundane path, I will develop illnesses, become old before my time and perhaps even bitter -- thinking about what I should have done versus what I have done.

Do you see me breaking free of all these self-imposed restraints? Are my dreams those of a young girl? Should I be working toward a business degree and a wonderful job in a room that might actually have windows? Or should I be following my heart and spirit?
Ann, Denver, CO

Dear Ann:
I think we're all afraid. Somehow we got the idea that if we surrounded ourselves with enough illusions of security, that we'd be "safe." That maybe nothing chaotic or crazy could happen. That maybe we won't die. But, as Buggs Bunny says, "nobody gets out of here alive."

I had to smile as I read your email because you answered all your own questions and gave yourself great advice.

If you choose the robot path, the one with no aliveness, you have already put out to the universe that you will be dealing with physical illness, grow old before your time, and perhaps become bitter. That's quite a self-fulfilling prophecy. And it is entirely possible that you can contract and restrict yourself to the point that your life seems safe. But at such a huge cost. Do you really want a life lived in fear and conformity? Where did you get these ideas?

I don't know if you will break free of these self-imposed restraints. You are the one holding the keys to the jail cell in your hands. (Wasn't there an Eagles song with a line about not ever knowing he'd held the key all along?) When the pain of being restricted becomes bigger than the pain of the fear of the unknown, you will break free. If you never reach that point -- and the choice is yours, day by day -- then this is the life you will have.

It is a matter of priorities. Put the things you love in your life at the top of your list. I know you think there is no time, but that is only an idea you have (fear has you trapped in the corner). It is interesting what happens when we begin to act as if our deep, soul needs matter.

How many more years do you want to "survive the journey"? Wouldn't it be great to be fully alive. I don't remember who said this, but if you don't change today, tomorrow is going to look a lot like yesterday.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Is Someone New Coming?

Dear Lynda:
I have been psychically and emotionally committed to a man for almost two years. There has been very little physical manifestation between us but the bond feels very strong. I am using this love in many beautiful ways to grow but I am curious whether our love can manifest into a loving physical relationship or if someone new will be coming in soon to mark the end of this interesting but intense non-traditional relationship.
Serenity, Boulder, CO

Dear Serenity:
This is probably going to sound very strange, but as I sat with your question and let the vibrational song of your friend (that is the word I'm compelled to describe him with) wash over me, I felt a very youthful -- almost innocent -- energy. And, at the same time, he feels to me to be a removed, distant figure somehow. Almost like someone we love and admire from a distance. Oddly unavailable.

If I was playing Devil's Advocate (and I guess I am), I'd ask you what you're up to with this almost illusionary relationship? Is he acting out an idealized male fantasy for you?

Here's the thing. There is definitely another male energy in the picture (if not here already, quickly approaching) but he'd fall into the category of "down-to-Earth, good guy," and I wonder if you will even give him the time of day?

To answer your questions, no. I don't see this interestingly-ethereal relationship with your current man turning into anything more grounded and day-to-day. Yes. There is another possibility coming if you will explore your fear about really being loved. Remember that protective shields not only keep us in, but they keep others out.

Step Up to the Table of Life

Dear Lynda:
Many aspects of my life seem to be in transition right now. I have a wonderful 7-year-old and a beautiful 11-month-old baby. My job is perfect for me. I simply love it, except for the fact that I have a long, stressful commute. For the past five years I've tried to find a similar job in my area, but I get absolutely no response. I feel I put myself out there, let the universe know what I choose/want, but get no reaction. Needless to say, I'm always very disappointed that I don't even get a chance to prove myself in an interview.

Should I stop trying to find a job close to home? I do like my job, so should I just be grateful I have it and stop wanting more? I feel the need to be closer to my kids during the day and feel my life would be less stressful if I was close by.

My other question is about my husband. He left our home after eight years or marriage last April, returned during the summer and then left again in August. When he left in August I feel I really closed the door (mentally and emotionally) on our relationship. It is too difficult for me and my son to feel abandoned over and over. Now my husband says he loves me, wants me, etc. He seems to become the "perfect" husband when he leaves. This is all very stressful. I feel like I'm on an emotional rollercoaster. I've learned that I'm OK without him. I feel I don't need to be with him anymore, but I start feeling guilty when he keeps coming to me for support and love.

Working far away, trying to pay the bills as a single mother, and still getting up several times a night with my baby has me feeling very emotionally distraught. I'd appreciate any advice you could give me.
Marcie, Troy, MI

Dear Marcie:
First, please be kind to yourself. You are emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted.

You have some wonderful, huge decisions ahead of you. Everything that is happening is showing you something you need to know about yourself. I keep getting that the job issue really isn't about finding a similar job closer to home, but instead it is about opening a totally different career door by taking some additional training or expanding your education. Clearly, something much bigger is afoot.

I don't mean this disrespectfully (well, maybe just a little bit), but your husband is acting like a spoiled child. A child who is seeking to recreate that primal feeling of oneness and belonging first experienced with mother. But you are not his mother. At least, not in this life. Like a needy child, he will take from you as long as you allow him to.

You know what Phil McGraw (Dr. Phil) always says: "We teach people how to treat us."

As long as you're tolerating his behavior, you will keep yourself from having the deeper relationship your soul is craving. Plus, if you indulge him, he'll never grow. Your children deserve much more. Your husband could benefit from a good therapist.

Sit down with paper and pen and write down what you would like your life to look like over the next few years. Just focus on the various essences you wish to experience. Dream big. Aim higher. Imagine more wildly. Remember that the happier/healthier you are, the more that wonderful energy overflows onto your children.

I remember reading an article about the regrets of some terminally ill cancer patients. As they looked back on their lives, the consensus was that life is a banquet, yet most of us never even step up to the table. It is better to put too much on your plate than to settle for scraps.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Increasing Her Psychic Abilities

Dear Lynda:
During the past year, I've had some visions -- clear pictures in my mind of places or situations which actually came true in my life.

I think that my psychic energy tries to send me messages or visions frequently, but I don't know how to receive them. Can you tell me how to increase my own psychic powers so that I can be more open to receiving the messages of my inner self?
Dove, Boulder, CO

Dear Dove:
Let's remember that clairvoyance (clear seeing), clairsentience (clear knowing), clairaudience (clear hearing), etc., are normal and natural functions of being human. It's just like intelligence: Most people have I.Q.s around 100, while some individuals score lower or higher. No one is born without some level of intelligence. (Which opens the door to an interesting discussion of "intelligence" vs. "consciousness," but that will have to wait for another time!)

My point is that every breathing human being has intuitive/psychic abilities. Like those with musical talent, some are great musicians, some are average with moments of greatness, and others have to get by with an occasional rendition of "Chopsticks."

Most people, for whatever reason, choose to give little attention to this marvelous intuitive ability, and instead attribute it "out there" to others who are believed to be special or better than they.

The best way I know to increase your access to your own level of ability is to get very still and very quiet. The more time you spend meditating, praying, affirming, daydreaming or staring at the wall, the more you'll be able to dive down into the "field of pure potentiality," as Deepak Chopra calls it, and begin to get familiar with the landscape.

After you begin working with silence and are ready to try out your new muscles, I find that using a tool like the Tarot, the Goddess Amulets, the Runes or experimenting with automatic writing/art, etc., can help to open new doors inside yourself that you didn't even know were there.

Don't make too much of these visions. Perhaps you can write them in your journal and just notice if they manifest. Pay attention to what your unconscious mind is trying to tell you by what it selects to present. It isn't that the visions aren't miraculous. It's just that the everyday is miraculous. We forget that.

I have created a Guided Hypnotherapy CD called "Awakening Your Psychic Abilities," which might also help.

Why Hasn't He Called?

Dear Lynda:
I went dancing a while back with some girlfriends and I met "Bill." We had a wonderful time dancing all night, and then he came home with me. I don't usually bring men home that I met at a bar, but "Bill" seemed to be so kind and gentlemanly.

I thought this was the start of a powerful relationship, because we connected so deeply. We talked for hours, but it's been a week now since we met, and he hasn't called. I found out from a mutual friend that "Bill" works for a corporation here where I live and I'm thinking of calling him.
What can you tell me about why I met this man and why he hasn't called? Will it get things back on track if I call him? Please respond as soon as you can because I don't know if I can wait.
Meryl, Los Angeles, CA

Dear Meryl:
I don't remember who said this, but: "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome." I think you need to take a deep breath, look at your self-defeating patterns, and stay away from the telephone.

"Bill" has no intention of calling. In fact, if you call him, you'll discover a side of him that you won't find at all pleasant. He has a wife and children -- a fact I'm sure he didn't share with you.

It appears you've been moving from one man to another with such regularity that there's been no time for you to explore yourself and your needs.

I know I often say this, and it's probably the last thing you want to hear, but I would give some serious thought to spending some time without a man in your life. There are some great energetic and emotional benefits to planned celibacy. I wonder what you would do with your life if you didn't have to be OK for a man? What would be different if you mattered?

Gold in the Shadow

Dear Lynda:
This has been a very rough year for me. I left a very stressful job running a community creative arts project last March and my husband and I were divorced by the end of April. Since then I've been unable to find an appropriate job because I'm over-qualified for everything I apply for. I have spent some time with a nice man, but there is no future there.

I'm working very hard to stay positive. I see a spiritual counselor and a professional coach regularly and I try to stay busy by exercising a lot. I know that if I continue to envision only a positive outcome, and if I say positive affirmations daily, my life will become the joyful expression that I desire it to be.

Can you look in your crystal ball and tell me what the new year holds for me?
Tam, Denver, CO

Dear Tam:
I've been meaning to buy a crystal ball for years. A very large, dramatic one with an ornate holder. I keep putting it on my list of things to manifest, but it continually slides down the list as other things crowd in at the top. I'll do my best for you without one.

Let me address the easy stuff first. The next few months will bring an opportunity for you to become involved in a job that offers you financial reward and professional growth. It does appear that you'll be running something again. And it might even be involved with the arts. But as much as you're qualified and have the necessary talents for this job, it will press your buttons again. You'll be tempted to lose yourself in your job. Busy, busy, busy. I wonder what you're avoiding by keeping yourself so busy?

I also see evidence of a kind-hearted male energy moving toward you from beyond the horizon (which means you don't know this person already). I know you're usually attracted to men who reject you, but see if you can open your mind and your heart for this one. You asked for the chance to experience true love. Here is your answer. Look for him before the next summer solstice.

I'd like to introduce additional information for you to contemplate. There is a strong undercurrent of fear in your question. One belief about the New Age idea of "light" is that if you keep yourself surrounded with light (good luck with that!), you won't have to experience its opposite. Actually, there couldn't be light without darkness. Exploring the shadow is the richest inner work we can do. Your letter suggests a frantic pushing away of that which is not "light" and "happy" and "positive." As if you'll be swallowed up by something so chaotic, so horrible, that you fear you will not survive.

So, why do I bring up these thorny issues? You're standing at the edge of the abyss called "dark night of the soul," and the more you resist the leap, the more it will pull you. I suggest you add a depth-oriented psychotherapist to your list of helpers and find a spiritual counselor who knows about the gifts of the inner darkness. As is often the case, when we turn and face what's chasing us, it disappears.

Torn Between Two Lovers

Dear Lynda:
I'm in a situation I never thought possible and I hope you can help me. My husband and I have had problems during our 20-year marriage -- we separated once, then reconciled -- and in the past year those problems have escalated. At the same time, I met another man through work, and my feelings for him have changed from friendship to love.

I know that it's not wise to compare a long-term relationship to one of six months. Yet, I find myself doing that. I believe that it's important to decide about my marriage based on its merits, so I have stopped seeing and communicating with the other man while I try to find my way to clarity.

And that's another problem. I don't have clarity and I don't know what I want to do. I am in love with this man. I feel happier with him than I can remember ever feeling. But isn't that infatuation? I'm weary of working on things with my husband, but since we have stayed together for so long, am I meant to work things out with him?

Can you help me? Both my husband and my lover are telling me the same thing: they each want a commitment from me. But I'm so unclear.
Kathy, Denver, CO

Dear Kathy: As you already know, all of this is really about you, and the men involved are playing their assigned roles in your unconsciously-created script. I can't tell you what you ought to do, but I can tell you what I believe you are moving into if everything remains the same and you don't make any radical changes. It appears to me that you are so drawn to the man from work that you are allowing the energy of the situation to pull you into that relationship and out of your marriage.

It does appear that you have been profoundly unhappy and you will have to ask yourself if your desire for security is stronger than your yearning for love and joy. What do you want the second half of your life to be like?

But I do want to say that I see chaos approaching. Some unexpected, unanticipated "something" flowing into the scene and causing a shift in perspective and direction (husband finding out?). You have been in this tense contraction for quite a while now, and we know that nothing stays the same. Energy constantly reconfigures and transforms. You have called forth this chaos from the deepest part of yourself and it's only your personality-self that has no clue.

My advice is to take a step back. Perhaps live on your own for a while so that the energetic environment can clear out. It's impossible to make a coherent decision when there's so much pressure from all directions. I'm clearly prompted to tell you to be a hermit for a while. Go into your cave and be willing to die to the old, so that the new -- whatever that turns out to be, whatever you choose -- can be born. Nothing is simply black or white, and the situation between the three of you (very old, by the way) is not only what it appears to be. Decisions can be revisited. What does your child-self want? What is this really about beyond the obvious?

And perhaps it would be helpful for you to remember that clarity comes and goes. Like happiness, it flows in and out, so that we can understand its flip-side.

Don't end your marriage because you think there is something out there that will offer you more aliveness (aliveness comes from inside). If you leave, do so because the marriage, and your connection with your husband, is complete. Get very still, take a few deep breaths, and ask your body about being alone. Pay close attention because the body never lies.

Monday, October 04, 2004

Scary Roommate

Dear Lynda:
I live with three other people in an apartment, and one of my roommates scares me. She dresses in black all the time, and I think she is trying to control my thoughts. There have been many unexplained things happening in the apartment since she moved in -- like the light bulbs popping for no reason, and personal possessions not being where we left them.

I want to know if you sense that she is evil and dangerous, and if you do, please tell me what I can do to protect myself from her? I've been smudging the apartment, but it doesn't seem to help.
Natalie, Golden, CO

Dear Natalie:
First, let me tell you that I pop light bulbs all the time. I can count on popping at least one per week. It's an energy thing. I also have been known to burn out small appliances. That is no indication of evil intent.

If anything, I sense confusion and depression around this individual. I think she needs help. Someone to talk to. Instead of projecting your fears on her, perhaps you could reach out? As someone who is often misunderstood, I can tell you how painful that is. Trust me. She isn't controlling your thoughts. You might ask yourself what the benefit is for holding such a dramatic focus. Sometimes when we're afraid to be all we truly can be, we put our attention on other people and things. Maybe it's time you looked at the ways you scare yourself.

Attraction To a Younger Man

Dear Lynda:
I'm a 50-year-old woman in good physical shape and generally happy with my life. People often tell me that I look younger than I am, and I'm considering having some minor plastic surgery done soon. My problem is that I'm seeing a man 15 years younger than me, and I'm becoming very attached to him, even though I know it can't possibly go anywhere. He lives in a different state and I find myself creating work-related reasons to visit him, or to have him come here.

I'll admit that I'm having a hard time getting older, and I'm not aging gracefully. I'm not used to not getting all the male attention I want, and I don't understand when I stopped being appealing to the opposite sex. I was very surprised when this young man started calling me and expressing interest (I met him on a business trip).

I'm a successful professional, and I notice that when this man and I are out in public, I'm somewhat embarrassed. I'm sure people are thinking negative things about me, dating such a young man. They probably think he only spends time with me because I have money. That makes me feel humiliated and ashamed.

And this man (I'll call him "Ed") and I are very attracted to each other, and he sends me signals that he is sexually interested in me, yet he doesn't want to have sex. That confuses me and makes me feel that it's because of the way I look. I'm afraid he's looking for a mother.

I don't usually ask advice from anyone, but if you have any helpful insights, they would be appreciated.
Jan, Denver, CO

Dear Jan:
You're in the midst of a difficult transformation. Like many women, you put all your eggs in the "I am my physical appearance" basket, and now that you're getting older, you don't know who you are.

You're imagining that other people are judging you because you are judging yourself. You're the one who believes that Ed is with you because you have money, and that your only value lies in superficial, material things.

I'm sure Ed is a nice person, but you're focusing on the messenger at the expense of the message. Your Soul has drawn Ed into your life so that you can confront your fears about getting older. He represents the part of you that wishes to retreat into the past. He does not honor your sexuality because you don't. We can't have what we want while we are focused on what we don't want.

It isn't that Ed is too young for you. Ed is not looking for a serious relationship. He won't meet your needs (if you give yourself permission to acknowledge them). He definitely has his own baggage and sending mixed signals is just something he consistently does.

If you are not your body, not your thoughts or emotions, then who are you? If you no longer receive validation and approval by pleasing men, then what? What will your life be like if you never accept your own power? What will your life be like if you do? What if the prince never comes? I think it's time to explore these questions.

Attached Entity on His Foot?

Dear Lynda:
I've had a chronic pain in my foot for weeks and there doesn't seem to be any medical reason for it. I went to a psychic who told me that there is an entity attached to my foot, and that's why I'm experiencing pain. She did a ceremony where she tried to release the entity, but it didn't work. She said the entity is very powerful and that I need to work with her on a regular basis to remove the entity. I'm willing to do that if it will help. What do you get about my foot?
J.T., Westland, MI

Dear J.T.:
An attached entity (what a trendy concept) wouldn't be my first guess. I had a vision of you standing with one foot firmly planted in the center of a circle, while the other foot tries to move you forward in some direction. The planted (hurting) foot seems to be holding a fear about that forward movement, and you keep walking in circles. Take some time to talk to the fear inside you. It has helpful and enlightening information. This isn't about entities, it's about you talking to you. But I would walk a wide circle around that psychic, if I were you!

Tall, Blond Dream Man

Dear Lynda:
An old boyfriend of mine from 20 years ago lives in the same town as me now. The attraction between us is very intense. What I'm wondering is whether this is karmic or true love?

I tend to enjoy a good conversationalist and, although he is extremely bright, he's a bit taciturn. He's a good man and genuinely cares for my son, so I feel like I need to consider giving him a real chance. I definitely care about him as a friend, yet long for a more spiritual partner who is involved in healing himself, as I am.

Another factor is that I've recently had several dreams about a man who is very kind, tallish and blond. This person feels more like my potential mate, yet still remains in the dreamtime. What do you intuit about this old boyfriend? Am I soon to meet someone else?
Susan, Lafayette, CO

Dear Susan:
I'm really torn about how to respond to your questions. I'm receiving so many conflicting, unexpected bits of information that I don't know what to make of any of it! I'm just going to give you a stream of consciousness, because that's what I'm getting:

The taciturn individual isn't necessarily "karmic or true love," but he is, instead, a representation of your fears about security and being loved. I'm not getting a lot of commitment from you about this man. In fact, you seem to be so "lost in a dream" (someday my prince will come?), that I'm not sure you would recognize an appropriate mate if he did show up (been there, done that). Does this man bring up any father stuff for you? You're surrounded by masculine archetypal energy.

Being with this man would not be the worst thing you could do, but it doesn't seem to fulfill your expectations about what your romantic partner would be like.

The man in your dream feels like a memory. I believe that the concept of past lives, understood in a linear fashion, is limiting. I can't relate to the idea of us living one life after another, in some human-designed, straight-line approach. For me, it's more fun to think about simultaneous lives/simultaneous levels of existence and consciousness. So, since everything is going on in one big Simultaneous Now, it's easy for the levels to bleed into each other, under certain conditions.

The blond man's consciousness resides elsewhere. The question for you is: What is the message? Why is your unconscious mind tapping into this otherworld? Trust that the true nature of the encounter will be made clear in the right time, in the right way. But it's doubtful that he'll show up in your living room any time soon. You might think of him as a Guide.

You do seem to be on the verge of some major discovery. A metaphorical leaping into the Great Romantic Unknown. There is someone else on your horizon, but don't worry about trying to fix things so that they work out one way or another. This will unfold all by itself.

Sunday, October 03, 2004

What Does It Really Mean?

Dear Lynda:
Over the past years, valuable jewelry and photo albums have been lost to me through the actions of others. I believe I know who has taken the photo albums and have asked her about them, but she denies having them. This, of course, doesn't mean that she didn't take them and destroy them. Unfortunately, I do not have the negatives for many of the lost photos. Does this woman feel any guilt for what she's done?

I was told who probably took my jewelry, but my attempts to retrieve it have been unsuccessful. The jewelry has great sentimental value and I am thinking of asking the assistance of a very influential person in another attempt to retrieve it. What are the chances of my retrieving my possessions? What would you suggest as the most positive course of action?
Margaret, Denver, CO

Dear Margaret:
I'm glad that you didn't ask me to locate your lost items, because that isn't my forte. But I can interpret the emotional tones associated with this issue.

I believe the jewelry and photo albums are the props in a script written by your soul in order for you to learn to let go and forgive (maybe yourself as well?). The intense anger you carry with you regarding this issue is overwhelming. This has become an unhealthy obsession for you.

Look at this situation from a wider perspective. Ask yourself what the jewelry and photos mean to you and what they represent symbolically. Consider what was going on in your life at the time of the loss. What is the underlying message for you?

Many years ago when I worked for a local University, I was in the midst of a personal identity crisis. Finding myself at another fork in the road, I was stuck in the "not knowing" and was unable to move forward. One day I carelessly left my purse on top of my desk and went down the hall to run an errand. When I returned, my purse was on the floor and my wallet was gone. My wallet containing all my "identity" papers.

Instead of remaining angry, I decided to get curious about what the Universe was up to. What a coincidence that just when I was ready to change my "identity," certain socially-accepted indicators of that identity were taken away. I had asked for a clear signal and I believe I got one.

Every morning I'd sit quietly for a few moments and ask the Universe to resolve the problem in the most beneficial way for all concerned. I sent a message through the inner grapevine (my unconscious) to the thief asking him/her to take the money if it was needed, but to give back the wallet and the identity papers, if that was the most appropriate outcome. I continued my inner work for days and was willing to accept whatever happened.

About a week later I came to work to find my wallet pushed underneath the door to my office. The money was gone, but everything else was there. Shortly thereafter, I left that job and went back to school. The incident with the wallet gave me the kick in the hind end I needed to let go of the "old" me and to create a "new" me.

These strong feelings of anger are toxic. My advice is that you let go of expecting any outcome and that you work on acceptance. Once you diminish the force of the energy you are sending out against the people involved, more insight and wisdom will be available to you. Turn this over to the Universe and trust that it can work out for everyone. Let go. Nothing positive can happen until you stop focusing on the negative.

Good Riddance to Job

Dear Lynda:

I've worked for a well-known company for many years and last week -- because I refused to let management be abusive to my team -- I was fired. Yesterday, the boss called me and said he would reconsider and take me back if I was willing to ignore the problems.

I declined his offer and now he's trying to make sure I don't get the severance package the company owes me, plus I think he's badmouthing me to clients.

I know I was right to reject his offer, because he is such a terrible man to work for, but now I don't know what the next step is for me. My dream is to have my own consulting company, working in the same industry. What do you think about my leaving that job and starting out on my own?
Kat, Chicago, IL

Dear Kat:
Great timing. It appears that you've been experiencing an energy drain for years and this is a healthy turn in the road. For some reason, I get the idea that your boss is afraid of you. Perhaps he overstepped his bounds and made a legal mistake. Don't worry about your severance package.

Take an active role in creating your new company. Think of a name for your new venture, and go out immediately and purchase business cards. Meet the Universe halfway by making your intentions very clear.

You have the ability to create a lot of money, and there seems to be a partner (business) just around the corner. An important contact will be made within the next month.

Try not to get sidetracked by all the men entering your life. Each one has a gift for you, and some of those gifts will be difficult. Pay attention to the message and not the messenger. If you're willing to focus on your business for the next three or four years, a loving life mate will present himself unexpectedly.

Don't you just love how the Universe works?

Change Your Focus

Dear Lynda:
I'm a woman in my mid-50s, and I want more out of life than I have. In the past, I've had some mental problems, and I'm sure I give out the wrong vibes to attract fun into my life. I have a very satisfying family (with my kids) and business life. It's my personal life that's almost nonexistent. Is there anything you can tell me that might help me to improve my life? I thank you in advance for any help you can give.
Josie, Los Angeles, CA

Dear Josie:
If the door to relationship is hard to open, it's because you have your entire body pushed up against it, keeping it from swinging free.

This is an example of consciously wanting something while unconsciously sabotaging it.

I wonder if you'd be willing to recreate yourself. Reassess the old identity as someone who "had some mental problems" and move into your futures (which one will you choose?) with a broader self-image. That old label no longer serves you.

It's my belief that if you are willing to rewrite your script there is, indeed, a lovely relationship with a slightly-younger man possible.

I recommend that you get involved with some spiritual and/or creative opportunity. Perhaps volunteer your time. There are those who have been awaiting your arrival.

Allow your inner fire to burn through the body armor, and take a chance on yourself.

Give some thought to relocating.

Question About Tarot Reading

Dear Lynda:
I recently had a Tarot reading and got the death card. The reader told me that I had horrible health problems that were coming in the near future. She said if I didn't take drastic measures, that I would die within a year. She really scared me, but a friend told me that you can't predict death from looking at Tarot cards. The reader said I could pay her to clear my aura so that the sickness she saw there would go away. What do you think?
Karen B., Cheyenne, WY

Dear Karen:
I think it is unfortunate that there are unethical, dishonest readers. The Tarot is a symbolic/metaphorical tool, which means that it speaks of larger, archetypal issues. The death card in the Tarot indicates profound transformation. Transformation that changes the inner landscape, therefore the outer. I usually find transformation to be exciting, if we will open to the wisdom of it. It is possible that the reader picked up some of your concerns about your health, so I'd recommend that you visit your favorite M.D. and get a checkup. The moment a reader predicts death and/or dire circumstances and then asks for large sums of money to rectify the situation, run away from that person as quickly as you can!