Dear Lynda: I really hope you can help because I really need answers with this situation. It's constantly on my mind. Any advice you give me will be great. I am 18 yrs old and currently a high school senior. I have two months left and hopefully will finish on time but moving along that is not the problem. A week ago I ended a relationship with a guy I have been with for 3 months but you can say a year and two months of talking. When I first met him we felt an instant connection for each other but never really pursued it. I dated other people because I felt he might hurt me. During my other relationships I knew he still had feelings for me and sometimes he would show up at places he knew I would be just to see me. In Sept 09 on Labor Day he showed up and I was single. He told me again how he felt for me and I decided to give it a chance, since I could no longer deny my feelings for him. We started off great and you could say steamy. I felt something for him I didn't feel in a long time. When we were together it felt right and there were times I would sleep over with him and I would feel safe in his arms. The problem was he worked all the time. He is 20 yrs old and he supports his mother. He also has to send money to his daughter in so he works a lot to take care of these responsibilities. At first it didn't bother me much because I understood the things he had to do and I respected him for doing what he had to do. Even though he had all of these things on his plate he made time for me when he could and I was grateful for that. But when we are apart I wouldn't hear much from him. Sometimes he would let 3 days pass before he even thought to say anything to me. We had a talk about this and I told him that I don't need him to check up on me everyday and I don't ask for much. I would just like him to talk to me sometimes. He told me that's something he needs to work on and he would try to contact me. There are times he would and times he stopped. I didn't understand it and that led me to making the decision I made a week ago. What I don't understand is he tells me he cares about me a lot but his actions show differently sometimes. I just want to know if it was a mistake to leave him? And if he really cared for me? And why didn't he respond to me when I ended it if he truly cares? Thank you. I really hope you will answer.
Dear Fierce: My question to you has nothing to do with the fellow you wrote about. I want to know what you are doing for yourself? What are your goals for your future? Who do you want to be? Relationships are wonderful, but you are very young and it's appropriate for you to be thinking about your plans and your personal growth. The fellow you mentioned seemed overwhelmed. I guess I don't understand -- since there is so much you should be doing for yourself -- why you need to make him such a focus? We can't truly be authentic with anyone else until we find our own center -- our true self. When we're so busy getting in and out of relationships, our self-connection suffers. My advice? Take a break from guys, focus on charting a path into your future for yourself, and trust that the wise part of yourself will attract what you desire.