Hi Lynda: I've written before. I guess I'm just too often overwhelmed. I feel like I can see everything and it's usually pretty negative. I'm afraid that I am a negative force and I can be very superstitious about it. I seek signs in everything, license plates, timing, minimal social success, the weather, the wind. I have a life I should be grateful of but still I see the worst in things. I can't handle my tasks. I'm afraid people will find out something. I really don't know how to fulfill whatever potential I may have and feel frustrated. I have a wonderful boyfriend, but I call him or think of him as an ex. I often refer to him using the name of someone I have already dated. The problem always seems to be me. I can't remember things, it's like leading a clumsy life. The worst part is when people see it on me. I become angry and indignant. Any direction is valued. Thanks for reading,
Dear Subshive: I'm sorry things feel so frustrating. You're not a negative force. I think there might be a psychological/physiological reason for your difficulties. That's good news, because it means you can take steps to make positive changes. Find an excellent psychotherapist in your area, consider the possibility of helpful medication, and look into trauma therapies like EMDR. Your future is not dark. There is definitely light at the end of this chaotic tunnel. Keep me posted.