The Psychic Counselor

Do you have questions about life changes? Emotional concerns? Relationship issues? Spiritual matters? Send your questions to The Psychic Counselor, Lynda Hilburn, and check back here for your answers. Or you can read through the previous posts (check the Archives) to find answers you didn't even have questions for! [*LyndaSoul isn't my name -- it's the combo of my first name with the first word in the name of my hypnotherapy training school.]

Monday, February 27, 2006

Intense Relationship Meant To Be?

Dear Lynda:
My ex recently broke up with me and we agreed not to have any communication with one another thereafter. We had a 4-year on and off, really intense relationship. Right now I am disturbed because 3 weeks after the break up she called me out of the blue -- and it happened to be the first day I was really upset about the break up and had been really close to calling her. It was almost as though that phone call was meant to be. Two weeks later, I was in my ex's neighborhood for the first time since the break up -- and she had no idea I was in town, and I was wondering if she could sense that I was close by, and right that second I got a call from her! It was very scary to have such a connection. This morning I woke up depressed and thinking about the break up in an intense way. I said to myself, "If she doesn't call today, it's a sign that we don't really have a connection." And then a few minutes later I got a call from her and she was upset too. This is very intense and scary because part of the break up agreement is not to talk to each other and the three times she has called have been really intense times when I have been thinking about her. It's almost like my thinking about her channels her to call or something. Or that we are on the same wavelength and feel similar kinds of emotions. Even though we are broken up, she says that she is still in love with me and considers me to be the soulmate and possible love of her life. The reason why the relationship can' t be though is that I have anger issues and she isn't patient enough to work through them with me or help me find the help I need. I accept that and I can't say that I love her, because for me love is forever and I accept that this isn't the relationship for me But we've split up and gotten back together several times in the past four years, and even though this time its for good, it seems that there is a higher cosmic force telling us that we're still connected and meant to be together. Any advice about this is much appreciated.
P.D., Massachusetts

Dear P.D.:
If you read this blog with any regularity, you've probably noticed that this sort of question comes up often. I can only give you my opinion and my interpretation of the cards I pulled on your behalf. You feel a strong connection between you and this person because both of you are still focused on the connection. It's as simple as that. I believe the universe is vibrational. That means that vibrations seek out like vibrations. It has little to do with "supposed to," and everything to do with where your attention is. Intensity magnifies the focus. Granted, drama is great. It can feel alive, passionate, intense -- all the things we hope life can be. In fact, without our dramas, life can seem dull. So, I fully understand why we humans chose drama over the alternative. That's one reason soap operas are so popular on TV -- daytime and nighttime. And we are all perceptive/intuitive/psychic beings. All of us have abilities that are happy to manifest if we don't close them down through silly superstition, fear or apathy. So, you'll stop attracting evidence of connection to this person when you no longer focus on it. And, by the way, the relationship doesn't seem very helpful or healthy to me, so I'd ask you to contemplate the value of the drama versus the positive changes that can happen if you let go.

Fear of the Unknown

Dear Lynda:
My question is hopefully simple for you. I was adopted at birth and have no medical history from my birth mother, save the fact that she was schizophrenic. I found a man whom I would maybe like to have kids with and am worried about what possible genetic problems we could have, or if it is a good idea to have kids even since I may have health problems crop up of my own that I am unaware of as well. I am aware of the risks with schizophrenia, since I have a B.S. in psychology and that was an area that we covered extensively, I am more afraid of the unknown. Is having kids an okay idea? Would there be problems that no doctor has been able to detect?
Alissa, Colorado

Dear Alissa: That's a tough question. Not such a simple question, actually. I'm generally an optimist and usually opt to find the rainbow on the other side of the dark clouds. I'm going to give you a rather slippery answer. Don't make any babies quite yet. First, research about schizophrenia is getting exciting and you should check out the latest advances. Check out the factors that seem to play a role in passing along the illness. The issue definitely isn't cut and dried. Second, there is little difference between what is "real" and what is "feared." We tend to manifest what we focus on, and if you dwell on the negative possibilities, the odds shift against you. But, having said all that, I think the real issue is about the person you mentioned. Maybe give it more time. There seems to be an old pattern playing out for you. In fact, I counsel slowing down in general. Are you sure he is the man for you? Regarding your health and medical history, at this time I'm not seeing anything that concerns me. Let's visit this issue again in a few months, OK?

Sunday, February 05, 2006

A Light at the End of the Tunnel

Dear Lynda:
I am in a state of great transition -- feels like I have been for quite some time. My concerns are very intertwined, as most things are in life. I am an artist (dancer with deeper aspirations to include music) who also is a healer (yoga, bodywork). I am already part of a dance troupe that I founded, but has since been morphed into a collective. I am very passionate about pushing myself forward as a solo artist and know I have all the tools, I am just having a hard time figuring out my initial approach. On top of all this, I am without employment. Thus far, my art hasn't been paying the bills. Massage did in the past, but I am trying to phase that out as a main source. The other problem is that I'm frequently out of town for a week or two at a time for touring, which all in all makes for a huge amount of instability working for myself or other people, thus making me financially unstable and unable to focus on my art. I just moved to a new town a few months ago and can't decide if I should pursue teaching classes (yoga, dance) which would require me to put in some sort of financial investment or just get a job waitressing (or the like) for some much sought after stability. To add to the financial anxiety, my boyfriend has been unable to secure work for the past year and a half despite his aptitude and desire. He has never had this problem before and it's creating a lot of depression for him and of course makes my heart break since I can't do anything about the situation (try as I have). I have already been through a huge amount of processing over the past couple of years and understand I am on the right path, but I still feel a little lost. I had a therapist before who I feel helped me a lot, but also was sometimes unprofessional in keeping appointments, etc. Should I go back to her, search for someone new, or give things a go by myself?
J, Oregon

Dear J:
First, I want to let you know that you have been caught up in a larger pattern. You, like hundreds of other people I've spoken to over the last few years, blame yourself for being unable to get a grip on even the most simple things in the material world. Regardless of what your political orientation might be, the situation in our country has caused huge problems for lots of middle-class people, students, creatives, etc. I really can't tell you how many times in the last few years someone has told me a story of how things were going very well, and then it all crashed. Once again, we've been in a difficult energy. So, keep that in mind. Also, please keep in mind that the pattern is beginning to shift, ever so slightly. It won't fully shift until the source of the murky energy is no longer in a position to cause the problems, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. But, you aren't out of the tunnel yet. So, you asked if you should get a job or do classes, etc. My answer is: yes. All of the above. Don't worry about trying to figure anything out yet. Simply follow every lead that appears and let the universe sort things out. Up until now you've been pushing against "what is," and the only thing that can happen when we get focused on (pushing against) something is that we get more evidence of whatever that is. Get a waitress job. Offer classes. Put on performances. Do talks about the healing effects of massage (without actually doing massage, yourself). As you follow every intuitive nudge, things will slowly improve. I know your heart breaks for your boyfriend, but you can't caretake him. It's too much pressure for you, and you honestly can't do anything to help him line up his intentions, anyway. Only he can do that. He has another talent that he could add to the mix. My advice is the same for him: do everything you can do. Even if you have to do some of it for free to get things started. Regarding therapy: You might imagine I'd be an advocate for that. But trust your intuition about whether or not the therapist you used to see is now appropriate for you. It sounds like she's having her own problems, and you might be better off with someone who can model healthy patterns. Good luck!

Swimming Against The Tide

Dear Lynda:
I've been so unsettled for so long. I'm my dad's caregiver and I have health problems, too. Dad and I are in a housing-and-financial situation that is --- well --- hardly liveable. I keep praying for the money to come for us to have our own home and financial security. I worry constantly about dad's failing health and what that will mean to us. I feel defeated at every turn. Can you tell me --- will this new year bring answers to our prayers? Will things get better? What do I need to do? I sincerely appreciate ANY guidance you can pass my way. Thank you for your time.
Kari, Colorado

Dear Kari:
I'm so sorry that you're in this challenging situation. I'm going to walk gently around this and try to find a way to ask that won't seem insensitive or insulting. Is your dad making the problem worse in some way? Emotionally/mentally? I ask because I see movement forward thwarted by negative thoughts, attitudes, etc. held by a male. It's as if there's an old pattern -- especially about money and financial issues -- that keeps replaying. Even though the pattern (set of attitudes/beliefs) hinders the healing process. At this point, I don't have any clear idea of what might really be going on in your case. It feels like you're swimming upstream against a tide of old baggage. Why don't you send me an email directly, letting me know more specifically what's going on, and I'll answer your email without putting it here on the blog. One more thing, though. I see an approaching relationship/marriage. Is that yours?


This is probably a common question, but I am plagued with many possibilities right now in my love life. There are some issues left with my ex-husband. There is also the possibility of a new life. There is also the realization that a great man is hard to find. I refuse to let my standards down though. If you have any insight into my future with someone else, please let me know. Is there hope that I will find someone that I can be truly happy with? Is that going to be soon or when I am 150 years old?
Melanie, Oregon

Dear Melanie:
I expected this to be a straightforward issue. I thought I'd sit with the question, lay out a tarot spread, and get clarity. Not so. Here's what I see. If you take some time to be by yourself so you can sort out who you are and what you want, separate from anyone else, you will (probably around a year from April -- determining time is never simple) connect with a man who will share a time of deep, rewarding peace with you. If you jump right into a passionate, yet chaotic, relationship with a fiery man, it will end badly. So, my advice is take the time for yourself. Be man-free for a while longer and let something important bubble up from inside you. The next few months are about self-discovery.