Step Up to the Table of Life
Dear Lynda:
Many aspects of my life seem to be in transition right now. I have a wonderful 7-year-old and a beautiful 11-month-old baby. My job is perfect for me. I simply love it, except for the fact that I have a long, stressful commute. For the past five years I've tried to find a similar job in my area, but I get absolutely no response. I feel I put myself out there, let the universe know what I choose/want, but get no reaction. Needless to say, I'm always very disappointed that I don't even get a chance to prove myself in an interview.
Should I stop trying to find a job close to home? I do like my job, so should I just be grateful I have it and stop wanting more? I feel the need to be closer to my kids during the day and feel my life would be less stressful if I was close by.
My other question is about my husband. He left our home after eight years or marriage last April, returned during the summer and then left again in August. When he left in August I feel I really closed the door (mentally and emotionally) on our relationship. It is too difficult for me and my son to feel abandoned over and over. Now my husband says he loves me, wants me, etc. He seems to become the "perfect" husband when he leaves. This is all very stressful. I feel like I'm on an emotional rollercoaster. I've learned that I'm OK without him. I feel I don't need to be with him anymore, but I start feeling guilty when he keeps coming to me for support and love.
Working far away, trying to pay the bills as a single mother, and still getting up several times a night with my baby has me feeling very emotionally distraught. I'd appreciate any advice you could give me.
Marcie, Troy, MI
Dear Marcie:
First, please be kind to yourself. You are emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted.
You have some wonderful, huge decisions ahead of you. Everything that is happening is showing you something you need to know about yourself. I keep getting that the job issue really isn't about finding a similar job closer to home, but instead it is about opening a totally different career door by taking some additional training or expanding your education. Clearly, something much bigger is afoot.
I don't mean this disrespectfully (well, maybe just a little bit), but your husband is acting like a spoiled child. A child who is seeking to recreate that primal feeling of oneness and belonging first experienced with mother. But you are not his mother. At least, not in this life. Like a needy child, he will take from you as long as you allow him to.
You know what Phil McGraw (Dr. Phil) always says: "We teach people how to treat us."
As long as you're tolerating his behavior, you will keep yourself from having the deeper relationship your soul is craving. Plus, if you indulge him, he'll never grow. Your children deserve much more. Your husband could benefit from a good therapist.
Sit down with paper and pen and write down what you would like your life to look like over the next few years. Just focus on the various essences you wish to experience. Dream big. Aim higher. Imagine more wildly. Remember that the happier/healthier you are, the more that wonderful energy overflows onto your children.
I remember reading an article about the regrets of some terminally ill cancer patients. As they looked back on their lives, the consensus was that life is a banquet, yet most of us never even step up to the table. It is better to put too much on your plate than to settle for scraps.
Lynda
Many aspects of my life seem to be in transition right now. I have a wonderful 7-year-old and a beautiful 11-month-old baby. My job is perfect for me. I simply love it, except for the fact that I have a long, stressful commute. For the past five years I've tried to find a similar job in my area, but I get absolutely no response. I feel I put myself out there, let the universe know what I choose/want, but get no reaction. Needless to say, I'm always very disappointed that I don't even get a chance to prove myself in an interview.
Should I stop trying to find a job close to home? I do like my job, so should I just be grateful I have it and stop wanting more? I feel the need to be closer to my kids during the day and feel my life would be less stressful if I was close by.
My other question is about my husband. He left our home after eight years or marriage last April, returned during the summer and then left again in August. When he left in August I feel I really closed the door (mentally and emotionally) on our relationship. It is too difficult for me and my son to feel abandoned over and over. Now my husband says he loves me, wants me, etc. He seems to become the "perfect" husband when he leaves. This is all very stressful. I feel like I'm on an emotional rollercoaster. I've learned that I'm OK without him. I feel I don't need to be with him anymore, but I start feeling guilty when he keeps coming to me for support and love.
Working far away, trying to pay the bills as a single mother, and still getting up several times a night with my baby has me feeling very emotionally distraught. I'd appreciate any advice you could give me.
Marcie, Troy, MI
Dear Marcie:
First, please be kind to yourself. You are emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted.
You have some wonderful, huge decisions ahead of you. Everything that is happening is showing you something you need to know about yourself. I keep getting that the job issue really isn't about finding a similar job closer to home, but instead it is about opening a totally different career door by taking some additional training or expanding your education. Clearly, something much bigger is afoot.
I don't mean this disrespectfully (well, maybe just a little bit), but your husband is acting like a spoiled child. A child who is seeking to recreate that primal feeling of oneness and belonging first experienced with mother. But you are not his mother. At least, not in this life. Like a needy child, he will take from you as long as you allow him to.
You know what Phil McGraw (Dr. Phil) always says: "We teach people how to treat us."
As long as you're tolerating his behavior, you will keep yourself from having the deeper relationship your soul is craving. Plus, if you indulge him, he'll never grow. Your children deserve much more. Your husband could benefit from a good therapist.
Sit down with paper and pen and write down what you would like your life to look like over the next few years. Just focus on the various essences you wish to experience. Dream big. Aim higher. Imagine more wildly. Remember that the happier/healthier you are, the more that wonderful energy overflows onto your children.
I remember reading an article about the regrets of some terminally ill cancer patients. As they looked back on their lives, the consensus was that life is a banquet, yet most of us never even step up to the table. It is better to put too much on your plate than to settle for scraps.
Lynda
posted by Lynda Hilburn @ 6:52 PM
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