The Psychic Counselor

Do you have questions about life changes? Emotional concerns? Relationship issues? Spiritual matters? Send your questions to The Psychic Counselor, Lynda Hilburn, and check back here for your answers. Or you can read through the previous posts (check the Archives) to find answers you didn't even have questions for! [*LyndaSoul isn't my name -- it's the combo of my first name with the first word in the name of my hypnotherapy training school.]

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Confusing Relationship

Hi Lynda: It is for the first time I am sending an email like this and reaching out to someone I don't know. I hope you would be able to clear some of my doubts. A year ago, I met this man and we have a wonderful connection. However, he is Indian and has a different race and religion than mine. I thought this might be an issue with us coming together for a lifetime but he spent hours trying to convince me that it wouldn't be the case and we shall be able to work it out. A year of a wonderful time later, we broke up. Or rather, he broke up with me. However, I am not sure I understand what the real reason was. He mentioned vaguely that tragedy has struck his house lately and in this he feels he might be betraying his single mom by marrying a foreigner and so on. The current state of affairs is that I am disillusioned/mad and I am not exactly even civil to him when we speak. On the other hand, he is quite sweet to me. When I have lashed out at him for promising what he couldn't deliver, he just tells me he is confused. At other times, he just listens silently and then hugs me. This is a very vocal and aggressive guy otherwise and his behavior is very strange. His friends tell me that he has become extremely aggressive after breaking up with me and secluded, but he has turned almost docile towards me. I can literally walk all over him without any angry word from him. Now, I am confused. I am not even sure what I want out of this relationship or whatever is left of it. My parents of course, are more than happy that I am now free to date someone who isn't as foreign to us, but I don't really care about this. I want to know where this is going, where this would do. In my heart I have broken up with him and I don't really get sad or mental about it, but strange events keep on throwing us back and I get bewildered and annoyed. It is as if there is something binding us together, and neither of us seems to break all connections even though I, especially, want to do it. And it is not because of falling prey to emotions and going back to each other. Again, I just want to know what would happen to this. I am so confused. Thanks so much

Maria: Sometimes there is a long time period of confusion after a breakup. Both parties are unable to fully let go, and the hopes and dreams of the past continue to tie the individuals together. If you are serious about ending the connection, take some steps in that direction. Change your patterns. Meet new people. I see reluctance on the part of your friend to step into the unknown. And I see pressure being exerted on him by someone close to him. Be honest with yourself and with him and act accordingly. June is a very important month for you regarding romance. Pay close attention to the person you are most attracted to then. In the meantime, figure out what else matters to you. What else is important in addition to relationship?

Enjoy the Journey

Hello Lynda: My name is Debra and I've had "experiences" since I was little. I have always rationalized them or brushed them off. Recently, I had an appointment in a place I had never been before. I showed up to the wrong building and found myself experiencing something I've never felt before. In this vacant building (I didn't think was vacant because of the doors closing and footsteps) I found myself looking into a room from two different view points. One I could actually see with my eyes and one I could see in my mind's eye. It was very strange and I really don't have the understanding to put what exactly I experienced into words. When I finally found the building I was supposed to be in, I explained what had just happened to me and the women I was speaking with said that she used to have an office space in that building and that it was "haunted." My question is, how to I go about getting answers to the questions I have about what I experienced in this event as well as developing any special abilities I may have? I really feel driven to find answers and I'm not finding them in the books I've been reading. Can you help me? Thank you!

Dear Debra: I think the experience you had was exciting. I love when those kinds of things happen to me. There really are some good books out there which can help you make sense of your tendencies. Start with your local library. In addition, check out class schedules at your local metaphysical book stores. Finding a good teacher is a powerful and helpful step. Seek out information about courses that deal with psychic abilities, mediumship, etheric energy, and general occult studies. Perhaps you might enjoy some pagan/wiccan classes. You are at the beginning of a wonderful path. Enjoy the journey!

Personal Growth Instead

Dear Lynda: I really hope you can help because I really need answers with this situation. It's constantly on my mind. Any advice you give me will be great. I am 18 yrs old and currently a high school senior. I have two months left and hopefully will finish on time but moving along that is not the problem. A week ago I ended a relationship with a guy I have been with for 3 months but you can say a year and two months of talking. When I first met him we felt an instant connection for each other but never really pursued it. I dated other people because I felt he might hurt me. During my other relationships I knew he still had feelings for me and sometimes he would show up at places he knew I would be just to see me. In Sept 09 on Labor Day he showed up and I was single. He told me again how he felt for me and I decided to give it a chance, since I could no longer deny my feelings for him. We started off great and you could say steamy. I felt something for him I didn't feel in a long time. When we were together it felt right and there were times I would sleep over with him and I would feel safe in his arms. The problem was he worked all the time. He is 20 yrs old and he supports his mother. He also has to send money to his daughter in so he works a lot to take care of these responsibilities. At first it didn't bother me much because I understood the things he had to do and I respected him for doing what he had to do. Even though he had all of these things on his plate he made time for me when he could and I was grateful for that. But when we are apart I wouldn't hear much from him. Sometimes he would let 3 days pass before he even thought to say anything to me. We had a talk about this and I told him that I don't need him to check up on me everyday and I don't ask for much. I would just like him to talk to me sometimes. He told me that's something he needs to work on and he would try to contact me. There are times he would and times he stopped. I didn't understand it and that led me to making the decision I made a week ago. What I don't understand is he tells me he cares about me a lot but his actions show differently sometimes. I just want to know if it was a mistake to leave him? And if he really cared for me? And why didn't he respond to me when I ended it if he truly cares? Thank you. I really hope you will answer.

Dear Fierce: My question to you has nothing to do with the fellow you wrote about. I want to know what you are doing for yourself? What are your goals for your future? Who do you want to be? Relationships are wonderful, but you are very young and it's appropriate for you to be thinking about your plans and your personal growth. The fellow you mentioned seemed overwhelmed. I guess I don't understand -- since there is so much you should be doing for yourself -- why you need to make him such a focus? We can't truly be authentic with anyone else until we find our own center -- our true self. When we're so busy getting in and out of relationships, our self-connection suffers. My advice? Take a break from guys, focus on charting a path into your future for yourself, and trust that the wise part of yourself will attract what you desire.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Feeling the Pain of Others

Hi Lynda: I don't know if you can give me any answers, but I have to ask. I had a rather strange experience in November where I felt 'off' (not sick) all day. I knew my aunt was expected to die within the next 24 - 48 hrs. When I went to bed about 1 am, as soon as my head hit the pillow I was in agony, it felt like someone had put a vice around my head and was tightening it, trying to get my head to explode and there were also huge waves of pain crashing through my head. It finally stopped around 3.30am and I was able to sleep but felt incredibly sad. I was woken by the phone about 8.30 am, my aunt had died a bit after 3 am. What I need to know is if it is possible that I felt her pain, or if my prayers asking for me to take her pain were answered. I've had numerous experiences ever since childhood where dreams have come true and when I just know that something is going to happen. Like when I was supposed to stay at a friends but on the way I had to ask them to take me home as I knew I was going to get a phone call, and sure enough I received a phone call about my Mum within minutes of getting home. Another experience was when I had a dream 2 nights in a row that my ex's car was written off in an accident, I told him about it and two days later he rang me quite shaken to tell me that he had just been in an accident and his car was a write off. I hope you are able to give me some answers or clarification about this.
Regards, K

Dear K: I think it's wonderful that you have such keen skills. My personal feeling is that it isn't necessary for you to actually have painful physical reactions when sensing someone's experiences. You can allow whatever is happening to flow through you -- leaving a clear perception of the problem area -- without having to "take on" the person's agony. As you start to sense a difficult situation, begin imagining and affirming that the person is finding peace. See/imagine/feel a wonderful light filling and surrounding them as you allow yourself to "know" they are transforming in a gentle way. Give yourself permission to take an emotional step back from whatever you are witnessing. When we first have these experiences, they tend to be very dramatic and traumatic. Over time, we can realize that the sensory information can present itself in a much more calm, detached way. Practice makes perfect, so to speak. I think this would be a good time for you to read some books about the techniques other sensitives use to keep themselves grounded and well. The library should provide abundant resources. Ask yourself what you want to do with your abilities. Do you wish to be of service?

Young and Anxious

Dear Lynda: I am really hoping you can help me. I understand that it is a long shot that you will answer my email but I sincerely hope you do. I am 19 years old and I officially dropped out of school when I was 15, though prior to that I never went to school that much, mostly because I couldn't handle what was going on at home. When school didn't really go very well I found it easier to run away from school than home. Now reaching my 20s I am scared. I have so much school anxiety and people anxiety and just life anxiety. I am frozen in fear and can't move. It isn't completely bad. I have my moments of, well, what I like to call "quiet encouragement" that comes from within but really I need it from an outside source as well because I don't want to become closed off from the world for the rest of my life. I don't want to become a hermit. I do genuinely want to help people and be the best that I can be, but all that I have had to go through and the drama still continues I feel almost -- I don't want to say doomed -- but I am getting desperate. Any advice or wisdom you have, I would greatly appreciate it! I have no idea what question is the right question. I am hoping you know exactly what I need to know and hear because, truthfully, I am lost. Though that being said, I realize that you may not have all the answers and you may not know what I need to know or hear but I am open to hearing whatever it is you have to say, truly I am. Thank you very much for reading this, if you did read this.

Dear C: Please read the advice I gave to the post directly below yours. Anxiety responds very well to counseling and medication. And, uncovering the source of the original and "echo" traumas through hypnotherapy and/or EMDR, can be life-changing. Don't despair. There are many empowering steps you can take. You're young enough to make the changes you desire. Take that first step.

Negative Force?

Hi Lynda: I've written before. I guess I'm just too often overwhelmed. I feel like I can see everything and it's usually pretty negative. I'm afraid that I am a negative force and I can be very superstitious about it. I seek signs in everything, license plates, timing, minimal social success, the weather, the wind. I have a life I should be grateful of but still I see the worst in things. I can't handle my tasks. I'm afraid people will find out something. I really don't know how to fulfill whatever potential I may have and feel frustrated. I have a wonderful boyfriend, but I call him or think of him as an ex. I often refer to him using the name of someone I have already dated. The problem always seems to be me. I can't remember things, it's like leading a clumsy life. The worst part is when people see it on me. I become angry and indignant. Any direction is valued. Thanks for reading,

Dear Subshive: I'm sorry things feel so frustrating. You're not a negative force. I think there might be a psychological/physiological reason for your difficulties. That's good news, because it means you can take steps to make positive changes. Find an excellent psychotherapist in your area, consider the possibility of helpful medication, and look into trauma therapies like EMDR. Your future is not dark. There is definitely light at the end of this chaotic tunnel. Keep me posted.

Sunday, December 06, 2009

What does the future hold?

Dear Lynda: I'm 22, I have two amazing children, and I basically just want to make sure they will live long happy, healthy lives. I also was curious if their father and I will get back together again? If we did, would he ever change and be dependable, or will I find someone more worthwhile? I guess my biggest fear is being alone forever. And one last thing, I've recently been having financial issues, will I get re-grounded soon?

Dear LV: While I can't know what choices your children will make in the future (to determine whether or not they live happy, healthy lives), I can say that in the near future, things look good for you and your kids. You are too young to even be thinking about being alone. And, keep in mind, that we get more evidence of what we focus on. If you want to find the best mate for you (and I hope some time passes before you get involved in another relationship -- it's good to have some times where we aren't thinking about one partner or another), imagine the feeling of being in a healthy, satisfying connection. That's the best way to attract it. Money looks like it will improve by February of 2010. Keep envisioning the life you want (not about any particular person being with you), and you'll begin to see evidence of that life.

Picking Up Energy

Hello Lynda: Thank you for taking the time to read this. I'm a 28 year old single mother, and am also a HSP. I've been like this since I could remember. My issue is that over the years I have worked hard to "work in" my gifts into my every day life, and maintain pretty well (as well as I can be) and yes its still difficult at times. But, my problem is that for the past couple of years I've started to 'absorb' energy more strongly, and frequently -- regardless of negative or positive. It takes such a strong toll on me physically and emotionally. With doing this (which is subconsciously being done) I tend to distance myself quite often and a lot of people take offense to it. With the harsh reality of judgemental society, this is something that is not easily understood without cruel responses. How can I make this easier on me? To where I no longer upset others? Also, I've noticed a change in my 'gut feelings'. The things I used to 'just know' are also becoming more vivid and detailed. Is that a good thing or no? I have to catch myself because sometimes I can give answers to simple questions before they're even done asking the question. People often approach me for advice and a shoulder to lean on, saying I'm always warm and comforting and always know just what to say. I really appreciate you helping me.
Sincerely, Ms. Nicole

Ms. Nicole: While I'm sure you are unaware of having made a choice to sense/feel more energy of all kinds, I rarely (actually never) find the increased sensitivity to be happening "separate" from us. I've often mentioned that the best way to limit how much vibrational information we collect is to make sure we are consistently grounded and we imagine being so full of our own positive energy (a cup overflowing), that we have no tendency to gather the vibes of others. And, when we do attract the vibes of others, we usually have an emotional reason for doing so. I wonder if you are volunteering too much feedback to others? Maybe people who aren't even asking for it? Simply because we know something doesn't mean we must be compelled to share that knowledge. It's sometimes intrusive and more about us than the person we're advising. I think you can make things easier on yourself by not telling people what you sense. If you are offering readings as part of your livelihood, then people who come to you will expect you to give your impressions, etc. But if you're not making a living at it, then it's inappropriate to share your opinions. Keep in mind that no matter how clear an impression might be for us, the interpretation is always questionable. We really can't ever completely KNOW for someone else. There's nothing wrong with you receiving stronger signals. If we desire that to happen, it easily does. And, if people are approaching you for guidance, you are absolutely doing something to allow that to happen. If you weren't wanting that, the energetic door wouldn't be open. So, look inside yourself and ask honest questions about your part in this process. As you get clearer and have better boundaries, this situation will feel more healthy.

Where's the right job?

Dear Lynda: Thank you very much for your previous advice, so I understand if you limit how many questions you can answer for one individual. Anyway I am writing in hopes of perspective, my spouse and I have decided that we are moving/changing jobs by next summer come what may -- life is too short to sacrifice quality of life in the name of career. We both feel really good that this is the year we are moving forward and while I don't know in what form it will happen, I keep trying to focus on the amazing opportunity that lay ahead for us. Meanwhile there is the day to day stress of trying to balance family and everything else. There are some jobs that I have applied, or and that I will apply for (so far a small number) but also a larger number of jobs that I qualify for and could apply for BUT my gut tells me they just aren't right. Many of these jobs are in locations that neither my spouse or I want to live but we are in a field that often requires you to move where the job is. However, the last two moves have been to places we didn't want to live and feel like we are at a point of leaving our field of work in order to be able to work somewhere we actually want to live. So I find myself torn between what I feel in my gut to be right and my brain saying but if you don't apply for more jobs you may not have any options by next summer (I am also wondering if I am dismissing something that I really shouldn't). At times I also wonder whether its just my current work environment or if its just the nature of this profession and that I won't be happy in a similar job elsewhere no matter where somewhere else is. I feel as if I am doing the right thing to ignore the jobs that don't seem right but I wonder if I don't have clear perspective about my own situation. I am trying hard to focus on the positive and not to make decisions based in fear but its hard to do that all of the time. Any perspective or insight would be much appreciated.
Thanks So Much,

Dear Hopeful: I think your dilemma is one of the most challenging: realizing that attracting the opportunity which will bring you the most joy depends on you keeping your focus on what you desire rather than "what is" -- yet finding it difficult to not get pulled into the "truth" of consensus reality. It's easy to be fearful. In fact, being fearful seems to be the rational response. But when we are filled with fear, all we can attract are more reasons to be fearful. What I try to do myself is to give just a little more attention (mentally, etc.) to what I want and a little less to everything else. Spend more time imagining how it will feel to be in the best job for you in the best location. You don't need to know what/where that is. Here's what I see for you, specifically, over the next few months: There is a positive, uplifting "bump" of energy coming right after the first of the year. That could translate into a job possibility. It starts out as a seed, then grows. It might be good keep your relationship on the front burner, too. Check in with your mate about her level of anxiety, which might be more intense and about different things than yours is. I'm confident 2010 will be a much better year for you. Keep me posted!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Energy Overload

Lynda: I have always been able to feel what others internal feelings are and I have no clue what to do with it. Now I have found others who have the same problems and I feel less insane than before because I am not the only one. So, last night was the worst because I was with a lot of people at the theatre play for school. My friend Mikki is going through a lot of crap with her ex boyfriend Shae and this guy she likes named Skyler. I feel her pain and misery, Shae's suicidal feelings and hurt, Skylers confusion and like for Mikki, and then my parents anger and pain. I feel as though I have lost my own sense of feeling and I just don't know what to do with it all. When I am alone I feel completely numb. Then with guys it's even worse because how am I supposed to know if I am feeling what they are feeling or what I am feeling. Last night I know I was feeling what this guy was feeling because I like this other guy, I think. But last night I thought I liked T because he likes me. Today now that I am alone, I realize that I do not like T, because I like J. J likes me too. This is all so confusing and I don't have a clue what to do with it all. I am begging for help. Sincerely and Thankfully.

Nicky: It's easy to get caught up in feeling all the emotions in the world because we can. I remember when I discovered that just because I can feel something, doesn't mean I have to remain caught up in the energy. I can step out. I can distract myself. When I realized how much more amazing life was when I learned to be the compassionate witness -- not enmeshed -- rather than swimming around in the murky emotions of others. I can sense what I choose to sense and I don't have to do anything about it. Love and relationships are confusing enough without the added layer of reading emotions and energy over-stimulation. You might need to take a break from guys for a while so you can re-set your own personal boundaries. One way you can tell if a particular energy is helpful to you is by noticing if it feels good in your body or bad. If it feels bad, it's no help to you. Shift your attention to a good feeling. Use your imagination to create a positive feeling state and wallow in that one until you feel better. Remember, the way to keep the energy of others from overwhelming you is to ground yourself and fill yourself up so completely from the inside out with healthy and good energy that you simply overflow on everyone and everything around you. If you are saturating all your personal space with good vibes, there simply isn't any room for the opposite. Things will get better with practice.

Mind Communication

Lynda: Can a psychic vampire speak to your mind, without words? My next question, and I know I have to make this choice by myself. And right now I'm not ready, but when I am. How do I break the ties with him. Believe me I know he's bad for me. And he's not mine. And I know he never will be. But right now I'm happier than I have ever been. And I'm not ready to say good bye. Thank you so much for all your help.

Everyone has different skills and abilities. Expanded communication is not unusual and is experienced by most people. The problem with someone "speaking in your mind" is that usually that comes with some control tendencies. It takes both of you to give permission in order for those kinds of communications to occur. He isn't doing it to you. You're both in the dance. Unfortunately, whatever we try to push away simply gets stronger/bigger. When you are ready to let go of this person you already perceive as not good for you, you'll have to find something healthy to replace the negative addiction. Distract yourself with more positive, uplifting things. Change the attraction focus of your personal magnet. Best wishes.

Time to Allow Yourself to Receive

Dear Lynda: I'm currently living with family in Texas, but I'm originally from California. I was laid off from my job and am unemployed and basically starting from scratch again, since I sold most of my possessions to start over in a foreign country and it didn't work out. I've been back in the U.S. for 6 months now, looking for work here in Texas (near Austin) and also enjoying the break from work due to unemployment. Haven't yet found the right job and now that winter's approaching, the job market seems to be even slower. Maybe I just have to wait for the right thing to come along, but am not sure how long my unemployment funds will last.I've been deliberating about what my next move should be. I have a friend named Helen in California who would like me to return there and share her home which is in a mobile home park in Rohnert Park and find work there, share expenses (which she claims would be quite low), etc. I'm a California girl for sure, but am not sure it's the best place for me right now - partly because the job market there seems worse than here in Texas at this point. Also because I'm not sure how compatible Helen and I would be as room-mates and am not sure I want to leave my beloved pets that I brought here to Texas prior to leaving for Europe and the comfort of being with my brother, even if his views and belief system aren't completely in alignment with mine. I have adjusted to being here and feel comforted to be with family during these turbulent times, but I must admit I'm uncertain whether this could work out long-term either. My brother and his wife are older and living in a retirement community. I rent a room from them and we split our expenses 3-ways. So I'm wondering, first of all, whether my unemployment benefits will in fact be extended the end of this month (as I believe they may be) since the ones I have are running out. And I'm also wondering whether it would be best for me to stay put here in Texas and whether I am more likely to find work here, so that I can hopefully continue paying off the large debt I now have and possibly meet a life partner at some point. Or, whether it would be best for me to try out living with Helen in California even though I have concerns (even about astro-cartographical influences) there. Thank you so much for your response.

Dear Raechel: Nice to hear from you again. This really isn't a bad time for you at all, from what I can see. Help is coming soon in many forms, including money (which may be the extended benefits). I think you should stay put for a while. California doesn't seem like a good decision to me for the next year at least. The energy around you is very fertile and rich. I think several interesting/good things are about to manifest. Use the skills you have to calm your mind and imagine the feelings you wish to experience in yourself. As you imagine those good feelings, you invite them closer. I see nothing that indicates you need to make any quick changes. Imagine receiving the good you desire. Sincerely, all appears well.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Love Confusion

Dear Lynda: I hope you can help with my love situation. I met my boyfriend on the porch. He was walking by and just said that I was pretty. The next day we got to know each other, and before I knew it we were dating and we became a couple. We shared everyday together. He picked me up when I came home from school, and we were always together. We introduced each other to each of our families and just had a connection. We had so much in common and we related to each other a lot. He told me everything. Even the deep dark secrets that he hasn't even told his father or previous girlfriends and I did the same. He was not at all afraid to call me his girlfriend and did not even look at anyone else because we were together everyday from 2:00 to 12:00. As soon as the end of June hit he first explained that he needed to spend time with his friend and I already knew this was true, because I asked his dad (I know, sneaky). After, his grandmother died and then he didn't want to be bothered. He started drinking and gave up on life (until someone convinced him). In the meantime this other boy likes me and cannot leave me alone and kissed me on my neck and he got upset. He broke up with me because of the boy and because he had "issues" now he forgave me because of the boy, he just has issues. He recently told me that he didn't need a girlfriend for a year because so much stuff is happening and he doesn't want me to feel neglected, but he still wants to hang out. I recently talked to him and he said he got drunk and had sex with another girl and I forgave him but told him he had another chance. I was talking to my mother for advice and she told me that basically that he was covering up and he already found someone else and that he didn't want me anymore. So I told him that we just don't need to be together and I asked him what he thought and he said that he doesn't want me with anyone else, and that he still is madly in love with me and doesn't care what people say (my mother). He says that he would get with me right now but it's too hard for him, and he doesn't know how to feel (about the situation of his grandmother dying and other issues). He said that he can't let me go and will not love another girl, and I talked to "outside resources" and they told me he doesn't even talk to other girls he just hangs with his friends. I love him too much to let him go and he feels the same. Something in my heart is telling me that he is the one, and my heart just will not say no other, nothing in my head is preventing that. He even told me that he always thinks about me, and frequently dreams about me. What should I do? Is he deceiving me or is he really telling the truth? Are we meant to be? Please give me answers I am desperate! Thank you very much for listening.

Dear Alicia: This seems like a pretty intense and dramatic situation. It is normal for us to have lots of relationships when we are young. I don't think we're truly capable of making serious life decisions about mates, etc., until we are at least in our late 20s. See if you can shift your attention from males to thinking about who you are and who you want to be. I know it's easy to get caught up in relationship upheavals, but think about exploring what might happen if you change your focus. Your friend seems very confused and, like most young people, he doesn't know what he wants yet. Concentrate on yourself and your life and let the rest unfold naturally.

Sunday, July 05, 2009


Hi Lynda: I read your book, The Vampire Shrink, and I thought it was wonderful, because I could really relate to the characters since I have been known to interpret or understand peoples' emotions. Sometimes it feels like they're predictable or I can read through them. So, congratulations about that. The other thing is, well, it happened about a month ago or so. There's this guy I met six or seven years ago. He really made an impression on me since it's kind of hard for me to actually relate or connect with someone. I developed a crush on him, and even though I never told him, I still appeared in his life on a couple of occasions, with bad timing of course. The thing is, about a month ago, I was having one of my mood swings (last year I was diagnosed with Bipolar II) and had a hunch, so I wrote him an e-mail telling him how wonderful I thought he was, how I didn't expect him to get back to me or anything. I just wanted him to know that. Soon after, he sent me an e-mail on my birthday (May 12th) which is actually the same date as his, then we went out for coffee. I had the most amazing feeling around him, like something was really right. We could really talk. He was even as surprised as I was to find someone so similar yet, so different. I felt something there. The thing is, even though he said repeatedly that we should do it again, during the times I've spoken with him, he never asked me out again. I know he felt what I felt. I haven't heard from him in two weeks and I'm leaving my country for a couple of months. I just want to know what happened? Why if he felt the connection I felt, he won't even show interest in us being friends? I just want closure and to get over this overwhelming crush that's been haunting me for the past 6 years. I'd really appreciate your answer.
The Wonderer

Dear Wonderer: First, thanks so much for the kind words about my book. I'm happy you enjoyed it! I wish I had better news for you. I think this is a case of misinterpretation of information. I'm sure you felt all the things you mentioned, and you clearly sense something about this person that attracts you, but that doesn't mean your interpretation is accurate. We often believe, because we have a strong reaction to someone (positive or negative), that the feeling itself has meaning regarding our connection with that individual. I suspect the person you're talking about isn't looking for the same level of intensity you're seeking. I'm afraid I'm getting a rather large "no" about an ongoing relationship with this person. Perhaps it's time to shift your focus and to concentrate on making yourself as healthy, centered and satisfied as you can. Then allow the best mate for you to be attracted by what/who you are. I'm crossing my fingers that you'll open the other doors that are cracked open for you.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Turn The Page

Hi Lynda: My BF and I have been together for 3 yrs. I am 29 and he is 30. A few weeks ago, before he went away on an army exercise, he told me he wants a break to be alone as he never has been, to grow up and learn to appreciate me and his family. That he doubts he will ever find someone as compatible as me and that there is always hope for the future and that he does love me but the timing is wrong as with everything in his life. Because he is on exercise, he is uncontactable. I had arranged before he left to come over when he gets back. He said when telling me the above that I could still come over and we can go stay somewhere. He also said that he plans on us at least staying friends. My question is do you think he really does still love me or has he maybe found someone else (he swears blind he isn't even interested in finding another or going out and picking up)? and that he will still let me come over. If it is over I need the closure and I want to have a great weekend with good memories to at least solidify our friendship. I feel this man is my soul mate and that we are inextricably linked together and would love to grow old with him and hope that one day we will cross paths again if the timing isn't right now. I haven't heard from him since he left and his last msg as he went out of range said "I can't talk to you as we are going straight to the bay. I know you love me and you want to be together. You don't need to tell me that. I will try to ring you asap. I am not sure when that may be tho." It has been 2 weeks since then. And even tho I know he is out of range doubt is starting to creep into my thoughts and I am worried he will not call. Do you think he will? Thank you so much for any insight you may be able to share.

Dear Fearful: I'm sure this isn't what you want to hear, but I think he told you very clearly how things are for him. Trying to hold on to someone who is no longer invested in a relationship is an exercise in futility. Here's the truth: love has nothing to do with clinging and being attached. Love is effortless. Love is joyful. Just love him in your heart, regardless of whether he contacts you or not. Let go of needing a particular outcome. Your email was very fearful and I understand how frightened you are. But I also know that fear is the opposite of love. And it's impossible to control another person. No matter how hard we try. I do think the two of you will be in contact again and I don't get a sense that he's deceiving you. I think he was very truthful with you. And, I think he's hoping to have other experiences in his life before he finally settles down. He does not feel the same way about the relationship that you do. Being friends is great if both parties really want that. If one party still wants it to be more, true friendship can't really happen. See if you can find other things in your life to give attention to. Stop fretting and being upset about him. You know that old saying (paraphrasing), "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was." Turn to the next page in your book and write something new. There is actually a wonderful surprise involving another person in your future.
Hugs, Lynda

Seeking The Full Banquet

Hi Lynda: First, thanks for all your great advice. This blog is a real comfort! I was wondering what you could tell me about this man I've been involved with on and off for about three years. Our most recent break-up was the worst and left us not speaking. He travels for work and is away a lot. The strange thing is, I feel like I know when he comes to town. I get anxious, sometimes I get depressed for no reason, or I just start picturing him with me a lot. I wonder if my mind is just all tied up with what he's doing and he's oblivious to me, or we are continuing to fight on some psychic stage. I really feel like I'm moving on (even dating) until he comes around and then I start imagining that it was all these grand things that it probably wasn't. What is going on?

Dear Questioner:
I believe it's normal for us to use our expanded senses. I'm often surprised by the fact that -- in this day and age -- we still don't understand that we are more than what we can cognitively explain. It is very common for us to get addicted to -- overly attached -- to another individual for one unhealthy reason or another. Sensing that person isn't unusual. I think we get confused because we clearly perceive an unconscious connection with the person, but we get hung up in the ways we attempt to explain/interpret what we sense. Simply because we "pick up" things from a person doesn't mean anything in particular beyond that. Keep in mind that you must have your psychic "radio station" tuned to that person's frequency in order for you to spend so much time sensing him. If you don't wish to live his life instead of your own, change your station. Sincerely. Turn your focus to what you'd rather have, rather than what was/is, and watch your life change for the better. If you find that difficult, perhaps you could work with a local counselor to discover why you'd rather re-experience "crumbs" rather than seek out a full banquet. Keep me posted.