Attraction To a Younger Man
Dear Lynda:
I'm a 50-year-old woman in good physical shape and generally happy with my life. People often tell me that I look younger than I am, and I'm considering having some minor plastic surgery done soon. My problem is that I'm seeing a man 15 years younger than me, and I'm becoming very attached to him, even though I know it can't possibly go anywhere. He lives in a different state and I find myself creating work-related reasons to visit him, or to have him come here.
I'll admit that I'm having a hard time getting older, and I'm not aging gracefully. I'm not used to not getting all the male attention I want, and I don't understand when I stopped being appealing to the opposite sex. I was very surprised when this young man started calling me and expressing interest (I met him on a business trip).
I'm a successful professional, and I notice that when this man and I are out in public, I'm somewhat embarrassed. I'm sure people are thinking negative things about me, dating such a young man. They probably think he only spends time with me because I have money. That makes me feel humiliated and ashamed.
And this man (I'll call him "Ed") and I are very attracted to each other, and he sends me signals that he is sexually interested in me, yet he doesn't want to have sex. That confuses me and makes me feel that it's because of the way I look. I'm afraid he's looking for a mother.
I don't usually ask advice from anyone, but if you have any helpful insights, they would be appreciated.
Jan, Denver, CO
Dear Jan:
You're in the midst of a difficult transformation. Like many women, you put all your eggs in the "I am my physical appearance" basket, and now that you're getting older, you don't know who you are.
You're imagining that other people are judging you because you are judging yourself. You're the one who believes that Ed is with you because you have money, and that your only value lies in superficial, material things.
I'm sure Ed is a nice person, but you're focusing on the messenger at the expense of the message. Your Soul has drawn Ed into your life so that you can confront your fears about getting older. He represents the part of you that wishes to retreat into the past. He does not honor your sexuality because you don't. We can't have what we want while we are focused on what we don't want.
It isn't that Ed is too young for you. Ed is not looking for a serious relationship. He won't meet your needs (if you give yourself permission to acknowledge them). He definitely has his own baggage and sending mixed signals is just something he consistently does.
If you are not your body, not your thoughts or emotions, then who are you? If you no longer receive validation and approval by pleasing men, then what? What will your life be like if you never accept your own power? What will your life be like if you do? What if the prince never comes? I think it's time to explore these questions.
Lynda
I'm a 50-year-old woman in good physical shape and generally happy with my life. People often tell me that I look younger than I am, and I'm considering having some minor plastic surgery done soon. My problem is that I'm seeing a man 15 years younger than me, and I'm becoming very attached to him, even though I know it can't possibly go anywhere. He lives in a different state and I find myself creating work-related reasons to visit him, or to have him come here.
I'll admit that I'm having a hard time getting older, and I'm not aging gracefully. I'm not used to not getting all the male attention I want, and I don't understand when I stopped being appealing to the opposite sex. I was very surprised when this young man started calling me and expressing interest (I met him on a business trip).
I'm a successful professional, and I notice that when this man and I are out in public, I'm somewhat embarrassed. I'm sure people are thinking negative things about me, dating such a young man. They probably think he only spends time with me because I have money. That makes me feel humiliated and ashamed.
And this man (I'll call him "Ed") and I are very attracted to each other, and he sends me signals that he is sexually interested in me, yet he doesn't want to have sex. That confuses me and makes me feel that it's because of the way I look. I'm afraid he's looking for a mother.
I don't usually ask advice from anyone, but if you have any helpful insights, they would be appreciated.
Jan, Denver, CO
Dear Jan:
You're in the midst of a difficult transformation. Like many women, you put all your eggs in the "I am my physical appearance" basket, and now that you're getting older, you don't know who you are.
You're imagining that other people are judging you because you are judging yourself. You're the one who believes that Ed is with you because you have money, and that your only value lies in superficial, material things.
I'm sure Ed is a nice person, but you're focusing on the messenger at the expense of the message. Your Soul has drawn Ed into your life so that you can confront your fears about getting older. He represents the part of you that wishes to retreat into the past. He does not honor your sexuality because you don't. We can't have what we want while we are focused on what we don't want.
It isn't that Ed is too young for you. Ed is not looking for a serious relationship. He won't meet your needs (if you give yourself permission to acknowledge them). He definitely has his own baggage and sending mixed signals is just something he consistently does.
If you are not your body, not your thoughts or emotions, then who are you? If you no longer receive validation and approval by pleasing men, then what? What will your life be like if you never accept your own power? What will your life be like if you do? What if the prince never comes? I think it's time to explore these questions.
Lynda
posted by Lynda Hilburn @ 9:50 PM
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