Anyway my question is this: I met a guy just over 4 years ago after my mom died, and we became friends and got along well. Nothing more just friends and then a couple years later things got into the next stage and the problem is we got engaged but he cheated. I know all about it and was hurt and disappointed but the circumstances were different. So we took up our friendship, since that did not waver too much, but I am the rock he can count on even as only a good friend. Probably why I weathered what happened decently. Well this last month he is back in my life and we are tentatively back together to give this another go but we shall see. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.
I know the risks yet we are connected on a very deep soul and psychic level, our connection is mind boggling at times even across the globe at times. If I have to remain just best friends with him then I will do that. My question is this: we will now be talking more and planning though I am still a tad wary. I am not going to let what happened before happen again or I am out of here as anything more than a friend.. BUT the big but here... we are so connected it is amazing and yes he is gifted also, probably why we hooked up in the first place. Now I just wonder if I should even try to dream or plan with him since he has to go away for work for many months again out of the country. That was the problem, he was alone with no one he really knew and I was heading out there to visit him when the other uh person got involved and will NOT call her a lady because she was not one, by the way she practically stalked him the month prior to my going there and then after I had confronted her on the phone she was gone out of his life the next month and has latched onto another. Seems she flits from one guy to another latching on like a friggin bloodsucking vampire herself.
I want to believe in him, by the way he did come to me and professed his love this week again and I always knew he loved me that was not in question. It is his strength or lack there of to confront a certain type of woman, since he has been damaged in previous marriages. Oh yes we are older we met in our 40's so not that young that we did not treasure our friendship and more. We are the best of friends and companions, we can have so much fun doing almost nothing just hanging around. But he has to go back to work out of the country again, he has been gone a few years now and the project is almost done. So he comes back as he can every year and I had planned to go there but of course THAT person cut that short and now we are planning me to go out there this summer and him back here to live we hope in fall with luck. So just wondering if I should place my faith in him and us and wait ... or just give it up and say let's just be best friends and we can both see others while you are gone and wait til you are back before anything more again.
Thanks again, E
Dear E: I trust you to use your intuition to make the best decisions for you. I am concerned because you seem to have the idea that the woman in question had the power to cause your friend to behave in certain ways. She had no such power. No matter what she did, she couldn't force him to do anything he didn't want to. He was the choice-maker. He was the one who allowed himself to indulge in poor decisions. Blaming her is a waste of your energy (as is blaming anyone). I'm sure he's a fine fellow. Your letter leads me to believe you expect him to make poor decisions again. As I've said before in responses, the people who are the most soul connected to us often turn out to be the true "soul mates," the ones who kick us in the rear, rather than share our lives. I have no doubt you two are bonded as you describe. I'd just ask you to keep an open mind about what that means in the big picture. Here's what I think: don't hold yourself back in any way. Live your life. See other people if you want to. Don't attach to whatever he is or isn't doing. Then, when he comes back for good, reassess. If the two of you are in alignment to be together, you will be. Keep me posted.