The Psychic Counselor

Do you have questions about life changes? Emotional concerns? Relationship issues? Spiritual matters? Send your questions to The Psychic Counselor, Lynda Hilburn, and check back here for your answers. Or you can read through the previous posts (check the Archives) to find answers you didn't even have questions for! [*LyndaSoul isn't my name -- it's the combo of my first name with the first word in the name of my hypnotherapy training school.]

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Psychically Connected

Dear Lynda: I am not a Psychic Vampire, although I am sensitive to them and stay away *grins* since I am an empath/intuitive myself.

Anyway my question is this: I met a guy just over 4 years ago after my mom died, and we became friends and got along well. Nothing more just friends and then a couple years later things got into the next stage and the problem is we got engaged but he cheated. I know all about it and was hurt and disappointed but the circumstances were different. So we took up our friendship, since that did not waver too much, but I am the rock he can count on even as only a good friend. Probably why I weathered what happened decently. Well this last month he is back in my life and we are tentatively back together to give this another go but we shall see. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

I know the risks yet we are connected on a very deep soul and psychic level, our connection is mind boggling at times even across the globe at times. If I have to remain just best friends with him then I will do that. My question is this: we will now be talking more and planning though I am still a tad wary. I am not going to let what happened before happen again or I am out of here as anything more than a friend.. BUT the big but here... we are so connected it is amazing and yes he is gifted also, probably why we hooked up in the first place. Now I just wonder if I should even try to dream or plan with him since he has to go away for work for many months again out of the country. That was the problem, he was alone with no one he really knew and I was heading out there to visit him when the other uh person got involved and will NOT call her a lady because she was not one, by the way she practically stalked him the month prior to my going there and then after I had confronted her on the phone she was gone out of his life the next month and has latched onto another. Seems she flits from one guy to another latching on like a friggin bloodsucking vampire herself.

I want to believe in him, by the way he did come to me and professed his love this week again and I always knew he loved me that was not in question. It is his strength or lack there of to confront a certain type of woman, since he has been damaged in previous marriages. Oh yes we are older we met in our 40's so not that young that we did not treasure our friendship and more. We are the best of friends and companions, we can have so much fun doing almost nothing just hanging around. But he has to go back to work out of the country again, he has been gone a few years now and the project is almost done. So he comes back as he can every year and I had planned to go there but of course THAT person cut that short and now we are planning me to go out there this summer and him back here to live we hope in fall with luck. So just wondering if I should place my faith in him and us and wait ... or just give it up and say let's just be best friends and we can both see others while you are gone and wait til you are back before anything more again.

Thanks again, E

Dear E: I trust you to use your intuition to make the best decisions for you. I am concerned because you seem to have the idea that the woman in question had the power to cause your friend to behave in certain ways. She had no such power. No matter what she did, she couldn't force him to do anything he didn't want to. He was the choice-maker. He was the one who allowed himself to indulge in poor decisions. Blaming her is a waste of your energy (as is blaming anyone). I'm sure he's a fine fellow. Your letter leads me to believe you expect him to make poor decisions again. As I've said before in responses, the people who are the most soul connected to us often turn out to be the true "soul mates," the ones who kick us in the rear, rather than share our lives. I have no doubt you two are bonded as you describe. I'd just ask you to keep an open mind about what that means in the big picture. Here's what I think: don't hold yourself back in any way. Live your life. See other people if you want to. Don't attach to whatever he is or isn't doing. Then, when he comes back for good, reassess. If the two of you are in alignment to be together, you will be. Keep me posted.

Clarity About Authentic Life

Lynda: Right now I am trying to get clearer on what my authentic life is. I need to clarify my vision so that I can set intention and manifest it. I am pulled between these forces: 1) Being "responsible" -- which relates to the fact that I have no retirement and I'm 43 and I have no job currently -- and which leads me to consider setting intention to get a good job here, get health care, get myself back on my feet financially, and stay in my house which is a good place for my cat. 2) Taking risks. Following my desire to live in a climate that's temperate (even tropical) year round, figuring out a job when I get there (where ever "there" is) trusting that financially things will work out, trusting that somehow I can also keep the house I already have, (so that I do at least have that "security") and trusting that it'll be a fine place for my cat, too.
Thanks so much,
C, Colorado

Dear C: It's easy to become fearful in such challenging times. Fear often feels like a realistic response to situations in the outer world. I wonder what choices you'd make if you took an energetic step back from fear -- if you observed yourself dispassionately? I know what you mean by "security," but I sense contraction around the word. We simply don't make good decisions when we're afraid. I think an authentic life is one that feels good to us as we live it. The solar plexus/old gut is an amazingly reliable emotional barometer. I'm not seeing a move in the coming year -- or at least not a large one. Something involving a male tends to dominate the last third of the year, and you'll have to make a choice between doing what you want vs what someone else wants you to do. To paraphrase words I read somewhere about leaping into the void: you'll either land safely or be taught to fly. That seems highly pertinent for you in 2009 and 2010. If you're willing to focus more on what you desire and less on what is/what was, these will be great years for you. As Joseph Campbell said, "Follow your bliss." The alternative doesn't feel good.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

I'm the Psychic Vampire?

Hi, Lynda: I'm feeling kind of messed up. I know that I'm the "psychic vampire" in this case, but I feel so betrayed that it is hard not to obsess over this guy. We met all "love at first sight," instant connection 3 years ago. We are both traveling people and keep contact via email for 8 months, just as friends. I guess we were looking for the same thing at that time because when we came together the bond seemed stronger. It freaked me out. Maybe I have some emotional problems or something. I kept running away from him. I actually have a lot of relationships like this, where I feel some strong connection to someone but our relationship is stunted and becomes awkward. Anyway, this guy, we've had flings on and off since we met. Sometimes it lasts for a little while and it seems loving, other times I say the wrong things and I feel like he sees how badly I want him. It bothers him.This last time I had gone over just to be friends. He pulled me in, and as always I was too eager. I thought it could work. I know he's busy, but I was going to give him space, we would just be friends whatever. He kept putting me off, call me later, call me Wednesday, call me after Christmas. Always brief phone conversations. I sent him a too loving Christmas wishes email. I end up missing him most when I'm around my family. He didn't respond. I called him when I got back to town, he said he'd call me back, he didn't. I wrote an email after 3 or 4 days. very brief, how's it going kind of thing. no response. So I start to feel really sick. I end up thinking and praying for him and our friendship and happiness. At first I feel better, then I feel worse and worse. I thought he was giving me another chance but it seems like he was just testing me out to make sure he didn't want to. I know all of his friends and while he's around, I can't be. I relate to people so rarely. I have felt so lonely and have prayed that he will just say something to reassure me that we were friends or that he cares that I am really hurt. But I am just causing myself pain. I just keep wondering why he did this to me. Why he couldn't be honest. Why it hurts like it's going to kill me. How to stop trying to get inside his head. I know he felt something for me once, (according to him), but now I feel so mistreated. Argh!Sorry this is so long. Thanks so much.

Dear S: The question really is: why do you continue to attract unkind, unloving, unavailable men into your life? Consider for a moment that you are okay. That who/what you are is exactly as you need to be. I am so sorry you are allowing this shallow, unavailable, self-centered individual to be center stage in your universe. I don't know what happened to you to cause you to abandon yourself, but the reason doesn't really matter. What does matter is that you can begin to treat yourself compassionately. Kindly. You can become healthier. Having this man in your thoughts is just a way to torture yourself. It really has nothing to do with him, and everything to do with your lack of self-awareness. I talk to people every day who are terrified of being with themselves. Who are fearful of that quiet, still place inside -- the doorway to the unlimited higher consciousness. Please find someone in your community to work with regularly to help you see who you really are. Sweetie, you aren't a psychic vampire. That requires a strength of ego you aren't capable of right now. (Actually, you might never be able to be quite that unhealthy.) Please. Check out your local mental health center and find a loving soul to shine a light into your inner darkness. Keep me posted.
Hugs, Lynda


Dear Lynda: This is probably a strange question but I am very curious. First of all I am a decent educated guy, mid 30's, excellent physical shape, still have canine like teeth upper and lower, I am currently in the Army and serve in an elite unit working in the intelligence field. Ever since I was in high school I have been drawn to the vampire culture, not goth, but the life of a vampire. I have been curious and fascinated and have tried telling myself that they don't exist. But deep down somewhere I know they do. I also feel like there is something inside of me that wants to rip out of me. I am somewhat of an adrenaline junky and currently skydive (through work and civilian), I ski, mountain bike, and have volunteered for over five combat tours (not bragging, I just needed to get away from the mundane life). I like the night time, working at night and playing at night. I prefer the clouds and rain and mountains with lush forest. I am not a fan of the sun but do live a life in it but do occasionally feel like I am drained of energy. I will be dead tired almost asleep and force myself to stay awake during the day especially when it gets close to the evening time. But as soon as the sun is down I am wide awake and feel alive, hard to sleep and I have to force and medicate sometimes to do this. I am married for over seven years and have kept this only to myself. This could be just something that some people get and have nothing to do with vampires, I am not superhumanly strong, nor can I fly, but I often feel the need to and want to, even dream about it quite often. But that could be just normal behavior of man wanting the things he can't have or do. I appreciate you taking the time to read this and ask for your help if I need it, like I said, this could be just the fantasy of a life I would like to have instead of thinking that I am not special in that way as in the inert feeling of we are all special in some way. Thanks for your help.
JRC, Colorado

Dear JRC: It sounds like you need to find ways to express the parts of yourself that are still being squelched. Regardless of whether or not vampires exist (I hope they do), it seems you have enhanced awareness in certain areas and it would be a shame to continue to repress them. Actually, if you are truly as you represent yourself, I get no sense that you're unhealthy. So, here's my advice: explore the other aspects of your consciousness. Meditate. Stop trying to conform (except in ways you must for your livelihood.) Write. Yes. Write. Fiction. Where do you think vampire writers get their motivations/inspirations from? The imagination is a powerful tool. Begin. Now.
Best, Lynda (let me know when you've written something and I'll have lots of advice about where to go next)