The Psychic Counselor

Do you have questions about life changes? Emotional concerns? Relationship issues? Spiritual matters? Send your questions to The Psychic Counselor, Lynda Hilburn, and check back here for your answers. Or you can read through the previous posts (check the Archives) to find answers you didn't even have questions for! [*LyndaSoul isn't my name -- it's the combo of my first name with the first word in the name of my hypnotherapy training school.]

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Figuring Out Life

Dear Lynda
I am writing to you about myself. I'm 26-years-old, and have recently been trying to figure out my life. I'm not saying that my life is bad. I am very proud of the things I have -- my marriage and my beautiful children. I've been struggling with myself for so long, with bouts of depression and problems I make for myself. I've been trying to get my life organized and on a routine of being a stay-at-home mom. I just feel there is something else that I'm meant to do. I don't know what that is. When I was younger I had visions and premonitions about my life and small events -- like I'm supposed to help people in some way. I used to express my talents through artwork. I can see myself writing books and taking pictures. Even dancing. If I am supposed to be on a path, I have no idea what that path is. My family says I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing: being a wife and mother. But if that was true, I wouldn't have this yearning feeling around me. Is there something else I need to do?
Sabrina, Jacksonville, FL

Dear Sabrina:
I get the feeling that you do a lot of things because other people want you to do them, rather than the desires emerging fully from your inner wisdom. First, being a stay-at-home mom is great. I wish that every child could have the blessing of a full-time caregiver, at least until they enter school. But, that role isn't a good fit for every woman. Or, it may be a good fit for a while, and then not. There is absolutely no reason why you can't pursue your other talents/interests. Taking care of your children doesn't keep you from expanding your own abilities. You do have untapped gifts, and all you need to do in order to invite them to expand is to take baby steps. If you want to write, take 30 minutes a day and write. Or, do your artwork. Or learn an intuitive tool (your intuitive ability shows up strongly for me). No one -- not your husband or your family or anyone else -- can possibly know what your soul's desire is. No one can ever comprehend the lifescript written deep inside you. I believe (from my own experience and experience with clients over the years) that depression is often about resisting a soul urge. About the pressure that develops when a desire comes up against the fear of manifesting that desire. Plus, don't underestimate the role of hormones in creating emotional chaos. You might enjoy Dr. Christiane Northup's book, "Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom." I want to give you full permission to follow your dreams. Following your dreams includes being a great mom. You don't have to worry about that. Another great resource for you might be Esther Hicks. She's a wonderful, uplifting motivational speaker:

Writing Dilemma

Dear Lynda
I wrote to you years ago when you had a print column, and you were exactly right about how I'd be able to blend two different career paths, so I'd like to get your opinion again. I've had a daily writing practice for six years with the goal of getting my work published and boosting my income. I've had one short piece published, but my love is novels. For three years, I've had editors and contest judges tell me that my writing is "very close" to publishable, but I can't seem to get off this plateau. I wonder if you see my work moving to a different level anytime soon, or if there is some way that I'm sabotaging myself that I can change.
Writer, Boulder, CO

Dear Writer:
First, I want to ask if you have anyone in your writing life -- a critique partner, another writer, a mate, etc. -- who is less than supportive? Perhaps someone who gives you subtle (and not so subtle) criticism? I ask because I see that kind of influence around you. Perhaps someone whose opinion you value, but who doesn't necessarily have your best interests at heart? Someone who might be polluting your energetic environment? The issue of sabotage is definitely here, but it is multi-layered. It's like the chicken and the egg: which came first? The tendency to lack confidence in yourself, or the environment/people who encourage you to feel that way? Well, regardless. Things are looking up. It does seem that the thing you want the most (publish a novel??) is circling your cosmic airport, preparing to seek out the runway. Now, it is your task to make sure the runway is open and functional. Something good is coming. Hold onto your allowing/positive attitude. Continue to submit. All it takes is one person to see the diamond and the tide will turn. OK. That's on an intuitive level. Here's some sharing from a personal level. One of the things I've discovered is that every contest judge, every agent, every editor has her/his own filters through which they read manuscripts. Of course, if you're getting the same pieces of feedback from everyone, it is wise to pay attention and to ask your Inner Writer if the critique feels accurate. That's the key. Following your own guidance. I have a writer friend who keeps on changing her manuscript according to the latest opinion of this or that writer/judge, etc. I hope she'll tire of that soon because I liked her book much better back in the beginning when it was actually her words. If you write the book you love and you keep on submitting it, eventually someone is going to grab it. Honest. If you'd like to chat more about this, feel free to email me directly.

Mixed Signals

Dear Lynda:
I met a man at work and developed a crush of sorts on him. Through various people I found out he felt the same. Well, he is going into the Navy in six months and told me he doesn't want a relationship, but then acts like he does when we are alone together. He and I made love (not had sex) and it was wonderful. That night at work he basically ignored me. Then a mutual friend of ours said he talked to him and he is treating me like that because when he leaves he doesn't want to hurt me. I am so confused. I feel he cares for me like I care for him, but he has said that long-distance relationships don't work. I don't know what to do. Should I just stay his friend, or is there a possibility there could be more for us.
Alissa, Jacksonville, FL

Dear Alissa:
You didn't say, but I get the sense that your friend is young. His behavior feels very young. Men -- young men in particular -- have different intentions, interpretations, goals and expectations than their female counterparts. Women tend to make statements like yours above: we made love -- not had sex. First, there's nothing wrong with just having sex, but (as a member of the female species myself, cursed with extreme emotional needs/sensitivity) I understand why women often need to make it more than it is. I think he said he didn't want to hurt you, because he got clearly that you had a very different agenda in mind than the one he was willing to participate in. In other words, your vibe clearly told him that you were looking for something he wasn't interested in giving. To ease your mind, this particular male might not be ready to commit to any kind of ongoing connection for many years. I hope you will look at your pattern. My wish for you is that you allow yourself to just enjoy the men you meet and the moments you share together until the right one -- the one who takes all the actions necessary to show you that you're also his "right one" -- comes along. The young man you discuss in your email isn't the right one. So, what else is going on in your life besides thinking about relationship? What dream do you have for yourself as an individual? Those might be good things to think about.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

The Meaning of Premonitions

Dear Lynda:
I have been having dreams, nagging thoughts and premonitions about a person who I don't personally know and who is semi-famous. I feel very drawn to this individual and can't shake the insistent feeling. I have had premonitions before in my life that have come true. Is this my imagination or am I destined to meet this person and possibly have a relationship?
Darlene, OH

Dear Darlene:
Something that is often overlooked, and usually misunderstood, is one powerful way the universe reflects our intentions back to us: through other people. While it is completely possible that you might invite this individual into your life (we do this on the energy/frequency level), it is more probable that your attraction to and thoughts about this person are because something you feel/see/sense about this one is a direct reflection of something about yourself. Something you need to pay attention to. This actually happens a lot. We get strong vibes about someone and we interpret those feelings in a very limited way -- as indicators that fate/destiny, etc., is putting the two of us together. Usually it has much more interesting vibrational implications. I don't get anything but positive feedback about whatever this might turn out to be. When you're drifting off to sleep tonight, smile and let the universe know you are eagerly awaiting whatever happens. Don't be surprised by what turns up. By the way, put out the welcome mat for some unexpected money.

Monday, September 05, 2005

Let Go and Trust

Dear Lynda:
I'm dating a guy with whom I'm trying to use NLP techniques, as well as TR, just to see if anything will work to create in him an interest in trying out a serious relationship with me. He and I have an incredible number of things in common: small things, coincidences, mutual tastes, views and interests. We're both very attracted to each other, though he has noted that he's not interested in a serious relationship. And, that he's "just getting to know me." He's expressed a number of times that he "is in heaven," "I always feel incredible with you," and things like that. We've known each other about three months, and he offers to help me do just about everything that I ever tell him I'm trying to get done (although, he doesn't really seem to ever get to doing the helping part, or rarely). I've been having a little bit of stress in my work situation lately, and, due to influence from this guy, have made strides in straightening my apartment and in getting back to artistic pursuits of my own which I'd let slide for a couple of years. I'm curious about how my relationship with this guy may progress.
Jennifer, Denver, CO

Dear Jennifer:
The first sentence of your question sounds quite manipulative. You're utilizing various techniques to encourage him to move in the direction you'd like him to move in. And, he's apparently dragging his feet and giving you vague explanations. What you'll notice over time (as you get older) is that people do what they mean to do. Men, especially, act on what they want to act on. They may SAY something different, but watch the action. I am so happy that this man (if I'm reading your statement correctly) motivated you go clear up the clutter in your life and to get back to your own artistic/creative activities. That is his gift to you. I strongly recommend that you let go of all expectations about this fellow and allow him to make his own choices -- whether you like what he chooses or not. He absolutely does enjoy being with you, but at this point he isn't looking for the same outcome that you are. Let go. Breathe. Just be great friends with this fellow and know that your mate is being attracted right this minute. And that may, or may not, be this person. And, by the way, regarding money through creative/artistic pursuits: something wonderful is coming. Keep me posted.

The Quilt of Life and The Tarot Journey

Dear Lynda:
I've just started working two days a week at a quilt shop. I stumbled onto it four years ago "by accident." It was because of the quilts I saw hanging in the shop -- art quilts, rather than traditional quilts -- that I decided I wanted to learn to quilt. I have made significant changes in my life over the past four years because of that event, bringing art, color and joy into my everyday routine. Many things about the job are just great. I'm not working there for the money ($7/hr), but rather because I want to learn more about fabric and what's out there in the quilting world. I'm not entirely sure things will go smoothly overall because the owner has never owned a business before and she has some major blind spots about communicating with customers and employees. I have the feeling I'm being given the opportunity to learn some personal issues as well as about fabric/business. And maybe to help the owner grow in her role. I also wanted to ask you for recommendations for books about Tarot. I only have one deck and its accompanying book (The Enchanted Tarot, which I really like because the cards feature miniature quilts). I also look for additional interpretations online. I'd like to branch out and don't know where to start. I'll probably end up taking some classes at some point, but right now I find that even with my limited understanding of the cards, I learn and grow as a result of what the cards tell me. I'd appreciate any advice.
Quilter, CO

Dear Quilter:
It's always so great to hear from you. I so enjoy knowing about the changes you've made and the ways you give yourself permission to go even deeper. Well, take this with a grain. Here's my thought about the shop: I believe your intuitions are correct, and the owner may not be able to keep up with the learning curve necessary for her to keep the shop afloat. But, interestingly enough, I see the possibility of a shop in your future. Your own little space. So, soak up all the knowledge you can and later, when the quilt is on the other wall, so to speak, you'll be able to reach out to your owner/friend and return the favor. I think she might benefit from taking some classes in basic business with an emphasis on money management and financial strategies for small businesses. Regarding the Tarot, I can't recommend face-to-face teachers enough. But that's because I enjoy learning that way. My journey of exploration with the Tarot has guided me from one wonderful teacher to another. I seem to take in knowledge/information on multiple levels when I'm working with someone in person. In general, the books by the well-known Tarot practitioners (you can find them by looking on Amazon. com) are all good. What I did when I was first learning was to start a card catalog. I used those big index cards and wrote everything about each card that I found in every book I encountered. That file is now huge, but I still use it when I teach. Also, The Tarot School, an online resource, used to be great. I haven't checked them out for years, but I think they're still around and they have a very nice overview of the basics of the tarot from various schools of thought. You might like them. And, having said all that, no matter how much information (other peoples' opinions and intuitions about the cards) you gather, your own psychic hits about the card in question or the card layout needs to trump the other information. Leap into the void, my friend. You'll either land safely or be taught to fly.