I'm the Psychic Vampire?

Hi, Lynda: I'm feeling kind of messed up. I know that I'm the "psychic vampire" in this case, but I feel so betrayed that it is hard not to obsess over this guy. We met all "love at first sight," instant connection 3 years ago. We are both traveling people and keep contact via email for 8 months, just as friends. I guess we were looking for the same thing at that time because when we came together the bond seemed stronger. It freaked me out. Maybe I have some emotional problems or something. I kept running away from him. I actually have a lot of relationships like this, where I feel some strong connection to someone but our relationship is stunted and becomes awkward. Anyway, this guy, we've had flings on and off since we met. Sometimes it lasts for a little while and it seems loving, other times I say the wrong things and I feel like he sees how badly I want him. It bothers him.This last time I had gone over just to be friends. He pulled me in, and as always I was too eager. I thought it could work. I know he's busy, but I was going to give him space, we would just be friends whatever. He kept putting me off, call me later, call me Wednesday, call me after Christmas. Always brief phone conversations. I sent him a too loving Christmas wishes email. I end up missing him most when I'm around my family. He didn't respond. I called him when I got back to town, he said he'd call me back, he didn't. I wrote an email after 3 or 4 days. very brief, how's it going kind of thing. no response. So I start to feel really sick. I end up thinking and praying for him and our friendship and happiness. At first I feel better, then I feel worse and worse. I thought he was giving me another chance but it seems like he was just testing me out to make sure he didn't want to. I know all of his friends and while he's around, I can't be. I relate to people so rarely. I have felt so lonely and have prayed that he will just say something to reassure me that we were friends or that he cares that I am really hurt. But I am just causing myself pain. I just keep wondering why he did this to me. Why he couldn't be honest. Why it hurts like it's going to kill me. How to stop trying to get inside his head. I know he felt something for me once, (according to him), but now I feel so mistreated. Argh!Sorry this is so long. Thanks so much.
S

Dear S: The question really is: why do you continue to attract unkind, unloving, unavailable men into your life? Consider for a moment that you are okay. That who/what you are is exactly as you need to be. I am so sorry you are allowing this shallow, unavailable, self-centered individual to be center stage in your universe. I don't know what happened to you to cause you to abandon yourself, but the reason doesn't really matter. What does matter is that you can begin to treat yourself compassionately. Kindly. You can become healthier. Having this man in your thoughts is just a way to torture yourself. It really has nothing to do with him, and everything to do with your lack of self-awareness. I talk to people every day who are terrified of being with themselves. Who are fearful of that quiet, still place inside -- the doorway to the unlimited higher consciousness. Please find someone in your community to work with regularly to help you see who you really are. Sweetie, you aren't a psychic vampire. That requires a strength of ego you aren't capable of right now. (Actually, you might never be able to be quite that unhealthy.) Please. Check out your local mental health center and find a loving soul to shine a light into your inner darkness. Keep me posted.
Hugs, Lynda