Highly Sensitive

Hi Lynda:
I am in the middle of reading The Highly Sensitive Person in Love by Elaine Aron and I have finally came to the conclusion and admitted to myself that I am indeed an HSP. I am currently in a relationship and I will be getting married in about 8 weeks. There are times when I would say to myself "I can't believe I'm marrying her. I don't even think I love her" I know that I love my fiance, because everything about is her more than I would ever ask for, but there are times where I get mad at her for no reason at all. For example, she would tell me something like, "move, I feel like you're standing on top of me" and all of a sudden I would feel very hurt inside and I would stay mad at her for the rest of the day. Then there are times when I am with her and I would say to myself "how could I ever say to myself I don't love her, she is perfect for me?" My mind is always thinking too far into things and over-analyzing and at times I cry from all this over-thinking and it gives me headaches. I am very confused and I do not know how to go about this anymore.
Confused

Dear Confused: You have to ask yourself some hard questions. Yes. Those of us who are highly sensitive tend to react strongly to perceived slights. Our radars are very finely tuned. We're always looking for the next incoming grenade and sometimes we see attacks when there aren't any. But there's nothing wrong with being sensitive. It's a wonderful gift. I wouldn't trade my enhanced awareness for anything -- even if it means I often get my feelings hurt for no rational reason. (We're great about reading the environment. The problem comes when we try to interpret what we're feeling. We often forget how easy it is to project.) Now, having said all that, it sounds like your mate is insensitive. If you are going to marry this person, you'd better sit her down and have a very frank discussion about your differing communication styles. Perhaps you aren't just being over-sensitive. Maybe she does send out negative energy when she talks to you (sometimes). Don't marry her if this isn't talked about and resolved. If you are afraid that speaking with her about this will cause problems, then you have bigger problems than you thought. Best wishes. Keep me posted.
Lynda

Letting Go of the Past

Hi Lynda:
I find it interesting that I had the thought to write to you today. When I went to your archives I found my posting from last year at just about this same time. I found it very interesting to read your advice after all this time has passed. First of all, I wanted to confirm that yes I was in a depression, and did get some help, and continue to do so. My life has begun to turn around as I have faced many issues, fears, etc. Many times now I feel great, I work on seeing the world in a positive way and focus on getting positive thoughts and energies into my mind and body. This is not without challenge though, so the work continues. I am still challenged with finding my true self. Bringing out my energy, and getting to a life that flows and is full of the energy I think I used to have a long time ago.

Last year when I wrote I was struggling with the loss of a relationship, and the fear and pain built up inside me for so long. Through some struggles I did go out and meet some new people. Had a few short relationships, most of which are my friends today. But did get back together with my former partner. Well, as timing or the seasons would have it, I broke up again last month. This time has not been as tumultuous, so I am grateful that this year I am stronger and not struggling with as much pain and suffering. The loss is still difficult because I care so much for this person. We just can't seem to work out as a couple. I guess I have an issue with 'letting go', since logically in know why I made the choice to end the relationship again. Emotionally it's so difficult to release the feelings I have, and that creates the thought or hope that perhaps once again we will get back together. I think it's for the best that we aren't together at this time. Just a confusing time as I work through the process of letting go ( and at the same time not wanting to let go, since I've allowed myself to let this person into my life like I have let no other person ).
My partner and I had a number of similarities. Both 'nice' people, not too messy, not too clean, ready to head out on road trips, camping, outdoors, caring personalities. But it was difficult for us to find the positive energy needed to maintain a good relationship. I also found him to not be 'positive' much of the time. We never fought. So it wasn't a hurtful relationship. And there was much passion and caring in our relations.

I am still struggling as well with career/vocation and letting myself know what it is I would like to do with my life. I know that once this hurdle has been jumped, my life is going to be much smoother. My current job is not fulfilling.

So, I guess the purpose of writing is to gain some more insight once again. See what your guidance provides. Thank you once again for your insight.
G
Boulder, Colorado

Dear G:
As you know, you're a work in progress. It's not unusual for us to go back and forth with comfortable-yet-unhappy relationships. I think the big issue is that you need to make powerful and clear decisions about who you are and what you want. You do know. Like many people, you're waiting for huge signals, when the insights are actually whispered from your deeper self. I don't see the relationship you just left as benign. I think it's negative for you, so I hope you'll be strong and realize that something/someone more suited to you is coming. (If you open the door, of course.) See if you can dream bigger. Let go of the limiting ideas you have about yourself and imagine instead, "what if I can?" The moment you decide that you can have what seems impossible, your entire life will improve.
Lynda

Using Psychic Abilities to Manipulate

Dear Lynda:
My boyfriend and I have been going out for more than 8 months but it hasn't been easy. There's been 'cracks' in our relationship. He's no ordinary boyfriend because of his psychic reading abilities. He's reads me all the time, and I have been wondering whether he has the right to be doing so, and if it's actually fair to me. Due to his psychic abilities we've been arguing a lot and quite frankly we are in the 'danger zone'. I am writing to you for your advice because I love him and I want to save this relationship to help make it stronger. He reads my aura and sees 'pictures'. We have arguments sometimes when he sees me talking to a guy and accuses me wrongly. At times he would ask me to explain myself why those pictures are there on top of my head. He said If I’m honest enough those pictures would be cleansed and disappear. I find it extremely difficult to explain because a majority of time I am completely lost and don’t know what he wants me to talk about. I ask him to start the topic and tell me what is it he sees and doesn’t like but he says I need to tell him he can’t talk about it otherwise I won’t be cleansed. Due to this, he's been keeping his distance from me and he doesn't shower me with the love and attention like he use to. In this case I was wondering if it's good to go out with a psychic and can there be long-term relationship stability. I love him, but I'm in so much stress. I don't want him to argue with me over nothing, and at the same time be agitated of me talking to a male. I do want us to work out but at this stage I feel like I'm at a rocky edge and this is affecting every aspect of my aura. I hope to find a solution to combat this issue so we can make this relationship a strong lasting one. If you could give me some advice it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance.
Confused

Dear Confused: First, I won't even start with whether or not this man has any actual psychic abilities. Although it's highly questionable that he does, that isn't the main issue. What's important is that he's manipulating you. In other words, he's scamming you. He's using the fact that you believe he has psychic abilities to emotionally/mentally slime you. Maybe he means well, and he actually has no clue about ethical behavior. But regardless, "psychics" who use their "abilities" to bully other people are no better than abusive con artists. Nothing about your relationship with this man feels like love to me. My strong advice is that you see him clearly and run in the opposite direction. (Actually, this fellow might be emotionally damaged, so trying to deal with him "normally" will always backfire.) You can't fix him.
Lynda