Letting Go of the Past
I find it interesting that I had the thought to write to you today. When I went to your archives I found my posting from last year at just about this same time. I found it very interesting to read your advice after all this time has passed. First of all, I wanted to confirm that yes I was in a depression, and did get some help, and continue to do so. My life has begun to turn around as I have faced many issues, fears, etc. Many times now I feel great, I work on seeing the world in a positive way and focus on getting positive thoughts and energies into my mind and body. This is not without challenge though, so the work continues. I am still challenged with finding my true self. Bringing out my energy, and getting to a life that flows and is full of the energy I think I used to have a long time ago.
Last year when I wrote I was struggling with the loss of a relationship, and the fear and pain built up inside me for so long. Through some struggles I did go out and meet some new people. Had a few short relationships, most of which are my friends today. But did get back together with my former partner. Well, as timing or the seasons would have it, I broke up again last month. This time has not been as tumultuous, so I am grateful that this year I am stronger and not struggling with as much pain and suffering. The loss is still difficult because I care so much for this person. We just can't seem to work out as a couple. I guess I have an issue with 'letting go', since logically in know why I made the choice to end the relationship again. Emotionally it's so difficult to release the feelings I have, and that creates the thought or hope that perhaps once again we will get back together. I think it's for the best that we aren't together at this time. Just a confusing time as I work through the process of letting go ( and at the same time not wanting to let go, since I've allowed myself to let this person into my life like I have let no other person ).
My partner and I had a number of similarities. Both 'nice' people, not too messy, not too clean, ready to head out on road trips, camping, outdoors, caring personalities. But it was difficult for us to find the positive energy needed to maintain a good relationship. I also found him to not be 'positive' much of the time. We never fought. So it wasn't a hurtful relationship. And there was much passion and caring in our relations.
I am still struggling as well with career/vocation and letting myself know what it is I would like to do with my life. I know that once this hurdle has been jumped, my life is going to be much smoother. My current job is not fulfilling.
So, I guess the purpose of writing is to gain some more insight once again. See what your guidance provides. Thank you once again for your insight.
As you know, you're a work in progress. It's not unusual for us to go back and forth with comfortable-yet-unhappy relationships. I think the big issue is that you need to make powerful and clear decisions about who you are and what you want. You do know. Like many people, you're waiting for huge signals, when the insights are actually whispered from your deeper self. I don't see the relationship you just left as benign. I think it's negative for you, so I hope you'll be strong and realize that something/someone more suited to you is coming. (If you open the door, of course.) See if you can dream bigger. Let go of the limiting ideas you have about yourself and imagine instead, "what if I can?" The moment you decide that you can have what seems impossible, your entire life will improve.