The Psychic Counselor

Do you have questions about life changes? Emotional concerns? Relationship issues? Spiritual matters? Send your questions to The Psychic Counselor, Lynda Hilburn, and check back here for your answers. Or you can read through the previous posts (check the Archives) to find answers you didn't even have questions for! [*LyndaSoul isn't my name -- it's the combo of my first name with the first word in the name of my hypnotherapy training school.]

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Highly Sensitive

Hi Lynda:
I am in the middle of reading The Highly Sensitive Person in Love by Elaine Aron and I have finally came to the conclusion and admitted to myself that I am indeed an HSP. I am currently in a relationship and I will be getting married in about 8 weeks. There are times when I would say to myself "I can't believe I'm marrying her. I don't even think I love her" I know that I love my fiance, because everything about is her more than I would ever ask for, but there are times where I get mad at her for no reason at all. For example, she would tell me something like, "move, I feel like you're standing on top of me" and all of a sudden I would feel very hurt inside and I would stay mad at her for the rest of the day. Then there are times when I am with her and I would say to myself "how could I ever say to myself I don't love her, she is perfect for me?" My mind is always thinking too far into things and over-analyzing and at times I cry from all this over-thinking and it gives me headaches. I am very confused and I do not know how to go about this anymore.

Dear Confused: You have to ask yourself some hard questions. Yes. Those of us who are highly sensitive tend to react strongly to perceived slights. Our radars are very finely tuned. We're always looking for the next incoming grenade and sometimes we see attacks when there aren't any. But there's nothing wrong with being sensitive. It's a wonderful gift. I wouldn't trade my enhanced awareness for anything -- even if it means I often get my feelings hurt for no rational reason. (We're great about reading the environment. The problem comes when we try to interpret what we're feeling. We often forget how easy it is to project.) Now, having said all that, it sounds like your mate is insensitive. If you are going to marry this person, you'd better sit her down and have a very frank discussion about your differing communication styles. Perhaps you aren't just being over-sensitive. Maybe she does send out negative energy when she talks to you (sometimes). Don't marry her if this isn't talked about and resolved. If you are afraid that speaking with her about this will cause problems, then you have bigger problems than you thought. Best wishes. Keep me posted.


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