I'm going to be 23 in a month, and I've never been in a serious relationship. Its not something that has bothered me before. I've always thought I've been better off single, as my friends keep going through pretty serious ups and downs in their own relationships. I wasn't exactly happier single, but it wasn't an issue. However, nowadays it's driving me crazy. I don't want to be single, I hate it ! It's not peer pressure, I have some friends who are single, and some who are in relationships, so I never feel left out. But I keep wondering what's wrong with me. Everyone I know has been in at least ONE serious relationship. I know I'm not perfect, far from it -- I need to lose weight, keep a lid on my temper, etc. etc., but I know girls who have the same sort of problems, and more, but they aren't single, or haven't been at some point. I've been in love, and had crushes.. but no one has ever loved me. What could be so terrible about me? It's never bothered me before, but now when I see how much my guy friends love their girlfriends, or how much my girl friends are loved by their boyfriends, it drives me crazy. I'm sooooo jealous, and I hate that about me. Everyone keeps telling me that I'll meet someone soon, but I'm sick of waiting. I meet lots of guys but no one is ever interested in me. I've asked guys who are my friends, and they are quick to reassure me that I'm relatively friendly and reasonably attractive, but none of them can answer why I'm so unwanted. I know I'm rambling but everyone I know can't seem to understand why this is such a big deal to me, and really don't want to hear about it anymore. But it IS a big deal, and it's driving me crazy. Do you have any answers ? How long do you think I'll be waiting around like this?
Dear Rubaina: I had some clear notions about your situation before I put the tarot cards out, and the cards verified my perceptions. I know one thing absolutely: your attitudes about yourself will determine the nature of your connections with others (or lack thereof). As your friends have told you, there is no physical reason why you haven't allowed yourself to be in a relationship. That leaves psychological. There seems to be a powerful level of fear operating for you -- something that comes from long-held (even though you're very young) beliefs and limitations about yourself. Issues of self-worth, feelings of being unwanted, even a struggle about whether or not you think you deserve to be here. I can't know where those hurtful ideas first came from, but I can tell you that they're raining all over your relationship parade. I know so many wonderful women. Some of them are fat (not just chubby). Some are quite unattractive. Some have disabilities. Some have survived tragedies I can't even comprehend. But the one thing they all have in common (besides being in loving relationships), is that they see themselves clearly and think they're terrific, regardless. They don't care what the prevailing notions are. They don't waste a minute worrying about the number on the scale. Instead, they are all joyfully alive. They think about others and spend little time picking themselves apart. They are people magnets. That means they're so comfortable in their own skins, others want to be with them. It is the dissonance of self-hatred that pushes people away. So, are you willing to consider the possibility that the world merely reflects how you feel about yourself? Stop looking outside for something to happen and turn your attention inward, where choices are made.