Dangerous, Abusive Man
Dear Lynda:
I am a 22-year-old female. When I was a little girl I was taken out of my mom's custody and was given to my grandmother. The reason for this was because my step-dad (at the time) was mean to me and chased me around with chainsaws, butcher knifes, hot pokers, and just about everything else. What I am wondering is if it is illegal for him to be around me now that I am older. He is still horrible to me, calling me names and I feel like I can't even go out of my bedroom here at my grandmas without him harrassing me. I still live with my grandmother because of my medical problems. I have to deal with depression on a daily basis. Him being here makes my depression worse. My grandma won't make him leave because she feels sorry for him. In the past few months, I have had to go as far as calling the law but nothing was done about the way I am treated by him on a daily basis. In the past he killed one of our dogs, a 3 legged poodle named Pooh. And has kicked out little black chihuahua, Lady. He has even threatened to "snap those 3 cats in half". Saying that about my 3 cats, Willow, Lilly, & Baby. I am stuck and I don't know what to do. I am disabled from working, and was told by my doctor that I shouldn't move out because of the risk of having a relapse of my legs swelling up and not being able to walk.
Tequilla, Virginia
Dear Tequilla:
I'm so sorry things have been so awful. I am confused about why your grandmother is allowing this abusive man -- who apparently isn't related to you or your grandmother -- to live with you. Something is very wrong here. You need to talk to someone there in Virginia who can help you. Here in Colorado, we have a wonderful system set up to protect battered women and children. You definitely qualify. Find out if there is a battered women's shelter in your area, or a hotline you can call. If the law was unable to do anything to help you, perhaps one reason might be because you didn't have an advocate to help you in the system. You need to tell someone about the abuse of you when you were a child and the ongoing abuse. You need to tell an authority figure that you are afraid of this person. Your grandmother seems unable to protect you, so you'll have to protect yourself. Getting a restraining order to keep this man away from you would be a start, but they are often ineffective. Being disabled doesn't mean you need to be at the mercy of a horrible person. Something is definitely very, very wrong here. Call someone in social services, if you can't find a domestic violence counselor to talk to. Even though it will be hard for you, and you don't know exactly what to do, you have to take these actions for yourself. Otherwise, I fear something even more negative will occur. Make an appointment with a counselor at your local mental health center, too. They usually have sessions available on a sliding-scale basis. It's time for you to put yourself first. Be bold. Please call for help and write me back and let me know what happened.
Lynda
I am a 22-year-old female. When I was a little girl I was taken out of my mom's custody and was given to my grandmother. The reason for this was because my step-dad (at the time) was mean to me and chased me around with chainsaws, butcher knifes, hot pokers, and just about everything else. What I am wondering is if it is illegal for him to be around me now that I am older. He is still horrible to me, calling me names and I feel like I can't even go out of my bedroom here at my grandmas without him harrassing me. I still live with my grandmother because of my medical problems. I have to deal with depression on a daily basis. Him being here makes my depression worse. My grandma won't make him leave because she feels sorry for him. In the past few months, I have had to go as far as calling the law but nothing was done about the way I am treated by him on a daily basis. In the past he killed one of our dogs, a 3 legged poodle named Pooh. And has kicked out little black chihuahua, Lady. He has even threatened to "snap those 3 cats in half". Saying that about my 3 cats, Willow, Lilly, & Baby. I am stuck and I don't know what to do. I am disabled from working, and was told by my doctor that I shouldn't move out because of the risk of having a relapse of my legs swelling up and not being able to walk.
Tequilla, Virginia
Dear Tequilla:
I'm so sorry things have been so awful. I am confused about why your grandmother is allowing this abusive man -- who apparently isn't related to you or your grandmother -- to live with you. Something is very wrong here. You need to talk to someone there in Virginia who can help you. Here in Colorado, we have a wonderful system set up to protect battered women and children. You definitely qualify. Find out if there is a battered women's shelter in your area, or a hotline you can call. If the law was unable to do anything to help you, perhaps one reason might be because you didn't have an advocate to help you in the system. You need to tell someone about the abuse of you when you were a child and the ongoing abuse. You need to tell an authority figure that you are afraid of this person. Your grandmother seems unable to protect you, so you'll have to protect yourself. Getting a restraining order to keep this man away from you would be a start, but they are often ineffective. Being disabled doesn't mean you need to be at the mercy of a horrible person. Something is definitely very, very wrong here. Call someone in social services, if you can't find a domestic violence counselor to talk to. Even though it will be hard for you, and you don't know exactly what to do, you have to take these actions for yourself. Otherwise, I fear something even more negative will occur. Make an appointment with a counselor at your local mental health center, too. They usually have sessions available on a sliding-scale basis. It's time for you to put yourself first. Be bold. Please call for help and write me back and let me know what happened.
Lynda
posted by Lynda Hilburn @ 9:14 PM
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