Confusing Relationship

Hi Lynda: It is for the first time I am sending an email like this and reaching out to someone I don't know. I hope you would be able to clear some of my doubts. A year ago, I met this man and we have a wonderful connection. However, he is Indian and has a different race and religion than mine. I thought this might be an issue with us coming together for a lifetime but he spent hours trying to convince me that it wouldn't be the case and we shall be able to work it out. A year of a wonderful time later, we broke up. Or rather, he broke up with me. However, I am not sure I understand what the real reason was. He mentioned vaguely that tragedy has struck his house lately and in this he feels he might be betraying his single mom by marrying a foreigner and so on. The current state of affairs is that I am disillusioned/mad and I am not exactly even civil to him when we speak. On the other hand, he is quite sweet to me. When I have lashed out at him for promising what he couldn't deliver, he just tells me he is confused. At other times, he just listens silently and then hugs me. This is a very vocal and aggressive guy otherwise and his behavior is very strange. His friends tell me that he has become extremely aggressive after breaking up with me and secluded, but he has turned almost docile towards me. I can literally walk all over him without any angry word from him. Now, I am confused. I am not even sure what I want out of this relationship or whatever is left of it. My parents of course, are more than happy that I am now free to date someone who isn't as foreign to us, but I don't really care about this. I want to know where this is going, where this would do. In my heart I have broken up with him and I don't really get sad or mental about it, but strange events keep on throwing us back and I get bewildered and annoyed. It is as if there is something binding us together, and neither of us seems to break all connections even though I, especially, want to do it. And it is not because of falling prey to emotions and going back to each other. Again, I just want to know what would happen to this. I am so confused. Thanks so much
Maria

Maria: Sometimes there is a long time period of confusion after a breakup. Both parties are unable to fully let go, and the hopes and dreams of the past continue to tie the individuals together. If you are serious about ending the connection, take some steps in that direction. Change your patterns. Meet new people. I see reluctance on the part of your friend to step into the unknown. And I see pressure being exerted on him by someone close to him. Be honest with yourself and with him and act accordingly. June is a very important month for you regarding romance. Pay close attention to the person you are most attracted to then. In the meantime, figure out what else matters to you. What else is important in addition to relationship?
Lynda

Enjoy the Journey

Hello Lynda: My name is Debra and I've had "experiences" since I was little. I have always rationalized them or brushed them off. Recently, I had an appointment in a place I had never been before. I showed up to the wrong building and found myself experiencing something I've never felt before. In this vacant building (I didn't think was vacant because of the doors closing and footsteps) I found myself looking into a room from two different view points. One I could actually see with my eyes and one I could see in my mind's eye. It was very strange and I really don't have the understanding to put what exactly I experienced into words. When I finally found the building I was supposed to be in, I explained what had just happened to me and the women I was speaking with said that she used to have an office space in that building and that it was "haunted." My question is, how to I go about getting answers to the questions I have about what I experienced in this event as well as developing any special abilities I may have? I really feel driven to find answers and I'm not finding them in the books I've been reading. Can you help me? Thank you!
Debra

Dear Debra: I think the experience you had was exciting. I love when those kinds of things happen to me. There really are some good books out there which can help you make sense of your tendencies. Start with your local library. In addition, check out class schedules at your local metaphysical book stores. Finding a good teacher is a powerful and helpful step. Seek out information about courses that deal with psychic abilities, mediumship, etheric energy, and general occult studies. Perhaps you might enjoy some pagan/wiccan classes. You are at the beginning of a wonderful path. Enjoy the journey!
Lynda

Personal Growth Instead

Dear Lynda: I really hope you can help because I really need answers with this situation. It's constantly on my mind. Any advice you give me will be great. I am 18 yrs old and currently a high school senior. I have two months left and hopefully will finish on time but moving along that is not the problem. A week ago I ended a relationship with a guy I have been with for 3 months but you can say a year and two months of talking. When I first met him we felt an instant connection for each other but never really pursued it. I dated other people because I felt he might hurt me. During my other relationships I knew he still had feelings for me and sometimes he would show up at places he knew I would be just to see me. In Sept 09 on Labor Day he showed up and I was single. He told me again how he felt for me and I decided to give it a chance, since I could no longer deny my feelings for him. We started off great and you could say steamy. I felt something for him I didn't feel in a long time. When we were together it felt right and there were times I would sleep over with him and I would feel safe in his arms. The problem was he worked all the time. He is 20 yrs old and he supports his mother. He also has to send money to his daughter in so he works a lot to take care of these responsibilities. At first it didn't bother me much because I understood the things he had to do and I respected him for doing what he had to do. Even though he had all of these things on his plate he made time for me when he could and I was grateful for that. But when we are apart I wouldn't hear much from him. Sometimes he would let 3 days pass before he even thought to say anything to me. We had a talk about this and I told him that I don't need him to check up on me everyday and I don't ask for much. I would just like him to talk to me sometimes. He told me that's something he needs to work on and he would try to contact me. There are times he would and times he stopped. I didn't understand it and that led me to making the decision I made a week ago. What I don't understand is he tells me he cares about me a lot but his actions show differently sometimes. I just want to know if it was a mistake to leave him? And if he really cared for me? And why didn't he respond to me when I ended it if he truly cares? Thank you. I really hope you will answer.
FierceTika

Dear Fierce: My question to you has nothing to do with the fellow you wrote about. I want to know what you are doing for yourself? What are your goals for your future? Who do you want to be? Relationships are wonderful, but you are very young and it's appropriate for you to be thinking about your plans and your personal growth. The fellow you mentioned seemed overwhelmed. I guess I don't understand -- since there is so much you should be doing for yourself -- why you need to make him such a focus? We can't truly be authentic with anyone else until we find our own center -- our true self. When we're so busy getting in and out of relationships, our self-connection suffers. My advice? Take a break from guys, focus on charting a path into your future for yourself, and trust that the wise part of yourself will attract what you desire.
Lynda

Feeling the Pain of Others

Hi Lynda: I don't know if you can give me any answers, but I have to ask. I had a rather strange experience in November where I felt 'off' (not sick) all day. I knew my aunt was expected to die within the next 24 - 48 hrs. When I went to bed about 1 am, as soon as my head hit the pillow I was in agony, it felt like someone had put a vice around my head and was tightening it, trying to get my head to explode and there were also huge waves of pain crashing through my head. It finally stopped around 3.30am and I was able to sleep but felt incredibly sad. I was woken by the phone about 8.30 am, my aunt had died a bit after 3 am. What I need to know is if it is possible that I felt her pain, or if my prayers asking for me to take her pain were answered. I've had numerous experiences ever since childhood where dreams have come true and when I just know that something is going to happen. Like when I was supposed to stay at a friends but on the way I had to ask them to take me home as I knew I was going to get a phone call, and sure enough I received a phone call about my Mum within minutes of getting home. Another experience was when I had a dream 2 nights in a row that my ex's car was written off in an accident, I told him about it and two days later he rang me quite shaken to tell me that he had just been in an accident and his car was a write off. I hope you are able to give me some answers or clarification about this.
Regards, K

Dear K: I think it's wonderful that you have such keen skills. My personal feeling is that it isn't necessary for you to actually have painful physical reactions when sensing someone's experiences. You can allow whatever is happening to flow through you -- leaving a clear perception of the problem area -- without having to "take on" the person's agony. As you start to sense a difficult situation, begin imagining and affirming that the person is finding peace. See/imagine/feel a wonderful light filling and surrounding them as you allow yourself to "know" they are transforming in a gentle way. Give yourself permission to take an emotional step back from whatever you are witnessing. When we first have these experiences, they tend to be very dramatic and traumatic. Over time, we can realize that the sensory information can present itself in a much more calm, detached way. Practice makes perfect, so to speak. I think this would be a good time for you to read some books about the techniques other sensitives use to keep themselves grounded and well. The library should provide abundant resources. Ask yourself what you want to do with your abilities. Do you wish to be of service?
Lynda

Young and Anxious

Dear Lynda: I am really hoping you can help me. I understand that it is a long shot that you will answer my email but I sincerely hope you do. I am 19 years old and I officially dropped out of school when I was 15, though prior to that I never went to school that much, mostly because I couldn't handle what was going on at home. When school didn't really go very well I found it easier to run away from school than home. Now reaching my 20s I am scared. I have so much school anxiety and people anxiety and just life anxiety. I am frozen in fear and can't move. It isn't completely bad. I have my moments of, well, what I like to call "quiet encouragement" that comes from within but really I need it from an outside source as well because I don't want to become closed off from the world for the rest of my life. I don't want to become a hermit. I do genuinely want to help people and be the best that I can be, but all that I have had to go through and the drama still continues I feel almost -- I don't want to say doomed -- but I am getting desperate. Any advice or wisdom you have, I would greatly appreciate it! I have no idea what question is the right question. I am hoping you know exactly what I need to know and hear because, truthfully, I am lost. Though that being said, I realize that you may not have all the answers and you may not know what I need to know or hear but I am open to hearing whatever it is you have to say, truly I am. Thank you very much for reading this, if you did read this.
C

Dear C: Please read the advice I gave to the post directly below yours. Anxiety responds very well to counseling and medication. And, uncovering the source of the original and "echo" traumas through hypnotherapy and/or EMDR, can be life-changing. Don't despair. There are many empowering steps you can take. You're young enough to make the changes you desire. Take that first step.
Lynda

Negative Force?

Hi Lynda: I've written before. I guess I'm just too often overwhelmed. I feel like I can see everything and it's usually pretty negative. I'm afraid that I am a negative force and I can be very superstitious about it. I seek signs in everything, license plates, timing, minimal social success, the weather, the wind. I have a life I should be grateful of but still I see the worst in things. I can't handle my tasks. I'm afraid people will find out something. I really don't know how to fulfill whatever potential I may have and feel frustrated. I have a wonderful boyfriend, but I call him or think of him as an ex. I often refer to him using the name of someone I have already dated. The problem always seems to be me. I can't remember things, it's like leading a clumsy life. The worst part is when people see it on me. I become angry and indignant. Any direction is valued. Thanks for reading,
subshive

Dear Subshive: I'm sorry things feel so frustrating. You're not a negative force. I think there might be a psychological/physiological reason for your difficulties. That's good news, because it means you can take steps to make positive changes. Find an excellent psychotherapist in your area, consider the possibility of helpful medication, and look into trauma therapies like EMDR. Your future is not dark. There is definitely light at the end of this chaotic tunnel. Keep me posted.
Lynda