Love Confusion

Dear Lynda: I hope you can help with my love situation. I met my boyfriend on the porch. He was walking by and just said that I was pretty. The next day we got to know each other, and before I knew it we were dating and we became a couple. We shared everyday together. He picked me up when I came home from school, and we were always together. We introduced each other to each of our families and just had a connection. We had so much in common and we related to each other a lot. He told me everything. Even the deep dark secrets that he hasn't even told his father or previous girlfriends and I did the same. He was not at all afraid to call me his girlfriend and did not even look at anyone else because we were together everyday from 2:00 to 12:00. As soon as the end of June hit he first explained that he needed to spend time with his friend and I already knew this was true, because I asked his dad (I know, sneaky). After, his grandmother died and then he didn't want to be bothered. He started drinking and gave up on life (until someone convinced him). In the meantime this other boy likes me and cannot leave me alone and kissed me on my neck and he got upset. He broke up with me because of the boy and because he had "issues" now he forgave me because of the boy, he just has issues. He recently told me that he didn't need a girlfriend for a year because so much stuff is happening and he doesn't want me to feel neglected, but he still wants to hang out. I recently talked to him and he said he got drunk and had sex with another girl and I forgave him but told him he had another chance. I was talking to my mother for advice and she told me that basically that he was covering up and he already found someone else and that he didn't want me anymore. So I told him that we just don't need to be together and I asked him what he thought and he said that he doesn't want me with anyone else, and that he still is madly in love with me and doesn't care what people say (my mother). He says that he would get with me right now but it's too hard for him, and he doesn't know how to feel (about the situation of his grandmother dying and other issues). He said that he can't let me go and will not love another girl, and I talked to "outside resources" and they told me he doesn't even talk to other girls he just hangs with his friends. I love him too much to let him go and he feels the same. Something in my heart is telling me that he is the one, and my heart just will not say no other, nothing in my head is preventing that. He even told me that he always thinks about me, and frequently dreams about me. What should I do? Is he deceiving me or is he really telling the truth? Are we meant to be? Please give me answers I am desperate! Thank you very much for listening.
Alicia

Dear Alicia: This seems like a pretty intense and dramatic situation. It is normal for us to have lots of relationships when we are young. I don't think we're truly capable of making serious life decisions about mates, etc., until we are at least in our late 20s. See if you can shift your attention from males to thinking about who you are and who you want to be. I know it's easy to get caught up in relationship upheavals, but think about exploring what might happen if you change your focus. Your friend seems very confused and, like most young people, he doesn't know what he wants yet. Concentrate on yourself and your life and let the rest unfold naturally.
Lynda

Wondering

Hi Lynda: I read your book, The Vampire Shrink, and I thought it was wonderful, because I could really relate to the characters since I have been known to interpret or understand peoples' emotions. Sometimes it feels like they're predictable or I can read through them. So, congratulations about that. The other thing is, well, it happened about a month ago or so. There's this guy I met six or seven years ago. He really made an impression on me since it's kind of hard for me to actually relate or connect with someone. I developed a crush on him, and even though I never told him, I still appeared in his life on a couple of occasions, with bad timing of course. The thing is, about a month ago, I was having one of my mood swings (last year I was diagnosed with Bipolar II) and had a hunch, so I wrote him an e-mail telling him how wonderful I thought he was, how I didn't expect him to get back to me or anything. I just wanted him to know that. Soon after, he sent me an e-mail on my birthday (May 12th) which is actually the same date as his, then we went out for coffee. I had the most amazing feeling around him, like something was really right. We could really talk. He was even as surprised as I was to find someone so similar yet, so different. I felt something there. The thing is, even though he said repeatedly that we should do it again, during the times I've spoken with him, he never asked me out again. I know he felt what I felt. I haven't heard from him in two weeks and I'm leaving my country for a couple of months. I just want to know what happened? Why if he felt the connection I felt, he won't even show interest in us being friends? I just want closure and to get over this overwhelming crush that's been haunting me for the past 6 years. I'd really appreciate your answer.
The Wonderer

Dear Wonderer: First, thanks so much for the kind words about my book. I'm happy you enjoyed it! I wish I had better news for you. I think this is a case of misinterpretation of information. I'm sure you felt all the things you mentioned, and you clearly sense something about this person that attracts you, but that doesn't mean your interpretation is accurate. We often believe, because we have a strong reaction to someone (positive or negative), that the feeling itself has meaning regarding our connection with that individual. I suspect the person you're talking about isn't looking for the same level of intensity you're seeking. I'm afraid I'm getting a rather large "no" about an ongoing relationship with this person. Perhaps it's time to shift your focus and to concentrate on making yourself as healthy, centered and satisfied as you can. Then allow the best mate for you to be attracted by what/who you are. I'm crossing my fingers that you'll open the other doors that are cracked open for you.
Lynda