Turn The Page

Hi Lynda: My BF and I have been together for 3 yrs. I am 29 and he is 30. A few weeks ago, before he went away on an army exercise, he told me he wants a break to be alone as he never has been, to grow up and learn to appreciate me and his family. That he doubts he will ever find someone as compatible as me and that there is always hope for the future and that he does love me but the timing is wrong as with everything in his life. Because he is on exercise, he is uncontactable. I had arranged before he left to come over when he gets back. He said when telling me the above that I could still come over and we can go stay somewhere. He also said that he plans on us at least staying friends. My question is do you think he really does still love me or has he maybe found someone else (he swears blind he isn't even interested in finding another or going out and picking up)? and that he will still let me come over. If it is over I need the closure and I want to have a great weekend with good memories to at least solidify our friendship. I feel this man is my soul mate and that we are inextricably linked together and would love to grow old with him and hope that one day we will cross paths again if the timing isn't right now. I haven't heard from him since he left and his last msg as he went out of range said "I can't talk to you as we are going straight to the bay. I know you love me and you want to be together. You don't need to tell me that. I will try to ring you asap. I am not sure when that may be tho." It has been 2 weeks since then. And even tho I know he is out of range doubt is starting to creep into my thoughts and I am worried he will not call. Do you think he will? Thank you so much for any insight you may be able to share.
Fearful

Dear Fearful: I'm sure this isn't what you want to hear, but I think he told you very clearly how things are for him. Trying to hold on to someone who is no longer invested in a relationship is an exercise in futility. Here's the truth: love has nothing to do with clinging and being attached. Love is effortless. Love is joyful. Just love him in your heart, regardless of whether he contacts you or not. Let go of needing a particular outcome. Your email was very fearful and I understand how frightened you are. But I also know that fear is the opposite of love. And it's impossible to control another person. No matter how hard we try. I do think the two of you will be in contact again and I don't get a sense that he's deceiving you. I think he was very truthful with you. And, I think he's hoping to have other experiences in his life before he finally settles down. He does not feel the same way about the relationship that you do. Being friends is great if both parties really want that. If one party still wants it to be more, true friendship can't really happen. See if you can find other things in your life to give attention to. Stop fretting and being upset about him. You know that old saying (paraphrasing), "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was." Turn to the next page in your book and write something new. There is actually a wonderful surprise involving another person in your future.
Hugs, Lynda

Seeking The Full Banquet

Hi Lynda: First, thanks for all your great advice. This blog is a real comfort! I was wondering what you could tell me about this man I've been involved with on and off for about three years. Our most recent break-up was the worst and left us not speaking. He travels for work and is away a lot. The strange thing is, I feel like I know when he comes to town. I get anxious, sometimes I get depressed for no reason, or I just start picturing him with me a lot. I wonder if my mind is just all tied up with what he's doing and he's oblivious to me, or we are continuing to fight on some psychic stage. I really feel like I'm moving on (even dating) until he comes around and then I start imagining that it was all these grand things that it probably wasn't. What is going on?
Questioner

Dear Questioner:
I believe it's normal for us to use our expanded senses. I'm often surprised by the fact that -- in this day and age -- we still don't understand that we are more than what we can cognitively explain. It is very common for us to get addicted to -- overly attached -- to another individual for one unhealthy reason or another. Sensing that person isn't unusual. I think we get confused because we clearly perceive an unconscious connection with the person, but we get hung up in the ways we attempt to explain/interpret what we sense. Simply because we "pick up" things from a person doesn't mean anything in particular beyond that. Keep in mind that you must have your psychic "radio station" tuned to that person's frequency in order for you to spend so much time sensing him. If you don't wish to live his life instead of your own, change your station. Sincerely. Turn your focus to what you'd rather have, rather than what was/is, and watch your life change for the better. If you find that difficult, perhaps you could work with a local counselor to discover why you'd rather re-experience "crumbs" rather than seek out a full banquet. Keep me posted.
Lynda