Broken Hearted
Dear Lynda:
I dated this guy for 14 months. We broke up due to his ex that he dated for 5 years. When I found out about the affair, he told me the truth and said that he did not want to lose me but in the end her 5 years won and I became the enemy. It has been over 2 years now. I love this man still to this point. I love him more each day. I have been in a relationship that has offered more and when it was over I did move on, but with this one I can not. I never felt this way before. What's happening to me? I have prayed and prayed but am still unable to let go, We have spoken from time to time, just everyday things How he's doing. How the business is doing. Where he lives. Where he works. He even tells me how much he makes. But we have not seen each other in over 2 years. What is going on? Why is it hard for me to cut my loses? I never held on to anything this long when it was over.
D., Florida
Dear D:
I'm so sorry you've been going through such a terrible time. When something awful happens unexpectedly (finding out about his other woman and being betrayed), we often find it difficult to accept. It's as if our brain just won't take it in. I'm very concerned about you because you seem to be spiraling into a deeper depression. When we lose someone (whether through death, divorce or break-up, etc.) we grieve. Sometimes the grief becomes what's called "morbid grief," meaning it goes on longer than seems appropriate and is more severe. One reason your grief continues unabated is because you keep talking to this person (even casually). That might work fine for him, but it's devastating for you. You must take some clear actions to separate yourself from this person, his memory and the attachment you feel. You must take steps to create a new life. It seems to me that you've been sleepwalking for 2 years and it's time for you to force yourself to wake up. If you can afford to see a counselor in your area, please do that. You might benefit from some short-term medication to help you get through the worst of the stuck energy. Unfortunately, this is a clear case of things remaining stagnant until you take some actions on your own behalf. Once you do that, the wheel will turn again and you'll find joy in your life in other ways. Allow for the possibility of a new relationship. Someone you can trust, this time. My thoughts are with you.
Lynda
I dated this guy for 14 months. We broke up due to his ex that he dated for 5 years. When I found out about the affair, he told me the truth and said that he did not want to lose me but in the end her 5 years won and I became the enemy. It has been over 2 years now. I love this man still to this point. I love him more each day. I have been in a relationship that has offered more and when it was over I did move on, but with this one I can not. I never felt this way before. What's happening to me? I have prayed and prayed but am still unable to let go, We have spoken from time to time, just everyday things How he's doing. How the business is doing. Where he lives. Where he works. He even tells me how much he makes. But we have not seen each other in over 2 years. What is going on? Why is it hard for me to cut my loses? I never held on to anything this long when it was over.
D., Florida
Dear D:
I'm so sorry you've been going through such a terrible time. When something awful happens unexpectedly (finding out about his other woman and being betrayed), we often find it difficult to accept. It's as if our brain just won't take it in. I'm very concerned about you because you seem to be spiraling into a deeper depression. When we lose someone (whether through death, divorce or break-up, etc.) we grieve. Sometimes the grief becomes what's called "morbid grief," meaning it goes on longer than seems appropriate and is more severe. One reason your grief continues unabated is because you keep talking to this person (even casually). That might work fine for him, but it's devastating for you. You must take some clear actions to separate yourself from this person, his memory and the attachment you feel. You must take steps to create a new life. It seems to me that you've been sleepwalking for 2 years and it's time for you to force yourself to wake up. If you can afford to see a counselor in your area, please do that. You might benefit from some short-term medication to help you get through the worst of the stuck energy. Unfortunately, this is a clear case of things remaining stagnant until you take some actions on your own behalf. Once you do that, the wheel will turn again and you'll find joy in your life in other ways. Allow for the possibility of a new relationship. Someone you can trust, this time. My thoughts are with you.
Lynda
posted by Lynda Hilburn @ 6:20 PM
