Feeling Hopeless

Dear Lynda:
I will soon turn 44, and I am completely lost. After 20 years of marriage, I divorced in 2004/2005 . I recently moved to Tennessee to be close to my family. Unfortunately, I reconciled with my ex last June and made the move with him. And, of course, things are not going well at all the second time around. My question is, what path do I take or direction do I look in as far as a job or career so I can support myself financially? If I could just support myself I would end this dead-end nightmare of a relationship and be perfectly content being alone. Which I feel I already am. I have been a wife and mother for 20 years, and I feel I have no real skills. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia 8 years ago, but as a true Scorpio, I deal with it and move on. At this point I have no job , no car of my own and of course very little money to go back to school. I feel powerless . And yes , I know he likes it this way because he is in control. I am starting to lose my sparkle of uniqueness, along with my identity and passion . We are both Scorpios. I need to rise like the phoenix from the ashes and start living life. I feel that I can work but I just don't know what direction to go. If you could please help, it would be deeply appreciated.
Evesgarden, TN

Dear Evesgarden:
First, I get the overwhelming sense that things are on the upswing. As I look ahead -- even short-term -- things seem to be improving a lot. Even as soon as late Fall, you'll notice good news arriving. I see several things: an unused writing skill, healing/caring abilities, and management aptitudes. That doesn't mean you'll go and work for a big corporation. That means you might discover -- in a very small business -- an opportunity to take charge in some way and organize things. You might not believe you have those skills, but I think they're in your blueprint. You might have to start out small in a job you wouldn't wish to keep for a long time. I know fibromyalgia makes you tired and achy, and the last thing you want to do is work those muscles, etc. But there is research that shows the more you can work those muscles, the better you'll feel. And I'm sure you already know that there's a heavy emotional component in that illness (which is why anti-depressant meds often help). In fact, I've seen it shift radically when the sufferer's mental state/ideas/beliefs change. So, hang in there. All the work has to be mental now: you have to prepare for the changes you're going to make. You do have skills and abilities and you WILL get a job. Soon. But, you won't get a job until you actually want one. Look at that issue honestly. It isn't easy to be the phoenix rising. And, here's another thing, but I have mixed feelings about it. I see another man coming. OK. I know it's often easier to use a new man to get away from the old one, but that isn't ideal. But, maybe ideal isn't necessary at first. So, when this fellow shows up, let him motivate you. Let him emotionally support you. But don't get yourself caught up into another dead-end relationship. Until you take the time to change your beliefs/patterns, all you can attract is more of what you already have. I recommend that you check out www.abraham-hicks.com. Esther Hicks is an awesome motivational transformer. Her work is grounded and joyful. Just what you need. Hang on. It's getting better. Really.
Lynda