The Psychic Counselor

Do you have questions about life changes? Emotional concerns? Relationship issues? Spiritual matters? Send your questions to The Psychic Counselor, Lynda Hilburn, and check back here for your answers. Or you can read through the previous posts (check the Archives) to find answers you didn't even have questions for! [*LyndaSoul isn't my name -- it's the combo of my first name with the first word in the name of my hypnotherapy training school.]

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Seeking Her Lifemate

I need guidance and confirmation of what I should do regarding my personal life. I have been separated from my old boyfriend for nearly 2.5 years; we had been together for nine years before this. Last Christmas it seemed as if we were nearing reconciliation but when I asked him if he had decided if he wanted to spend his life with me, he was still uncertain. So, in Feb. I began to date another man and it was only then that my old boyfriend decided that he wanted to marry me! I declined his offer as I didn’t want (and couldn’t frankly believe) that this reactionary response to my new relationship was sincere. Now my new romance has ended and I would like to get back together with my old boyfriend, but I don’t know if it is a hopeless cause and/or even for my highest good. I just turned 40 this summer and I am so tired of being alone; all I ever wanted as an adult woman was to be married to a wonderful man…why hasn’t this happened? Is marriage in the cards for me and if you could give me an idea as to how long I need to wait. I live in a remote area and there are not a lot of opportunities to meet men here, so I am wondering how and where I might meet the man that I am to share this life with.

P.S.: Another psychic told me that she senses that I am a very old spirit who is perhaps living my last mortal life. She said, this time I should get it right in the love dept. Do you get the same sense?

Thank you for your talents and guidance.

CH, Colorado

Dear CH:
One of the difficult things about being fearful about something is that we attract the very outcome that we don't want. In general, if we want "x," and instead of daydreaming, fantasizing about how wonderful it will be to have "x," how great it makes us feel to have "x," we constantly notice "x" isn't here. We tend to spend 99% of our time worrying about "x," fixating on when "x" will show up. Unfortunately, whatever we focus on, we get more of. So right now you're getting lots of evidence of "x isn't here." My general feeling is that your desire to have your former boyfriend back is a fear reaction. The notion that even something that doesn't feel good is better than nothing. Your intuition was on-target when you declined his (fear-based) offer when you were with the other fellow. One of the soundbites that Phil McGraw (Dr. Phil) frequently utters that I happen to agree with is, "we teach people how to treat us." If we're willing to settle for crumbs -- if we believe that's all we deserve (usually unconsciously) -- then crumbs is what we'll get. Can't live on crumbs. So, here's what I think: the moment you give yourself permission to stop worrying about the mate issue, the moment you relax and turn your focus to something you actually enjoy, something unexpected will happen. I don't see your mate being the former guy. I see someone absolutely new entering the picture. It really doesn't matter what joyful actions you take to make this happen: internet dating, etc. The joyful part is all that matters. You seem to have some ideas about yourself and men that aren't helpful, so you might do a bit more compassionate self-exploration. Whatever happened in the past is only a major element in your future if you keep your attention on it.

I don't share the spiritual philosophy offered by the other psychic you mentioned. I believe that our choice to be on Earth is a joyful one, gleefully chosen because we seek experiences. All kinds of experiences. In the larger perspective, absolutes don't exist (good vs. bad, etc.). It is only when we look at life with our limited understanding that we think things are inexplicable. Or if we have a fear/punishment-based perspective. You have as much opportunity to have a wonderful love experience in this lifetime as in any other. It isn't decided outside of you. You are the chooser. Honest.