Unwelcome Guests
Dear Lynda:
I'm writing to you today because I have a few concerns and I am hoping you might be able to give me some answers. Not only for my peace of mind but, mostly for my Mother's . I'm 28 years old and I live at home with my mom and 9 year old sister. Almost 3 years ago, my mom's brother, wife and daughter had plans to move to Las Vegas. They told their landlord they were moving out and to find someone else to rent the house to. At the last moment they had a fight with their older daughter, who already lived in Vegas and they were unable to move in with her, so they had nowhere to go. My mom being the caring and helping person that she is, offered to help them out by letting them move in with us for a couple months. She told them, she would only charge them $ 300 per month to help them save money and get their own place in Vegas. Now, it's been almost three years and apparently they can't afford to move out on their own. The problem is that the only income they can count on is my uncle's paycheck. His wife is disabled and she gets about $800 a month from disability but, she is a careless, selfish, money spending slob, who only cares about herself and is not willing to help better their situation. My cousin and aunt are both the same, they are dirty, lazy and all they want to do is be out in the streets and spend money. They lie to my uncle to get money from him all the time, not to mention they eat fast food all day long. My mother is so stressed out, I'm afraid she is going to have a nervous breakdown. According to my aunt, she says that she she has gone to look at a few apartments and houses for rent, but I don't see how that is possible when she sleeps all day long and the only time she leaves the house is pretty much at night. She is such a liar. So, that is one of my concerns. The other one is that last week she came to me and said she wanted to tell me something, but I had to promise not to tell anyone. She told me that morning my cousin ( 21 years old) received a phone call from her doctor telling her that she has cervical cancer. My aunt told me not to say anything to anyone because, my cousin doesn't want anyone to know. Not even her Dad. I asked my aunt, then why are you telling me and she said, "because I trust you!" I think that my aunt is lying because my cousin doesn't even seem upset or worried.
I don't know what to think. Maybe she just told me that, so I can tell my mom and make her feel sorry for them and they can stay longer. What do you think? Do you see them moving out anytime soon? And, do you think, that my cousin might have cervical cancer? Please help!!!
Jessica
Dear Jessica:
This is one of those times when there are no easy answers. And this is your mother's task to deal with -- not yours. Sometimes it is hard for us to watch loved ones struggle, and we wish we could take the burden from them. But remember that your mother's spirit/inner wisdom brought her to this situation for some important reason. A reason that only she knows (unconsciously). She must set her boundaries and ask her brother and his family to leave. Nothing will change until your mother takes that step. She has to take responsibility for her own wellbeing and happiness, and you can't do that for her. Of course, you can take responsibility for your own by finding your own place to live, if that would be helpful for you. Your relatives will continue to be a financial/emotional/mental drain on your household until your mother makes a new decision. After your mother makes that new decision and sets new boundaries, things will get a lot better for her.
I have no medical intuitive-type knowledge, so I can't give you any insights about your cousin's state of health. What I can tell you is that whatever is going on with your cousin and your aunt definitely involves money problems.
Once again, nothing will improve until your mother takes a stand. This isn't about when/if your relatives will leave. It's about when your mother makes that happen. This is her challenge. Let her take it on.
Lynda
I'm writing to you today because I have a few concerns and I am hoping you might be able to give me some answers. Not only for my peace of mind but, mostly for my Mother's . I'm 28 years old and I live at home with my mom and 9 year old sister. Almost 3 years ago, my mom's brother, wife and daughter had plans to move to Las Vegas. They told their landlord they were moving out and to find someone else to rent the house to. At the last moment they had a fight with their older daughter, who already lived in Vegas and they were unable to move in with her, so they had nowhere to go. My mom being the caring and helping person that she is, offered to help them out by letting them move in with us for a couple months. She told them, she would only charge them $ 300 per month to help them save money and get their own place in Vegas. Now, it's been almost three years and apparently they can't afford to move out on their own. The problem is that the only income they can count on is my uncle's paycheck. His wife is disabled and she gets about $800 a month from disability but, she is a careless, selfish, money spending slob, who only cares about herself and is not willing to help better their situation. My cousin and aunt are both the same, they are dirty, lazy and all they want to do is be out in the streets and spend money. They lie to my uncle to get money from him all the time, not to mention they eat fast food all day long. My mother is so stressed out, I'm afraid she is going to have a nervous breakdown. According to my aunt, she says that she she has gone to look at a few apartments and houses for rent, but I don't see how that is possible when she sleeps all day long and the only time she leaves the house is pretty much at night. She is such a liar. So, that is one of my concerns. The other one is that last week she came to me and said she wanted to tell me something, but I had to promise not to tell anyone. She told me that morning my cousin ( 21 years old) received a phone call from her doctor telling her that she has cervical cancer. My aunt told me not to say anything to anyone because, my cousin doesn't want anyone to know. Not even her Dad. I asked my aunt, then why are you telling me and she said, "because I trust you!" I think that my aunt is lying because my cousin doesn't even seem upset or worried.
I don't know what to think. Maybe she just told me that, so I can tell my mom and make her feel sorry for them and they can stay longer. What do you think? Do you see them moving out anytime soon? And, do you think, that my cousin might have cervical cancer? Please help!!!
Jessica
Dear Jessica:
This is one of those times when there are no easy answers. And this is your mother's task to deal with -- not yours. Sometimes it is hard for us to watch loved ones struggle, and we wish we could take the burden from them. But remember that your mother's spirit/inner wisdom brought her to this situation for some important reason. A reason that only she knows (unconsciously). She must set her boundaries and ask her brother and his family to leave. Nothing will change until your mother takes that step. She has to take responsibility for her own wellbeing and happiness, and you can't do that for her. Of course, you can take responsibility for your own by finding your own place to live, if that would be helpful for you. Your relatives will continue to be a financial/emotional/mental drain on your household until your mother makes a new decision. After your mother makes that new decision and sets new boundaries, things will get a lot better for her.
I have no medical intuitive-type knowledge, so I can't give you any insights about your cousin's state of health. What I can tell you is that whatever is going on with your cousin and your aunt definitely involves money problems.
Once again, nothing will improve until your mother takes a stand. This isn't about when/if your relatives will leave. It's about when your mother makes that happen. This is her challenge. Let her take it on.
Lynda
posted by Lynda Hilburn @ 7:41 AM
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