The Light Returns
I hope that you can give me some insight. I am 35, out of a job and am terribly confused. I'm highly educated and have held numerous well-paying positions in the past, but none of them have ever felt right to me. In fact, everything I've ever done felt so wrong, I've always felt like a fish out of water. I've been soul searching since I was at least 13 about how I can contribute in this world but it has not lead to any enlightenment. In fact, everything I try, sooner or later ends up feeling so wrong that I feel nauseous every morning. I can't believe that I'm not meant to do anything in this life! There must be something that I can do, but I'm drawing a blank on what to do next and feel so stuck. This stagnation is spilling over into other areas of my life. My husband and I would really like to have a baby but have been unable to become pregnant. Do you see success in my future in this arena? I would appreciate any thoughts. Thank you!
I'm so sorry things have been so difficult. I know how hard it is to keep going in the midst of despair. The best thing I can tell you is that the darkest portion of the night is behind you. At least for this phase of your life. (We all go through cycles of challenges.) Oddly, the strongest thing I see is a relocation. A rather large geographic move. I get the idea that you've done things in the past because of "shoulds, oughts and musts," and that always backfires. I wish I could tell you that I see a pregnancy in your present or near future, but I'm not getting any indication of that yet. But you are entering a time where things will begin to feel "right" to you. Lots of opportunities will present themselves between now and the turning of the next year, and there seems to be a positive shine on that time period. That means you should make a list of every single thing that you feel passionate about, from the smallest to the grandest, and take at least one tiny step every day to move toward your desires. I can see that things have been awful over the past few years, but I promise the wheel is turning and you will like the result. Even though you said that you and your husband wish to have a child, I would ask you to have an honest discussion with him to make sure you both really are on the same page. Please keep me posted.