Letting Go

Dear Lynda:
My ex-boyfriend and I had a bad break-up (very emotional, there was a betrayal on his part, deep depression and alcohol abuse on my part. As a result, I finally checked myself into the hospital and got some help for my depression, which was overwhelming). Clearly, I have dependency issues, and I’m working on that. But here’s the question: I have made considerable efforts in writing to express forgiveness toward him, responsibility for my own part of the failure, and acceptance of our current situation. I’m even moving out of the city, and I have not tried to see him or call him in weeks. The last time we talked, he said that when he was ready for a committed relationship he was going to hunt me down. So, I am trying to move forward but also holding on in my heart. What confuses me is that there were some practical matters that needed to be taken care of (exchange of keys, money, etc.), and he has not responded to any of my written requests that we take care of these matters. He has not responded to my writing, period. I had to cut the lock off of the storage shed that we share because I couldn’t get him to return the key --- the shed is on my property. Why can’t he/won’t he respond to me at all, even though I am making no demands of him emotionally or asking to see him, begging that we get back together, or any of that? Why the complete silence?
Sad curlygirl

Dear Sad: He isn't responding because he doesn't want to. Holding onto what he said about "hunting you down" will only bring you grief. Unfortunately, some men are more courageous than others, and the one you're talking about isn't courageous at all. At least not emotionally. Let go of expecting to hear from him. None of the practical matters are important. He has already moved on, and I hope you'll allow yourself to do the same. You'll only hurt yourself by not seeing him clearly.