Painful Pattern

Dear Lynda:
My ex-girlfriend broke up with me four months ago, and she has a boyfriend now. She broke up with me because she told me she is straight and doesn't want to end up with a woman, but I think it was because of this guy. I still think about her a lot and feel deep down that I still love her, even though I know she's moved on already. How can I stop hoping she'll come back to me? How can I get over her?
B, Vacaville, CA

Dear B:
One of the hardest things to deal with when we break up with a love partner is facing that the pain we feel has nothing to do with the other person, and has everything to do with something within ourselves. No matter how fixated we are on the other person, she/he is only a symbol for an old pain -- a piece of unfinished business -- a familiar pattern, deep inside us. It doesn't really matter what reason this woman gave you for moving on. It isn't important what her sexual orientation is. What matters is that you (not consciously) chose a person who couldn't be there for you. A person you never allowed yourself to see clearly. A person who is acting out an old emotional situation for you. In general, your beliefs ARE your reality. So, instead of focusing on anything about her (honest, it has nothing to do with her), explore what underlying pattern is playing out here. What beliefs are being manifested? If you don't understand why you create these things, you'll do it again. And, I suspect you're getting tired of that, yes?
Lynda