What Happened?
Dear Lynda:
I dated a man 25 years ago who was quite a bit older than I. We ended our relationship, went our separate ways, and lost touch. A couple of years ago we were reunited via the internet (email) and have been in touch on and off during this time -- as friends only, nothing more. I, of course, still have some feelings for this man and he made it clear that the feeling was mutual from his side. Neither of us had ever forgotten the other. He has now stopped writing for almost a year, with no explanation, no response to any emails I have sent. I would like to know what has happened, why he has ceased contact with me. Have I done something wrong? Is he ok? I am very confused and do not understand his behavior. Thank you for any insight you can give me.
Pamela, Berthoud, CO
Dear Pamela:
I have a couple of thoughts about your situation. First, I think your friend's idea about what "friend" means was very different from yours. It was absolutely true that he held you in high regard. But I think you always attached more significance to the feelings you had than he did. So, since he considered you a friend -- and one who wasn't a daily participant in his physical life experience -- it was easy for him to get sidetracked and focus elsewhere. Second, I think your friend has gone through -- and may still be going through -- an illness or difficult situation of some kind. If you wish to contact him truly as only a friend (and you'll have to be honest about this), you can send a card which says something brief like: I just wanted to check in with you to make sure all is well." Or some such. And, if you know anyone who knows him, you could do the same, gentle check in. If he doesn't respond to your card, let it/him go. Send him compassionate thoughts and turn your attention back to the areas of your life that you feel good about. Best wishes,
Lynda
I dated a man 25 years ago who was quite a bit older than I. We ended our relationship, went our separate ways, and lost touch. A couple of years ago we were reunited via the internet (email) and have been in touch on and off during this time -- as friends only, nothing more. I, of course, still have some feelings for this man and he made it clear that the feeling was mutual from his side. Neither of us had ever forgotten the other. He has now stopped writing for almost a year, with no explanation, no response to any emails I have sent. I would like to know what has happened, why he has ceased contact with me. Have I done something wrong? Is he ok? I am very confused and do not understand his behavior. Thank you for any insight you can give me.
Pamela, Berthoud, CO
Dear Pamela:
I have a couple of thoughts about your situation. First, I think your friend's idea about what "friend" means was very different from yours. It was absolutely true that he held you in high regard. But I think you always attached more significance to the feelings you had than he did. So, since he considered you a friend -- and one who wasn't a daily participant in his physical life experience -- it was easy for him to get sidetracked and focus elsewhere. Second, I think your friend has gone through -- and may still be going through -- an illness or difficult situation of some kind. If you wish to contact him truly as only a friend (and you'll have to be honest about this), you can send a card which says something brief like: I just wanted to check in with you to make sure all is well." Or some such. And, if you know anyone who knows him, you could do the same, gentle check in. If he doesn't respond to your card, let it/him go. Send him compassionate thoughts and turn your attention back to the areas of your life that you feel good about. Best wishes,
Lynda
posted by Lynda Hilburn @ 5:01 PM
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