Going Through a Rough Patch

Dear Lynda:
My partner and I are going through a rough patch and it's a bad time in his life. He is not very well and is struggling in his life, which has put an enormous strain on our relationship. I'm always there for him. I love him very much, but he's pushing me away. Lately, I have the suspicion that I may be pregnant. It's too early to do a test, and would like to know if you sense anything? Also, if I'm pregnant, can you sense if the baby will be ok and if our relationship will survive? Will my partner be ok? I'm desperately worried. Thanks for your time.
Nikki, Denver, CO

Dear Nikki:
I don't see any evidence of pregnancy, and since there is so much chaos in your relationship, I'm very glad of that. I do see evidence of some kind of substance problem, depression and the image of two horses pulling a wagon, each one trying to go in a different direction. I'm sure that you know we can't make anyone see things the way we see them, nor can we really exert enough continuous willforce to cause someone to walk the path we want them to walk. It is impossible to worry a relationship into holding together. Either it is healthy and you can allow it to unfold naturally, or it isn't going to work. I mention that because it seems to me that you are doing all the work in the relationship, and that never works. Take a step back, breathe, and allow your partner to accept his share of the responsibility. If he doesn't, nothing that you do can change that. Sometimes we have to accept that other people may be self-destructive and beyond being loving, caring, compassionate and offering resources, there is nothing else we can do.
Lynda