Heartbroken
Dear Lynda:
I was told on Friday by the man I've had a relationship with for the last seven years that he has been seeing someone else for the last six weeks. The woman he's seeing is married. He said he loves me, but he's not in love with me right now. He feels that he's falling in love with this married woman. Then he tells me he's broken and needs to be fixed. He called me on Monday and asked how I was doing. I said, "How do you think I'm doing? I'm at a loss here." I'm so heartbroken that I can't eat or sleep. How long do I wait to see if this is just an infatuation or if our relationship is really over? I need advice, please.
Kathy
Denver, CO
Dear Kathy:
I can only imagine how hurt you are. Betrayal of trust is a heart-wrenching pain. I'm afraid I won't be able to say much that will give you hope about this relationship. Let me ask gently if you've given any thought yet to the signs you've missed along the way? The other things this person has done that you didn't want to see? This feels like a longer, deeper issue than just something that has emerged over the last six weeks. I suspect that, if you really ask yourself honestly, you know that. Let's take the focus away from this man for a moment, and discuss this in general. On some level, you've asked for change. For growth. For depth. Continuing to hide in the status quo will not allow you to achieve those things. Refusing to see this man as he truly is won't create the life you want. You are at a crossroads. You must choose. You must act and not just react. It doesn't matter how long this man romances the married woman. All that matters is that he was deeply dishonest with you and that is his nature. He is dishonest with himself. If you stay, frozen in fear, waiting for him to come to his senses you'll be disappointed. Not only is he untrustworthy, but he'll show you that again and again. If you value yourself so little, nothing good can happen. If you are willing to walk through the fire and let this man go, something so much better is on the other side. You deserve more.
Lynda
I was told on Friday by the man I've had a relationship with for the last seven years that he has been seeing someone else for the last six weeks. The woman he's seeing is married. He said he loves me, but he's not in love with me right now. He feels that he's falling in love with this married woman. Then he tells me he's broken and needs to be fixed. He called me on Monday and asked how I was doing. I said, "How do you think I'm doing? I'm at a loss here." I'm so heartbroken that I can't eat or sleep. How long do I wait to see if this is just an infatuation or if our relationship is really over? I need advice, please.
Kathy
Denver, CO
Dear Kathy:
I can only imagine how hurt you are. Betrayal of trust is a heart-wrenching pain. I'm afraid I won't be able to say much that will give you hope about this relationship. Let me ask gently if you've given any thought yet to the signs you've missed along the way? The other things this person has done that you didn't want to see? This feels like a longer, deeper issue than just something that has emerged over the last six weeks. I suspect that, if you really ask yourself honestly, you know that. Let's take the focus away from this man for a moment, and discuss this in general. On some level, you've asked for change. For growth. For depth. Continuing to hide in the status quo will not allow you to achieve those things. Refusing to see this man as he truly is won't create the life you want. You are at a crossroads. You must choose. You must act and not just react. It doesn't matter how long this man romances the married woman. All that matters is that he was deeply dishonest with you and that is his nature. He is dishonest with himself. If you stay, frozen in fear, waiting for him to come to his senses you'll be disappointed. Not only is he untrustworthy, but he'll show you that again and again. If you value yourself so little, nothing good can happen. If you are willing to walk through the fire and let this man go, something so much better is on the other side. You deserve more.
Lynda
posted by Lynda Hilburn @ 12:01 PM
<< Home