Inching Forward

Hi Lynda: I don't really know what to do with myself. I'm 26, I've had a thousand jobs, been to college, currently attend University and will need to reenter the workforce soon. I seem to hate everything. I have no friends and I have alienated all of my roommates. I have sought help professionally about clinical depression and personality disorders but the problem seems to be something idiotic and unchangeable about me. I can't think of things to say to people, I can't think of anything to do with my life. When I look at my life it seems like it's always been going in this direction. My face looks like it couldn't lead any other life. I rarely smile, I'm quick to anger, over-sensitive and mean without even realizing. Basically, it seems hopeless and I've tried everything. I really do try. I don't even know what you can tell me. I'm sure you will say it isn't as hopeless as it feels. I always have epiphanies about where my future lies and have some faith for some time, but I've been disappointed so many times by myself and everybody else that I'm just really tired of having hope that leads nowhere and a life that may be rich with experience but lacking in substance or wisdom. I don't want pity, I just want to know if you have any idea what I should do next. Maybe you get a feeling or something.
Thanks, Lorelei

Dear Lorelei: You already know there are usually no easy answers. Your email reminds me of a client I saw the other day at the community mental health center I work for. She not only has a couple of intense mental health diagnoses, but she also has a few budding physical problems and many, many bad mental habits, acquired through years of self-hatred and self-medicating. She wasn't a happy camper at the end of our session. I suspect she was hoping for the magic pill. I certainly wish such a thing existed. I gave her good advice, and I hope she makes another appointment. But I'm familiar with situations like yours -- both from listening to clients and from my own experiences. If you're willing to take a multi-modal approach and tiny baby steps, change can happen. I know I'm preaching to the choir here, but it can be a challenging process to find the right psych meds at the right dosage. In the meantime, your brain chemistry pendulum swings wildly from one side to the other. When that happens, it's tempting to give up. To just surrender to the darkness and hopelessness. As I've written about before, HSPs (highly sensitive persons) aren't marching to the same drummer as most others. Please go to your local library and see if they have any books on the topic. Or go to your closest book store. You'll find yourself in those pages. You can also read the article on my website (www.lyndahilburn.com). It's likely you're sensitive to everything: sounds, lights, people, energy, sugar, caffeine, useless carbs in general, and your hormones will need to be monitored. Also, we don't truly begin to inhabit our bodies and get a grip on our desires until we navigate the ages 27-33. You're on the entry ramp. I can look at your tarot cards and see lots of difficulty. But that's useless information. At any moment, you can change your magnetic focus. Is it easy? Probably not. Can you inch your way there. Absolutely. Please find a great therapist to work with in your area and give yourself the time it will take to get better. Seriously. Keep me posted.
Lynda