The Psychic Counselor

Confusing Relationship

2010-01-30T21:38:00.000-08:00

Hi Lynda: It is for the first time I am sending an email like this and reaching out to someone I don't know. I hope you would be able to clear some of my doubts. A year ago, I met this man and we have a wonderful connection. However, he is Indian and has a different race and religion than mine. I thought this might be an issue with us coming together for a lifetime but he spent hours trying to convince me that it wouldn't be the case and we shall be able to work it out. A year of a wonderful time later, we broke up. Or rather, he broke up with me. However, I am not sure I understand what the real reason was. He mentioned vaguely that tragedy has struck his house lately and in this he feels he might be betraying his single mom by marrying a foreigner and so on. The current state of affairs is that I am disillusioned/mad and I am not exactly even civil to him when we speak. On the other hand, he is quite sweet to me. When I have lashed out at him for promising what he couldn't deliver, he just tells me he is confused. At other times, he just listens silently and then hugs me. This is a very vocal and aggressive guy otherwise and his behavior is very strange. His friends tell me that he has become extremely aggressive after breaking up with me and secluded, but he has turned almost docile towards me. I can literally walk all over him without any angry word from him. Now, I am confused. I am not even sure what I want out of this relationship or whatever is left of it. My parents of course, are more than happy that I am now free to date someone who isn't as foreign to us, but I don't really care about this. I want to know where this is going, where this would do. In my heart I have broken up with him and I don't really get sad or mental about it, but strange events keep on throwing us back and I get bewildered and annoyed. It is as if there is something binding us together, and neither of us seems to break all connections even though I, especially, want to do it. And it is not because of falling prey to emotions and going back to each other. Again, I just want to know what would happen to this. I am so confused. Thanks so much
Maria

Maria: Sometimes there is a long time period of confusion after a breakup. Both parties are unable to fully let go, and the hopes and dreams of the past continue to tie the individuals together. If you are serious about ending the connection, take some steps in that direction. Change your patterns. Meet new people. I see reluctance on the part of your friend to step into the unknown. And I see pressure being exerted on him by someone close to him. Be honest with yourself and with him and act accordingly. June is a very important month for you regarding romance. Pay close attention to the person you are most attracted to then. In the meantime, figure out what else matters to you. What else is important in addition to relationship?
Lynda

Enjoy the Journey

2010-01-30T21:30:00.000-08:00

Hello Lynda: My name is Debra and I've had "experiences" since I was little. I have always rationalized them or brushed them off. Recently, I had an appointment in a place I had never been before. I showed up to the wrong building and found myself experiencing something I've never felt before. In this vacant building (I didn't think was vacant because of the doors closing and footsteps) I found myself looking into a room from two different view points. One I could actually see with my eyes and one I could see in my mind's eye. It was very strange and I really don't have the understanding to put what exactly I experienced into words. When I finally found the building I was supposed to be in, I explained what had just happened to me and the women I was speaking with said that she used to have an office space in that building and that it was "haunted." My question is, how to I go about getting answers to the questions I have about what I experienced in this event as well as developing any special abilities I may have? I really feel driven to find answers and I'm not finding them in the books I've been reading. Can you help me? Thank you!
Debra

Dear Debra: I think the experience you had was exciting. I love when those kinds of things happen to me. There really are some good books out there which can help you make sense of your tendencies. Start with your local library. In addition, check out class schedules at your local metaphysical book stores. Finding a good teacher is a powerful and helpful step. Seek out information about courses that deal with psychic abilities, mediumship, etheric energy, and general occult studies. Perhaps you might enjoy some pagan/wiccan classes. You are at the beginning of a wonderful path. Enjoy the journey!
Lynda

Personal Growth Instead

2010-01-30T21:09:00.000-08:00

Dear Lynda: I really hope you can help because I really need answers with this situation. It's constantly on my mind. Any advice you give me will be great. I am 18 yrs old and currently a high school senior. I have two months left and hopefully will finish on time but moving along that is not the problem. A week ago I ended a relationship with a guy I have been with for 3 months but you can say a year and two months of talking. When I first met him we felt an instant connection for each other but never really pursued it. I dated other people because I felt he might hurt me. During my other relationships I knew he still had feelings for me and sometimes he would show up at places he knew I would be just to see me. In Sept 09 on Labor Day he showed up and I was single. He told me again how he felt for me and I decided to give it a chance, since I could no longer deny my feelings for him. We started off great and you could say steamy. I felt something for him I didn't feel in a long time. When we were together it felt right and there were times I would sleep over with him and I would feel safe in his arms. The problem was he worked all the time. He is 20 yrs old and he supports his mother. He also has to send money to his daughter in so he works a lot to take care of these responsibilities. At first it didn't bother me much because I understood the things he had to do and I respected him for doing what he had to do. Even though he had all of these things on his plate he made time for me when he could and I was grateful for that. But when we are apart I wouldn't hear much from him. Sometimes he would let 3 days pass before he even thought to say anything to me. We had a talk about this and I told him that I don't need him to check up on me everyday and I don't ask for much. I would just like him to talk to me sometimes. He told me that's something he needs to work on and he would try to contact me. There are times he would and times he stopped. I didn't understand it and that led me to making the decision I made a week ago. What I don't understand is he tells me he cares about me a lot but his actions show differently sometimes. I just want to know if it was a mistake to leave him? And if he really cared for me? And why didn't he respond to me when I ended it if he truly cares? Thank you. I really hope you will answer.
FierceTika

Dear Fierce: My question to you has nothing to do with the fellow you wrote about. I want to know what you are doing for yourself? What are your goals for your future? Who do you want to be? Relationships are wonderful, but you are very young and it's appropriate for you to be thinking about your plans and your personal growth. The fellow you mentioned seemed overwhelmed. I guess I don't understand -- since there is so much you should be doing for yourself -- why you need to make him such a focus? We can't truly be authentic with anyone else until we find our own center -- our true self. When we're so busy getting in and out of relationships, our self-connection suffers. My advice? Take a break from guys, focus on charting a path into your future for yourself, and trust that the wise part of yourself will attract what you desire.
Lynda

Feeling the Pain of Others

2010-01-17T08:09:00.000-08:00

Hi Lynda: I don't know if you can give me any answers, but I have to ask. I had a rather strange experience in November where I felt 'off' (not sick) all day. I knew my aunt was expected to die within the next 24 - 48 hrs. When I went to bed about 1 am, as soon as my head hit the pillow I was in agony, it felt like someone had put a vice around my head and was tightening it, trying to get my head to explode and there were also huge waves of pain crashing through my head. It finally stopped around 3.30am and I was able to sleep but felt incredibly sad. I was woken by the phone about 8.30 am, my aunt had died a bit after 3 am. What I need to know is if it is possible that I felt her pain, or if my prayers asking for me to take her pain were answered. I've had numerous experiences ever since childhood where dreams have come true and when I just know that something is going to happen. Like when I was supposed to stay at a friends but on the way I had to ask them to take me home as I knew I was going to get a phone call, and sure enough I received a phone call about my Mum within minutes of getting home. Another experience was when I had a dream 2 nights in a row that my ex's car was written off in an accident, I told him about it and two days later he rang me quite shaken to tell me that he had just been in an accident and his car was a write off. I hope you are able to give me some answers or clarification about this.
Regards, K

Dear K: I think it's wonderful that you have such keen skills. My personal feeling is that it isn't necessary for you to actually have painful physical reactions when sensing someone's experiences. You can allow whatever is happening to flow through you -- leaving a clear perception of the problem area -- without having to "take on" the person's agony. As you start to sense a difficult situation, begin imagining and affirming that the person is finding peace. See/imagine/feel a wonderful light filling and surrounding them as you allow yourself to "know" they are transforming in a gentle way. Give yourself permission to take an emotional step back from whatever you are witnessing. When we first have these experiences, they tend to be very dramatic and traumatic. Over time, we can realize that the sensory information can present itself in a much more calm, detached way. Practice makes perfect, so to speak. I think this would be a good time for you to read some books about the techniques other sensitives use to keep themselves grounded and well. The library should provide abundant resources. Ask yourself what you want to do with your abilities. Do you wish to be of service?
Lynda

Young and Anxious

2010-01-17T07:58:00.000-08:00

Dear Lynda: I am really hoping you can help me. I understand that it is a long shot that you will answer my email but I sincerely hope you do. I am 19 years old and I officially dropped out of school when I was 15, though prior to that I never went to school that much, mostly because I couldn't handle what was going on at home. When school didn't really go very well I found it easier to run away from school than home. Now reaching my 20s I am scared. I have so much school anxiety and people anxiety and just life anxiety. I am frozen in fear and can't move. It isn't completely bad. I have my moments of, well, what I like to call "quiet encouragement" that comes from within but really I need it from an outside source as well because I don't want to become closed off from the world for the rest of my life. I don't want to become a hermit. I do genuinely want to help people and be the best that I can be, but all that I have had to go through and the drama still continues I feel almost -- I don't want to say doomed -- but I am getting desperate. Any advice or wisdom you have, I would greatly appreciate it! I have no idea what question is the right question. I am hoping you know exactly what I need to know and hear because, truthfully, I am lost. Though that being said, I realize that you may not have all the answers and you may not know what I need to know or hear but I am open to hearing whatever it is you have to say, truly I am. Thank you very much for reading this, if you did read this.
C

Dear C: Please read the advice I gave to the post directly below yours. Anxiety responds very well to counseling and medication. And, uncovering the source of the original and "echo" traumas through hypnotherapy and/or EMDR, can be life-changing. Don't despair. There are many empowering steps you can take. You're young enough to make the changes you desire. Take that first step.
Lynda

Negative Force?

2010-01-17T07:51:00.000-08:00

Hi Lynda: I've written before. I guess I'm just too often overwhelmed. I feel like I can see everything and it's usually pretty negative. I'm afraid that I am a negative force and I can be very superstitious about it. I seek signs in everything, license plates, timing, minimal social success, the weather, the wind. I have a life I should be grateful of but still I see the worst in things. I can't handle my tasks. I'm afraid people will find out something. I really don't know how to fulfill whatever potential I may have and feel frustrated. I have a wonderful boyfriend, but I call him or think of him as an ex. I often refer to him using the name of someone I have already dated. The problem always seems to be me. I can't remember things, it's like leading a clumsy life. The worst part is when people see it on me. I become angry and indignant. Any direction is valued. Thanks for reading,
subshive

Dear Subshive: I'm sorry things feel so frustrating. You're not a negative force. I think there might be a psychological/physiological reason for your difficulties. That's good news, because it means you can take steps to make positive changes. Find an excellent psychotherapist in your area, consider the possibility of helpful medication, and look into trauma therapies like EMDR. Your future is not dark. There is definitely light at the end of this chaotic tunnel. Keep me posted.
Lynda

What does the future hold?

2009-12-06T06:58:00.000-08:00

Dear Lynda: I'm 22, I have two amazing children, and I basically just want to make sure they will live long happy, healthy lives. I also was curious if their father and I will get back together again? If we did, would he ever change and be dependable, or will I find someone more worthwhile? I guess my biggest fear is being alone forever. And one last thing, I've recently been having financial issues, will I get re-grounded soon?
Thanks,
LV

Dear LV: While I can't know what choices your children will make in the future (to determine whether or not they live happy, healthy lives), I can say that in the near future, things look good for you and your kids. You are too young to even be thinking about being alone. And, keep in mind, that we get more evidence of what we focus on. If you want to find the best mate for you (and I hope some time passes before you get involved in another relationship -- it's good to have some times where we aren't thinking about one partner or another), imagine the feeling of being in a healthy, satisfying connection. That's the best way to attract it. Money looks like it will improve by February of 2010. Keep envisioning the life you want (not about any particular person being with you), and you'll begin to see evidence of that life.
Lynda

Picking Up Energy

2009-12-06T06:42:00.000-08:00

Hello Lynda: Thank you for taking the time to read this. I'm a 28 year old single mother, and am also a HSP. I've been like this since I could remember. My issue is that over the years I have worked hard to "work in" my gifts into my every day life, and maintain pretty well (as well as I can be) and yes its still difficult at times. But, my problem is that for the past couple of years I've started to 'absorb' energy more strongly, and frequently -- regardless of negative or positive. It takes such a strong toll on me physically and emotionally. With doing this (which is subconsciously being done) I tend to distance myself quite often and a lot of people take offense to it. With the harsh reality of judgemental society, this is something that is not easily understood without cruel responses. How can I make this easier on me? To where I no longer upset others? Also, I've noticed a change in my 'gut feelings'. The things I used to 'just know' are also becoming more vivid and detailed. Is that a good thing or no? I have to catch myself because sometimes I can give answers to simple questions before they're even done asking the question. People often approach me for advice and a shoulder to lean on, saying I'm always warm and comforting and always know just what to say. I really appreciate you helping me.
Sincerely, Ms. Nicole

Ms. Nicole: While I'm sure you are unaware of having made a choice to sense/feel more energy of all kinds, I rarely (actually never) find the increased sensitivity to be happening "separate" from us. I've often mentioned that the best way to limit how much vibrational information we collect is to make sure we are consistently grounded and we imagine being so full of our own positive energy (a cup overflowing), that we have no tendency to gather the vibes of others. And, when we do attract the vibes of others, we usually have an emotional reason for doing so. I wonder if you are volunteering too much feedback to others? Maybe people who aren't even asking for it? Simply because we know something doesn't mean we must be compelled to share that knowledge. It's sometimes intrusive and more about us than the person we're advising. I think you can make things easier on yourself by not telling people what you sense. If you are offering readings as part of your livelihood, then people who come to you will expect you to give your impressions, etc. But if you're not making a living at it, then it's inappropriate to share your opinions. Keep in mind that no matter how clear an impression might be for us, the interpretation is always questionable. We really can't ever completely KNOW for someone else. There's nothing wrong with you receiving stronger signals. If we desire that to happen, it easily does. And, if people are approaching you for guidance, you are absolutely doing something to allow that to happen. If you weren't wanting that, the energetic door wouldn't be open. So, look inside yourself and ask honest questions about your part in this process. As you get clearer and have better boundaries, this situation will feel more healthy.
Lynda

Where's the right job?

2009-12-06T06:26:00.000-08:00

Dear Lynda: Thank you very much for your previous advice, so I understand if you limit how many questions you can answer for one individual. Anyway I am writing in hopes of perspective, my spouse and I have decided that we are moving/changing jobs by next summer come what may -- life is too short to sacrifice quality of life in the name of career. We both feel really good that this is the year we are moving forward and while I don't know in what form it will happen, I keep trying to focus on the amazing opportunity that lay ahead for us. Meanwhile there is the day to day stress of trying to balance family and everything else. There are some jobs that I have applied, or and that I will apply for (so far a small number) but also a larger number of jobs that I qualify for and could apply for BUT my gut tells me they just aren't right. Many of these jobs are in locations that neither my spouse or I want to live but we are in a field that often requires you to move where the job is. However, the last two moves have been to places we didn't want to live and feel like we are at a point of leaving our field of work in order to be able to work somewhere we actually want to live. So I find myself torn between what I feel in my gut to be right and my brain saying but if you don't apply for more jobs you may not have any options by next summer (I am also wondering if I am dismissing something that I really shouldn't). At times I also wonder whether its just my current work environment or if its just the nature of this profession and that I won't be happy in a similar job elsewhere no matter where somewhere else is. I feel as if I am doing the right thing to ignore the jobs that don't seem right but I wonder if I don't have clear perspective about my own situation. I am trying hard to focus on the positive and not to make decisions based in fear but its hard to do that all of the time. Any perspective or insight would be much appreciated.
Thanks So Much,
Hopeful

Dear Hopeful: I think your dilemma is one of the most challenging: realizing that attracting the opportunity which will bring you the most joy depends on you keeping your focus on what you desire rather than "what is" -- yet finding it difficult to not get pulled into the "truth" of consensus reality. It's easy to be fearful. In fact, being fearful seems to be the rational response. But when we are filled with fear, all we can attract are more reasons to be fearful. What I try to do myself is to give just a little more attention (mentally, etc.) to what I want and a little less to everything else. Spend more time imagining how it will feel to be in the best job for you in the best location. You don't need to know what/where that is. Here's what I see for you, specifically, over the next few months: There is a positive, uplifting "bump" of energy coming right after the first of the year. That could translate into a job possibility. It starts out as a seed, then grows. It might be good keep your relationship on the front burner, too. Check in with your mate about her level of anxiety, which might be more intense and about different things than yours is. I'm confident 2010 will be a much better year for you. Keep me posted!
Lynda

Energy Overload

2009-10-29T19:13:00.000-07:00

Lynda: I have always been able to feel what others internal feelings are and I have no clue what to do with it. Now I have found others who have the same problems and I feel less insane than before because I am not the only one. So, last night was the worst because I was with a lot of people at the theatre play for school. My friend Mikki is going through a lot of crap with her ex boyfriend Shae and this guy she likes named Skyler. I feel her pain and misery, Shae's suicidal feelings and hurt, Skylers confusion and like for Mikki, and then my parents anger and pain. I feel as though I have lost my own sense of feeling and I just don't know what to do with it all. When I am alone I feel completely numb. Then with guys it's even worse because how am I supposed to know if I am feeling what they are feeling or what I am feeling. Last night I know I was feeling what this guy was feeling because I like this other guy, I think. But last night I thought I liked T because he likes me. Today now that I am alone, I realize that I do not like T, because I like J. J likes me too. This is all so confusing and I don't have a clue what to do with it all. I am begging for help. Sincerely and Thankfully.
Nicky

Nicky: It's easy to get caught up in feeling all the emotions in the world because we can. I remember when I discovered that just because I can feel something, doesn't mean I have to remain caught up in the energy. I can step out. I can distract myself. When I realized how much more amazing life was when I learned to be the compassionate witness -- not enmeshed -- rather than swimming around in the murky emotions of others. I can sense what I choose to sense and I don't have to do anything about it. Love and relationships are confusing enough without the added layer of reading emotions and energy over-stimulation. You might need to take a break from guys for a while so you can re-set your own personal boundaries. One way you can tell if a particular energy is helpful to you is by noticing if it feels good in your body or bad. If it feels bad, it's no help to you. Shift your attention to a good feeling. Use your imagination to create a positive feeling state and wallow in that one until you feel better. Remember, the way to keep the energy of others from overwhelming you is to ground yourself and fill yourself up so completely from the inside out with healthy and good energy that you simply overflow on everyone and everything around you. If you are saturating all your personal space with good vibes, there simply isn't any room for the opposite. Things will get better with practice.
Lynda

Mind Communication

2009-10-29T19:08:00.000-07:00

Lynda: Can a psychic vampire speak to your mind, without words? My next question, and I know I have to make this choice by myself. And right now I'm not ready, but when I am. How do I break the ties with him. Believe me I know he's bad for me. And he's not mine. And I know he never will be. But right now I'm happier than I have ever been. And I'm not ready to say good bye. Thank you so much for all your help.

Everyone has different skills and abilities. Expanded communication is not unusual and is experienced by most people. The problem with someone "speaking in your mind" is that usually that comes with some control tendencies. It takes both of you to give permission in order for those kinds of communications to occur. He isn't doing it to you. You're both in the dance. Unfortunately, whatever we try to push away simply gets stronger/bigger. When you are ready to let go of this person you already perceive as not good for you, you'll have to find something healthy to replace the negative addiction. Distract yourself with more positive, uplifting things. Change the attraction focus of your personal magnet. Best wishes.
Lynda

Time to Allow Yourself to Receive

2009-10-29T19:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Lynda: I'm currently living with family in Texas, but I'm originally from California. I was laid off from my job and am unemployed and basically starting from scratch again, since I sold most of my possessions to start over in a foreign country and it didn't work out. I've been back in the U.S. for 6 months now, looking for work here in Texas (near Austin) and also enjoying the break from work due to unemployment. Haven't yet found the right job and now that winter's approaching, the job market seems to be even slower. Maybe I just have to wait for the right thing to come along, but am not sure how long my unemployment funds will last.I've been deliberating about what my next move should be. I have a friend named Helen in California who would like me to return there and share her home which is in a mobile home park in Rohnert Park and find work there, share expenses (which she claims would be quite low), etc. I'm a California girl for sure, but am not sure it's the best place for me right now - partly because the job market there seems worse than here in Texas at this point. Also because I'm not sure how compatible Helen and I would be as room-mates and am not sure I want to leave my beloved pets that I brought here to Texas prior to leaving for Europe and the comfort of being with my brother, even if his views and belief system aren't completely in alignment with mine. I have adjusted to being here and feel comforted to be with family during these turbulent times, but I must admit I'm uncertain whether this could work out long-term either. My brother and his wife are older and living in a retirement community. I rent a room from them and we split our expenses 3-ways. So I'm wondering, first of all, whether my unemployment benefits will in fact be extended the end of this month (as I believe they may be) since the ones I have are running out. And I'm also wondering whether it would be best for me to stay put here in Texas and whether I am more likely to find work here, so that I can hopefully continue paying off the large debt I now have and possibly meet a life partner at some point. Or, whether it would be best for me to try out living with Helen in California even though I have concerns (even about astro-cartographical influences) there. Thank you so much for your response.
Raechel

Dear Raechel: Nice to hear from you again. This really isn't a bad time for you at all, from what I can see. Help is coming soon in many forms, including money (which may be the extended benefits). I think you should stay put for a while. California doesn't seem like a good decision to me for the next year at least. The energy around you is very fertile and rich. I think several interesting/good things are about to manifest. Use the skills you have to calm your mind and imagine the feelings you wish to experience in yourself. As you imagine those good feelings, you invite them closer. I see nothing that indicates you need to make any quick changes. Imagine receiving the good you desire. Sincerely, all appears well.
Lynda

Love Confusion

2009-07-22T05:44:00.000-07:00

Dear Lynda: I hope you can help with my love situation. I met my boyfriend on the porch. He was walking by and just said that I was pretty. The next day we got to know each other, and before I knew it we were dating and we became a couple. We shared everyday together. He picked me up when I came home from school, and we were always together. We introduced each other to each of our families and just had a connection. We had so much in common and we related to each other a lot. He told me everything. Even the deep dark secrets that he hasn't even told his father or previous girlfriends and I did the same. He was not at all afraid to call me his girlfriend and did not even look at anyone else because we were together everyday from 2:00 to 12:00. As soon as the end of June hit he first explained that he needed to spend time with his friend and I already knew this was true, because I asked his dad (I know, sneaky). After, his grandmother died and then he didn't want to be bothered. He started drinking and gave up on life (until someone convinced him). In the meantime this other boy likes me and cannot leave me alone and kissed me on my neck and he got upset. He broke up with me because of the boy and because he had "issues" now he forgave me because of the boy, he just has issues. He recently told me that he didn't need a girlfriend for a year because so much stuff is happening and he doesn't want me to feel neglected, but he still wants to hang out. I recently talked to him and he said he got drunk and had sex with another girl and I forgave him but told him he had another chance. I was talking to my mother for advice and she told me that basically that he was covering up and he already found someone else and that he didn't want me anymore. So I told him that we just don't need to be together and I asked him what he thought and he said that he doesn't want me with anyone else, and that he still is madly in love with me and doesn't care what people say (my mother). He says that he would get with me right now but it's too hard for him, and he doesn't know how to feel (about the situation of his grandmother dying and other issues). He said that he can't let me go and will not love another girl, and I talked to "outside resources" and they told me he doesn't even talk to other girls he just hangs with his friends. I love him too much to let him go and he feels the same. Something in my heart is telling me that he is the one, and my heart just will not say no other, nothing in my head is preventing that. He even told me that he always thinks about me, and frequently dreams about me. What should I do? Is he deceiving me or is he really telling the truth? Are we meant to be? Please give me answers I am desperate! Thank you very much for listening.
Alicia

Dear Alicia: This seems like a pretty intense and dramatic situation. It is normal for us to have lots of relationships when we are young. I don't think we're truly capable of making serious life decisions about mates, etc., until we are at least in our late 20s. See if you can shift your attention from males to thinking about who you are and who you want to be. I know it's easy to get caught up in relationship upheavals, but think about exploring what might happen if you change your focus. Your friend seems very confused and, like most young people, he doesn't know what he wants yet. Concentrate on yourself and your life and let the rest unfold naturally.
Lynda

Wondering

2009-07-05T10:02:00.000-07:00

Hi Lynda: I read your book, The Vampire Shrink, and I thought it was wonderful, because I could really relate to the characters since I have been known to interpret or understand peoples' emotions. Sometimes it feels like they're predictable or I can read through them. So, congratulations about that. The other thing is, well, it happened about a month ago or so. There's this guy I met six or seven years ago. He really made an impression on me since it's kind of hard for me to actually relate or connect with someone. I developed a crush on him, and even though I never told him, I still appeared in his life on a couple of occasions, with bad timing of course. The thing is, about a month ago, I was having one of my mood swings (last year I was diagnosed with Bipolar II) and had a hunch, so I wrote him an e-mail telling him how wonderful I thought he was, how I didn't expect him to get back to me or anything. I just wanted him to know that. Soon after, he sent me an e-mail on my birthday (May 12th) which is actually the same date as his, then we went out for coffee. I had the most amazing feeling around him, like something was really right. We could really talk. He was even as surprised as I was to find someone so similar yet, so different. I felt something there. The thing is, even though he said repeatedly that we should do it again, during the times I've spoken with him, he never asked me out again. I know he felt what I felt. I haven't heard from him in two weeks and I'm leaving my country for a couple of months. I just want to know what happened? Why if he felt the connection I felt, he won't even show interest in us being friends? I just want closure and to get over this overwhelming crush that's been haunting me for the past 6 years. I'd really appreciate your answer.
The Wonderer

Dear Wonderer: First, thanks so much for the kind words about my book. I'm happy you enjoyed it! I wish I had better news for you. I think this is a case of misinterpretation of information. I'm sure you felt all the things you mentioned, and you clearly sense something about this person that attracts you, but that doesn't mean your interpretation is accurate. We often believe, because we have a strong reaction to someone (positive or negative), that the feeling itself has meaning regarding our connection with that individual. I suspect the person you're talking about isn't looking for the same level of intensity you're seeking. I'm afraid I'm getting a rather large "no" about an ongoing relationship with this person. Perhaps it's time to shift your focus and to concentrate on making yourself as healthy, centered and satisfied as you can. Then allow the best mate for you to be attracted by what/who you are. I'm crossing my fingers that you'll open the other doors that are cracked open for you.
Lynda

Turn The Page

2009-06-15T11:24:00.000-07:00

Hi Lynda: My BF and I have been together for 3 yrs. I am 29 and he is 30. A few weeks ago, before he went away on an army exercise, he told me he wants a break to be alone as he never has been, to grow up and learn to appreciate me and his family. That he doubts he will ever find someone as compatible as me and that there is always hope for the future and that he does love me but the timing is wrong as with everything in his life. Because he is on exercise, he is uncontactable. I had arranged before he left to come over when he gets back. He said when telling me the above that I could still come over and we can go stay somewhere. He also said that he plans on us at least staying friends. My question is do you think he really does still love me or has he maybe found someone else (he swears blind he isn't even interested in finding another or going out and picking up)? and that he will still let me come over. If it is over I need the closure and I want to have a great weekend with good memories to at least solidify our friendship. I feel this man is my soul mate and that we are inextricably linked together and would love to grow old with him and hope that one day we will cross paths again if the timing isn't right now. I haven't heard from him since he left and his last msg as he went out of range said "I can't talk to you as we are going straight to the bay. I know you love me and you want to be together. You don't need to tell me that. I will try to ring you asap. I am not sure when that may be tho." It has been 2 weeks since then. And even tho I know he is out of range doubt is starting to creep into my thoughts and I am worried he will not call. Do you think he will? Thank you so much for any insight you may be able to share.
Fearful

Dear Fearful: I'm sure this isn't what you want to hear, but I think he told you very clearly how things are for him. Trying to hold on to someone who is no longer invested in a relationship is an exercise in futility. Here's the truth: love has nothing to do with clinging and being attached. Love is effortless. Love is joyful. Just love him in your heart, regardless of whether he contacts you or not. Let go of needing a particular outcome. Your email was very fearful and I understand how frightened you are. But I also know that fear is the opposite of love. And it's impossible to control another person. No matter how hard we try. I do think the two of you will be in contact again and I don't get a sense that he's deceiving you. I think he was very truthful with you. And, I think he's hoping to have other experiences in his life before he finally settles down. He does not feel the same way about the relationship that you do. Being friends is great if both parties really want that. If one party still wants it to be more, true friendship can't really happen. See if you can find other things in your life to give attention to. Stop fretting and being upset about him. You know that old saying (paraphrasing), "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was." Turn to the next page in your book and write something new. There is actually a wonderful surprise involving another person in your future.
Hugs, Lynda

Seeking The Full Banquet

2009-06-15T11:13:00.000-07:00

Hi Lynda: First, thanks for all your great advice. This blog is a real comfort! I was wondering what you could tell me about this man I've been involved with on and off for about three years. Our most recent break-up was the worst and left us not speaking. He travels for work and is away a lot. The strange thing is, I feel like I know when he comes to town. I get anxious, sometimes I get depressed for no reason, or I just start picturing him with me a lot. I wonder if my mind is just all tied up with what he's doing and he's oblivious to me, or we are continuing to fight on some psychic stage. I really feel like I'm moving on (even dating) until he comes around and then I start imagining that it was all these grand things that it probably wasn't. What is going on?
Questioner

Dear Questioner:
I believe it's normal for us to use our expanded senses. I'm often surprised by the fact that -- in this day and age -- we still don't understand that we are more than what we can cognitively explain. It is very common for us to get addicted to -- overly attached -- to another individual for one unhealthy reason or another. Sensing that person isn't unusual. I think we get confused because we clearly perceive an unconscious connection with the person, but we get hung up in the ways we attempt to explain/interpret what we sense. Simply because we "pick up" things from a person doesn't mean anything in particular beyond that. Keep in mind that you must have your psychic "radio station" tuned to that person's frequency in order for you to spend so much time sensing him. If you don't wish to live his life instead of your own, change your station. Sincerely. Turn your focus to what you'd rather have, rather than what was/is, and watch your life change for the better. If you find that difficult, perhaps you could work with a local counselor to discover why you'd rather re-experience "crumbs" rather than seek out a full banquet. Keep me posted.
Lynda

Inching Forward

2009-04-05T17:17:00.000-07:00

Hi Lynda: I don't really know what to do with myself. I'm 26, I've had a thousand jobs, been to college, currently attend University and will need to reenter the workforce soon. I seem to hate everything. I have no friends and I have alienated all of my roommates. I have sought help professionally about clinical depression and personality disorders but the problem seems to be something idiotic and unchangeable about me. I can't think of things to say to people, I can't think of anything to do with my life. When I look at my life it seems like it's always been going in this direction. My face looks like it couldn't lead any other life. I rarely smile, I'm quick to anger, over-sensitive and mean without even realizing. Basically, it seems hopeless and I've tried everything. I really do try. I don't even know what you can tell me. I'm sure you will say it isn't as hopeless as it feels. I always have epiphanies about where my future lies and have some faith for some time, but I've been disappointed so many times by myself and everybody else that I'm just really tired of having hope that leads nowhere and a life that may be rich with experience but lacking in substance or wisdom. I don't want pity, I just want to know if you have any idea what I should do next. Maybe you get a feeling or something.
Thanks, Lorelei

Dear Lorelei: You already know there are usually no easy answers. Your email reminds me of a client I saw the other day at the community mental health center I work for. She not only has a couple of intense mental health diagnoses, but she also has a few budding physical problems and many, many bad mental habits, acquired through years of self-hatred and self-medicating. She wasn't a happy camper at the end of our session. I suspect she was hoping for the magic pill. I certainly wish such a thing existed. I gave her good advice, and I hope she makes another appointment. But I'm familiar with situations like yours -- both from listening to clients and from my own experiences. If you're willing to take a multi-modal approach and tiny baby steps, change can happen. I know I'm preaching to the choir here, but it can be a challenging process to find the right psych meds at the right dosage. In the meantime, your brain chemistry pendulum swings wildly from one side to the other. When that happens, it's tempting to give up. To just surrender to the darkness and hopelessness. As I've written about before, HSPs (highly sensitive persons) aren't marching to the same drummer as most others. Please go to your local library and see if they have any books on the topic. Or go to your closest book store. You'll find yourself in those pages. You can also read the article on my website (www.lyndahilburn.com). It's likely you're sensitive to everything: sounds, lights, people, energy, sugar, caffeine, useless carbs in general, and your hormones will need to be monitored. Also, we don't truly begin to inhabit our bodies and get a grip on our desires until we navigate the ages 27-33. You're on the entry ramp. I can look at your tarot cards and see lots of difficulty. But that's useless information. At any moment, you can change your magnetic focus. Is it easy? Probably not. Can you inch your way there. Absolutely. Please find a great therapist to work with in your area and give yourself the time it will take to get better. Seriously. Keep me posted.
Lynda

Stuck

2009-03-08T17:42:00.000-07:00

Hello, Lynda: We met about 6 years ago as I was contemplating hypnotherapy courses and I have recently stumbled upon your website. Congratulations on your books! While I feel that I've been moving forward in my development in many ways, in other ways I have felt and still feel stuck. I am a 42-year-old woman and it seems that I'm having a difficult time finding my place in this world. I am clear on my interests, I know myself pretty well, and overall feel quite good about who I am. My financial situation has been a major struggle and while I feel I have uncovered my gifts, it seems like I have yet to come to a place where my gifts and interests can generate income. I am having trouble finding a way through this and feel as if I'm going in circles, uncertain of what to focus upon or which direction to go towards. I am also finding it difficult to find a mate. I have been divorced for 12 years with some very good relationships and I while I'm quite good at being alone, I would very much would like to find a life partner but I'm having trouble finding someone who feels like a fit. I met someone some years ago who I felt very powerful feelings of love for but he was not in a good place in his life, so I stepped away from the relationship but find myself with regret for letting go of what felt like a destiny. What energies seem to be at play in my life this year and what advice can you offer? Thank you very much for your time.
L in Lafayette

Dear L: Thanks for your kind words about my books. I appreciate it. I'm sorry things are so hard. When we're in the midst of one of those times, they seem endless and frustrating. As difficult as it can be (but it doesn't have to be difficult -- the difficulty is a belief we often don't even consciously know we have), you'll need to practice distracting yourself from noticing your current situation. As you well know, if we're looking at what was or what is, all we can attract is more of the same. We often believe we ARE focused on things we can say "yes" to, but it turns out we focus there for one second, then go back to noticing how things "really" are. As the delightful Esther Hicks says, "which drum are you beating?"

This is a wonderful year for you to begin planting seeds (and it's almost spring!!) of desires. Then take baby steps, moving relentlessly toward every form of joy you can imagine. Remember that the brain/mind doesn't know the difference between something observed and something imagined, so it will begin to attract what you focus on. That's such a powerful tool we often disregard. There seems to be confusion -- ideas that aren't in alignment with your larger dream. I find that when we don't know what to do, it's best to do nothing. Go inside. Get back in touch with the vision that makes your heart smile. When action is appropriate, your deeper wisdom will nudge you in that direction. The only thing holding you back are thoughts (and repeated thoughts that have morphed into beliefs). Things really start to move positively for you in June of this year, and by August (if you're courageous and step outside your fears), something marvelous will happen. Now is the time to set your sights high and to write a list of things you can do to further your goals. Which do you choose? Love or fear?
Best, Lynda

Change of job? Location?

2009-03-08T17:25:00.001-07:00

Dear Lynda: I'm writing a question, hoping for counsel. My spouse and I both want desperately out of our current jobs/location and are hoping this is the year despite the horrible economy. Is there a move and job change coming for us before the fall? There are a couple of dream job possibilities but I'm almost afraid to hope too much due to past disappointments.

I really felt this was the year but then things tanked economically and the hiring season in our field is beginning to slip away. I'm usually very intuitive except when it comes to myself so its rather frustrating. There have been a few good things about this job but we'd like to be closer to family, and spiritually I feel adrift.

My current position is difficult on many levels, negative energy, difficult colleagues, limitations, uncomfortable location etc. I've tried to find a spiritual community where I could further develop my own empathic abilities but I have seemed to hit a wall in our current location. I'm hoping a move will enable me to make connections in a spiritual community and bring new life to my creative life as well. One of the dream job possibilities I mention above would only be for my husband and would require me to leave my current career path and hope I could cobble something together. So it's a little unnerving despite the opportunity to get out of where we are at present. I guess my question is multi-faceted: will we be making a job change before fall, will we be able to sell the house, will I have to change my career (if so, in what way?) and will I find a place to grow spiritually? Many Thanks and Blessings,
Hopeful

Dear Hopeful: I think it's pretty common that we're not as intuitive about ourselves. Too much psychological/psychic dust obscuring the lens. It's much easier to feel/sense things about others. Since your future is in your hands (choices, beliefs, decisions, fears, etc.) I'm not able to give you a clear indication of exactly WHAT will happen before fall, but something is coming. Something desirable. October seems positively meaningful. And it seems to benefit both partners, rather than only your husband. But before the good appears, there's some unpleasant energy. So, with that in mind, I advise you continue downsizing your lifestyle -- to think about what material things you can let go of. It's so liberating to release unnecessary objects. There will be a disappointment -- but don't get stuck there -- and then a happy surprise.

I know you are aware of this already, but spirituality is an inside job. Certainly, some communities are more involved in various forms of exploration, but where you live shouldn't hinder your personal deepening in any way. Remember that we must BECOME what we desire and then we find ourselves attracting/magnetizing evidence which is in alignment with those decisions/choices. Take care that you don't get so attached to pushing away "what is" that you forget to joyfully anticipate what you prefer. You can't have it both ways.

Give little credibility to the talk of economic ruin. As I've heard often lately, there is opportunity in difficulties -- if you choose to focus there. I feel good about you.
Lynda

First Love

2009-02-22T09:28:00.000-08:00

Hello Lynda: I don't write this easily, because I don't usually ask for help, but I need some clarification. I am married (for the past 5 years) to a man I respect and do love. Our sex life has never been as exciting as I had with my first love 23 years earlier.

That first love (who is married with 2 children) and I meet every 6 months or so (sometimes more than that). We go for dinner, etc. and then we ultimately end up having fabulous sex . . . better than anything . . . passionate. We love to kiss and just get as close to each other as possible. I don't even feel guilty because there is something about him as a person that I really truly and profoundly love. I probably love him more than my husband, and I therefore don't even think it's wrong! Which is really bizarre since I try to have character and ethics in everything I do. I haven't and don't like a lot of men but he has always had an "all-consuming" effect on me. But at the same time, I don't agree with a lot of things or ways he has handled his life and realize that I would probably (still a question though) have been unhappy in a marriage with him.

I slept with him last night. It was wonderful. I miss him this morning but would never tell him or text him or anything to make it more emotional, to be fair to his family and mine. I kind of dust myself off and go on.

When I dated him 23 years earlier it was a very passionate relationship. I saw him all the time and we also fought a lot in a passionate way. My parents did not really think he was right for me and basically put an end to it. I tried to do the right thing because I respected them (and still do).

I don't even know what I want to hear from you but I guess it's just, "how do I get him out of my deepest heart"? What lesson about myself do I need to hear???
Respectfully,
The one and only

Dear TO&O: It doesn't sound like he's going to be vacating your "deepest heart" any time soon. I think your experience is an example of the complexity of human relationships. I believe human situations are subjective. Despite arguments with various philosophy professors in college, I have never been convinced that there are absolutes in the world. I think there are things we are still in the process of understanding (laws of the universe, etc.). Relationships -- especially love/romantic/sexual ones -- are capable of exhibiting unlimited layers. Your decision, I believe, isn't about an ideal of right and wrong. It's about personal ethics. You allowed your parents to make a decision for you about your relationship with this man, and there's no need to second-guess that choice: it's over and done with. But now you need to own your choices -- to be responsible for your thoughts, feelings and actions. If you and your first love have discussed this issue (and if you haven't, that is your next step), and have decided to remain with your current spouses, while still continuing an ongoing, emotional connection, then your task is to be fully present in all aspects of your life. When you're with your husband, be fully present. Stay in the now. Love with all your heart. When you're with your lover, enjoy that time with no expectations. The question is: can you do that? If you can't, you have a hard decision to make. Once again, every situation is unique and subjective. In my world, there are no easy answers. You might want to explore how grounded and healthy your beliefs are about love and romance.
Lynda

Should I hold onto this friendship?

2009-02-15T15:10:00.000-08:00

Dear Lynda: I am writing about a friendship of many years. In that time I kept reaching out for "best friend" status from her and felt very happy when she started calling me her "sister." It has been so one-sided though; I am the one who calls, who suggests things to do, etc. She is not yet retired and I am, so when she refuses because she is "so busy" I understand but also feel put off.

I have periodically wanted to talk to her about this but dreaded having the friendship end. Last fall while I was away from the States for a month, I realized I could get along without her advice, without all the calling. For years she has listened to me and my problems with an addicted child; she has been supportive. On the other hand, she has been very private about herself and I suspect her marriage isn't all the rosey picture she paints of it.

So now I feel guilty and confused because I sense she is somehow affecting me negatively. In encounters with her I've felt "less than" or irritated; something seems "off." She is this saintly person who is always helping someone! What's wrong with me?

An example - when I spoke with her about a devastating rejection of my writing by an editor I know she brought up what she thought was a similar situation and didn't seem to connect with how I was feeling at all. She also has told me about guys hitting on her even though she knows I am divorced and alone. The last time she spoke of this I told her "I don't have that problem." It made me wonder why she shares this kind of information with me. I end up feeling like a wallflower.

I purposely stopped calling "first" and have spoken with her only twice in the past six weeks. Today she called and I didn't pick up. My inner guidance appears to be saying stay away, but I am so afraid of being unfair and maybe even stupid by cutting off this friendship. Help!

Afraid

Dear Afraid: First, stop beating up on yourself. You're human. What you're describing is very common. Sensitive people make ourselves crazy about these kinds of things all the time. My first questions are: Have you spoken to her about your feelings? Are you sure she is even remotely aware of your disappointment with her and why? It's wise to be careful about what traits and characteristics we attribute to someone. Perhaps she isn't nearly as aware and "saintly" as you might imagine (imagine being the key word here). I've frequently been surprised when I discovered that someone I felt certain was insightful, intuitive and sensitive turned out to be none of those things. It was all in my head. For whatever reason, I needed that person to fill that role for me. I simply ignored the parts I didn't want to see. But, honestly, the only thing you need to do is let go, allow whatever connection is in alignment with your vibational nature, and just enjoy whatever does -- or doesn't -- happen. Perhaps she isn't able to participate in a relationship at the level you desire. Some people are very private. Can you enjoy her if she isn't as you hoped? Can you see her clearly and let that be enough? If not, simply wish her well and move on.
Best, Lynda

Psychically Connected

2009-01-10T12:17:00.000-08:00

Dear Lynda: I am not a Psychic Vampire, although I am sensitive to them and stay away *grins* since I am an empath/intuitive myself.

Anyway my question is this: I met a guy just over 4 years ago after my mom died, and we became friends and got along well. Nothing more just friends and then a couple years later things got into the next stage and the problem is we got engaged but he cheated. I know all about it and was hurt and disappointed but the circumstances were different. So we took up our friendship, since that did not waver too much, but I am the rock he can count on even as only a good friend. Probably why I weathered what happened decently. Well this last month he is back in my life and we are tentatively back together to give this another go but we shall see. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

I know the risks yet we are connected on a very deep soul and psychic level, our connection is mind boggling at times even across the globe at times. If I have to remain just best friends with him then I will do that. My question is this: we will now be talking more and planning though I am still a tad wary. I am not going to let what happened before happen again or I am out of here as anything more than a friend.. BUT the big but here... we are so connected it is amazing and yes he is gifted also, probably why we hooked up in the first place. Now I just wonder if I should even try to dream or plan with him since he has to go away for work for many months again out of the country. That was the problem, he was alone with no one he really knew and I was heading out there to visit him when the other uh person got involved and will NOT call her a lady because she was not one, by the way she practically stalked him the month prior to my going there and then after I had confronted her on the phone she was gone out of his life the next month and has latched onto another. Seems she flits from one guy to another latching on like a friggin bloodsucking vampire herself.

I want to believe in him, by the way he did come to me and professed his love this week again and I always knew he loved me that was not in question. It is his strength or lack there of to confront a certain type of woman, since he has been damaged in previous marriages. Oh yes we are older we met in our 40's so not that young that we did not treasure our friendship and more. We are the best of friends and companions, we can have so much fun doing almost nothing just hanging around. But he has to go back to work out of the country again, he has been gone a few years now and the project is almost done. So he comes back as he can every year and I had planned to go there but of course THAT person cut that short and now we are planning me to go out there this summer and him back here to live we hope in fall with luck. So just wondering if I should place my faith in him and us and wait ... or just give it up and say let's just be best friends and we can both see others while you are gone and wait til you are back before anything more again.

Thanks again, E

Dear E: I trust you to use your intuition to make the best decisions for you. I am concerned because you seem to have the idea that the woman in question had the power to cause your friend to behave in certain ways. She had no such power. No matter what she did, she couldn't force him to do anything he didn't want to. He was the choice-maker. He was the one who allowed himself to indulge in poor decisions. Blaming her is a waste of your energy (as is blaming anyone). I'm sure he's a fine fellow. Your letter leads me to believe you expect him to make poor decisions again. As I've said before in responses, the people who are the most soul connected to us often turn out to be the true "soul mates," the ones who kick us in the rear, rather than share our lives. I have no doubt you two are bonded as you describe. I'd just ask you to keep an open mind about what that means in the big picture. Here's what I think: don't hold yourself back in any way. Live your life. See other people if you want to. Don't attach to whatever he is or isn't doing. Then, when he comes back for good, reassess. If the two of you are in alignment to be together, you will be. Keep me posted.
Lynda

Clarity About Authentic Life

2009-01-10T12:12:00.000-08:00

Lynda: Right now I am trying to get clearer on what my authentic life is. I need to clarify my vision so that I can set intention and manifest it. I am pulled between these forces: 1) Being "responsible" -- which relates to the fact that I have no retirement and I'm 43 and I have no job currently -- and which leads me to consider setting intention to get a good job here, get health care, get myself back on my feet financially, and stay in my house which is a good place for my cat. 2) Taking risks. Following my desire to live in a climate that's temperate (even tropical) year round, figuring out a job when I get there (where ever "there" is) trusting that financially things will work out, trusting that somehow I can also keep the house I already have, (so that I do at least have that "security") and trusting that it'll be a fine place for my cat, too.
Thanks so much,
C, Colorado

Dear C: It's easy to become fearful in such challenging times. Fear often feels like a realistic response to situations in the outer world. I wonder what choices you'd make if you took an energetic step back from fear -- if you observed yourself dispassionately? I know what you mean by "security," but I sense contraction around the word. We simply don't make good decisions when we're afraid. I think an authentic life is one that feels good to us as we live it. The solar plexus/old gut is an amazingly reliable emotional barometer. I'm not seeing a move in the coming year -- or at least not a large one. Something involving a male tends to dominate the last third of the year, and you'll have to make a choice between doing what you want vs what someone else wants you to do. To paraphrase words I read somewhere about leaping into the void: you'll either land safely or be taught to fly. That seems highly pertinent for you in 2009 and 2010. If you're willing to focus more on what you desire and less on what is/what was, these will be great years for you. As Joseph Campbell said, "Follow your bliss." The alternative doesn't feel good.
Lynda

I'm the Psychic Vampire?

2009-01-06T15:58:00.000-08:00

Hi, Lynda: I'm feeling kind of messed up. I know that I'm the "psychic vampire" in this case, but I feel so betrayed that it is hard not to obsess over this guy. We met all "love at first sight," instant connection 3 years ago. We are both traveling people and keep contact via email for 8 months, just as friends. I guess we were looking for the same thing at that time because when we came together the bond seemed stronger. It freaked me out. Maybe I have some emotional problems or something. I kept running away from him. I actually have a lot of relationships like this, where I feel some strong connection to someone but our relationship is stunted and becomes awkward. Anyway, this guy, we've had flings on and off since we met. Sometimes it lasts for a little while and it seems loving, other times I say the wrong things and I feel like he sees how badly I want him. It bothers him.This last time I had gone over just to be friends. He pulled me in, and as always I was too eager. I thought it could work. I know he's busy, but I was going to give him space, we would just be friends whatever. He kept putting me off, call me later, call me Wednesday, call me after Christmas. Always brief phone conversations. I sent him a too loving Christmas wishes email. I end up missing him most when I'm around my family. He didn't respond. I called him when I got back to town, he said he'd call me back, he didn't. I wrote an email after 3 or 4 days. very brief, how's it going kind of thing. no response. So I start to feel really sick. I end up thinking and praying for him and our friendship and happiness. At first I feel better, then I feel worse and worse. I thought he was giving me another chance but it seems like he was just testing me out to make sure he didn't want to. I know all of his friends and while he's around, I can't be. I relate to people so rarely. I have felt so lonely and have prayed that he will just say something to reassure me that we were friends or that he cares that I am really hurt. But I am just causing myself pain. I just keep wondering why he did this to me. Why he couldn't be honest. Why it hurts like it's going to kill me. How to stop trying to get inside his head. I know he felt something for me once, (according to him), but now I feel so mistreated. Argh!Sorry this is so long. Thanks so much.
S

Dear S: The question really is: why do you continue to attract unkind, unloving, unavailable men into your life? Consider for a moment that you are okay. That who/what you are is exactly as you need to be. I am so sorry you are allowing this shallow, unavailable, self-centered individual to be center stage in your universe. I don't know what happened to you to cause you to abandon yourself, but the reason doesn't really matter. What does matter is that you can begin to treat yourself compassionately. Kindly. You can become healthier. Having this man in your thoughts is just a way to torture yourself. It really has nothing to do with him, and everything to do with your lack of self-awareness. I talk to people every day who are terrified of being with themselves. Who are fearful of that quiet, still place inside -- the doorway to the unlimited higher consciousness. Please find someone in your community to work with regularly to help you see who you really are. Sweetie, you aren't a psychic vampire. That requires a strength of ego you aren't capable of right now. (Actually, you might never be able to be quite that unhealthy.) Please. Check out your local mental health center and find a loving soul to shine a light into your inner darkness. Keep me posted.
Hugs, Lynda

Vampirism?

2009-01-06T15:42:00.000-08:00

Dear Lynda: This is probably a strange question but I am very curious. First of all I am a decent educated guy, mid 30's, excellent physical shape, still have canine like teeth upper and lower, I am currently in the Army and serve in an elite unit working in the intelligence field. Ever since I was in high school I have been drawn to the vampire culture, not goth, but the life of a vampire. I have been curious and fascinated and have tried telling myself that they don't exist. But deep down somewhere I know they do. I also feel like there is something inside of me that wants to rip out of me. I am somewhat of an adrenaline junky and currently skydive (through work and civilian), I ski, mountain bike, and have volunteered for over five combat tours (not bragging, I just needed to get away from the mundane life). I like the night time, working at night and playing at night. I prefer the clouds and rain and mountains with lush forest. I am not a fan of the sun but do live a life in it but do occasionally feel like I am drained of energy. I will be dead tired almost asleep and force myself to stay awake during the day especially when it gets close to the evening time. But as soon as the sun is down I am wide awake and feel alive, hard to sleep and I have to force and medicate sometimes to do this. I am married for over seven years and have kept this only to myself. This could be just something that some people get and have nothing to do with vampires, I am not superhumanly strong, nor can I fly, but I often feel the need to and want to, even dream about it quite often. But that could be just normal behavior of man wanting the things he can't have or do. I appreciate you taking the time to read this and ask for your help if I need it, like I said, this could be just the fantasy of a life I would like to have instead of thinking that I am not special in that way as in the inert feeling of we are all special in some way. Thanks for your help.
JRC, Colorado

Dear JRC: It sounds like you need to find ways to express the parts of yourself that are still being squelched. Regardless of whether or not vampires exist (I hope they do), it seems you have enhanced awareness in certain areas and it would be a shame to continue to repress them. Actually, if you are truly as you represent yourself, I get no sense that you're unhealthy. So, here's my advice: explore the other aspects of your consciousness. Meditate. Stop trying to conform (except in ways you must for your livelihood.) Write. Yes. Write. Fiction. Where do you think vampire writers get their motivations/inspirations from? The imagination is a powerful tool. Begin. Now.
Best, Lynda (let me know when you've written something and I'll have lots of advice about where to go next)

Sensitivity and Writing

2008-12-14T10:41:00.000-08:00

Lynda: I'm a big fan of your fiction books and hope that you continue writing about Devereux and Kismet. However I do have a question for you involving psychic sensitivity. I'm not even sure how to put this into words really. I have been kind of sensitive to people for a long time. When I was young, every time I was in a crowd I felt like I needed a serious nap after because I was so tired afterwards and I needed time on my own to feel better. When I was twenty three I got a double lung transplant. Those feelings seem to have gotten a lot sharper and now it feels like I always have someone around me. And the weird thing is that someone is listening to me!! For example, I lose something, I think to myself . . . ok . . . really gotta find this item . . . please help me and seconds later I find what I'm looking for. It's happened too many times to be a coincidence because believe me, if my head wasn't screwed on I would lose that too . . . he he. Am I imagining things?

I'm also wondering something about my career path. I feel kind of odd for asking, but I do write (I wrote to you once but sometimes AOL and hotmail don't mix. Or you were just uber busy.) and was wondering if it's possible to know if the writer thing will work out or not. 99.9% of this is up to me I realize and you know even if it didn't I still like writing as it's cathartic. I'm just an intensely curious person. Thanks for your time.
M

Dear M: I sometimes think my computer has gremlins or poltergeists because people often tell me they sent an email that I never received! I'm glad you wrote again and thanks so much for the kind words about my novels. I love writing them and I'm glad they bring you pleasure. Regarding your sensitivity (if you haven't already read the article I have posted on www.lyndahilburn.com called "You're Too Sensitive," please check it out. It will answer some of your questions.) I don't think you are listening to "someone else." I'd say you're listening to one of the many aspects of yourself. And what a marvelous thing! If you can find lost objects, how awesome for you! If you wish these abilities to increase, simply utilize them with joy and expect them to grow. It's all normal and natural, and sometimes (such as after your surgery), the blockages we had earlier are removed and we get to experience enhanced awareness. About your writing: First, if you love writing, you're already successful because the act of creation brings you pleasure. What I see about your publishing future has several layers: Get very clear about what genre you love writing. I'm wondering if you need to refine your focus and perhaps make a change? If you do make a change, the resistance you would have encountered with your first choice will be mediated so that good outcomes flow more easily toward you. Don't be overly influenced by other opinions. Keep the healthy balance of accepting their feedback and critique while holding onto your voice and vision. It's a slippery slope. Take this with a grain: I see lots of positive results unfolding over the next 10 years. That doesn't mean it won't happen for 10 years. It means there will be several small successes along that time period. So, sit down in front of your computer and write. Keep me posted!
Lynda

Take The Courageous Path

2008-12-14T10:21:00.000-08:00

Lynda: Thank you for this opportunity to receive some input from you. I've never seemed to have the funds to get into long-term professional counseling which I feel is what I need. I grew up with an alcoholic father who abused me. My mother was also emotionally distant.

Anyway, I've spent a number of years in various help groups and counselors offices, but there are still several underlying issues. I feel the core issue is I don't have a self-identity. My self-esteem is pretty low as well. And I am aware that I have control issues too.

I am looking for gainful employment so that I can afford to get into professional counseling but I don't have much hope. I have tried for 2 years to find a job I feel I am good at and have the physical abilities to keep. My resumes do not even get replies. I don't have a car so that complicates things as well.

What advice do you have for me? Right now, I live with my mother and I pay rent with my savings. I would love to deal with the issues and be free of them. I have come a long way in my life compared to where I used to be, but there is so much more that I would like to deal with. Thank you, Deb

Dear Deb: I'm so sorry things aren't going well. I work three days per week at a community mental health center in the Denver area. If you lived in that location, I would advise you to contact the center for an intake and ask to be assigned to one of the many wonderful counselors there on an ability-to-pay basis. You still might want to give counseling one more try and approach a mental health center in your town. Sometimes it takes a while for insights to show up. But, in the meantime, let me pull some Tarot cards for you and see what you're attracting.

First, I completely understand how challenging it can be to transform old, unhealthy patterns. We all have them. I find it helpful to remember that these patterns couldn't continue to control our lives if we didn't focus on them -- if we didn't tell the old story (no matter how "true" it feels) again and again. To my way of thinking, it isn't that you have no self-identity. It's that you have a negative one. For some reason (or multiple reasons, more likely) you have beliefs that are in opposition to what you say you want. I want to recommend the books/tapes/CDs/workshops of Esther Hicks to you. She is a marvelous, funny, compassionate motivational speaker. You can probably get her books from your local library, and here is her website address: www.abraham-hicks.com. You need a jump-start on a new set of possibilities. Now, having said that, if you are willing to do the courageous work of focusing on what you desire instead of what is, I see a turning point for you. The first phase will present itself this spring and the second phase during the late fall. If you're willing to stop acting out the old script and write a new one, there is even a marvelous love relationship for you. So, here it is one more time: you can either focus on what was and what is, and continue attracting evidence of that. Or you can relentlessly, stubbornly, idealistically think about, imagine, take actions in regard to what you'd rather have. It isn't easy, but it's do-able. Keep in touch.
Lynda

He Can't "Read" Me

2008-12-14T10:08:00.000-08:00

Lynda: I came across your blog and I have a question that has really been bothering me since last night. I've been communicating with a man for over 3 years now through phone and internet. He has told me several stories about how he can read people, and how he will say something (without thinking about it) and it will come to pass. He knows as soon as he says it, that it is a fact -- it will happen -- and it does. I'm usually a skeptical person, but I believe him. In fact, he says a lot of his friends/acquaintances have been weirded out by his knowledge of things that are happening or will happen.

Also, last night he told me for the first time that I am the first person that he could not read. He said it had nothing to do with the fact we have never physically interacted, but for the first time in his life -- he reads nothing. It was very weird -- but he said he could never finish my sentences (like most other people he reads), and that it was almost like I was an alien (to him). He termed it as "something about you is not valid" -- not from the perspective that something is wrong, right, or even missing- just that he can't really read me.

I am using the term "read," but he does not claim to be a psychic. He has never tried to "read" for a friend or acquaintance. Things just come into his mind or he says things in normal conversation that come to pass. He knows it is intuition as soon as the words leave his mouth.

I don't have a question about romance. I'm just wondering what this means, and why this man (that I can't seem to shake -- for better or worse) is in my life and I am in his. Does this have something to do with it? And what does it mean that I am unreadable to him?

For some reason we are drawn to each other, but he told me (after years of knowing him) that I perplex him, because of this. He is also at a crucial turning point in his life -- if this helps. Thank you for your help.
D

Dear D: Thanks for writing. How exciting for him that he has the ability to send his perception into the "future." I hope he will keep in mind that while he might get a clear sense of "what will happen," his ability to interpret the information is still specific to him -- determined by his personal filters. We often know things. I think that's a normal, human ability. Whether or not we allow our egos to get involved in the presentation of that knowing is another question. I learned a long time ago that simply because I know something, doesn't mean I have any right or obligation to share that information. Whether or not he can "read" you is about him and not about you. He seems to attribute importance to that inability, which tells me he has a larger agenda in regard to you than he is sharing. But if the connection is enjoyable, I support you in its continuation.
Best, Lynda

Bracing Myself

2008-10-26T21:33:00.000-07:00

Hi, Lynda: Since I was very young, I have been very sensitive to my environment. Reading from you that the world is "vibrational" really explains it. When the sensations were overwhelming, I would do all that I could to expel it from my body. When I was very young, I remember using my alone time to try to shake it from my body or instinctively breathe it out into my hands and throw it away from me. There were also times when I could feel the energy around me like it was in tune with me, lifting my spirit and heightening my other senses. As I grew older, confused by my heightened senses, I tried to deal with the overwhelming experiences by turning to my Dr. Eventually, I was diagnosed with ADD and an anxiety disorder. I take medication that numbs me in a way. Since then, my sensitivity to my environment has been dulled. I miss that connection I had with it. Every once in a while, I do connect deeply with it, but it is much harder to do. But, at least it doesn't seem to be out of my control. Lately I've been feeling a call from deep within to strengthen my gifts of the spirit. Part of me wonders if I've made the right decision to take medication for my anxiety. Part of me wonders if I open those doors to my gifts, that I will be unprepared for the opening of my mind. I can describe it with an analogy. I feel like the Hoover Dam is in front of me and I'm at it's base. It is cracked and a small hole is leaking water. Because I don't fully understand what is happening and because it is frightening to be in that situation, I'm standing there with my finger plugging the hole to buy some time so that I can prepare myself to survive the inevitable rush when it is finally released. I truly sense this world of knowledge that is within my reach is so big, so incredibly huge, that I may not have the strength to withstand it. Honestly, all of this still confuses me -- where is this call coming from? What do I do with my abilities (I feel energy from my hands that I've been able to use to interact with my environment)? I have had paranormal experiences -- why and should I be doing something when I receive information during my experiences? Unfortunately, none of this is cut and dry. Thank you for listening and any help you can offer would be much appreciated.
Sincerely, A.S.

Dear A.S. I work with lots of extremely sensitive clients who have had experiences similar to yours. I hope it will reassure you to know that, after the dam breaks, the flood is only temporary. The water that rushes in, overwhelming you, will soon find it's own balance again. Anxiety is often a rational reaction to high sensitivity. Taking meds to dull the edges is fine. In fact, in a lot of cases, it's sanity-saving. There is no reason you can't begin working on enhancing your sensory skills while continuing to use medication for increased alignment. You might notice that the more you explore utilizing your senses, the more you can lower the dosage on your meds. Of course, don't discontinue meds without talking to your med prescriber. Where is the call coming from? It's just like anything else. Musicians can't ignore the music. Artists can't distance from the urge to create. Individuals who can read the vibrational universe feel compelled to do so. It's natural. Nothing to be worried about or afraid of. Even if the flood knocks you down for a little while, never fear. The water will recede. There are many wonderful books about high sensitivity and working with subtle energy. Dive in and start reading. Practice the exercises and enjoy your unique skill.
Best, Lynda

Is it meant to be?

2008-10-26T21:19:00.000-07:00

Lynda: I guess my question is similar to many others. It is about a guy, as usual. I moved with a guy I had only been with for four months. Things fell apart fast as I realized that the move made it more obvious that I was not in a good place emotionally or mentally, (I had been depressed for a very long time, years actually before meeting him). I doubted myself too much and felt that I was never good enough. Needless to say we broke up after eight months of living together but then reconciled after a four-month break. Again, we fought about the same things and we ended things completely in July o7. I am now in a much better place because I was able to step out and look at myself. I now love myself for who I am and I appreciate everything I have instead of always looking at what I didn't have. I wrote him an e-mail this past February or March. I explained to him that I had always been in a bad place and that I wasn't really "me" the way I knew I could be. I know he read it and I asked him not to respond though I hoped he would. I still think about him and I feel that things would be very different between us (in a good way) if we were to be together now, although I am not sure if he has changed. I was left w/out any closure from his side because he never explained to me why he did the things he did at the time.
So like many of the letters here, I want to be with him. I send him good thoughts all the time and hope that he is accomplishing the things I know he can. The obvious question here is, is there a future for us? I will not lie, as I do believe we understand each other, I just feel we were young at the time and felt that anything and everything was possible and it was easy when in reality it is not.

Oh, and I do have another question. I have been pulling out my hair since I was 16 (I am 24 now). I have gotten help from counselors and such but none of it has actually really helped the hair-pulling, (though it has helped me get to the great place I am at). I was looking into hypnosis as perhaps an avenue that could help me, (I really want to stay away from medications as I don't think they are the way for me personally). If I am feeling so much better about myself why hasn't my hair-pulling stopped? I realize you probably can't answer that but I assumed one went hand-in hand with the other. Thank you for your insight.

~ hoping for the best and that my heart is telling the truth.

Dear Hoping: I'm so happy you're feeling better about yourself. That's great news. Let me answer the easiest question first. Hypnotherapy is very effective with issues like hair-pulling. In my experience, the pulling is always due to an underlying pattern or belief. Hypnotherapy is definitely worth exploring. It's entirely possible for someone to feel good about her/himself and still be caught up in unconscious patterns. Now to your love issue. I wish I had happy news for you (and please keep in mind this is just my interpretation of the energy of the moment), but an ongoing relationship with the man you mentioned doesn't seem to be "in the cards" for now. I think one of the hardest things for most of us to realize (re: relationships) is that often we attract people who come into our lives for reasons very different than we initially assume. Our true soul mates are the ones who trigger difficult experiences and deep learning. You probably won't agree with this, but it seems to me that if you were with this man, the unconscious behaviors/feelings he stimulates would return. Love is possible, but I think it's with a different person. Allow the one who is coming into your life within the next eight months to be your next joyful experience.
Best, Lynda

Attracting Your Mate

2008-03-06T17:48:00.000-08:00

Dear Lynda: I received your Attract a Mate hypnosis CD in the mail a few days ago, and I finally had a chance to listen to it comfortably last night when I got home from work. I plan to use it every day to reinforce the suggestions. It is a wonderful CD: the guided regression is excellent and your voice is very hypnotic and relaxing. I had purchased a couple of other hypnosis CDs on Amazon.com, but I like yours the best and I plan to purchase another in the future, as soon as I have manifested my "mate" using this one. Kudos!

I have worked for the same company for many years, and most of the other employees are 10 or more years younger than I am, which makes meeting a single man at the office unlikely. I have also been trying to meet men using the internet personals, mostly without success. On top of this, I was mugged a few months ago (but not on a date), so now I am very nervous when meeting new men, and I don't like for them to offer to pick me up at home for a first date, but they almost always insist on it. So I now have trouble making good first impressions, as I inevitably come across as very nervous and paranoid from the moment I first step into a man's car until he (with relief) drops me off at home, never to call me for a second date. My question is: can this single woman be saved? i.e. will I be able to overcome these disadvantages and will meet a new man for a relationship soon? Thank you!
V, Colorado

Dear V: Any man who insists on picking you up at your home after you suggest something different isn't the man for you. It's actually quite rational to meet a date at a central location for the first time. When women ignore their intuition, unpleasant things can happen. I'm very, very happy to hear that you're learning to listen to yours. While you become more confident about following your own wise guidance, you'll likely meet lots of men who give you accurate cause to be "nervous and paranoid." The longer you trust yourself and pass on these fellows, the quicker the kind of man who is actually good for you will show up. Since you're working with my CD (thank you for the kind words), you already know that the best way to "find" the mate for you is to attract him. That's an energy/vibrational process. As challenging as it can be (since so many of us think we need to "get out there" and meet men) to spend more time imagining the man you desire and less time looking for him, it is worth whatever re-learning it takes to accomplish it. Here's my sense for you regarding the man of your dreams: I don't see you meeting a healthy, compatible male at work. You'll connect with someone you're in alignment with by doing things you love. I know. Everyone says that. But it's true. It's about staying in your own center and becoming a powerful magnet to attract someone "like" you. The Law of Attraction says "like attracts like." Right now you're afraid, so you're attracting men who give you reason to be afraid. Stop looking. Get busy doing what you love. Take classes in subjects that appeal to you. Travel. Imagine your mate doing those things with you, but don't notice whether or not he's there in the "real" world. Refuse to settle for less. I see someone wonderful answering your vibrational invitation sometime between June and August of this year.
Hugs, Lynda

Attracting Love

2007-12-22T19:10:00.000-08:00

Dear Lynda:
I met this guy about 8 months ago. During the time we met I was going through a period of finding and loving myself. I just had lost my job, house and guy. He was understanding at the time but I was so bitter -- making him pay for my past hurt and pain. Now he won't have anything to do with me. I care a great deal about him and realize my mistakes. I'm in medical school. My question is: will we get back together and move forward?
F in Miami

Dear F: I took out all the identifying information, because it's never good to give so much personal information online. And I'm sure the fellow in question wouldn't want us talking about him by his unusual name. Sweetie, I'm sorry you met him at a time when you weren't emotionally available for a relationship. That happens so often. Here's what I think: Over the next 6 months you'll find a wonderful person and begin a healthy relationship. Can I promise you it is this fellow? No. I can't. Does it matter? Not really, because the good relationship is what's important. But here's something very powerful you can do for the fellow you wrote about: every day, for a few minutes -- maybe when you're falling asleep (if people in medical school ever get to sleep!) or waking up -- just imagine him happy, smiling and doing well. Don't add anything about it having anything to do with you. Just surround him with warm feelings and maybe a lovely color, and imagine him happy and well. If the two of you are in energetic alignment, like a magnet, your good feelings will attract him. But regardless, it will feel good for both of you if you send him warm-fuzzies every day. And, interestingly, the warm-fuzzies will probably be what attracts the good relationship (regardless of who it is with). Focus on doing well in school. Take care of yourself. Learn from your mistakes. Life is a journey.
Hugs, Lynda

Psychic Vampire II

2007-12-22T18:57:00.000-08:00

Dear Lynda:
I was very moved by your posting about psychic vampires. I feel I have come in contact with one and I am seeking your advice on how to defend myself from future "attacks". My psychic vampire was a lover of mine. We broke up for good over a year ago, but he was also my boss. He is now married to and has a child with my former very close friend--their child was born a couple of weeks ago. We no longer work together and I only see him on occasion and when I do, I avoid him. I have since formed a very nurturing relationship with another man. We love each other very much and I feel we have a future together. This man, who I am with now, was witness to the whole heartbreak and worked with me and my boss/lover/vampire. Over the summer, while I was away visiting a friend overseas, I had a very tangible feeling that something happened to my former lover. I had a dream that my sister had a baby and that she didn't want it. These two things confused me very much, until I received an email from my former lover (which was addressed to me and my new partner) telling me that he and my former friend were having a child. I wrote to him and told him that I wished him the best, but that for obvious reasons, it was distressing to me that he felt it appropriate to email me and my new partner with this news. I didn't hear from him for some time, until he tried to befriend me on Facebook. I ignored this request and continued on with my life. A couple weeks ago when his child was born, he again sent an email to me and my partner to tell us about the birth of his child (which I already knew about because we have many mutual acquaintances). I wrote to him once more and told him to please refrain from emailing me about what was going on in his life, and then I blocked his email. Two weeks later, I am overcome with the feeling that he wants to contact me (and I am almost certain he has tried, but cannot). It hurts me very much as he was and is someone I care very deeply for, and I feel that he is hurting very much. However, I feel very protective of my new life and my new love and I want to protect myself. Obviously, we did not have very much closure in our relationship, but I feel this is because he does not want to close the door and wants to continue to haunt me. I feel very tired much of the time and I am trying very hard to keep this man out of my psychic space. My friends tell me that he looks very sad when he talks to them and I feel as if I always know when he is thinking of me. I desire healing and I desire happiness for both of us in our respective lives, but I don't know how to do this when I feel he doesn't want to leave me alone...and obviously, I have trouble shutting him out or leaving him alone. Please let me know if there is anything I can do. I pray about it all the time.
Desperate for healing

Dear Desperate: You already know this, but I'll say it anyway. Psychic vampires can only feed on us if we invite them to. It's an energy exchange. One thing about psychic vampires is that they're very appealing. Dramatic. Passionate. Intense. We get addicted to them and the drama/trauma. It really can become a life-defining relationship. You are not responsible for how he feels. You can't fix him or make him healthy. You can only do that for yourself and you've clearly indicated you're ambivalent about making the healthy choices. The only way to deal with this kind of energy manipulator is to turn your attention elsewhere. Focus on what is good with your life, on what you'd rather have. He can't feed on you if you don't give him your vein (energetically/metaphorically speaking). My dear, the first thing to admit is that you don't have trouble shutting him out or leaving him alone. You simply haven't wanted to. That is the first step to freedom. Don't respond to his emails. Ever. Don't ask friends about him. Don't return phone calls. Don't take action when you perceive he is "needing" you. This is the tough work because you're truly addicted and we want our drug of choice. Even if it makes us feel bad. Every time you talk/write about him, you put an energetic invitation into the mail (so to speak). The life you've created seems so much healthier to me. I hope you'll choose it.
Best wishes, Lynda

Psychic Vampire

2007-11-25T11:26:00.000-08:00

Hi Lynda:
I wonder if you can help me. I'm very frustrated. I met Marc on the internet 3 years ago this Christmas. It started out as a romance, we both know we're soul mates, twin flames, and we understood each other in a way neither of us has been able to find anywhere else. But the romance didn't last long. He got scared and ended it, to this day I'm not even sure why but I went along with it, because he means the world to me. Above and beyond the romance, we both agreed that we needed this friendship. Well, for the last two and a half years we've been struggling with it, struggling to stay friends. You see, he and I are both intuitives, we're both empaths, so along with an uncommon friendship, we also have a bond that frankly scares the both of us at times. I know when he's thinking of me, I know what he's thinking about us, what he's doing while he's thinking it, and when he and I are actively thinking of each other at the same time, it's like he's in the same room with me I feel him so strongly.

So why are we struggling, it should be great, right? That's what I'm hoping you can help me with, help me to understand. Ever since he ended the romance part of our relationship he's held me at arm's length, drawing me in, pushing me away. At first it was hard, for the first year we both struggled to stay away from the romance, we kept drifting back to it. He keeps me in email only. He won't allow me to send him an instant message or call him on the phone every once in a while. It's email only. And he still waffles between loving me and keeping me as strictly a friend. I know it's because he's really confused, and I thought I could handle just being friends, but you see, he sees other women, talks to them on the internet, and then comes to me to tell me about them. We recently had a huge fight over this, because I've told him, fully admitted that maybe I'm not being the best friend to him, but that I'm weak in this respect, that I needed him NOT to tell me about these other women, that it hurts me greatly. But he still continues to do it, and I know he does it simply because he trusts me, I'm the only person he CAN tell this stuff to. But it hurts me. I don't want it to, but it does. I see green every time he does it.

Honestly Lynda, if I didn't know better I'd honestly think he just "wasn't that interested". But he keeps coming back to me. It's the same routine -- we go weeks without speaking until he caves and emails me, and we crash together again, professing our love, and our need for the friendship, and for about a week it's great. And then it starts all over again.

So, I wrote him a long letter last night. I haven't heard from him yet because I asked him not to reply if he only wanted to argue with me, I asked him if he truly didn't want my friendship to love me enough to let me walk away with my held high, that I felt enough of a failure as his friend. But I had to admit to him that maybe my constant jealousy over his girlfriends means that it's time to admit that I'm still in love with him. I just can't handle that he keeps me as strictly an email pen-pal (since the romance ended, he won't even add me to his instant messengers!), that I can't handle hearing him talk about girlfriends anymore. I told him that it's been very obvious to me for a very long time that neither one of us really wants to be just friends, and that maybe that was my cue to go. I told him I loved him and that I wished him all the happiness he deserved (and he does deserve it).

But this morning, I'm doubting everything. I'm just not seeing things very clearly at all; my emotions are entirely too tangled up in this. I wanted him to email me and ask me not to go, to apologize, something, but it never comes, and I don't know why. I'd like to know...will ever move past this push/pull and be close again? Or am I hanging my heart on something that just won't work? I've done it before.

And if it doesn't work, I wonder if you can tell me ... how can I break this empathic bond that we have? Or close him off? My gift is still newly discovered and I haven't figured that out yet, how to keep people out. When I feel his pain over us, it makes my pain unbearable. If this relationship isn't destined to work, how can I close him off so that I no longer feel all of his emotions anymore? Is that even possible??

Either way, I thank you for listening.
J

Dear J: Bless your sweet heart. I wish I had some happy news for you because I know you really want to hear that this will all work out and he is the mate for you. I probably see this relationship different than you do, since I've witnessed a lot of these over the years. I won't even offer an opinion about whether or not he is your soul mate, etc. (a very misunderstood concept). What I can say is that he is a psychic vampire. I'm sure that isn't what you wanted me to say, but it's still true. A psychic vampire is someone who feeds on the energy/empathy/emotions/fears/confusion of others. Often, a psychic vampire doesn't even know he/she is feeding. They are so emotionally damaged, that toxic relationships (with lots of pretty labels to cover up the unhealthy nature of the connection) are simply normal to them.

This person can't have the kind of relationship you want.

I understand how intense and compelling these kinds of interactions can be. Life without the drama seems empty, so we assume we are "supposed" to be with the person. We "need" the excitement and upheaval the communications provide.

There is nothing healthy here. Even if he contacts you, saying what you want to hear, he'll flip-flop soon, looking for more outlets for his addiction.

How do you sever your connection with this person? Shift your attention. Yes. You'll have to re-shift your attention a thousand times a day until you get used to thinking about healthy things. Turn toward what you desire rather than focusing on this draining non-relationship. There really is a wonderful relationship in your future if you'll turn away from the unhealthy toward the joyful.
Lynda

Feeling The Pain of Others

2007-11-25T10:53:00.000-08:00

Greetings Lynda:
I was happy to find your web site. Most web sites I have run across offer instruction on how to develop abilities or how to use them, they never deal with how to block them so you can just deal with them. I would love to get your advice on how to manage what I consider an ability that I just don’t know how to deal with. As a boy and early teen, I found that I was hyper-sensitive to other people’s pain. Both physical and emotional. If I spend any time with someone, it’s as if I can see his or her inner pain as if it was a physical thing. It’s like I can see a bruise on their inner self. My chest tightens and it feels like something heavy has been put inside of me. If I spend too much time with someone who is really hurting, emotionally I can feel his or her pain as if it was my own and there are times where I feel crushed by it. In other words, I find this intensely difficult to deal with. I can’t even be around sick people for vary long or I physically develop their symptoms. For example, a friend of mine had eye surgery and as a result, his right eye was visibly swollen and irritated for about a week. Every time I saw him and looked directly at him, my left eye would get sore, water, and eventually become infected. If I am around someone with a headache, migraine, or any kind of physical pain, a few min later I develop the same pain. I know I am not sick with what they have and I know that once I get away from that person it will go away in an hour or so, but at the same time, it makes it hard to be a social person. I thought I had some kind of social disorder for a while because in a large group of people I can sense the pain around me and after a few hours I am worn out and feel like I just finished a hard workout. My name is Jason and I was once told that it means, “One who heals the broken hearted.” I would love to live up to what my name stands for but at the same time I don’t know how to turn off or tone down how much of another person I take in. I feel drawn to people who are hurting, but at the same time, when I am feeling their pain, it's like I have to help them and me at the same time to get through it. Do you have any advice for me?
Jason the emotional sponge bob

Dear Jason: It does seem like a tough choice: be at the mercy of whatever energy has the strongest signal, or withdraw and live as a hermit. Actually, your situation is one of the reasons I believe so many sensitive people keep to themselves (I can vouch for that, myself). This might sound harsh or cold-hearted, but simply because you can feel something doesn't mean you need to. I think highly sensitive people misunderstand what it means that we can sense/feel things. We believe because we can feel something, we need to do something. Take an action on that person's behalf. Heal them.

All healing is self healing.

I'll just use my own experience as an example. Since I grew up with my radar blasting -- feeling/sensing everything around me -- I went back and forth between thinking I was crazy/broken and believing I needed to make things better for those I could sense. I spent years making myself miserable, trying to "fix" other people. Eventually, I discovered my need to fix them was my own lack of understanding and a little bit of arrogance. (It's great to be special, but it's truly a double-edged sword.) When I finally grasped that I could choose whether or not I experienced someone's pain (yes, you really can choose. I know you don't believe me, yet.) and then the degree to which I could feel it, I was liberated. That awareness led to the knowledge that, if I'm trying to fix/heal someone, I'm in the way. Whatever their soul/deeper consciousness/expanded wisdom was up to by creating the pain, etc., I couldn't possibly understand how it served them.

So, what did I do to filter the perceptions? I made a decision that I'd let others' energy flow through me without clinging. I could feel it if I wanted to, but it was like a river, continually moving on. I came to know that if someone's pain resonated with me and I "took it on," it was because there was something similar in my own energy. And, if someone came to me specifically, asking for assistance, I'd do what felt healthy for both of us. I learned to remain in a compassionate "witness" state with my clients, which kept me from flailing around in their energies -- trying to figure out (as if I ever could) -- what they need. If I stay in my compassionate space, trust my intuitive wisdom, and remember to do no harm (which is a bigger category than we usually think), I am often helpful.

I'm still working on successfully hanging out in groups, because I get overwhelmed. Here's something that helps me: instead of imagining yourself pushing against the energy "out there," just imagine yourself as a cup filled from the inside, overflowing onto everything. If you are so filled with your own, healthy energy, there's no way for you to take on anything else. There's a difference between healing and uplifting.

And, as I've said before, nobody can push their energy on us. It comes at our invitation, even though we usually have no idea we've sent out the offer. Be the tone you wish to share with the world. Allow people to entrain with your health and watch miracles happen.

You don't have to be sponge bob. Really. Although it is sorta exciting sometimes.
hugs,
Lynda

Love or Fear?

2007-10-14T09:17:00.000-07:00

Hi, Lynda:
I am very troubled. My boyfriend and I have only been seeing each other 10 months and already have split up twice. Last time he begged me to get back with him, but it wasnt long before we started arguing again. I dont feel happy when I am with him -- I am always wanting more attention and more loving and this is frustrating for him as he doesnt understand what I am talking about. I feel that we cannot talk about stuff. I am 37 and really want a family but I know I am running out of time. Do you see us having a happy future? We went to couples therapy a couple of times, but he is reluctant to go back, which is really upsetting for me. He came and stayed for 2 months and I felt so suffocated, but every time I suggested he go home he got upset. Now he has finally gone and hasn't bothered to call me and I am feeling upset. Please help.
K

Dear K: You are ignoring your intuition. When you are with this fellow, you are miserable. He can't give you what you desire, and you want him to be different than he is. That's a train wreck waiting to happen. People are who we are. Often, we enter into relationships out of fear, rather than out of love. I wish I had better news for you, but the two of you are psychological/energetic oil and water. Both are fine, but they don't mix. Distract yourself from your fear about your age and allow the person who is truly yours to appear. Better yet, become the person you desire and watch how magnetic that is.
Lynda

Highly Sensitive

2007-08-26T09:53:00.000-07:00

Hi Lynda:
I am in the middle of reading The Highly Sensitive Person in Love by Elaine Aron and I have finally came to the conclusion and admitted to myself that I am indeed an HSP. I am currently in a relationship and I will be getting married in about 8 weeks. There are times when I would say to myself "I can't believe I'm marrying her. I don't even think I love her" I know that I love my fiance, because everything about is her more than I would ever ask for, but there are times where I get mad at her for no reason at all. For example, she would tell me something like, "move, I feel like you're standing on top of me" and all of a sudden I would feel very hurt inside and I would stay mad at her for the rest of the day. Then there are times when I am with her and I would say to myself "how could I ever say to myself I don't love her, she is perfect for me?" My mind is always thinking too far into things and over-analyzing and at times I cry from all this over-thinking and it gives me headaches. I am very confused and I do not know how to go about this anymore.
Confused

Dear Confused: You have to ask yourself some hard questions. Yes. Those of us who are highly sensitive tend to react strongly to perceived slights. Our radars are very finely tuned. We're always looking for the next incoming grenade and sometimes we see attacks when there aren't any. But there's nothing wrong with being sensitive. It's a wonderful gift. I wouldn't trade my enhanced awareness for anything -- even if it means I often get my feelings hurt for no rational reason. (We're great about reading the environment. The problem comes when we try to interpret what we're feeling. We often forget how easy it is to project.) Now, having said all that, it sounds like your mate is insensitive. If you are going to marry this person, you'd better sit her down and have a very frank discussion about your differing communication styles. Perhaps you aren't just being over-sensitive. Maybe she does send out negative energy when she talks to you (sometimes). Don't marry her if this isn't talked about and resolved. If you are afraid that speaking with her about this will cause problems, then you have bigger problems than you thought. Best wishes. Keep me posted.
Lynda

Letting Go of the Past

2007-08-26T09:41:00.000-07:00

Hi Lynda:
I find it interesting that I had the thought to write to you today. When I went to your archives I found my posting from last year at just about this same time. I found it very interesting to read your advice after all this time has passed. First of all, I wanted to confirm that yes I was in a depression, and did get some help, and continue to do so. My life has begun to turn around as I have faced many issues, fears, etc. Many times now I feel great, I work on seeing the world in a positive way and focus on getting positive thoughts and energies into my mind and body. This is not without challenge though, so the work continues. I am still challenged with finding my true self. Bringing out my energy, and getting to a life that flows and is full of the energy I think I used to have a long time ago.

Last year when I wrote I was struggling with the loss of a relationship, and the fear and pain built up inside me for so long. Through some struggles I did go out and meet some new people. Had a few short relationships, most of which are my friends today. But did get back together with my former partner. Well, as timing or the seasons would have it, I broke up again last month. This time has not been as tumultuous, so I am grateful that this year I am stronger and not struggling with as much pain and suffering. The loss is still difficult because I care so much for this person. We just can't seem to work out as a couple. I guess I have an issue with 'letting go', since logically in know why I made the choice to end the relationship again. Emotionally it's so difficult to release the feelings I have, and that creates the thought or hope that perhaps once again we will get back together. I think it's for the best that we aren't together at this time. Just a confusing time as I work through the process of letting go ( and at the same time not wanting to let go, since I've allowed myself to let this person into my life like I have let no other person ).
My partner and I had a number of similarities. Both 'nice' people, not too messy, not too clean, ready to head out on road trips, camping, outdoors, caring personalities. But it was difficult for us to find the positive energy needed to maintain a good relationship. I also found him to not be 'positive' much of the time. We never fought. So it wasn't a hurtful relationship. And there was much passion and caring in our relations.

I am still struggling as well with career/vocation and letting myself know what it is I would like to do with my life. I know that once this hurdle has been jumped, my life is going to be much smoother. My current job is not fulfilling.

So, I guess the purpose of writing is to gain some more insight once again. See what your guidance provides. Thank you once again for your insight.
G
Boulder, Colorado

Dear G:
As you know, you're a work in progress. It's not unusual for us to go back and forth with comfortable-yet-unhappy relationships. I think the big issue is that you need to make powerful and clear decisions about who you are and what you want. You do know. Like many people, you're waiting for huge signals, when the insights are actually whispered from your deeper self. I don't see the relationship you just left as benign. I think it's negative for you, so I hope you'll be strong and realize that something/someone more suited to you is coming. (If you open the door, of course.) See if you can dream bigger. Let go of the limiting ideas you have about yourself and imagine instead, "what if I can?" The moment you decide that you can have what seems impossible, your entire life will improve.
Lynda

Using Psychic Abilities to Manipulate

2007-08-04T08:42:00.000-07:00

Dear Lynda:
My boyfriend and I have been going out for more than 8 months but it hasn't been easy. There's been 'cracks' in our relationship. He's no ordinary boyfriend because of his psychic reading abilities. He's reads me all the time, and I have been wondering whether he has the right to be doing so, and if it's actually fair to me. Due to his psychic abilities we've been arguing a lot and quite frankly we are in the 'danger zone'. I am writing to you for your advice because I love him and I want to save this relationship to help make it stronger. He reads my aura and sees 'pictures'. We have arguments sometimes when he sees me talking to a guy and accuses me wrongly. At times he would ask me to explain myself why those pictures are there on top of my head. He said If I’m honest enough those pictures would be cleansed and disappear. I find it extremely difficult to explain because a majority of time I am completely lost and don’t know what he wants me to talk about. I ask him to start the topic and tell me what is it he sees and doesn’t like but he says I need to tell him he can’t talk about it otherwise I won’t be cleansed. Due to this, he's been keeping his distance from me and he doesn't shower me with the love and attention like he use to. In this case I was wondering if it's good to go out with a psychic and can there be long-term relationship stability. I love him, but I'm in so much stress. I don't want him to argue with me over nothing, and at the same time be agitated of me talking to a male. I do want us to work out but at this stage I feel like I'm at a rocky edge and this is affecting every aspect of my aura. I hope to find a solution to combat this issue so we can make this relationship a strong lasting one. If you could give me some advice it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance.
Confused

Dear Confused: First, I won't even start with whether or not this man has any actual psychic abilities. Although it's highly questionable that he does, that isn't the main issue. What's important is that he's manipulating you. In other words, he's scamming you. He's using the fact that you believe he has psychic abilities to emotionally/mentally slime you. Maybe he means well, and he actually has no clue about ethical behavior. But regardless, "psychics" who use their "abilities" to bully other people are no better than abusive con artists. Nothing about your relationship with this man feels like love to me. My strong advice is that you see him clearly and run in the opposite direction. (Actually, this fellow might be emotionally damaged, so trying to deal with him "normally" will always backfire.) You can't fix him.
Lynda

The Pain of Love

2007-06-06T08:13:00.000-07:00

Lynda:
I found your website looking for help. I'm 42 years old and have been in a beautiful relationship with my significant other. We never married, but have been together for 8 years and have a 6 year old son together. Since we were both married previously and ended up in divorce, we decided that a piece of paper was not going to bring us happiness and didn't want to jinx our relationship. Well, we are now splitting up and I am taking it very badly. My partner has fallen in love with another woman. Within the past 2 months, he's had this friend that he spoke to several times a day. Whom he met on vacation. Our phone bill was over $600 for one month. That is when I found out about his friend. I noticed he was talking to her and confronted him. He told me they were just friends. She apparently confided in him and they became good friends. I insisted that he stop talking to her because my instincts told me that there was more than a friendship. However, at the time he said that his friendship to her was more important than me and he wasn't going to break it up. He even said that I can speak to her and she will tell me that it is nothing more than a good friendship. Well I did speak to her and asked her to please stop talking to him. She said she would, because apparently he had lied to her about something. Well, she took it really bad and insulted him and told him to leave her alone. But he would not. He continues to contact her and ask her for forgiveness. I found this out, by reviewing his phone and saw a text message where he's asking her for forgiveness and admits to her that he loves her. I showed him the message and he admitted to me that it was true. He said he felt confused because he knows that my love for him is true love and this other woman is nothing but a friend to him. He didn't know why he fell so deeply for her. At first I kicked him out, but then decided that for our son's sake he could stay. I went through a really bad divorce and my other children suffered too much and I didn't want my 6 year old son to go through the same thing. And his father does really love him and I know not having him around would be traumatic for both of them.

My question is, am I doing the good thing for my son? We do not fight in front of him, so I really don't think he knows what is going on, other than him seeing his dad sleeping in another room. Also, since this is recent, within the last couple of weeks, I am still very hurt and have been crying my eyes out everyday. I see him and want to hold him and tell him how much I love him. But, I know I cannot. He asked me to give him space and to let him go, so he can think things through, because he is confused. And he cannot ask me for forgiveness, because he cannot stop calling this other woman. His head tells him it is wrong and she is not worth it, but his heart wants her.

I'm very hurt, but I think I need to ask him to move out. But, I don't want my son to suffer. What do I do?

Confused and In Love

Dear Confused: This makes me sad, because I think the man in question is being incredibly selfish. He is putting his own needs and desires above the well being of his child. I understand that you believe you love this man, but the relationship doesn't sound like a healthy one to me, even before the other woman problem started. I'm so sorry this man let you and your children down. Sometimes people are weak. Here's what I see in the cards: get very strong within yourself, tell the selfish man to move on, focus on you and your children, create a life that nurtures and supports you, take your attention away from this man and his behavior. If you do all that, I see a wonderful improvement in your life over the next 10 months. What that means is, as you get stronger, either this man will get his act together and be worthy of you, or you'll connect with someone else who is the strong, compassionate partner you need. Sometimes we can't see the toxic environment we've created until we step away from it. Don't make this man your answer to anything. He isn't up to the job.
Lynda

Echoes From The Past?

2007-05-16T15:48:00.000-07:00

Dear Lynda:
I ran across your site today and was amazed at the insight and perception you've shown in your responses to questioning souls, so I decided to ask for your guidance in my situation. Any input you can give would be accepted gratefully with an open mind.

About 19 years ago, I had an incredible relationship with a man whom I was engaged to; it truly was the best and at the same time, the worst, relationship I've ever experienced. I won't go into all the details except to say that we were both immature and on destructive paths at the time. We split up but remained on friendly terms, both of us marrying others and living in different states. Years passed and our lives continued to change, but we have always known where the other was living and the basics of what was happening in our lives.

A few years ago, our paths crossed again and since we were both single, we saw each other a few times, but as we lived 1500 miles apart and both had demanding jobs, we mutually decided that we couldn't devote much time to pursuing a relationship right then but again, remained friendly and contacted each other by phone or email occasionally. Since that time, my life has changed dramatically (in more ways than one) and he was a great encouragement and support to me during some really scary moments in my life. In the past month, we've been in contact almost daily and have been growing closer emotionally again - not just as friends, but in a romantic sense again. He still lives in another state, but closer than he was a few years ago.

Obviously, we have both matured since our original relationship and our circumstances have changed since the last time we saw each other; we've both come to realize the danger of making our jobs our whole lives. He tells me that he hopes I'll have an open mind about a possible relationship with him because we have never really had the chance to explore that in a positive way - in the past, our lifestyles were not conducive to healthy relationships. He's asked me to come visit him, all expenses paid and no strings attached, for an upcoming weekend, and I've agreed.

Lynda, this man is unlike anyone I've ever known before or since; we share common goals, dreams and hopes for the future and similar personalities. Over the past 10 years and a few failed relationships with others, I came to the realization that I've never really allowed myself to be that intimate or "feel" that intensely with any other man. I want to approach this rationally, with an open mind, but cannot deny that there are obviously still a lot of emotions between us - a lot of "water under the bridge", if you will. Do you have any strong feelings about this meeting and/or a possible future with this man? I don't want to shut the door on anything, but I am so tired of making emotional mistakes and wonder if we are just drawn to each other because we've never really had 'closure' in any real sense, or if there is really something there we should explore. Also, do you see anything about future jobs for me? The position I have now is okay, but I've always strongly felt that I'm supposed to be writing (it is a hobby and a passion) but have no clear idea what I should be writing or who my audience is. Thanks for a great site and for taking the time to read and consider my questions.
F.S., Tennessee

Dear F.S.: When I pulled some cards about your wonderful letter, I got an interesting thing (interesting to me, anyway!). This is a two-step (at the very least) situation. Before you can make any of the decisions you asked about above -- whether this is a relationship to be pursued, etc. -- you must courageously leap into the void of trust. Trust in yourself. It seems very important that you DO go and visit this person, but for your own reasons. You must go there with no expectations whatsoever. You must go there to enjoy the moment. Each separate moment. The trip can't be about the future. It must be about what you're choosing in each nanosecond. You must get a deeper understanding of the power of focusing on what you want (which we rarely do) versus focusing on what is/what was/what we fear will be. Simply stated in Law of Attraction terms: you get more of what you give your attention to. As logical as it might seem to worry about what reconnecting with this man might "mean," if you focus on that, you'll just get more evidence of ambivalence.

Now, having said, that, you are in a rich time in your life. Everything you plant will grow and blossom. But what are you planting? How many joy seeds have you put out? Or are you planting worry seeds? I see evidence of great desire for a joyful life, but also a great fear that it can't happen. You can't have it both ways. Which are you going to focus on? You must become obsessed with turning your attention toward what you desire.

So, here it is -- plain. If you go there with expectations, the outcome won't be good. If you go with an expectation of one joyful moment after another, no matter what might show up in the outer world, you'll like the experience. I can't even tell you about the fellow because my cards are crossing their arms, and tapping their little feet, demanding that you look within yourself before you try to make sense of relationship issues.

Strangely, there also seems to be some fear around the issue of job/career. What would be it like if you distracted yourself from the fear long enough to imagine what you really want? You seem to have a lot of creative and intuitive abilities. I hope you're thinking of utilizing them.

Keep me posted!
Lynda

Relationship Confusion

2007-04-30T16:37:00.000-07:00

Dear Lynda:
I have a few issues/questions. I am trying hard to break free of my current relationship for several reasons. However, we have kids together, and I can't help but wonder if I am being selfish by not staying with him for the kids (which would make me very miserable as I cannot stand even being around him for longer than a few days; just being in his presence depresses me sometimes). Also, I met a man a couple years ago (without trying to; I even tried to avoid him, but he somehow found a way into my life anyway). Well I think I am in love with this man (and sometimes it feels like I have known him forever), but our situation is so complex that we sort of agreed that maybe it just wasn't meant to be. The last time I talked to him he was in a rocky relationship with his child's mother, but he decided to marry her anyway (I believe it has something to do with his child and the fact that he just enlisted in the military). I know these issues probably just sound like "duh" to you, but they have been heavy on my heart lately. Can you offer any insight or guidance?
L., Texas

Dear L:
No matter which one of the two men you talked about I look at, I get a similar outcome: sadness, negativity and hopelessness. My question to you is, why are you focusing so much on which man? You said almost nothing about yourself (your dreams, hopes, career aspirations, talents, skills, etc.). There is a doorway out of this confusion and unhappiness, but you can only walk through it alone. Now, having said that, the sort of "alone" I'm referring to has nothing to do with whether or not you are physically around other people. It's a state of mind. A choice. Making yourself (as an individual) a higher priority. You'll have to decide if your children's father's presence is beneficial to the kids. If he does a good job loving them, etc., then perhaps you can allow him to do that, and the two of you can create a (perhaps temporary) arrangement to make lemonade out of lemons for your children. Must you live in the same residence to be good parents?

If you have a negative pattern you are recreating, I'd ask you to please consider that nothing good can come from it. All attention isn't good attention. Please keep me posted.
Lynda

Broken Hearted

2007-02-04T18:20:00.000-08:00

Dear Lynda:
I dated this guy for 14 months. We broke up due to his ex that he dated for 5 years. When I found out about the affair, he told me the truth and said that he did not want to lose me but in the end her 5 years won and I became the enemy. It has been over 2 years now. I love this man still to this point. I love him more each day. I have been in a relationship that has offered more and when it was over I did move on, but with this one I can not. I never felt this way before. What's happening to me? I have prayed and prayed but am still unable to let go, We have spoken from time to time, just everyday things How he's doing. How the business is doing. Where he lives. Where he works. He even tells me how much he makes. But we have not seen each other in over 2 years. What is going on? Why is it hard for me to cut my loses? I never held on to anything this long when it was over.
D., Florida

Dear D:
I'm so sorry you've been going through such a terrible time. When something awful happens unexpectedly (finding out about his other woman and being betrayed), we often find it difficult to accept. It's as if our brain just won't take it in. I'm very concerned about you because you seem to be spiraling into a deeper depression. When we lose someone (whether through death, divorce or break-up, etc.) we grieve. Sometimes the grief becomes what's called "morbid grief," meaning it goes on longer than seems appropriate and is more severe. One reason your grief continues unabated is because you keep talking to this person (even casually). That might work fine for him, but it's devastating for you. You must take some clear actions to separate yourself from this person, his memory and the attachment you feel. You must take steps to create a new life. It seems to me that you've been sleepwalking for 2 years and it's time for you to force yourself to wake up. If you can afford to see a counselor in your area, please do that. You might benefit from some short-term medication to help you get through the worst of the stuck energy. Unfortunately, this is a clear case of things remaining stagnant until you take some actions on your own behalf. Once you do that, the wheel will turn again and you'll find joy in your life in other ways. Allow for the possibility of a new relationship. Someone you can trust, this time. My thoughts are with you.
Lynda

Frustrated Writer

2007-01-15T18:19:00.000-08:00

Lynda:
I have been a writer for over 15 years. While I have been published in both fiction and non-fiction, it is never steady and has not yet become my working "career." I know in my heart that it is what I am supposed to do, yet it feels like this goal is getting farther and farther away from me. If the Universe wants me to be a writer, why do they make it so blasted hard? Do you feel that this is my path, and that it will get easier? If so, when? Because I'm about to give up, which saddens me deeply.
Thanks!
A in WA

Dear A:
I might have a different take on things than you do, so just use what helps and discard the rest. I don't believe the Universe has any particular plans for anyone -- the Universe doesn't make anything hard/easy. I think you're the chooser. Or, rather, your beliefs, intentions, patterns, habits of thought, and paths of least resistance do the choosing for you. You're probably highly influenced by all the limiting beliefs floating in consensus "reality" about how hard it is to be a full-time writer. Or maybe, how hard it is to be a writer at all! It certainly feels challenging to swim against that tide. I know lots of writers who make a living and write full-time. Now, having said that, I'll say that I know hundreds more who do it part-time and who don't count on it to pay all the bills. And, there are even more who have toiled for years and haven't sold anything yet. Something I've noticed is that my full-time writing friends are stressed out. Unless, of course, they share expenses with someone so the bulk of the responsibility isn't on her/his shoulders.

Why in the world would you even THINK of giving up if this is your heart path? Who could know your heart path better than you? And what does "giving up" mean? Do you mean you won't write anymore? Can you do that? There is no "supposed to," there is only "I choose/I desire." Perhaps it is time to get clear on your desires. The notion of being a successful writer is very ambiguous. How would you know if you achieved it? What would it look like? I get the sense that you're pushing against something. Is there a change you need to make? A shift in the kind of things you're writing? A letting go of rules that don't apply? What do you really want?

I put out a Tarot spread about your writing and here's what I got (in a nutshell): Take a risk. Stop writing according to anyone else's ideas of what constitutes good writing or success. Some emotional issues are still impeding your process. Take a new direction. Get passionately pissed off and put it in your writing. An unexpected, very positive thing is heading your way (at your request, conscious or unconscious). Make a new plan. Set some new goals. Take compassionate ownership. Close the book on the pre-2007 writer and open a fresh one.

Keep me posted!
Lynda

Pain from the Past

2006-11-11T09:07:00.000-08:00

Hi Lynda:
I have recently learned that my adoptive father sexually abused me before I was five or six years old. This information came through a convoluted source when I went for a reading with a psychic who is very reliable, committed and of high vibration. My father came through saying he wanted to make amends and that I deserved to know what had happened to me, that he had been a very self-absorbed man during his life and had not looked at himself, gave himself permission to be inappropriate with me because I wasn't technically "his," and also that he had been abused himself as a young boy and never had dealt with it. He went on to sexually abuse my niece when she was a young girl and again when she was a teenager, and when she told on him, her mother and grandmother (his wife) did not believe her. My niece went on to experience drug abuse, became anorexic and a cutter until she was in treatment. I went to her with this visitation information because he told me in the reading to do so to validate both myself and her. I did this. She was floored (she's in her twenties now) but released some of her grief and anger I believe. I am trying to do the same.

My question now is this: How do I approach the healing part of this? Is it a matter of time? I have a therapist and also recently an intuitive life coach, and I am working to open my own intuition and do the kind of healing work I feel I was always meant to do. As an astrologer, tarot reader, writer, wife, mother and grandmother, I have gained many people skills and experienced many of life's challenges to my emotional well being beginning life as an adoptee and working through addiction and grief on many levels. This latest one was a shock. While it's freeing to know what really happened with my father, it's also causing me to look back over my childhood with fresh eyes, and it feels sad. I guess I am experiencing all the betrayal and lack of love I sensed was there. Now I have more information than I had before.

I want to know if I am handling this well, if I am giving myself enough time and energy (or lack of it some days...the option of doing nothing at all if that's what I need) to find my way through this knowledge about my family. I am coming up on a holiday visit with my mother and sister (my niece will not be present by choice) and knowing that they are "unaware," although I was told my mother, who is now 90, did know about my abuse and plans to take her denial "to the grave." I feel frightened a bit. At least my inner child feels that way. Both frightened and also angry. My sister was also abused but she doesn't remember it, just like I don't remember it.

Because this information came through an "odd channel" (haha...a little joke: HIM) it seems like others would call it smoke and mirrors and me a weirdo for believing this. But my father's energy was present in that sitting and he identified things about himself, his hobbies, his behaviors, his boat, and his name...which is extremely unique...so I know that this is "real". I'm also grateful that my niece was able to witness the behavior at an older age so I don't have to wonder if he possible could have done these things. He appeared to be a pillar of the community but at home he was someone else altogether.

I sense that he has lightened up himself on the other side and that this contact we had can/will free us both somehow. Do you think I am doing okay so far?
Regards,
Astro

Dear Astro: One of the challenges about exploring situations from the past is that once we open the box, we often find our emotions and reactions can't be easily controlled. Finding ourselves angry with those who didn't protect us from the perpetrator can be unexpected. As with any situation, how the others around the child (or whoever) deal with the issue is more important than the issue itself. What I mean by that is that if a child is harmed and then -- on top of the initial harm -- family members actually blame the child for her own victimization, or they all go into profound denial, then the child is left with very toxic psychic residue. The chained-and-bound elephant in the room that never gets addressed. I believe you're dealing with your feelings about not being protected. Not being sufficiently cherished. I'm glad you're in therapy. Don't be afraid to let your anger out in safe places. Anger (otherwise known as passion or lifeforce) is a powerful agent for healing and change. Anger has lots of secrets in its pocket. It's probably time to shift your attention back to being the chooser of your future. It's better if this doesn't become how you define yourself. I see lots of good things lined up for you. You're doing better than fine.
Lynda

Feeling Hopeless

2006-09-23T19:56:00.000-07:00

Dear Lynda:
I will soon turn 44, and I am completely lost. After 20 years of marriage, I divorced in 2004/2005 . I recently moved to Tennessee to be close to my family. Unfortunately, I reconciled with my ex last June and made the move with him. And, of course, things are not going well at all the second time around. My question is, what path do I take or direction do I look in as far as a job or career so I can support myself financially? If I could just support myself I would end this dead-end nightmare of a relationship and be perfectly content being alone. Which I feel I already am. I have been a wife and mother for 20 years, and I feel I have no real skills. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia 8 years ago, but as a true Scorpio, I deal with it and move on. At this point I have no job , no car of my own and of course very little money to go back to school. I feel powerless . And yes , I know he likes it this way because he is in control. I am starting to lose my sparkle of uniqueness, along with my identity and passion . We are both Scorpios. I need to rise like the phoenix from the ashes and start living life. I feel that I can work but I just don't know what direction to go. If you could please help, it would be deeply appreciated.
Evesgarden, TN

Dear Evesgarden:
First, I get the overwhelming sense that things are on the upswing. As I look ahead -- even short-term -- things seem to be improving a lot. Even as soon as late Fall, you'll notice good news arriving. I see several things: an unused writing skill, healing/caring abilities, and management aptitudes. That doesn't mean you'll go and work for a big corporation. That means you might discover -- in a very small business -- an opportunity to take charge in some way and organize things. You might not believe you have those skills, but I think they're in your blueprint. You might have to start out small in a job you wouldn't wish to keep for a long time. I know fibromyalgia makes you tired and achy, and the last thing you want to do is work those muscles, etc. But there is research that shows the more you can work those muscles, the better you'll feel. And I'm sure you already know that there's a heavy emotional component in that illness (which is why anti-depressant meds often help). In fact, I've seen it shift radically when the sufferer's mental state/ideas/beliefs change. So, hang in there. All the work has to be mental now: you have to prepare for the changes you're going to make. You do have skills and abilities and you WILL get a job. Soon. But, you won't get a job until you actually want one. Look at that issue honestly. It isn't easy to be the phoenix rising. And, here's another thing, but I have mixed feelings about it. I see another man coming. OK. I know it's often easier to use a new man to get away from the old one, but that isn't ideal. But, maybe ideal isn't necessary at first. So, when this fellow shows up, let him motivate you. Let him emotionally support you. But don't get yourself caught up into another dead-end relationship. Until you take the time to change your beliefs/patterns, all you can attract is more of what you already have. I recommend that you check out www.abraham-hicks.com. Esther Hicks is an awesome motivational transformer. Her work is grounded and joyful. Just what you need. Hang on. It's getting better. Really.
Lynda

The Gift

2006-09-16T07:59:00.000-07:00

Lynda:
Some years ago I was told I had "The Gift." I thought it was a crock! The psychic told me I can chose to embrace it or not. I chose not to...I think. I have had a lot of situations -- too many at this point -- that have occurred where I know stuff ahead of time. I don't know who to talk to or how to handle this. I found your site on the internet. I need help, because this is freaking me out. Please help. Thank You
C., Colorado

Dear C:
I'm not sure why you'd be upset by having such a normal ability. It's really only very recently that we humans have begun to understand that we are much more than we thought. That many skills that were seen as "extraordinary" or "special" are, in fact, normal. Perhaps you're making the mistake many of us make: you're assuming that since you can sense an event, etc., ahead of time, that you must DO something about it. Or, that you are responsible for "causing" the event. Sensing energy is normal. Being aware of things before they happen is normal. Intuitive/psychic ability is normal. I realize it isn't as much fun to see these things as "normal," but it's accurate. If you have enhanced abilities, you can, indeed, choose whether or not you wish to participate in building them up. Or in allowing them to diminish through lack of focus. But, just because you know things, it doesn't mean any particular actions, feelings or outcomes must take place. We simply don't have any ability to create in someone else's reality. I hope this eases your mind.
Lynda

Musical Career

2006-09-06T14:32:00.000-07:00

Hi, Lynda:
I have a question to ask you. I've been going through a lot of problems in my life lately and I'm really down right now. And even though I have other problems, I have one main question to ask, and that's about my music. I plan to make this my career, but I guess I don't know how to go about it. When will this happen for me? You know -- when will I get exposure? I think this will solve all my financial problems too! Thank you for your time.
L., Colorado

Dear L:
Be patient. You're in a learning period right now. The opportunity that you're waiting for is still a little ways down the road, but in the meantime, you can make sure you're fine-tuning your talents as much as possible. Don't get distracted by a person who only brings you trouble, and if you have a tendency toward dependence on a substance, please realize it can be your downfall. Work hard, study, learn your craft, get as healthy as you can and be ready for something unexpectedly wonderful to happen regarding your musical career within the next year. That's just the blink of an eye.
Lynda

The Dark Night

2006-08-19T09:00:00.000-07:00

Lynda:
I've been going through what feels like some major life changes in the past couple of months. I ended a two year relationship in which we were living together. Since then there have been times I have felt completely lost, without energy, dealing with issues, and missing my partner. Wondering really what the future holds, trying to find things to be positive about, and really wondering when life is going to turn around for me. Not really sure what I should be doing right now. Still wondering if this is the person for me, and if I got out of my depressed state, could we make it work as a relationship? Much uncertainty in my life right now, with work, life, love.
G., Colorado

Dear G:
I'm going to state the obvious, first. When we're lost in the dark clouds of depression, nothing feels good. Nothing seems hopeful. The sun rarely shines. I'd ordinarily ask you if you would consider seeing someone for your depression, but I see evidence that -- either you are doing that or you've decided to (consciously or unconsciously) -- things are going to improve. You're still slogging through the manure field right now, but I see an end to that. At least an end to the depth of it. It's easier to trudge through ankle-deep manure than chest-deep. Sorry for the less-than-delightful metaphor. If I had to sum up the cycle that begins in the Fall for you, I'd say "unexpected positive possibilities." As dark as things look right now (and please, make your decision to get some help conscious and take action), the next year looks much more hopeful. I think your difficulties aren't only (maybe even not even primarily) about relationships. You seem to be grappling with major beliefs about yourself, your choices and old patterns. So, here's some good news: love is near. You'll either meet someone brand new (there is an energy of the unexpected) or a former relationship will realign itself. It definitely isn't a rehash of the same old-same old. Lots of healthy opportunities for you, in most areas of your life. Now your task is to line yourself up with those positive outcomes. Perhaps my response to the question before yours might offer additional thoughts. Please keep me posted.
Lynda

Seeking Her Lifemate

2006-08-19T08:33:00.000-07:00

Lynda:
I need guidance and confirmation of what I should do regarding my personal life. I have been separated from my old boyfriend for nearly 2.5 years; we had been together for nine years before this. Last Christmas it seemed as if we were nearing reconciliation but when I asked him if he had decided if he wanted to spend his life with me, he was still uncertain. So, in Feb. I began to date another man and it was only then that my old boyfriend decided that he wanted to marry me! I declined his offer as I didn’t want (and couldn’t frankly believe) that this reactionary response to my new relationship was sincere. Now my new romance has ended and I would like to get back together with my old boyfriend, but I don’t know if it is a hopeless cause and/or even for my highest good. I just turned 40 this summer and I am so tired of being alone; all I ever wanted as an adult woman was to be married to a wonderful man…why hasn’t this happened? Is marriage in the cards for me and if you could give me an idea as to how long I need to wait. I live in a remote area and there are not a lot of opportunities to meet men here, so I am wondering how and where I might meet the man that I am to share this life with.

P.S.: Another psychic told me that she senses that I am a very old spirit who is perhaps living my last mortal life. She said, this time I should get it right in the love dept. Do you get the same sense?

Thank you for your talents and guidance.

CH, Colorado

Dear CH:
One of the difficult things about being fearful about something is that we attract the very outcome that we don't want. In general, if we want "x," and instead of daydreaming, fantasizing about how wonderful it will be to have "x," how great it makes us feel to have "x," we constantly notice "x" isn't here. We tend to spend 99% of our time worrying about "x," fixating on when "x" will show up. Unfortunately, whatever we focus on, we get more of. So right now you're getting lots of evidence of "x isn't here." My general feeling is that your desire to have your former boyfriend back is a fear reaction. The notion that even something that doesn't feel good is better than nothing. Your intuition was on-target when you declined his (fear-based) offer when you were with the other fellow. One of the soundbites that Phil McGraw (Dr. Phil) frequently utters that I happen to agree with is, "we teach people how to treat us." If we're willing to settle for crumbs -- if we believe that's all we deserve (usually unconsciously) -- then crumbs is what we'll get. Can't live on crumbs. So, here's what I think: the moment you give yourself permission to stop worrying about the mate issue, the moment you relax and turn your focus to something you actually enjoy, something unexpected will happen. I don't see your mate being the former guy. I see someone absolutely new entering the picture. It really doesn't matter what joyful actions you take to make this happen: internet dating, etc. The joyful part is all that matters. You seem to have some ideas about yourself and men that aren't helpful, so you might do a bit more compassionate self-exploration. Whatever happened in the past is only a major element in your future if you keep your attention on it.

I don't share the spiritual philosophy offered by the other psychic you mentioned. I believe that our choice to be on Earth is a joyful one, gleefully chosen because we seek experiences. All kinds of experiences. In the larger perspective, absolutes don't exist (good vs. bad, etc.). It is only when we look at life with our limited understanding that we think things are inexplicable. Or if we have a fear/punishment-based perspective. You have as much opportunity to have a wonderful love experience in this lifetime as in any other. It isn't decided outside of you. You are the chooser. Honest.
Lynda

Following Your Passion

2006-08-03T03:41:00.000-07:00

Hi Lynda:
I wrote to you earlier about a hypnotherapy school catalog, but I'm intrigued and would like to know if this career change is helping me progress in the right direction spiritually at this time. My husband, son and I are struggling a bit financially and I'm wondering if this would be the best time to explore this field. I have been told many times that I am intuitive, and after reading your website about HSPs-whoa! Is that me!! I've also noticed in your description of EHSP that my son fits that bill to a T. He was diagnosed with Asperger's , which as I'm sure you know is a mild form of Autism, and I've always wondered about his abilities. He used to tell me he could see angels flying in the sky when he was young. He doesn't remember it now. Please let me know if you think I would be heading in the right direction. Thank you for any answers you may have for me.
Robin, Colorado

Dear Robin: There is overwhelming evidence that you are in a growth period. The indications are that whatever you "plant" for the rest of this year (and into the new Spring), will be harvested in positive ways. The key is for you to follow your passion. Whatever interests/intrigues you needs to be explored and tasted. It's my belief that if something feels good when you do it -- or when you think about it -- then you're on the right path: spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically. Hypnotherapy might be a doorway into other interests. There is no hurry in uncovering all of your new directions. You're in a time when the answer is "this/and" rather than "either/or." Whenever something new calls to you, answer. Like most other Highly Sensitive People, you'll find yourself drawn to several outlets for your interests, rather than only one or two.

Isn't it wonderful that your son arrived with an open heart/open mind and he allowed himself to see layers of the universe we "rational grownups" shut down much too early? My son used to tell me things like that and I was sorry when he let "reality" overwhelm his larger vision. But, for both our sons, the ability to see beyond the norm remains.

I don't see an ongoing struggle with money for you and your family, so you can relax a little bit and know that new doors are opening in that arena, too. Keep me posted!
Lynda

Unwelcome Guests

2006-07-30T07:41:00.000-07:00

Dear Lynda:
I'm writing to you today because I have a few concerns and I am hoping you might be able to give me some answers. Not only for my peace of mind but, mostly for my Mother's . I'm 28 years old and I live at home with my mom and 9 year old sister. Almost 3 years ago, my mom's brother, wife and daughter had plans to move to Las Vegas. They told their landlord they were moving out and to find someone else to rent the house to. At the last moment they had a fight with their older daughter, who already lived in Vegas and they were unable to move in with her, so they had nowhere to go. My mom being the caring and helping person that she is, offered to help them out by letting them move in with us for a couple months. She told them, she would only charge them $ 300 per month to help them save money and get their own place in Vegas. Now, it's been almost three years and apparently they can't afford to move out on their own. The problem is that the only income they can count on is my uncle's paycheck. His wife is disabled and she gets about $800 a month from disability but, she is a careless, selfish, money spending slob, who only cares about herself and is not willing to help better their situation. My cousin and aunt are both the same, they are dirty, lazy and all they want to do is be out in the streets and spend money. They lie to my uncle to get money from him all the time, not to mention they eat fast food all day long. My mother is so stressed out, I'm afraid she is going to have a nervous breakdown. According to my aunt, she says that she she has gone to look at a few apartments and houses for rent, but I don't see how that is possible when she sleeps all day long and the only time she leaves the house is pretty much at night. She is such a liar. So, that is one of my concerns. The other one is that last week she came to me and said she wanted to tell me something, but I had to promise not to tell anyone. She told me that morning my cousin ( 21 years old) received a phone call from her doctor telling her that she has cervical cancer. My aunt told me not to say anything to anyone because, my cousin doesn't want anyone to know. Not even her Dad. I asked my aunt, then why are you telling me and she said, "because I trust you!" I think that my aunt is lying because my cousin doesn't even seem upset or worried.
I don't know what to think. Maybe she just told me that, so I can tell my mom and make her feel sorry for them and they can stay longer. What do you think? Do you see them moving out anytime soon? And, do you think, that my cousin might have cervical cancer? Please help!!!
Jessica

Dear Jessica:
This is one of those times when there are no easy answers. And this is your mother's task to deal with -- not yours. Sometimes it is hard for us to watch loved ones struggle, and we wish we could take the burden from them. But remember that your mother's spirit/inner wisdom brought her to this situation for some important reason. A reason that only she knows (unconsciously). She must set her boundaries and ask her brother and his family to leave. Nothing will change until your mother takes that step. She has to take responsibility for her own wellbeing and happiness, and you can't do that for her. Of course, you can take responsibility for your own by finding your own place to live, if that would be helpful for you. Your relatives will continue to be a financial/emotional/mental drain on your household until your mother makes a new decision. After your mother makes that new decision and sets new boundaries, things will get a lot better for her.

I have no medical intuitive-type knowledge, so I can't give you any insights about your cousin's state of health. What I can tell you is that whatever is going on with your cousin and your aunt definitely involves money problems.

Once again, nothing will improve until your mother takes a stand. This isn't about when/if your relatives will leave. It's about when your mother makes that happen. This is her challenge. Let her take it on.
Lynda

Nonordinary Experiences

2006-07-29T20:40:00.000-07:00

Dear Lynda:
As of this evening I've about had it. I've blown every light bulb in our house multiple times over the past six months. Sometimes they pop when my body is near them, or they pop when I turn them on. These are light bulbs that have been in the light fixtures for only a day, few days, or less than two weeks. They can be lamps, bathroom fixtures, and even ceiling fixtures. No one else in the family makes the bulbs pop. The light bulbs don't just not turn on, they actually pop loudly and crackle in front of me. It's really bothering me. I'm a grown woman in my forties and have often had strange experiences since I was a child.

Last fall I had just left my ill mother at the hospital and went out into the hospital parking lot to the car. I had my purse in one hand, and my car keys in my right hand. I sat down in the driver's car seat, rested my head a minute, and, after a minute, decided I should start the car and head home after the long day. Suddenly the car radio came on. The car keys weren't even in the ignition. I was able to turn the radio off, and quickly started the car. I sat for a few minutes staring at the radio feeling rather prickly. The song playing was nothing special. Not like when my brother died 13 years ago in New York, and the song "A New York Minute" came on the radio at 10:11 am while I was at my desk at work, and for some odd reason it made me think of him and I looked at the clock. I found out eight hours later that he was crushed beneath a car in his automotive garage at that moment.

Recently, while talking to my 24 yr. old daughter over the phone, I heard her say a full sentence to me in my head before it actually came out of her mouth. It was a sentence that was totally out of the blue. Not anything I would have expected, heard before, or would have anticipated. I felt ethereal immediately afterwards. My hair prickled and my arms had goosebumps.

Right now I feel tired -- emotionally spent. I feel on edge. I have absolutely strange, strange, strange dreams. Nothing scary -- just long, unusual, and they play out like novels. Often my dreams stay with me through the day -- the feelings, emotions, and sometimes a sickly feeling of dread. It's that feeling of dread when the dream flows over me at odd moments of the day. I can never pinpoint why I feel that dread. There are times when that dread washes over me at the oddest times -- putting laundry in the washer, reading a book, setting the table, etc. Only every once in a while I will have an instantaneous flash of a women in the 1940s era standing at the back door of her house looking out over her rear yard, and seeing a man driving down a dirt road in an old horse and buggy. That sense of dread washes over me to powerfully that I feel ill and panicky. It's a feeling of disgust, aversion, suspense, evilness, and more. I can see the kitchen counters beside me, feel the lightness of the dress I'm wearing along with an apron, picture the yard before me, sense the size of the house, know my hair color and style, and hear the sound of the screen door. Many, many of my dreams are like this.

I HAVE had four experiences in the past year where I'm frozen in my bed in the early hours before I wake up, and I feel scared. It feels like I'm awake. I can look around my room and down the hall, but I can't break through a strange ethereal feeling. My sense of hearing is sharp, yet I feel like I'm in a slight fog and can't break away. I feel that there is another presence in the house. I've never seen this presence, but it's an acute feeling that this being is there. It's almost like when I'm in this state and open my eyes that I make the presence move away. It's an awful feeling.

I've also had several times in my dreams and waking up moments where I am unable to discern the difference between the real world and my dream world. I literally have to fight to get back to the real world. I will be in my dream asking myself, "is THIS my real life? Or that other life?." I have to pull myself out of the dream, try to gather my surroundings, force myself to open my eyes and situate myself in this world -- bedroom walls, trees outside the window, etc. There are times when I'm so afraid that I'll get left in the dreams. My dreams are VERY realistic -- feelings, touch, texture, and a sense of colors.

I've been told I'm very sensitive to people, very intuitive, and am the "go to" person when people want to talk. Even in high school. I just need to know if what is going on with me is fairly normal, or if there is something more going on around me.

Thanks for your patience and taking the time to read this email. This is just a smattering of what I sense and feel almost daily, so I appreciate any input you can give me.

Barb

Dear Barb: I understand why you'd be concerned about all your experiences. They do seem to add up to having quite a lot on your psychic plate. Many people work very hard to open themselves up to the kinds of experiences you just naturally have. First, make some decisions about how much of the otherworldly stuff you want to deal with. Seriously. These things don't come to us without an invitation (conscious or unconscious) from us. You can mediate how much of it you get, and in what forms it comes. It is often the case that powerfully negative information is the easiest to pick up. Or things with a lot of emotional baggage for you personally.

I know what you mean about the lightbulbs. It's so annoying to pop them daily. Not to mention the small appliances, watches, etc. I have to make conscious efforts not to blast things with my electromagnetic energy. Sometimes I forget. I use it as an excuse to be mindful -- to approach light fixtures, appliances, etc. with awake intention. I sometimes shake my hands before I touch something electrical (which includes my car, car radio, CD player, etc.) and then I imagine the outcome I desire. Usually when I do that, everything remains "normal." I especially love when the radio (any radio) comes on by itself just so I can hear a certain phrase from a song.

See if you can relax about your abilities. If the experiences cause you to feel very strange, uncomfortable and give you a sense of dread, remember that you're picking up vibes that are not necessarily yours. Create something helpful to yourself from whatever your philosophy is: if you believe in surrounding yourself in white light, definitely do that. If imagining that you have the roots of an ancient, wise tree, then do that. If you have a spirit guide who protects you, call her/him. Whatever works. Sometimes you'll have to change it to suit the weirdness of the occasion.

If you start to feel the boundaries between what you believe is "real" and "unreal" blurring, you might need additional assistance to re-draw the lines. Take charge. Determine what you wish to experience and imagine closing the door on the rest. Or, if you would simply like to enjoy all of it according to your rules, perceptions, limitations, etc., just make that very clear. Once again, this isn't happening outside of you. Something about these experiences are resonating with an inner trigger from you. There's nothing bad here. You get to decide how nonordinary you'd like this life to be. Vivid dreaming is exciting, but if it gets to be too much for you, perhaps you could utilize hypnosis to adjust your experience. Keep me posted.
Lynda

Will I Hear From Him?

2006-07-15T18:35:00.000-07:00

Dear Lynda:
I really would like to have this man, Stephen back into my life. Since I really haven't had much communication with him since February it is very hard to know what has taken place in his life or if he is even with anyone else. I have only spoken with him on April 11, 2006, briefly on April 12, 2006 and a few minutes on June 2, 2006. Each time on April 11 and June 2 he wanted to see me. I have not heard anything since June 2, 2006. I have received a number of hang up calls on my home phone number, but I have no idea if they are connected with him. There have been some strange cell calls and again, I don't know if he has anything to do with them either. He is a man who just stopped communicating with me in February and I have no reason why. I never asked him, when I talked with him. He and I got along great and I felt we had the basis for a good relationship because in his last e-mail on February 12, 2006 he stated that he wanted to continue seeing me, he wanted to take me places and that he would never do me wrong and signed it, Love, Stephen. Well, I was just very confused and hurt when he did the opposite and abruptly stopped communicating with me. The very last time I actually was with him was on February 16, 2006 when I went to his apartment and spoke with him for about 30 minutes. Lynda, I miss him so much and I wish I knew what happened then and when I am going to hear from him next so that I can be much better prepared. Being kept in the dark has been very hard and I just wish you could tell me something enlightening about this situation. I wish I could see him again and he feel so bad about the way he treated me that he would do almost anything to make it up to me. Lynda, do you think he ever thinks about me? Please let me hear from you soon. Just knowing when I will hear from him next would mean so much to me. I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you for listening to me.
Patricia

Dear Patricia:
My heart aches for you. Not because you're yearning to hear from this poor, emotionally-unstable fellow, but because you are so willing to settle for crumbs. Sweetie, I don't understand why you miss him. You never had him. It was all smoke. He doesn't mean to be hurtful. He doesn't mean to be distant and confusing and unavailable. But he is. Someone that emotionally unbalanced simply can't be what you're looking for. And, even if he does contact you again (and he probably doesn't remember if he did contact you, or if he ever said he would, etc.), it will be the same thing over and over and over again. I know you believe right now that you need him. That your life will be empty without him. My dear, your life would be empty with him. I don't think you actually did get along great. I think you tried to do whatever he wanted you to do, or whatever you imagined would rock the boat as little as possible and keep him around. That's a terrible basis for a relationship. I know you don't want to hear this, but my feeling is he won't contact you. And if you manage to get in touch with him, he'll only cause you pain. But, if you let yourself heal from this disappointment, something wonderful (a new love) is on your horizon. Be well.
Lynda

Abusive Dad

2006-06-24T09:27:00.000-07:00

Hi Lynda:
I will try and explain this as simple as possible. Basically my mum and dad split up when I was very young and I used to see him a couple of times a year. Things were great until I was about 13 and I wasn't getting a long with my mum so my sister and I moved away to live with him. I saw a completely different side to him during our time there. He drank and hit us and used to do the nastiest things someone could say to their daughter. In the end, after about 2 years, he chucked us on the streets and we had to move back where our mum lived. Since we moved back I have found out some awful things about him but I have been keeping in touch with him. I will never forgive him for the things he has done and will always hate him. I feel I need to put a stop to everything and say goodbye once and for all as he has not changed and I can tell and he doesn't seem sorry for what he has done. Should I put the fact that I cannot forgive to the side and try? Or should I stop speaking to him. I think either way, will be hard but I need to know what to do because my head is getting so messed up!
Thank you
Stacie

Dear Stacie: You didn't mention your age, but if you're under 18 please write me again. I'll have different advice. Several things come to mind for you. First, it is common that a child of an abusive parent will continue trying to get love and attention from that parent. Unconsciously we believe that if that parent finally acknowledges us and gives us the care we deserve, we'll finally be OK. You probably know already that isn't true. Your father has his own path and makes his own choices. Nothing you ever did was to blame for his horrible choices. And keeping yourself caught between "hating" him and "forgiving" him is a no-win situation for you. All you can do is see him clearly, grieve what was and what will never be, and turn your attention to making yourself and your life healthy. Remember that whatever we give our attention to -- positive or negative -- becomes larger in our "reality." Why not contemplate a third choice? Don't take any more actions in the outer world to contact or stay in touch with him. Just let him be. And, at the same time, don't give him anymore of your power by having strong emotions about him. Spend as little time thinking about him as possible. Whenever you find yourself caught up in the past, force yourself to shift your attention to something healthier. Something pleasant. Something hopeful about yourself and your life. I'm sure that sounds like denial, but some constructive denial can help shake us out of the "either/or" patterns we're so fond of. Because whether we're thinking about what that person did, and how much we hate him, or how much we'd like things to be different, we're still stuck in the same old, negative pattern. Nothing good can come from either end of that negative pattern. Forgiving him might happen at some point, but you've got a lot of anger to work through before that. Take charge of your life, your emotions and your future. Don't let him contaminate the future as he has the past. And the only way he won't contaminate it is if you make other choices -- focus on better things -- and refuse to slide back down into the energetic manure. I was very angry at my father for years and years for similar reasons, and the only person who was really being harmed by all the strong emotions I had was me. I haven't forgiven him, but I no longer spend much time thinking about him. Who knows what I'll choose later? And only you know what you want the rest of your life to be like. Now, having said all that, I think you need to talk to a counselor. If you have limited resources, check out the Mental Health Center in your town. They usually offer a sliding scale. Bless your heart. Things will get better.
Lynda

The Single Rut

2006-06-03T08:15:00.000-07:00

Lynda:
I want desperately to get married and have a family someday. I would not like to wait until I am 40 years old to do so though. Do you have any confirming words for me that this will or will not happen? If it is a possibility, do you have a date. I am tired of being in a single rut.
Thanks,
Lonely in Oregon

Dear Lonely:
First, the indications are that marriage is likely. Notice I said likely, and not certain. There is no such thing as certain. You are the chooser, and every day you make a series of conscious and unconscious decisions that determines your path. Now, having said that, let's address the "desperately" part. Desperation is a resistant, pushing-away energy. It repels. It's like one part of you is screaming "Yes!!" at the universe, but your vibe is screaming "No!!" Confused energy attracts more of itself: chaos. Here's the trick. You need to keep your focus on how wonderful it feels to be in the right relationship with the right person. Wallow in those pleasant sensations. But don't keep looking around to see if that relationship has arrived yet. When you look around to see if the person of your dreams has shown up, you shift your attention back to "lonely," rather than keeping it on "blissfully connected." You'll have to find a way to keep yourself joyfully distracted, absolutely knowing that the relationship already exists (and you need to get into alignment with it, rather than thinking it needs to get into alignment with you). Think of the relationship you want as existing in a parallel dimension and the only way for you to create a bridge from that "reality" to this "reality" is to imagine it is already here. Best wishes!
Lynda

Sensing Energy

2006-05-13T19:15:00.000-07:00

Dear Lynda:
I am a 46-year-old female. I have been married for 22 years and have two children. Throughout most of my life I've been able to sense things, i.e., when a loved one needs me, or when someone is doing something harmful to me. Lately I have been experiencing other people's emotional pain. This is emotional and physically painful for me. Can you advise me about what I can do to stop this.
Sad In Waco

Dear Sad: It is difficult being caught up in others' energy/emotions before we figure out that we can choose how much -- if any -- of that we wish to feel. It seems to me that you've only recently given yourself full permission to explore all your talents, and your sensitivity is one of your finest gifts and biggest challenges. This might sound cold, but everyone has emotional pain. It's just part of being alive. There's nothing wrong with it, even if it's intense. Each soul chooses it's own experiences -- emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. We can't ever know why someone attracts and re-experiences so much pain. But it's ok for you to observe it without having any opinions about it. In fact, it really doesn't help anyone if you have opinions about it or reactions to it. The soul in question has gone to great lengths to create the current situation. You can only know the small part you can see/sense/feel from the outside. So, here's my advice: let whatever emotions you choose to feel wash through you, and don't attempt to hold onto them. They aren't yours to do anything with, and you're merely an observer. Then, if you decide you don't even want that much contact, simply imagine yourself deeply grounded in the Earth, sending the healing, light energy up through your feet, through your entire body, to form a lovely bubble around your body. You'll be so full of your own "vibe" that you won't be affected by energy floating around you. Let me know how it works out. An even simpler way is just to let go of the attachment to feeling what's out there. Sometimes that's harder than it sounds, because being able to read the emotional environment becomes a way we define ourselves. I can relate.
Lynda

Old Boyfriend?

2006-05-07T19:15:00.000-07:00

Dear Lynda:
I have been married almost 6 years and have a son who is almost 4. My relationship is good, but a lot of work. The problem is that I still miss my ex-boyfriend very much. I broke up with him 11 years ago, but still want him. He would probably not want me back. I love my husband and son. What should I do about this longing for my ex-boyfriend?
Confused

Dear Confused:
What comes to mind for me is the statement, "you don't know what you've got until it's gone." But I'm not applying it to your former boyfriend. It comes up for me about your marriage. As much as it might seem to be about your former boyfriend, your feelings are really about something inside you. Something about your life. Something about a part of yourself that is yearning. And I believe you aren't missing the old boyfriend. You're missing something he means to you, or a way you behaved around him, or the unlimited hopes of the future, or the freedom you had back then. Fantasizing about an old flame always beats the heck outta dealing with the daily grind of working at a relationship. I'll be as clear as I can. Your marriage is worth focusing on. Your child deserves your clarity. And, even if the old boyfriend wanted you more than life itself, your relationship with that old guy still wouldn't work. In fact, he's not even remotely the person you remember and you wouldn't like it. Or him. Really. Now, the question is: Are you willing to be courageous and face that the problem has nothing to do with anyone else? That there is something you are refusing to face about yourself? Your hopes? Your dreams? So, how can you put yourself and your needs higher on your priority list? That isn't being selfish (despite much opinion to the contrary). It's being awake. Stop looking outside yourself and explore the place where exciting things are really happening.
Lynda

Misguided Move

2006-04-28T15:39:00.000-07:00

Dear Lynda:
My husband’s parents suddenly decided to move from our small town in Nevada to a town in Kentucky where they know no one. My husband at first was not happy that they wanted to leave our town were we all grew up in, then he decided to move with them. So being the supportive wife I should be, I agreed to a move. I am giving up my family who live on the west coast and leaving my parents who only live a few blocks from me. I guess that my problem is that since we have put our house up for sale my husband is constantly worried about it selling. He hounds me every time he calls, “Is the house clean, and has anyone come by to look at it?” I am not sure if it’s bothering me because I am pregnant, but all I can think about is if I don’t do everything he says that it will get him even more upset. My questions would be: Are we going to sell soon? Will he find a good job? And will my parents be okay with me not here to help them? I know that things do work out for a higher purpose and that I am drawn to Kentucky maybe from a past life but have not figured that out yet. I do feel like if things do not work out the way my husband wants them to that it might affect our marriage. I don’t know how to handle this all on my own and take care of my son and soon a baby. Thank you for your time.
Kristen, Nevada

Dear Kristen:
I'm assuming you are determined to make this move, so please take my feedback with a grain of salt. I'm very concerned that your adult husband has made such an ill-advised decision, based on very flimsy information. I don't think it is necessary to be a "supportive wife," if it means doing what someone else wants you to do (especially this particular situation) rather than what your intuition tells you. I'm convinced you have no desire to go to Kentucky, and you are only going because you lack confidence in yourself. Perhaps you've never had the opportunity to learn to trust yourself, and following someone else's dictates is likely just a habit for you. I think everything about this move is suspect. Nothing seems to be flowing smoothly. What seems to happen for most people (or at least from my limited vantage point) is that when something is in alignment with their deepest desires, things just magically work out. There is no need to stress about houses selling or how a new life will be. Your husband's emotional state concerns me and I hope he doesn't take his psychological confusion out on you and your children. I would guess that you love him very much in order to uproot your life like this, but I don't see clear evidence of that. So, I can only hope that you'll find your strength and make a decision for you and your children about what you want to do with your life. Kentucky doesn't feel like a good match for you. Your husband is behaving immaturely. Please keep in touch and let me know how things unfold.
Lynda

The Light Returns

2006-04-28T15:26:00.000-07:00

Dear Lynda:
I hope that you can give me some insight. I am 35, out of a job and am terribly confused. I'm highly educated and have held numerous well-paying positions in the past, but none of them have ever felt right to me. In fact, everything I've ever done felt so wrong, I've always felt like a fish out of water. I've been soul searching since I was at least 13 about how I can contribute in this world but it has not lead to any enlightenment. In fact, everything I try, sooner or later ends up feeling so wrong that I feel nauseous every morning. I can't believe that I'm not meant to do anything in this life! There must be something that I can do, but I'm drawing a blank on what to do next and feel so stuck. This stagnation is spilling over into other areas of my life. My husband and I would really like to have a baby but have been unable to become pregnant. Do you see success in my future in this arena? I would appreciate any thoughts. Thank you!
Singapore

Dear Singapore:
I'm so sorry things have been so difficult. I know how hard it is to keep going in the midst of despair. The best thing I can tell you is that the darkest portion of the night is behind you. At least for this phase of your life. (We all go through cycles of challenges.) Oddly, the strongest thing I see is a relocation. A rather large geographic move. I get the idea that you've done things in the past because of "shoulds, oughts and musts," and that always backfires. I wish I could tell you that I see a pregnancy in your present or near future, but I'm not getting any indication of that yet. But you are entering a time where things will begin to feel "right" to you. Lots of opportunities will present themselves between now and the turning of the next year, and there seems to be a positive shine on that time period. That means you should make a list of every single thing that you feel passionate about, from the smallest to the grandest, and take at least one tiny step every day to move toward your desires. I can see that things have been awful over the past few years, but I promise the wheel is turning and you will like the result. Even though you said that you and your husband wish to have a child, I would ask you to have an honest discussion with him to make sure you both really are on the same page. Please keep me posted.
Lynda

Mystery Woman

2006-04-14T14:38:00.000-07:00

Dear Lynda:
I'm very much in a state of confusion and trying to figure out whether or not I'm going nuts or if its real or not. I've had this vision lately, more less here and then, and would like if you could tell me if this is a sign of a reunion of sorts with an ex or if this is a different woman. I hope you can help me seek the answers that I want to know. This is how it goes: I see this woman, I don't know who she is because I can't see her face, but I do see a woman. I don't know if she is visiting or living with me but all I can tell ya is, she is around 30, short and heavy set. She tells me over and over and over again, how much I mean to her, as if she never thought it was possible to ever love someone as much as she loved me. She constantly talks about Oklahoma. In the vision she talks about her ex-husband who was truly mean to her and that her family has nothing to do with her. I don't know if she could have any children or not that part is not clear. But all I hear her say is, "Timothy, you have no idea how much I love you and appreciate what you have done for me," but there are bits and pieces of the vision I can't remember. But I do know it was warm weather, like May or June might even be July or August not sure. Question: Is this my ex-girlfriend or is this a totally different girl? If so, when am I supposed to meet this person, if she exists? Also I was told that I too, share a gift of psychic ability of some sorts, but yet it has not fully developed nor cIn i control it. I don't know if the psychic I talked to was real or just telling me something just to hear herself talk. Also I'm supposed to tote around a crystal in my pocket and she is supposed to go and read it after a number of days also am supposed take another crystal and bury it. Now, could you please tell me in your own words, English please, what the heck is all that about.
Tim from Tennessee

Dear Tim:
I'm not sure why it matters who this woman is, or whether she is merely a metaphorical symbol of your unconscious. If you desire to be in a loving relationship with the right woman for you, simply hold that intention and allow her to be magnetized to you. I get the impression that relationships have been difficult for you in the past, so maybe the best place to start is with some self-healing. Sometimes we do have prophetic visions, and those can be interesting, but my advice remains the same. If you want her to show up, expect her -- joyfully. Some psychics enjoy doing a lot of ritualistic things. It sounds like the person you spoke to falls into that category. Just make sure she isn't asking you for a lot of money (beyond the reasonable cost of the reading she gave you) to do any of this crystal stuff for you. Crystals and other things are mostly focusing tools. If it makes you feel good to carry the crystal, go ahead and do it. If not . . . We all have psychic abilities. It's just another one of our senses. If you wish to develop them, you can. As with everything else, the more you give attention to something, the stronger it gets. Best wishes.
Lynda

Letting Go

2006-04-14T14:31:00.000-07:00

Dear Lynda:
My ex-boyfriend and I had a bad break-up (very emotional, there was a betrayal on his part, deep depression and alcohol abuse on my part. As a result, I finally checked myself into the hospital and got some help for my depression, which was overwhelming). Clearly, I have dependency issues, and I’m working on that. But here’s the question: I have made considerable efforts in writing to express forgiveness toward him, responsibility for my own part of the failure, and acceptance of our current situation. I’m even moving out of the city, and I have not tried to see him or call him in weeks. The last time we talked, he said that when he was ready for a committed relationship he was going to hunt me down. So, I am trying to move forward but also holding on in my heart. What confuses me is that there were some practical matters that needed to be taken care of (exchange of keys, money, etc.), and he has not responded to any of my written requests that we take care of these matters. He has not responded to my writing, period. I had to cut the lock off of the storage shed that we share because I couldn’t get him to return the key --- the shed is on my property. Why can’t he/won’t he respond to me at all, even though I am making no demands of him emotionally or asking to see him, begging that we get back together, or any of that? Why the complete silence?
Sad curlygirl

Dear Sad: He isn't responding because he doesn't want to. Holding onto what he said about "hunting you down" will only bring you grief. Unfortunately, some men are more courageous than others, and the one you're talking about isn't courageous at all. At least not emotionally. Let go of expecting to hear from him. None of the practical matters are important. He has already moved on, and I hope you'll allow yourself to do the same. You'll only hurt yourself by not seeing him clearly.

Relationship Wanted

2006-03-31T15:03:00.000-08:00

Dear Lynda:
I'm going to be 23 in a month, and I've never been in a serious relationship. Its not something that has bothered me before. I've always thought I've been better off single, as my friends keep going through pretty serious ups and downs in their own relationships. I wasn't exactly happier single, but it wasn't an issue. However, nowadays it's driving me crazy. I don't want to be single, I hate it ! It's not peer pressure, I have some friends who are single, and some who are in relationships, so I never feel left out. But I keep wondering what's wrong with me. Everyone I know has been in at least ONE serious relationship. I know I'm not perfect, far from it -- I need to lose weight, keep a lid on my temper, etc. etc., but I know girls who have the same sort of problems, and more, but they aren't single, or haven't been at some point. I've been in love, and had crushes.. but no one has ever loved me. What could be so terrible about me? It's never bothered me before, but now when I see how much my guy friends love their girlfriends, or how much my girl friends are loved by their boyfriends, it drives me crazy. I'm sooooo jealous, and I hate that about me. Everyone keeps telling me that I'll meet someone soon, but I'm sick of waiting. I meet lots of guys but no one is ever interested in me. I've asked guys who are my friends, and they are quick to reassure me that I'm relatively friendly and reasonably attractive, but none of them can answer why I'm so unwanted. I know I'm rambling but everyone I know can't seem to understand why this is such a big deal to me, and really don't want to hear about it anymore. But it IS a big deal, and it's driving me crazy. Do you have any answers ? How long do you think I'll be waiting around like this?
Rubaina

Dear Rubaina: I had some clear notions about your situation before I put the tarot cards out, and the cards verified my perceptions. I know one thing absolutely: your attitudes about yourself will determine the nature of your connections with others (or lack thereof). As your friends have told you, there is no physical reason why you haven't allowed yourself to be in a relationship. That leaves psychological. There seems to be a powerful level of fear operating for you -- something that comes from long-held (even though you're very young) beliefs and limitations about yourself. Issues of self-worth, feelings of being unwanted, even a struggle about whether or not you think you deserve to be here. I can't know where those hurtful ideas first came from, but I can tell you that they're raining all over your relationship parade. I know so many wonderful women. Some of them are fat (not just chubby). Some are quite unattractive. Some have disabilities. Some have survived tragedies I can't even comprehend. But the one thing they all have in common (besides being in loving relationships), is that they see themselves clearly and think they're terrific, regardless. They don't care what the prevailing notions are. They don't waste a minute worrying about the number on the scale. Instead, they are all joyfully alive. They think about others and spend little time picking themselves apart. They are people magnets. That means they're so comfortable in their own skins, others want to be with them. It is the dissonance of self-hatred that pushes people away. So, are you willing to consider the possibility that the world merely reflects how you feel about yourself? Stop looking outside for something to happen and turn your attention inward, where choices are made.
Lynda

Heartbreaking Situation

2006-03-24T19:43:00.000-08:00

Dear Lynda:
My daughter is using alcohol and drugs and her life has spun out of control. She's currently in jail and will be evicted from her apartment. She can't hold a job and is living on borrowed money from friends -- friends willing to help her continue to drink and do drugs. My husband and I had a rocky relationship with her when she was a teenager. But things improved when she went to college, met a boy, and landed a good job. But our relationship soured again when she got involved with another guy who was a psychological mess and it's been touch and go for the last couple of years. My attempts to reach her, help her, bring her home to get her life under control and get the help she needs have been rejected and resented. Last summer I did get her home for three days, but after handing her some money, she refused counseling to help her cope with her boyfriend's death, and ran back to her friends and the drugs when I wouldn't give her more money. She insists she doesn't want to be around my husband, her stepfather, and my offers to go for family counseling to work things out, are rejected. I'm wracked with guilt over this and feel like a failure as her mother.

A friend of hers -- who I'm not sure is a good or bad influence -- called to ask for rent money for her. But though I've helped her in the past, I refused this time because she's only getting worse in this bad environment. I said she's welcome here, at my mom's and my son's homes if she loses her apartment. I don't know if she'll leave her friends and drug connections to come here or try to move in with her friends there.

My instinct at this point is to wait and let her come to me for help but I don't even know if she'll ever reach out to me again and I'm scared she'll get out of jail and start drinking and doing drugs again. Someone suggested I should try to see my daughter and try to get through to her again -- a three hour drive that could once again prove fruitless and hurtful like a visit a few weeks ago when I tried to convince her to choose rehab rather than jail.

I realize I'm dealing with the addict, not my daughter, but it still hurts. I feel like I don't even know who she is anymore. She's so hardened, so filled with pain and anger, I don't know how to get through to her or help her. What do you see happening in our future? Will I ever get my daughter back?
Heartbroken mother

Dear Heartbroken Mother:
You're in one of the roughest places a parent can be. Your heart aches because you know your child is in pain. But you also know she must make the decision to be healthy. I'm going to give you several bits of information, some from the tarot spread I put out about your daughter, some from my professional experience as a psychotherapist, and some from my personal experience. Intuitive first. Your daughter is on a dark, negative, slippery slope. Her level of self-destruction must have been building for years. I'd wager she showed signs of depression and self-hatred early on. As of right now, she has a hard path ahead of her, and if she doesn't decide she can find the courage to face her inner demons (one of which is a difficult past experience with a trusted person), she'll hit a very rough bottom. There is little you can do about that. If she's old enough to have been in college, she's an adult. At least legally, if not emotionally/mentally. She's standing at a crucial crossroads, and only she can know what she'll choose. I see as many indications of one choice as another. But she is capable of choosing life rather than it's opposite. Not as helpful as you'd like, I imagine. As a therapist, (and looking at what the cards said) I see signs of hope. But a positive outcome can only arrive after bold actions on your part. You can't rescue her yourself, because until she chooses to be clean and sober, nobody else has a prayer of making a difference. When things reach the low point, you might consider an intervention. An active one. You'll receive indications shortly that she's slipped further down the slope, and then it will be time to act. There are people/organizations who help with these kinds of things and you can find out about them through the various drug and alcohol resources in your area. Tough love is great, but it's horrible for the parents. I'll just say that in my own experience, I had to let go of what my child was choosing. I had to face the fact that he might not survive his self-destructive tendencies. I had to stop staying awake all night, waiting for the phone to ring with terrifying news. I had to unplug that phone and let him fall. He fell hard. For a long time. I think the fall woke up some part of him that had been asleep -- medicated by not only the substances, but his depression. He began to slowly emerge from his anger. Long story short, he's still struggling, but he's on his way. My heart goes out to you.
Lynda

Dangerous, Abusive Man

2006-03-13T21:14:00.000-08:00

Dear Lynda:
I am a 22-year-old female. When I was a little girl I was taken out of my mom's custody and was given to my grandmother. The reason for this was because my step-dad (at the time) was mean to me and chased me around with chainsaws, butcher knifes, hot pokers, and just about everything else. What I am wondering is if it is illegal for him to be around me now that I am older. He is still horrible to me, calling me names and I feel like I can't even go out of my bedroom here at my grandmas without him harrassing me. I still live with my grandmother because of my medical problems. I have to deal with depression on a daily basis. Him being here makes my depression worse. My grandma won't make him leave because she feels sorry for him. In the past few months, I have had to go as far as calling the law but nothing was done about the way I am treated by him on a daily basis. In the past he killed one of our dogs, a 3 legged poodle named Pooh. And has kicked out little black chihuahua, Lady. He has even threatened to "snap those 3 cats in half". Saying that about my 3 cats, Willow, Lilly, & Baby. I am stuck and I don't know what to do. I am disabled from working, and was told by my doctor that I shouldn't move out because of the risk of having a relapse of my legs swelling up and not being able to walk.
Tequilla, Virginia

Dear Tequilla:
I'm so sorry things have been so awful. I am confused about why your grandmother is allowing this abusive man -- who apparently isn't related to you or your grandmother -- to live with you. Something is very wrong here. You need to talk to someone there in Virginia who can help you. Here in Colorado, we have a wonderful system set up to protect battered women and children. You definitely qualify. Find out if there is a battered women's shelter in your area, or a hotline you can call. If the law was unable to do anything to help you, perhaps one reason might be because you didn't have an advocate to help you in the system. You need to tell someone about the abuse of you when you were a child and the ongoing abuse. You need to tell an authority figure that you are afraid of this person. Your grandmother seems unable to protect you, so you'll have to protect yourself. Getting a restraining order to keep this man away from you would be a start, but they are often ineffective. Being disabled doesn't mean you need to be at the mercy of a horrible person. Something is definitely very, very wrong here. Call someone in social services, if you can't find a domestic violence counselor to talk to. Even though it will be hard for you, and you don't know exactly what to do, you have to take these actions for yourself. Otherwise, I fear something even more negative will occur. Make an appointment with a counselor at your local mental health center, too. They usually have sessions available on a sliding-scale basis. It's time for you to put yourself first. Be bold. Please call for help and write me back and let me know what happened.
Lynda

Intense Relationship Meant To Be?

2006-02-27T17:26:00.000-08:00

Dear Lynda:
My ex recently broke up with me and we agreed not to have any communication with one another thereafter. We had a 4-year on and off, really intense relationship. Right now I am disturbed because 3 weeks after the break up she called me out of the blue -- and it happened to be the first day I was really upset about the break up and had been really close to calling her. It was almost as though that phone call was meant to be. Two weeks later, I was in my ex's neighborhood for the first time since the break up -- and she had no idea I was in town, and I was wondering if she could sense that I was close by, and right that second I got a call from her! It was very scary to have such a connection. This morning I woke up depressed and thinking about the break up in an intense way. I said to myself, "If she doesn't call today, it's a sign that we don't really have a connection." And then a few minutes later I got a call from her and she was upset too. This is very intense and scary because part of the break up agreement is not to talk to each other and the three times she has called have been really intense times when I have been thinking about her. It's almost like my thinking about her channels her to call or something. Or that we are on the same wavelength and feel similar kinds of emotions. Even though we are broken up, she says that she is still in love with me and considers me to be the soulmate and possible love of her life. The reason why the relationship can' t be though is that I have anger issues and she isn't patient enough to work through them with me or help me find the help I need. I accept that and I can't say that I love her, because for me love is forever and I accept that this isn't the relationship for me But we've split up and gotten back together several times in the past four years, and even though this time its for good, it seems that there is a higher cosmic force telling us that we're still connected and meant to be together. Any advice about this is much appreciated.
P.D., Massachusetts

Dear P.D.:
If you read this blog with any regularity, you've probably noticed that this sort of question comes up often. I can only give you my opinion and my interpretation of the cards I pulled on your behalf. You feel a strong connection between you and this person because both of you are still focused on the connection. It's as simple as that. I believe the universe is vibrational. That means that vibrations seek out like vibrations. It has little to do with "supposed to," and everything to do with where your attention is. Intensity magnifies the focus. Granted, drama is great. It can feel alive, passionate, intense -- all the things we hope life can be. In fact, without our dramas, life can seem dull. So, I fully understand why we humans chose drama over the alternative. That's one reason soap operas are so popular on TV -- daytime and nighttime. And we are all perceptive/intuitive/psychic beings. All of us have abilities that are happy to manifest if we don't close them down through silly superstition, fear or apathy. So, you'll stop attracting evidence of connection to this person when you no longer focus on it. And, by the way, the relationship doesn't seem very helpful or healthy to me, so I'd ask you to contemplate the value of the drama versus the positive changes that can happen if you let go.
Lynda

Fear of the Unknown

2006-02-27T17:13:00.000-08:00

Dear Lynda:
My question is hopefully simple for you. I was adopted at birth and have no medical history from my birth mother, save the fact that she was schizophrenic. I found a man whom I would maybe like to have kids with and am worried about what possible genetic problems we could have, or if it is a good idea to have kids even since I may have health problems crop up of my own that I am unaware of as well. I am aware of the risks with schizophrenia, since I have a B.S. in psychology and that was an area that we covered extensively, I am more afraid of the unknown. Is having kids an okay idea? Would there be problems that no doctor has been able to detect?
Alissa, Colorado

Dear Alissa: That's a tough question. Not such a simple question, actually. I'm generally an optimist and usually opt to find the rainbow on the other side of the dark clouds. I'm going to give you a rather slippery answer. Don't make any babies quite yet. First, research about schizophrenia is getting exciting and you should check out the latest advances. Check out the factors that seem to play a role in passing along the illness. The issue definitely isn't cut and dried. Second, there is little difference between what is "real" and what is "feared." We tend to manifest what we focus on, and if you dwell on the negative possibilities, the odds shift against you. But, having said all that, I think the real issue is about the person you mentioned. Maybe give it more time. There seems to be an old pattern playing out for you. In fact, I counsel slowing down in general. Are you sure he is the man for you? Regarding your health and medical history, at this time I'm not seeing anything that concerns me. Let's visit this issue again in a few months, OK?
Lynda

A Light at the End of the Tunnel

2006-02-05T14:53:00.000-08:00

Dear Lynda:
I am in a state of great transition -- feels like I have been for quite some time. My concerns are very intertwined, as most things are in life. I am an artist (dancer with deeper aspirations to include music) who also is a healer (yoga, bodywork). I am already part of a dance troupe that I founded, but has since been morphed into a collective. I am very passionate about pushing myself forward as a solo artist and know I have all the tools, I am just having a hard time figuring out my initial approach. On top of all this, I am without employment. Thus far, my art hasn't been paying the bills. Massage did in the past, but I am trying to phase that out as a main source. The other problem is that I'm frequently out of town for a week or two at a time for touring, which all in all makes for a huge amount of instability working for myself or other people, thus making me financially unstable and unable to focus on my art. I just moved to a new town a few months ago and can't decide if I should pursue teaching classes (yoga, dance) which would require me to put in some sort of financial investment or just get a job waitressing (or the like) for some much sought after stability. To add to the financial anxiety, my boyfriend has been unable to secure work for the past year and a half despite his aptitude and desire. He has never had this problem before and it's creating a lot of depression for him and of course makes my heart break since I can't do anything about the situation (try as I have). I have already been through a huge amount of processing over the past couple of years and understand I am on the right path, but I still feel a little lost. I had a therapist before who I feel helped me a lot, but also was sometimes unprofessional in keeping appointments, etc. Should I go back to her, search for someone new, or give things a go by myself?
J, Oregon

Dear J:
First, I want to let you know that you have been caught up in a larger pattern. You, like hundreds of other people I've spoken to over the last few years, blame yourself for being unable to get a grip on even the most simple things in the material world. Regardless of what your political orientation might be, the situation in our country has caused huge problems for lots of middle-class people, students, creatives, etc. I really can't tell you how many times in the last few years someone has told me a story of how things were going very well, and then it all crashed. Once again, we've been in a difficult energy. So, keep that in mind. Also, please keep in mind that the pattern is beginning to shift, ever so slightly. It won't fully shift until the source of the murky energy is no longer in a position to cause the problems, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. But, you aren't out of the tunnel yet. So, you asked if you should get a job or do classes, etc. My answer is: yes. All of the above. Don't worry about trying to figure anything out yet. Simply follow every lead that appears and let the universe sort things out. Up until now you've been pushing against "what is," and the only thing that can happen when we get focused on (pushing against) something is that we get more evidence of whatever that is. Get a waitress job. Offer classes. Put on performances. Do talks about the healing effects of massage (without actually doing massage, yourself). As you follow every intuitive nudge, things will slowly improve. I know your heart breaks for your boyfriend, but you can't caretake him. It's too much pressure for you, and you honestly can't do anything to help him line up his intentions, anyway. Only he can do that. He has another talent that he could add to the mix. My advice is the same for him: do everything you can do. Even if you have to do some of it for free to get things started. Regarding therapy: You might imagine I'd be an advocate for that. But trust your intuition about whether or not the therapist you used to see is now appropriate for you. It sounds like she's having her own problems, and you might be better off with someone who can model healthy patterns. Good luck!
Lynda

Swimming Against The Tide

2006-02-05T14:38:00.000-08:00

Dear Lynda:
I've been so unsettled for so long. I'm my dad's caregiver and I have health problems, too. Dad and I are in a housing-and-financial situation that is --- well --- hardly liveable. I keep praying for the money to come for us to have our own home and financial security. I worry constantly about dad's failing health and what that will mean to us. I feel defeated at every turn. Can you tell me --- will this new year bring answers to our prayers? Will things get better? What do I need to do? I sincerely appreciate ANY guidance you can pass my way. Thank you for your time.
Kari, Colorado

Dear Kari:
I'm so sorry that you're in this challenging situation. I'm going to walk gently around this and try to find a way to ask that won't seem insensitive or insulting. Is your dad making the problem worse in some way? Emotionally/mentally? I ask because I see movement forward thwarted by negative thoughts, attitudes, etc. held by a male. It's as if there's an old pattern -- especially about money and financial issues -- that keeps replaying. Even though the pattern (set of attitudes/beliefs) hinders the healing process. At this point, I don't have any clear idea of what might really be going on in your case. It feels like you're swimming upstream against a tide of old baggage. Why don't you send me an email directly, letting me know more specifically what's going on, and I'll answer your email without putting it here on the blog. One more thing, though. I see an approaching relationship/marriage. Is that yours?
Lynda

Possibilities

2006-02-05T14:29:00.000-08:00

Lynda:
This is probably a common question, but I am plagued with many possibilities right now in my love life. There are some issues left with my ex-husband. There is also the possibility of a new life. There is also the realization that a great man is hard to find. I refuse to let my standards down though. If you have any insight into my future with someone else, please let me know. Is there hope that I will find someone that I can be truly happy with? Is that going to be soon or when I am 150 years old?
Melanie, Oregon

Dear Melanie:
I expected this to be a straightforward issue. I thought I'd sit with the question, lay out a tarot spread, and get clarity. Not so. Here's what I see. If you take some time to be by yourself so you can sort out who you are and what you want, separate from anyone else, you will (probably around a year from April -- determining time is never simple) connect with a man who will share a time of deep, rewarding peace with you. If you jump right into a passionate, yet chaotic, relationship with a fiery man, it will end badly. So, my advice is take the time for yourself. Be man-free for a while longer and let something important bubble up from inside you. The next few months are about self-discovery.

Fated Soulmates?

2006-01-30T15:07:00.000-08:00

Dear Lynda:
I split up with my ex-fiancé in September. I think about him all the time, which I know is to be expected. My question is regarding what another psychic told me. She said that he is my soul mate and that we are fated to get back together for a while. My ex said he never cheated on me, but I feel like he lied to me about his relationship with another woman. I am seeing someone else now, who seems a better fit. Should I allow my ex into my life in 2006 or just sweep that relationship under the rug, so to speak? How would I ever know if he was unfaithful? Why do I think about him so much when my new love is really good to me?
Alissa, Colorado

Dear Alissa:
It makes total sense to me that your pride might desire proof of your ex's faithfulness. I can't (without his permission) go into whether or not he lied to you, but it appears to me that there were difficulties in your relationship and that lack of trust might have been there all along. I'll just say that I trust your intuition, and I know you're aware (if even on a subtle level) of the truth of the situation. I probably hold a very different view of both "soulmates" and "fate" than the other intuitive you spoke with. I think our soulmates are those who cross our paths and give us kicks to the rear end, which usually push us into other directions. We sometimes don't appreciate our soulmates, because they often do us the great service of providing a cosmic wake-up call. They love us so much on the soul level, that they make us miserable just so we can get the nudge we need. I'm sure your ex falls into that category. If you're happy with your new fellow, I say Yay! I see no reason to drag the past into the future, because (regarding love and romance) your future is looking so bright I've gotta' wear shades (to quote an old song). As you said, it's natural and normal to think about our past relationships. It's unavoidable. There is unexpected good driving around in your neighborhood (metaphorically!). Go out and flag it down. Be happy.
Lynda

Marriage in Crisis

2006-01-30T14:44:00.000-08:00

Dear Lynda:
I met my husband when we were both younger. He was 18 and I was 20. We got engaged after 1 year of dating. Everything was so perfect and we were both so happy. Soon after I became pregnant and we had an early wedding and welcomed our first child. This was the result of various pressures and what other people wanted us to do. It seems like after that point, our relationship has been through hell. We have had so many ups and downs, more bad times, then good and so on. We have never actually had a positive relationship on any count, it's like we can never achieve happiness together. When my son was 15 months old I became pregnant again and was plagued with terrible morning sickness ( which later was diagnosed as the disease Hyperemesis Gravidarum). The pregnancy started off wrong and debilitated me 24 hours a day. At my 5 month check up the Doctor sadly told me that my baby had no heartbeat. I had to undergo a D & C to remove the baby. This was very hard for me. My husband suffered in his own way and eventually we were in the pits of hell, so to speak. Our marriage became worse and the blaming started. He blamed me for finances and I blamed him for other things. I am still not over it completely. This lead to a brief separation -- our first and only. But 8 months later we reconciled. For a time we were on the right path and happiness did seem possible. We were trying really hard to make each other happy and be better to each other. Three months after my son had his 3rd birthday, I was pregnant again. We were both happy about it. We were both working and our relationship was rock hard happy. I was even going to school part time to be a licensed massage therapist. The Hyperemesis sickness set in early and put me out of work and school the whole 9 months. I was debilitated the whole time, in and out of hospital stays and required to have a home nurse 4 days a week. I had family members helping to take care of our son. We handled it better this time and my husband helped take care of me while working his full time job. We welcomed our daughter 2 days before my birthday. After we brought her home, our old issues resurfaced and we have been up and down ever sense. We just celebrated our daughter 1st birthday last month. We have so many fights and disagreements -- we both feel trapped. I was very surprised when we celebrated our 5th anniversary. I was not expecting to make it. We have so many issues with each other and there is a different world between us. Last week after a big meltdown my husband told me he was leaving me. After a mental breakdown (for myself) and realizing that I didn't want that, we "patched" things up and have been walking on egg shells. I just don't know what to do. I don't know if we're going to make it or not. My stress is so high and I am sure his is, too.

Today we had a family day and took the kids to the Mall. At the end of the day, I was really aggravated. I wondered to myself if I would really be sad if he left after all. I wondered if this relationship is worth my self worth and mental health. If you ask me what's wrong here, I will automatically tell you it's 80% him. His attitude, selfishness, his god complex and anything else I have problems with. He is not a patient man, and often treats me badly. I am sure he would probably say the same about me. But I do know how much I love him. And sometimes that hurts as well.

Lynda, Is it possible that we might make it after all ? Or should I face the music on what our life together has demonstrated and just accept that this whole marriage was wrong from the get go? Some days it's harder than others to accept the above. He was my first everything, and I am his. Even sexually, I have never been with another man. This whole situation drives me insane every day. I would really appreciate your advice. Thank You.
S.,Florida

Dear S:
I'm so sorry that things are so stressful and unhappy. I can only imagine what it must be like to have two young children and be dealing with heartbreaking problems in your marriage. It probably won't come as any surprise to you that there's no easy answer to your questions. You were both so young when you married and you're still very young. Such incredible pressure on both of you, 24/7. I'll start with the obvious, first. If you haven't already, get yourselves into couples/marriage counseling. In situations like yours, nobody is wrong, so blame (as you well know) is less than helpful. Blame just keeps anything positive from happening. I can see the intensity of your difficulties with each other, and I know (from my own experience) how tempting it is to focus on just ending the marriage -- getting away from the problems. But, you probably know that "no matter where you go, there you are." Leaving the marriage (especially if you two really love each other and that's my sense) would only postpone the issues because you'd each bring similar limitations into the next relationships you create with others. You are definitely in the midst of outrageously hard times. And there might be a few more of those hard times to come. Both of you were forced to become adults before you were ready, and now we want to make sure that it isn't your lovely children who suffer for that. So, I'm going to be an advocate for your children and say that I think it's worth staying together and working through all the miscommunications, disappointments (of self and other), and loss of dreams. There is a happier place for your family on the other side of all this turmoil. You will come through it. Your children deserve to have two loving parents. Yes, of course many children thrive regardless of the state of their parents' marriage. But that is never the ideal. I was a single mom and I run lots of groups for single parents. It's not easy for anyone. If you can't afford counseling, email me and we'll brainstorm how you can get the help you both need. There is too much potential in your marriage for you to end it. Think about what you each might be projecting onto the other and make a decision to face your own fears, insecurities and patterns authentically. Hang on.

One other note. If you aren't intending to have more children, please be very conscious about the issue of birth control. You're not out of the woods yet, so to speak.
Lynda

Trip?

2006-01-06T14:51:00.000-08:00

Dear Lynda:
I am wondering about whether I should take this short trip over the weekend, leaving Sat, Jan. 7. I've had these nagging feelings over the last couple weeks and can't quite put my finger on it.
I'm just flying to St. Louis to be with some friends and their dogs and puppies. During the time that we were planning this trip my girlfriend's husband, age 53, passed away suddenly. I thought maybe this wasn't a good time to go but my other girlfriend said yes, Marla still wanted us to come. I'm a single parent, very close to my 12-year-old daughter and my 2 dogs. My ex-husband is a recovering alcoholic and I have had trust issues with him in the past but he has done quite well in the last few years. My mother passed away in 1999 and I still miss her greatly. I know I have loss issues. And it has been difficult for me to leave in the past, and things have happened with my ex-husband/daughter when I have been gone. Is it just my sense of being away and not in the immediate area that is bothering me or is there some other reason I should stay home. Thanks for any insights.
Lynn, Colorado

Dear Lynn:
First, I see nothing that concerns me about your trip. There seems to be benefit for you. The only thing I notice is that there is resistance (on your part) about the idea of it. I now wonder if you truly wish to go? Are you going because others wish you to go? Does it sound like great fun to you? If you're going because you want to please others, but your heart/mind isn't in it, the trip won't be as pleasant as it might be. And, if you go and you don't want to, more anger that you're holding inside will leak out. The only problem I'm aware of lies in the mental realm. Nothing "outside" is a problem. So, I wonder if you'll decide to go? If so, have a wonderful trip.
Lynda

At The Crossroads

2006-01-02T16:01:00.000-08:00

Hi Lynda:
I had been a controlling person, quick to get angry and criticize, and those negative behaviors affected my marriage. My husband and I, who were together for 18 years, separated. He told me that he has lost his self identity and felt that he could no longer trust me because of my tendencies to be verbally abusive when stressed and fearful. I'm not sure how much responsibility he has taken for his part in not communicating to me in a way that I could understand how much it was hurting him through the years (and I probably wasn't listening, or discounted or made fun of him). I know he and I still love each other, but am not sure about whether either one of us is still "in love". With a therapist, I now understand what triggers the stress and fears, and am working hard to correct those behaviors, and go with the flow.

I would greatly appreciate it if you have any intuitive insights and can tell me if I should let him go and have closure, and look forward to a new life journey, or if I should be patient, working on rebuilding his trust, and "maybe" repair the relationship. I feel that I am at a crossroads in life, and am not sure what to do. Is the "lesson" in this life with my husband finished, should I continue on my journey to another life lesson with someone else down the road? Sometimes I feel that my purpose is to move on emotionally and mentally, but my mind and heart keep being called back as if there is unfinished business. So, I sometimes feel so confused and overwhelmed that I have little energy or focus. The instability has also affected my confidence in my career path, and I am not sure what to do next. I would appreciate any insight you could provide.
H, Colorado

Dear H:
This is a challenging and exciting point in your life. I'm very proud of you that you allowed your newly-acquired self-knowledge to become a healing tool rather than a knife you punish yourself with. You mentioned that you sometimes feel your purpose is to move on, yet your mind and heart tell you there is unfinished business with your husband. What I see often is another possibility: the urge to stretch -- to leap into the unknown -- is energizing and terrifying. The moment we courageously begin the thought process that might move us into fearful territory (that which we haven't experienced before), Fear steps in and tells us whatever it takes to keep us standing still. I think it might not be your mind and heart, but rather the parts of you that stand guard at the edges of the familiar. What if you don't have to make any decisions about this? What if you can take whatever steps feel good in the moment, and trust that your desires (for growth, love, acceptance, warmth, etc.) will attract the people, experiences and situations that are in vibrational harmony with those deep desires? As you become more of who you truly are, and your husband does the same, you'll either be drawn together like magnets or pushed apart. You can absolutely trust that. My vision of you is that you're standing at the bottom of a beautiful mountain -- a mountain you attracted from your intentions, beliefs, desires, etc. -- but you are having difficulty taking the next steps because Fear is holding onto both your ankles. Take a moment to imagine what this manifestation of Fear might look like. How big is it? What color? Is it so huge it blocks out the sun? Why not sit down there on the path, look Fear in the eyes, and tell it you're willing to listen to what it has to tell you. Make friends with it. Let it utilize its tremendous power for you rather than against you. It is scary to start over. I recommend that you wake up every morning and -- regardless of who else is with you -- you make decisions based on joy. You can't think about Fear and Joy at the same time. Choose one. I think you haven't quite found your career path yet, but something wonderfully unexpected is about to arrive to give you new information. This will be a very good year.
Lynda

The Joy of Turmoil

2006-01-02T15:31:00.000-08:00

Dear Lynda:
I am in a phase of radical changes. An astrologer friend says that my husband and I both have a simultaneous Pluto Transit happening, which is a 5 year period of total change -- obviously true! Being in the turmoil, it's hard for me to see my own way clearly.... can you help? My marriage is undergoing changes in the way we interact, but I believe it's worth staying together. My holistic health practice has slowed down due to a serious injury I sustained, so I wrote a wonderful book while I was out of commission. I got an agent & have sent it to 4 publishers. I'm now starting up a little company to sell products that I believe are important for people to have access to. And I can't get away from the feeling that I'm being called to New Zealand! I had an earthshaking dream about moving there twelve years ago. We visited NZ a couple years ago, and fell in love with it. But I'm not sure if it's an escapist fantasy, or if it's in the process of manifesting. This is a mixed bag of questions, and I have plenty more unspoken, but I'm hoping you might help me with some clarity. The quantity and intensity of changes is clouding up my own perceptions, at this point.
Confused, Western USA

Dear Confused:
Let me give you some general impressions first, then I'll go back and contemplate the individual issues. You are in a time of great positive movement. I wouldn't necessarily describe it as turmoil (but I'm sure it can feel that way). More like the excitement that happens when the rollercoaster car crests the big hill: You're screaming, but you don't know if you're screaming from fear, excitement, joy or insanity. The wheel (the big, metaphorical one) is turning and powerful "yes" energy is flying toward you. In general, your ideas all bear healthy fruit. Money flows in with an even more delightful ease. I often ask clients to imagine they are on their death beds -- experiencing their last day of life in this incarnation. What would be important? What could be released? What doesn't matter? What does? Whose rules apply? Whose voice in your head can now be ignored? I ask these questions because I see indications of dissonant beliefs. Wants/desires versus shoulds. Your mention of your dream of going to NZ and wondering if it's "an escapist fantasy" is a good example. I'm going to fudge here, because I'm not sure if I don't see you moving out of the USA because you really don't want to, or if your conflicting beliefs are keeping you frozen in fear. One visual is clear for me regarding your situation: The world is dancing right outside your door, calling to you, singing mystical songs -- and you have lots of locks on that door. Each lock was installed for a good reason (some conscious, some unconscious), but the fear really doesn't need to be there. Unless you want it to remain. The good news is that if you can spend more time imagining the joy, bliss and fabulousness of living in the best place for you (and you can trust the universe to fill in the details), you will find the way being cleared for you. One word about your book and publishing/writing in general: here again I see some dissonant ideas/beliefs. Confusion is developing and you might receive news you'd rather not hear. But don't despair. The moment you let go of needing the process to be any certain way, an even better deal will slide in the side window. Your next couple of years is about trusting, accepting and celebrating yourself. There's no reason to make a change in your marriage. Keep me posted!
Lynda

Frightened Partner

2005-12-24T08:44:00.000-08:00

Dear Lynda:
My partner and I have been having a lot of problems lately. He's decided that he needs to move out. I'm now 27 weeks pregnant and already have two children. He tells me he needs space to sort his head out. He's trying to figure out issues with his family. They've disowned him and he's having a hard time dealing with that. We've been together for three years and before I met him he was recovering from a nervous breakdown brought on by the end of his marriage three years earlier. Can you see us working this out? Is everything OK with my baby?
Linda, London, England

Dear Linda:
Everything is fine with your baby. I see nothing to be concerned about in that area. Your partner, on the other hand, isn't fine. He's very troubled and probably never tried to give you the idea that he was a stable, healthy participant in your relationship. But, despite his fears and emotional weakness, he does have the ability to make new choices. He's approaching a possible turning point, where he can choose to be the man he desires to be rather than continue to follow the limitations his family has inflicted upon him. The good news is that I see help around you. Other people (male, actually) who will step in and be there for you even if your partner can't be. I think you should enjoy the pregnancy and birth experience as much as you can without having any expectations about your partner. Let yourself be excited and happy regardless of his choices. Focus on your children and your own personal growth. I'm sending you lots of joyful energy.
Lynda

Painful Pattern

2005-11-16T11:37:00.000-08:00

Dear Lynda:
My ex-girlfriend broke up with me four months ago, and she has a boyfriend now. She broke up with me because she told me she is straight and doesn't want to end up with a woman, but I think it was because of this guy. I still think about her a lot and feel deep down that I still love her, even though I know she's moved on already. How can I stop hoping she'll come back to me? How can I get over her?
B, Vacaville, CA

Dear B:
One of the hardest things to deal with when we break up with a love partner is facing that the pain we feel has nothing to do with the other person, and has everything to do with something within ourselves. No matter how fixated we are on the other person, she/he is only a symbol for an old pain -- a piece of unfinished business -- a familiar pattern, deep inside us. It doesn't really matter what reason this woman gave you for moving on. It isn't important what her sexual orientation is. What matters is that you (not consciously) chose a person who couldn't be there for you. A person you never allowed yourself to see clearly. A person who is acting out an old emotional situation for you. In general, your beliefs ARE your reality. So, instead of focusing on anything about her (honest, it has nothing to do with her), explore what underlying pattern is playing out here. What beliefs are being manifested? If you don't understand why you create these things, you'll do it again. And, I suspect you're getting tired of that, yes?
Lynda

Natural Sensory Radar

2005-11-16T11:12:00.000-08:00

Dear Lynda:
What do you think it means when I'm thinking about someone, or a place where I had an experience with someone, and that person happens to call at that time or a moment after? I wonder about the same situation with my random thoughts. Maybe the person walks in front of me while I'm waiting at a light in my car. It could be as random as a person I served an ice cream cone to in my high school job that made an impression on me for whatever reason. I hadn't thought about that person for 15 years, and the next thing I know I've remembered that exchange and an hour later I see them. It can also be as complicated as a close family member being hurt and my knowing it. These types of things happen to me more and more frequently. In the past year, it's happened at least once a week. Before then, enough for me to notice, and to wonder about it. I have an uneasy feeling about this.
Susan, Wichita, KS

Dear Susan:
What you're experiencing is absolutely, completely, totally, 100% normal. It's even mundane. Despite the fearful claims made by various others, we are much more than our 5 senses. Being able to sense the connections between people, things, etc., is normal. It doesn't require any special gifts or abilities. It is hardwired into all of us. And how marvelous! Somehow, in spite of your concerns, you've remained open to information coming to you from various energetic/vibrational levels. I take all that for granted. The universe gives us signals constantly. The thing that repeats 3 times (it repeats 3 times for me because that's my expectation), or a bumper sticker on the car in front of me, or a wisp of a memory from the past, or a familiar aroma -- all those things are constantly available to us. There's nothing odd, unnatural, or of concern. You must be sending out an invitation to the universe, allowing expanded information to come to you. Your choice. Many times, someone will pop into my head because I'm temporarily in a similar vibrational pattern (I'm giving attention to something that has a similar resonance) to the one I experienced around/with that person. And, like sending a cosmic "instant message," that person's unconscious receives the resonance, as well. Often, it flies below their radar, so they don't sense anything. It doesn't mean that anything in particular is supposed to happen because we've sensed that person, etc. It's just what our sensing system does. For example, experiencing memories and/or running into an old boyfriend, wouldn't necessarily mean the two of you are destined to be together. It would mean that something about your current experience is energetically similar to the one the two of you shared. I love this stuff!! So, I'd advise you to do it on purpose more so it can get stronger! Why not have access to 90% of what our conscious minds can't pick up?
Lynda

Nurse in Transition

2005-11-16T10:35:00.000-08:00

Dear Lynda:
I'm currently seeking advice as I'm job hunting after being laid off about six months ago. I'm trying to remain confident and hopeful. I'm a nurse and need to find my next job ASAP. I have so many bills. I hope this is my life path -- helping others. What's next for me? Also, I have a male friend who I got a little closer to over the past several months. I have feelings for him, however I only see him at one particular dance club. When I go (occasionally), he's so happy to see me and we end up talking, laughing, dancing and enjoying each others' company. However, outside the club he never contacts me. I did tell him that it would be nice if he just called to say "hi," no pressure. He says I want to get married, and that's the reason we can't go out. I told him that I have so much on my plate and I'm not looking for marriage right now. I said we could just spend time together because we enjoy each other, with no strings attached. When I do see him, he makes me happy. I just don't understand where he's coming from. I'm also a single parent of a freshman in college. He's a good kid going through changes. I wonder how things are going to work out for him? Life is interesting, isn't it?
Kim, NY, NY

Dear Kim:
You're in the midst of great change. Change is good, but it can feel overwhelming. Especially if it means letting go of some comfortable, old ideas. Let me deal with job/money first. It seems that you might have some limiting notions about how successful and prosperous you can actually be. A lot of heart-centered, care-giving types of women believe service and money can't exist happily together. That's one thing that's happening for you. You don't seem to be able to imagine an expanded job description, and since the old work doesn't fit you quite as well anymore, you have a dilemma. I have many nurses as clients, and I've listened to them over the years as they radically redefined what nursing means to them. New options exist and I've watched them create their own reality about employment, rather than trying to fit themselves into the tiny slots that other people have to offer them. Money will continue to be a problem until you expand the possibilities of how it can come to you. You might find my guided hypnotherapy CD (Manifesting Prosperity) helpful. Your fear is keeping you from claiming your next, courageous step. About the fellow at the dance club: He's being very honest with you. Not only is he unwilling to have a committed, serious relationship with anyone, he does intuit that you want more than he can deliver. He's right about you. You do want a marriage-type commitment. It's perfectly OK for you to want what you want and to honestly acknowledge that for yourself. It's also perfectly OK that he can't be that for you. What he gives you at the club is all there is for him to give. You will drive yourself nuts if you project your desires on him. Contemplate gathering the courage to allow someone with all his good qualities, plus the ability to make a commitment, to be attracted into your life. Right now you're sending out mixed messages. Regarding your son: Have a chat with him. He needs some guidance right now. He's about to make a poor decision.
Lynda

Filled With Self-Doubts

2005-11-13T08:40:00.000-08:00

Dear Lynda:
I have been married for about 19 years to a man named "John." I have 2 children and family has always been very important to me. Well, over the years, John has been manipulative and selfish. Coming from the background I did, I couldn't really recognize what was happening. I have always been depressed on and off over the years during my marriage, but was always kind of led to believe there was something wrong with me. "I just wasn't thinking straight." I always accepted that I was the problem and gave and gave to my husband to always make sure his environment was providing him contentment and pleasure. My feelings never seemed to matter. I always kept them on the back burner and John helped me to do that. Anyhow, the past five years or so -- through self-growth, counseling, and people who have come and gone in my life -- I finally realized all I have missed out on. All the self-sacrifice I made, never being loved as I should be, etc. In my heart I really want to leave this marriage and continue to discover who I am. John has tried to change some and he has, but it hasn't changed the way I feel. I can't love him and the intimacy is gone, although I don't think it was ever there. It was just another "thing" I did to please him. I want to experience love as it was meant to be, but I'm dragging my feet. I still feel responsible for him and his feelings. I'm scared to walk out the door and the guilt is eating me up. Depression is at an all-time high, and I often would rather die myself than hurt other people. I don't know what to do, or if I can ever gain the strength to follow my heart's desire. I fear this is not going to end well. What if I'm wrong, and I have been the crazy one? Any insight would mean so much to me.
Kathryn, Denver, CO

Dear Kathryn:
If you still feel responsible for your husband and his feelings, then both of you are still keeping the pattern alive. It always takes both people to continue a particular outcome. Human nature being what it is, it isn't likely that your husband -- the person in the relationship who is receiving the benefit of the other person's "self-sacrifice" -- will take steps to actively change. What would be the payoff for that, since he's getting his needs met? And the one who is doing the "self-sacrifice" is actually getting something out of the arrangement, too. Perhaps you are just so used to feeling bad that staying in this relationship allows you to continue to feel "normal." (Miserable, but normal.) You should remember that no matter where you go, there you are. That means that unless you understand (and I'm sure you're in the process of understanding) that you are responsible for the life you've created for yourself (it really is absolutely true that your beliefs ARE your reality) you'll recreate it again and again. You'll simply replace this husband with someone else who can stimulate your unconscious patterns. Unless -- you face yourself squarely, take full ownership of your own role (no matter how we try, we simply don't have the power to take responsibility for anyone else's choices, behaviors, feelings, thoughts, etc., and it's actually very controlling of us when we try to do that) and make courageous new choices. That courageous new choice might start out being that you let go completely of thinking anyone else holds the key to your experience of love. What if you completely made yourself happy right this moment? What if you were so concerned (yes, we women are told that focusing on ourselves is "selfish," but it isn't. That's a lie.) about your own joy that you simply began to spill joy over onto everyone around you, without you needing to be in control of that? What if you could trust that the wisest part of yourself really knows what she's doing? What if you fully understood that depression usually has at its core a conflicting belief -- a desire that isn't being met? It's another way you re-abandon yourself. We women are notorious for shutting ourselves down with depression when we believe we can't have what we want. Well, nobody else is in charge of whether or not you can have what you want. Perception is everything. You are capable of being blissfully happy in the midst of the life you've already created, and then, as you are blissful, your life becomes even more a reflection of that. And you might even attract people who are capable of joining you in that bliss. That means you'll have to let go of needing to control your husband's (or anyone's) reality. It's scary to let go. Are you ready?
Lynda

Figuring Out Life

2005-09-25T12:36:00.000-07:00

Dear Lynda
I am writing to you about myself. I'm 26-years-old, and have recently been trying to figure out my life. I'm not saying that my life is bad. I am very proud of the things I have -- my marriage and my beautiful children. I've been struggling with myself for so long, with bouts of depression and problems I make for myself. I've been trying to get my life organized and on a routine of being a stay-at-home mom. I just feel there is something else that I'm meant to do. I don't know what that is. When I was younger I had visions and premonitions about my life and small events -- like I'm supposed to help people in some way. I used to express my talents through artwork. I can see myself writing books and taking pictures. Even dancing. If I am supposed to be on a path, I have no idea what that path is. My family says I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing: being a wife and mother. But if that was true, I wouldn't have this yearning feeling around me. Is there something else I need to do?
Sabrina, Jacksonville, FL

Dear Sabrina:
I get the feeling that you do a lot of things because other people want you to do them, rather than the desires emerging fully from your inner wisdom. First, being a stay-at-home mom is great. I wish that every child could have the blessing of a full-time caregiver, at least until they enter school. But, that role isn't a good fit for every woman. Or, it may be a good fit for a while, and then not. There is absolutely no reason why you can't pursue your other talents/interests. Taking care of your children doesn't keep you from expanding your own abilities. You do have untapped gifts, and all you need to do in order to invite them to expand is to take baby steps. If you want to write, take 30 minutes a day and write. Or, do your artwork. Or learn an intuitive tool (your intuitive ability shows up strongly for me). No one -- not your husband or your family or anyone else -- can possibly know what your soul's desire is. No one can ever comprehend the lifescript written deep inside you. I believe (from my own experience and experience with clients over the years) that depression is often about resisting a soul urge. About the pressure that develops when a desire comes up against the fear of manifesting that desire. Plus, don't underestimate the role of hormones in creating emotional chaos. You might enjoy Dr. Christiane Northup's book, "Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom." I want to give you full permission to follow your dreams. Following your dreams includes being a great mom. You don't have to worry about that. Another great resource for you might be Esther Hicks. She's a wonderful, uplifting motivational speaker: www.abraham-hicks.com.
Lynda

Writing Dilemma

2005-09-25T12:12:00.000-07:00

Dear Lynda
I wrote to you years ago when you had a print column, and you were exactly right about how I'd be able to blend two different career paths, so I'd like to get your opinion again. I've had a daily writing practice for six years with the goal of getting my work published and boosting my income. I've had one short piece published, but my love is novels. For three years, I've had editors and contest judges tell me that my writing is "very close" to publishable, but I can't seem to get off this plateau. I wonder if you see my work moving to a different level anytime soon, or if there is some way that I'm sabotaging myself that I can change.
Writer, Boulder, CO

Dear Writer:
First, I want to ask if you have anyone in your writing life -- a critique partner, another writer, a mate, etc. -- who is less than supportive? Perhaps someone who gives you subtle (and not so subtle) criticism? I ask because I see that kind of influence around you. Perhaps someone whose opinion you value, but who doesn't necessarily have your best interests at heart? Someone who might be polluting your energetic environment? The issue of sabotage is definitely here, but it is multi-layered. It's like the chicken and the egg: which came first? The tendency to lack confidence in yourself, or the environment/people who encourage you to feel that way? Well, regardless. Things are looking up. It does seem that the thing you want the most (publish a novel??) is circling your cosmic airport, preparing to seek out the runway. Now, it is your task to make sure the runway is open and functional. Something good is coming. Hold onto your allowing/positive attitude. Continue to submit. All it takes is one person to see the diamond and the tide will turn. OK. That's on an intuitive level. Here's some sharing from a personal level. One of the things I've discovered is that every contest judge, every agent, every editor has her/his own filters through which they read manuscripts. Of course, if you're getting the same pieces of feedback from everyone, it is wise to pay attention and to ask your Inner Writer if the critique feels accurate. That's the key. Following your own guidance. I have a writer friend who keeps on changing her manuscript according to the latest opinion of this or that writer/judge, etc. I hope she'll tire of that soon because I liked her book much better back in the beginning when it was actually her words. If you write the book you love and you keep on submitting it, eventually someone is going to grab it. Honest. If you'd like to chat more about this, feel free to email me directly.
Lynda

Mixed Signals

2005-09-25T11:58:00.000-07:00

Dear Lynda:
I met a man at work and developed a crush of sorts on him. Through various people I found out he felt the same. Well, he is going into the Navy in six months and told me he doesn't want a relationship, but then acts like he does when we are alone together. He and I made love (not had sex) and it was wonderful. That night at work he basically ignored me. Then a mutual friend of ours said he talked to him and he is treating me like that because when he leaves he doesn't want to hurt me. I am so confused. I feel he cares for me like I care for him, but he has said that long-distance relationships don't work. I don't know what to do. Should I just stay his friend, or is there a possibility there could be more for us.
Alissa, Jacksonville, FL

Dear Alissa:
You didn't say, but I get the sense that your friend is young. His behavior feels very young. Men -- young men in particular -- have different intentions, interpretations, goals and expectations than their female counterparts. Women tend to make statements like yours above: we made love -- not had sex. First, there's nothing wrong with just having sex, but (as a member of the female species myself, cursed with extreme emotional needs/sensitivity) I understand why women often need to make it more than it is. I think he said he didn't want to hurt you, because he got clearly that you had a very different agenda in mind than the one he was willing to participate in. In other words, your vibe clearly told him that you were looking for something he wasn't interested in giving. To ease your mind, this particular male might not be ready to commit to any kind of ongoing connection for many years. I hope you will look at your pattern. My wish for you is that you allow yourself to just enjoy the men you meet and the moments you share together until the right one -- the one who takes all the actions necessary to show you that you're also his "right one" -- comes along. The young man you discuss in your email isn't the right one. So, what else is going on in your life besides thinking about relationship? What dream do you have for yourself as an individual? Those might be good things to think about.
Lynda

The Meaning of Premonitions

2005-09-20T14:30:00.000-07:00

Dear Lynda:
I have been having dreams, nagging thoughts and premonitions about a person who I don't personally know and who is semi-famous. I feel very drawn to this individual and can't shake the insistent feeling. I have had premonitions before in my life that have come true. Is this my imagination or am I destined to meet this person and possibly have a relationship?
Darlene, OH

Dear Darlene:
Something that is often overlooked, and usually misunderstood, is one powerful way the universe reflects our intentions back to us: through other people. While it is completely possible that you might invite this individual into your life (we do this on the energy/frequency level), it is more probable that your attraction to and thoughts about this person are because something you feel/see/sense about this one is a direct reflection of something about yourself. Something you need to pay attention to. This actually happens a lot. We get strong vibes about someone and we interpret those feelings in a very limited way -- as indicators that fate/destiny, etc., is putting the two of us together. Usually it has much more interesting vibrational implications. I don't get anything but positive feedback about whatever this might turn out to be. When you're drifting off to sleep tonight, smile and let the universe know you are eagerly awaiting whatever happens. Don't be surprised by what turns up. By the way, put out the welcome mat for some unexpected money.
Lynda

Let Go and Trust

2005-09-05T17:52:00.000-07:00

Dear Lynda:
I'm dating a guy with whom I'm trying to use NLP techniques, as well as TR, just to see if anything will work to create in him an interest in trying out a serious relationship with me. He and I have an incredible number of things in common: small things, coincidences, mutual tastes, views and interests. We're both very attracted to each other, though he has noted that he's not interested in a serious relationship. And, that he's "just getting to know me." He's expressed a number of times that he "is in heaven," "I always feel incredible with you," and things like that. We've known each other about three months, and he offers to help me do just about everything that I ever tell him I'm trying to get done (although, he doesn't really seem to ever get to doing the helping part, or rarely). I've been having a little bit of stress in my work situation lately, and, due to influence from this guy, have made strides in straightening my apartment and in getting back to artistic pursuits of my own which I'd let slide for a couple of years. I'm curious about how my relationship with this guy may progress.
Jennifer, Denver, CO

Dear Jennifer:
The first sentence of your question sounds quite manipulative. You're utilizing various techniques to encourage him to move in the direction you'd like him to move in. And, he's apparently dragging his feet and giving you vague explanations. What you'll notice over time (as you get older) is that people do what they mean to do. Men, especially, act on what they want to act on. They may SAY something different, but watch the action. I am so happy that this man (if I'm reading your statement correctly) motivated you go clear up the clutter in your life and to get back to your own artistic/creative activities. That is his gift to you. I strongly recommend that you let go of all expectations about this fellow and allow him to make his own choices -- whether you like what he chooses or not. He absolutely does enjoy being with you, but at this point he isn't looking for the same outcome that you are. Let go. Breathe. Just be great friends with this fellow and know that your mate is being attracted right this minute. And that may, or may not, be this person. And, by the way, regarding money through creative/artistic pursuits: something wonderful is coming. Keep me posted.
Lynda

The Quilt of Life and The Tarot Journey

2005-09-05T17:31:00.000-07:00

Dear Lynda:
I've just started working two days a week at a quilt shop. I stumbled onto it four years ago "by accident." It was because of the quilts I saw hanging in the shop -- art quilts, rather than traditional quilts -- that I decided I wanted to learn to quilt. I have made significant changes in my life over the past four years because of that event, bringing art, color and joy into my everyday routine. Many things about the job are just great. I'm not working there for the money ($7/hr), but rather because I want to learn more about fabric and what's out there in the quilting world. I'm not entirely sure things will go smoothly overall because the owner has never owned a business before and she has some major blind spots about communicating with customers and employees. I have the feeling I'm being given the opportunity to learn some personal issues as well as about fabric/business. And maybe to help the owner grow in her role. I also wanted to ask you for recommendations for books about Tarot. I only have one deck and its accompanying book (The Enchanted Tarot, which I really like because the cards feature miniature quilts). I also look for additional interpretations online. I'd like to branch out and don't know where to start. I'll probably end up taking some classes at some point, but right now I find that even with my limited understanding of the cards, I learn and grow as a result of what the cards tell me. I'd appreciate any advice.
Quilter, CO

Dear Quilter:
It's always so great to hear from you. I so enjoy knowing about the changes you've made and the ways you give yourself permission to go even deeper. Well, take this with a grain. Here's my thought about the shop: I believe your intuitions are correct, and the owner may not be able to keep up with the learning curve necessary for her to keep the shop afloat. But, interestingly enough, I see the possibility of a shop in your future. Your own little space. So, soak up all the knowledge you can and later, when the quilt is on the other wall, so to speak, you'll be able to reach out to your owner/friend and return the favor. I think she might benefit from taking some classes in basic business with an emphasis on money management and financial strategies for small businesses. Regarding the Tarot, I can't recommend face-to-face teachers enough. But that's because I enjoy learning that way. My journey of exploration with the Tarot has guided me from one wonderful teacher to another. I seem to take in knowledge/information on multiple levels when I'm working with someone in person. In general, the books by the well-known Tarot practitioners (you can find them by looking on Amazon. com) are all good. What I did when I was first learning was to start a card catalog. I used those big index cards and wrote everything about each card that I found in every book I encountered. That file is now huge, but I still use it when I teach. Also, The Tarot School, an online resource, used to be great. I haven't checked them out for years, but I think they're still around and they have a very nice overview of the basics of the tarot from various schools of thought. You might like them. And, having said all that, no matter how much information (other peoples' opinions and intuitions about the cards) you gather, your own psychic hits about the card in question or the card layout needs to trump the other information. Leap into the void, my friend. You'll either land safely or be taught to fly.
Lynda

What Happened?

2005-08-31T17:01:00.000-07:00

Dear Lynda:
I dated a man 25 years ago who was quite a bit older than I. We ended our relationship, went our separate ways, and lost touch. A couple of years ago we were reunited via the internet (email) and have been in touch on and off during this time -- as friends only, nothing more. I, of course, still have some feelings for this man and he made it clear that the feeling was mutual from his side. Neither of us had ever forgotten the other. He has now stopped writing for almost a year, with no explanation, no response to any emails I have sent. I would like to know what has happened, why he has ceased contact with me. Have I done something wrong? Is he ok? I am very confused and do not understand his behavior. Thank you for any insight you can give me.
Pamela, Berthoud, CO

Dear Pamela:
I have a couple of thoughts about your situation. First, I think your friend's idea about what "friend" means was very different from yours. It was absolutely true that he held you in high regard. But I think you always attached more significance to the feelings you had than he did. So, since he considered you a friend -- and one who wasn't a daily participant in his physical life experience -- it was easy for him to get sidetracked and focus elsewhere. Second, I think your friend has gone through -- and may still be going through -- an illness or difficult situation of some kind. If you wish to contact him truly as only a friend (and you'll have to be honest about this), you can send a card which says something brief like: I just wanted to check in with you to make sure all is well." Or some such. And, if you know anyone who knows him, you could do the same, gentle check in. If he doesn't respond to your card, let it/him go. Send him compassionate thoughts and turn your attention back to the areas of your life that you feel good about. Best wishes,
Lynda

Going Through a Rough Patch

2005-08-31T16:47:00.000-07:00

Dear Lynda:
My partner and I are going through a rough patch and it's a bad time in his life. He is not very well and is struggling in his life, which has put an enormous strain on our relationship. I'm always there for him. I love him very much, but he's pushing me away. Lately, I have the suspicion that I may be pregnant. It's too early to do a test, and would like to know if you sense anything? Also, if I'm pregnant, can you sense if the baby will be ok and if our relationship will survive? Will my partner be ok? I'm desperately worried. Thanks for your time.
Nikki, Denver, CO

Dear Nikki:
I don't see any evidence of pregnancy, and since there is so much chaos in your relationship, I'm very glad of that. I do see evidence of some kind of substance problem, depression and the image of two horses pulling a wagon, each one trying to go in a different direction. I'm sure that you know we can't make anyone see things the way we see them, nor can we really exert enough continuous willforce to cause someone to walk the path we want them to walk. It is impossible to worry a relationship into holding together. Either it is healthy and you can allow it to unfold naturally, or it isn't going to work. I mention that because it seems to me that you are doing all the work in the relationship, and that never works. Take a step back, breathe, and allow your partner to accept his share of the responsibility. If he doesn't, nothing that you do can change that. Sometimes we have to accept that other people may be self-destructive and beyond being loving, caring, compassionate and offering resources, there is nothing else we can do.
Lynda

Double or Single Birth?

2005-08-21T11:51:00.000-07:00

Dear Lynda:
My husband and I have one child. We have tried to have another, but recurring miscarriages have stopped us. I recently had a dream that we would have twins -- a boy and a girl. Several months later I found out I was pregnant with twins! I've been told that one twin died. I might be in denial, but I feel very strongly that they are wrong. Do you see delivery of two healthy babies or one? Thank you for your time.
McKinley, Denver, CO

Dear McKinley:
Please take this with a grain, because from the moment I read your question, my guidance was colored by a great desire for you to have your dream come true. But what I get is a glorious birth of a child. The energy feels female. Please let me know how things turn out, because this doesn't seem like the end of the story.
Lynda

Letting Go

2005-07-19T07:42:00.000-07:00

Dear Lynda:
I was in a relationship which, though it wasn't perfect and I wasn't always happy, I was relatively satisfied with. Then, as things were beginning to progress in the physical department -- they never really were very promising in the emotional area, unfortunately -- we had a huge bust up due to a rather unnecessary misunderstanding. Now, the man I'm absolutely madly in love with refuses to even answer my emails, let alone talk to me. All my friends think I should back off, leave well enough alone and move on. But I've never felt like this about anyone before and I don't want him to hate me forever. What do I do? I know that I am more to blame than he is for the bust up, and I want to fix things, but everyone says I should just give up. What do you think I should do? Please help.
Rubaina, Denver, CO

Dear Rubaina:
As much as we wish it was otherwise, we absolutely can't control what anyone else feels, does, thinks or chooses. I assume you realize that the relationship is over -- that his perception of it was never in alignment with yours? I'm not sure why you'd be relatively satisfied with a relationship where the emotional aspect wasn't "promising." I suspect you're dealing with the very human tendency to idealize that which we no longer have. Note the difference in tone between saying you were "relatively satisfied" and are now "madly in love." Something doesn't quite fit. I'd ask you to explore the fears that have emerged since your ending with this man. Is it that being with someone -- even if it wasn't a good match -- is better than being alone? I see evidence of something like that. But, regardless, there is no fixing this misunderstanding now. Remember that he doesn't see it the same way you do, and the more you push the more he retreats. Can this rift be soothed? Yes. But not now and not by anything you can do in the physical. You can drive yourself crazy about this for as long as you want to, but I recommend that you turn your attention from trying to get him to understand you, and focus instead on something positive in your own life. By distracting yourself in a positive way, and then imagining him well and happy, the tension can diminish and one day the bad feelings between you can transform. There is nothing to be gained by remaining stuck on what was, and much to be experienced (for yourself -- this isn't about him) by shifting your gaze to a new direction. Take a deep breath and follow your friends' advice.
Lynda

Heartbroken

2005-06-30T12:01:00.000-07:00

Dear Lynda:
I was told on Friday by the man I've had a relationship with for the last seven years that he has been seeing someone else for the last six weeks. The woman he's seeing is married. He said he loves me, but he's not in love with me right now. He feels that he's falling in love with this married woman. Then he tells me he's broken and needs to be fixed. He called me on Monday and asked how I was doing. I said, "How do you think I'm doing? I'm at a loss here." I'm so heartbroken that I can't eat or sleep. How long do I wait to see if this is just an infatuation or if our relationship is really over? I need advice, please.
Kathy
Denver, CO

Dear Kathy:
I can only imagine how hurt you are. Betrayal of trust is a heart-wrenching pain. I'm afraid I won't be able to say much that will give you hope about this relationship. Let me ask gently if you've given any thought yet to the signs you've missed along the way? The other things this person has done that you didn't want to see? This feels like a longer, deeper issue than just something that has emerged over the last six weeks. I suspect that, if you really ask yourself honestly, you know that. Let's take the focus away from this man for a moment, and discuss this in general. On some level, you've asked for change. For growth. For depth. Continuing to hide in the status quo will not allow you to achieve those things. Refusing to see this man as he truly is won't create the life you want. You are at a crossroads. You must choose. You must act and not just react. It doesn't matter how long this man romances the married woman. All that matters is that he was deeply dishonest with you and that is his nature. He is dishonest with himself. If you stay, frozen in fear, waiting for him to come to his senses you'll be disappointed. Not only is he untrustworthy, but he'll show you that again and again. If you value yourself so little, nothing good can happen. If you are willing to walk through the fire and let this man go, something so much better is on the other side. You deserve more.
Lynda

Relationship with a Married Man

2005-06-30T11:42:00.000-07:00

Dear Lynda:
I visited you for counseling about six years ago. It's hard to believe it's been so long! At that time, I was pregnant and in a difficult marriage. I am now divorced, have a beautiful 5-year-old child and am much happier. My primary question is about a relationship and what it means in my life. I was involved with a man for about a year, and it was a very exciting, passionate and happy time for me. However, unfortunately, this person is married. Of course, I felt quite guilty about that, but at the same time I felt extremely happy with him. We have been estranged for about a year and recently started communicating again, just a little. I know it's not good to be involved with someone who is committed elsewhere. So, I'm wondering why I have such strong feelings for him? Why is he in my life? Will he ever be a permanent part of my life? Is he inherently good or bad? I just can't tell. And, if not him, is there anyone else who could come into my life in the near future? Thank you very much.
Ann
Denver, CO

Dear Ann:
I wish I could tell you that this man's inappropriate behavior (not to let you off the hook for your part, but he is the married one) would change if he was your mate instead of someone else's. He is who he is. It isn't that he's inherently bad and unable to change -- we do have the ability to make new choices moment to moment, day to day -- but the patterns we establish with our repeated behaviors can seem like a raging torrent, helpless to change direction. I have to wonder what it is about this man that you used as your excuse to feel good, because he seems emotionally troubled to me. So, all I can tell you is that he has shown you how he behaves -- what he values and what he doesn't -- and he will treat you the same way he's treating his current spouse. He is in your life because there is an unhealthy part of you that he is in resonance with. Interestingly, if you don't open the door to this tired old pattern (your pattern -- as you are both participants in this unhealthy dance), you'll find that someone new is going to enter your life. Whatever life transition you are in the midst of will continue to prod you in a resisted, but desired, direction and a new man will join your journey. The universe is a juicy, luscious, abundant banquet. Don't settle for crumbs.

Allowing Her Good

2005-06-07T11:33:00.000-07:00

Hi, Lynda:
It was nice to find you on your website -- we haven't spoken in some time. I have been presented with an opportunity to make a change, and as far as I can tell, I should say "yes" to the opportunity. But I still have little niggling doubts, which I think are a product of my own old fear of failure. I don't know if you will wish to answer my question, but I'll ask it and leave it for you to decide. As you may recall, four years ago I was laid off from my well-paying job. Since then I have completely re-evaluated what I want to do with my life, and the short version is that I discovered that I love art, particularly art quilts and fiber art. I have spent a lot of time taking classes and teaching myself skills. I have also gone back to my love of language, and plan to support myself by making fiber art to sell and by copy editing (in English) and translation (from Portuguese to English). It has taken me a long time to come to this point, and I have not brought in much income at all in four years. My husband has supported me financially and been my cheerleader the entire time, although I believe at a cost to himself. And we are in debt more than we would like to be, because of a lack of work for both of us since the economy has been slow. I have been chafing under space constraints for my art work, because I have nowhere to "make a mess" with my fabric painting and dyeing, and other things I want to try out. Since I am not making any money, I don't feel I can commit to paying much rent for a place. But I feel that if I had room to grow, I could actually accomplish something artistically and financially. I recently met a man who buys houses, renovates them and rents them out. He has offered to remodel part of a garage in one of his rentals, to become an artist's studio. He says he wants to make beautiful things, and I have seen some of his work in renovation. He cares about details and quality. He is willing to allow me to pay for 25% of the rent in trade and the rest in cash. Everything about this situation is very tempting: I would have plenty of space in which to grow, my dog would be allowed to be with me, the landlord is supportive of artists. My problem: I am afraid of committing to it because I don't have any work coming in and I don't want to dig us further into a financial hole. I am so used to not making money that I actually believe I never will again. This is a silly and destructive belief, I know. I have been teaching myself to do tarot readings for myself, and although I am sure I miss many important connections yet at my neophyte stage, I have found the exercise to always be helpful to me. Even if I don't understand something one day, later it becomes clear to me what I should think about that particular message. The cards seem to be telling me that if I take this studio, I will be able to afford it if I work diligently. I would work there primarily on the art work, and do most of the language work at home, although there would be some crossover. Can you shed some light on this situation? Should I say yes to this opportunity, or should I just find a way to work in my little space at home for a while? At this point I am thinking I will say yes, and trust that if it isn't meant to be, the universe will close the door as the answer. Thanks Lynda.
Hopeful Artist, Colorado

Dear Hopeful: It's great to hear from you. I have to say I'm so excited that you are moving in so many wonderful directions: art, Tarot, and reclaiming your expertise with languages. I think that's always been one of your most unique and special contributions to the world. I trust that you will follow your own intuitive guidance, but I'm happy to give you my impressions about your questions. My immediate feeling was that I wanted you to say no to the fellow with the renovations. Not that he or the idea is bad. Something about the timing is off and the pressure I fear you would put on yourself makes me want to ask you to reconsider. And, actually, this isn't the best offer. Or, even the best offer he can make to you. If you can connect with the expansive part of yourself -- the part that knows you can create money with all your gifts, abilities, etc. -- other opportunities to have an art space will come in. It might not be until August or thereafter, but I clearly see a less encumbered option. And something about the current offer feels heavier than it should on the surface. It is possible for you to have a straight trade or barter and not have to pay any money-type rent at all. Imagine yourself in an artist space where the other portion of the space is used by another artist or artists. I see that as a strong possibility. You might consider the following positive statement/suggestion/affirmation: I am now courageously willing to accept abundance. I now joyfully surrender to the good that is mine. Please keep me posted.
Lynda

Message or Coincidence?

2005-05-28T09:48:00.000-07:00

Dear Lynda:
A few months ago I was out with friends and we had just been out drinking then went to a fast-food place to get something to eat. I didn't want anything, so I stayed outside where I spoke to a girl who was also standing outside. She looked a little upset, but when I spoke to her she got really upset and started saying she was going to kill herself. A few weeks later I was out drinking again and was again outside a fast-food place when a different girl stopped me and asked me if I'd met her before. Then she started getting upset and telling me that she had met someone who looked like me at a nightclub a few weeks earlier and that person had put the date-rape drug into her drink, took her to the toilets and possibly raped her. She realized that I was not this person, and I know I had nothing to do with the incident since I never go to the nightclub she was talking about. I just want to know why these two incidents happened to me? Is there some sort of message or is it just a coincidence?
Chris, Edinburgh, Scotland

Dear Chris:
I don't believe in coincidences. What we call "coincidences" are only things we can't see the whole picture of. Your situation is, indeed, a message, but not the one you might suspect. It is a metaphorical message from you to you. I'm sure you know that we all have many "parts" to ourselves -- many personality aspects. The aspects we find more acceptable are allowed to be shown to the world, and the other parts -- the ones we fear, deny or resist -- are repressed. But those repressed parts "leak." That means what we attempt to hold back in ourselves tends to magnetize more of itself from the outer world. I get the idea that you are struggling with at least one other portion of your personality and these sad young women picked up on your dissonance and gave you the gift of addressing your confusion. Explore your beliefs, ideas, thoughts, feelings about relationships, women and men and who you are. I wonder if you've opened yourself to all your intuitive abilities? They seem to be strong in you. So, don't get so caught up in the messenger that you lose the message. What do both these scenarios have in common? That is what the universe/you are trying to tell you. And you might consider staying away from fast-food places late at night, unless you are drawn to lost souls on purpose.
Lynda

Spell-Bound

2005-04-23T16:16:00.000-07:00

Dear Lynda:
Thank you for your time and consideration. I'm desperate for a solution and any advice is very welcome. For the last two years, I have been "spell bound" by a man who has nothing to offer me emotionally, spiritually or sexually. I am unable to walk away or experience positive changes that might lead me away from this dark place. I'm overwhelmed by feelings of powerlessness and despair. Is this man evil, or have I been sentenced to a karmic lesson assigned to me by other forces? Is there anything I can do to turn this situation around?
Jo, Texas

Dear Jo: The great news is that you are on the threshold of making new, powerful choices for yourself and your life. The time period from January through June of 2005 is lush with opportunities for new decisions, new directions and deep personal growth. You are really starting to see how the old patterns, ideas, beliefs, etc. aren't working for you. This man is a part of the old. Nothing that has been happening to you regarding this man is about something he is doing to you, or something someone/something else is doing to you. It is completely and totally about your choices. Sometimes, our patterns are so deeply entrenched that they are invisible to us. We can't see that the motivation for us to continue on the same hamster wheel comes from inside ourselves. That is definitely the case here. It is absolutely untrue that you are spell bound. We can only be spell bound if we choose to be. (Although, I'll admit it is enlivening to co-create that kind of dramatic passion!) You are able to walk away. You simply haven't chosen to do that. Is it easy? Apparently not. Will it be strange to call on the strong parts of yourself instead of following along with old, inner programming? Yes. Can you do it? Without doubt. I have to tell you that I don't see any darkness ahead for you. Of course, you can keep bringing the old experiences with you by continuing to focus your attention on them. You can't create the change you want if you hold fast to the negatives you say you wish to transform. Humans have such a huge capacity for what we call "evil," but what is also true is that we align with what we give attention to. So, I wonder what would happen if you stopped feeding this particular fire? It is totally up to you.
Lynda

Opening My Own Business

2005-04-17T09:54:00.000-07:00

Dear Lynda:
I feel as though I'm at a crossroads in my life. I'm in a job I despise, though I'm seeking other employment. The stress of my current job and looking for other work is nearly overwhelming. I really don't want to drift from job to job, though. I've been thinking about opening a little bakery of my own. I'm not sure how successful it'd be, but it's something I've been thinking about more and more. What do you think?
A Baker, Ft. Worth, TX

Dear Baker:
Change is absolutely called for. The idea of a bakery is fine, but it seems limited. There is another element you need to include: creativity. The bakery would succeed if you start out small (that's because I sense a lot of caution and fear from you) and you find some way to add your own unique, creative aspect. Some product or design that only you offer. Your fear is keeping you from dreaming big enough. Take some baby steps toward your goal, while shifting your perception about your current job. You can't attract the good you desire if you're focused on the bad you're currently experiencing.
Lynda

Email Problems

2005-03-30T21:21:00.000-08:00

If you sent me a question to answer here in my blog within the last month or so and I haven't answered it, it is because several of my emails mysteriously disappeared. Please send the question again!! Sorry for the muck-up. Lynda

Seeing Mysterious Energy

2005-02-28T18:11:00.000-08:00

Dear Lynda:
My best friend and I are having the same incidents occur to both of us at entirely different places -- our homes and places of employment. In our peripheral vision, we are both seeing dark, dashing, very small somethings. They run past us on our desk, or on a counter. We thought it was only us, but another person we know has seen this too. It is usually so quick and it makes you think it's a bug or a mouse, but it isn't. We don't understand what these spirits are, why they are with us, but we have determined when they are seen. It is usually after some issue arises where someone around us is showing anger or is being exceptionally unkind. Do you have any idea what is going on or who/why/what the purpose of these tiny things are? They are dark in color, as if to be charcoal grey or black. We don't know what to make of it.
Tanjla, Lakewood, CO

Dear Tanjla:

The first thing that came to me as I read your email was that we have gotten so used to thinking that what we perceive with our limited five senses is all there is, that we seldom look for the most all possible answers. There are several wonderful books about parallel universes, simultaneous time/space, faster/slower vibrating energy and the answer to your question lies there. Catching a glimpse of "other realities" in our peripheral vision is a regular occurrence, as is the likelihood that we'll slide through the artificial boundaries during times of intense emotion. Anger and unkindness often stimulates nonordinary experiences. Another possibility (but similar) is that you are becoming aware of thoughtforms -- energies that have built up through repeated thoughts/experiences/beliefs, etc. All energy that ever was is present now. We often call particularly strong thoughtforms "ghosts." And, a totally mundane explanation would be that there is a condition of the eye -- rather common I understand -- where there are frequent manifestations of floating dark things. Like you described. And where and when you see them depends on where they're located on your eye, and the level of stimulus involved. An eye professional could tell you more about that. But, when I see such things, I think it's more fun to believe I'm witnessing a parallel/simultaneous universe.

Lynda

Time To Move On?

2005-02-01T19:37:00.000-08:00

Dear Lynda:
I'm looking for some guidance for all the changes coming up in my life. I want to leave my husband of 24 years, sell the house and expand my housecleaning business. Sometimes just the thought of all this is so overwhelming. My children have moved out and I know it is time to move on from my husband. Whatever karma we had to work out is complete and staying with him is detrimental to my health and spiritual growth. I do not want to take forever for the house to sell so we can split quickly. I have positive feelings about expanding my business, but would appreciate your feedback.
Crystal, Morrison, CO

Dear Crystal:

You don't mention anything in your email about your husband (I'm assuming it's your husband, as it is the strongest male energy involved in the issues you wrote about) having strong feelings about the impending changes. Immediately, I got the sense of anger, miscommunication and issues of control. Oddly, even though your "vibe" is very strong in the note you sent me, I am getting an off-balanced energy between your husband and yourself. As if you're holding back or hiding. I absolutely support you in choosing a new path for the future and your house will sell, but you'll need to be patient. I know that sounds like I'm waffling, but I sense much more about the expansion of your business than about the sale of your house, but -- as I said -- it will eventually sell. I mention your business because I actually associate a physical place, perhaps a building or office, which will be new for you in regard to your business. Something that began concerning your business within the last 30 days will turn out to be fruitful in unexpected ways.

Here's what I really want to say. Don't get involved with another man right away. I don't know if you are already moving in that direction (because it feels close) or if you are just daydreaming about it, but my recommendation stands. You desperately need to carve out some psychic space for yourself, inside and outside, before you join forces with another again. The ending of your marriage won't be as smooth and easy as you would like it to be, and there are lots of stressful situations coming your way over the next 4-5 months.

This is the time for you to get clear about who you are and what you want. You might consider dreaming even bigger in regard to money and your housecleaning business. Whatever you're imagining, make it more vivid -- larger.

Once again, I want to say that you shouldn't take anything about this ending for granted. I think your husband has intense emotions that will bubble to the surface. Make sure you have a good support network. I'm rootin' for you.

Lynda

Feeling Trapped

2005-01-01T20:12:00.000-08:00

Dear Lynda:
I feel trapped. I'm working a job that offers little satisfaction even though the pay is decent. On the one hand, I have a lack of passion for the health care business (HMO). On the other hand, I need the income it provides. While I mostly enjoy database programming and the decent pay, I feel absolutely out of place in a corporate environment (I've been here for 5 years). I recently turned down a job offer for a database programming position with another local company, even though the salary was an extra $6,000 per year. I turned it down mainly because this position offered fewer vacation days and holidays, which meant that I would have been earning less for each day I actually worked. And the environment had more of a corporate feel than my current job. Another big factor in my turning it down was my desire to move to a new location ASAP.

I'm currently living in a place that is almost the complete opposite of the kind of place I'd enjoy living in. I'm in a metro area of 1.5 million people, and would rather live in a place with a population of 50,000 or less. I'm living near the ocean and would rather live near the mountains. I'm living in a humid climate and I'd rather live in a dry climate. You get the picture. I've been scouring the job sites for similar jobs in places I'd consider moving to, but I rarely ever find any openings for the jobs that interest me. The few jobs I have applied for were dead end pursuits. Do you see a job offer and a move to one of my desired locations in the near future?
Franco

Franco: Due to many things -- the poor economy of the last few years, a challenging energy that is emerging from the polarization of desires on the planet, the layer of fear that seems to have gained strength -- nothing is as it used to be. Yes, of course. We can always say that. But now more than ever -- spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally -- we're not in Kansas anymore. The current has gotten very strong and chaotic and the direction isn't clear. Why do I mention all that? Your email was filled with all those things. My dear, you are the poster boy for What's Happening Now.

OK. Let's jump right in. Feeling trapped is a state of mind. An illusion. Does that mean it doesn't feel real? Doesn't surround us with imaginary bars? It feels very real, but it is still an illusion. You are presenting a tremendously dissonant energy. One part of you wants the changes you talk about, and another part is too terrified to take the personal risks necessary to achieve them. So, whether you prefer the words of Esther Hicks, who talks about being the vibration of that which you'd like to create; or the words of Col. Potter from the TV show MASH, "No matter where you go, there you are," the message is clear. The ball is in your court.

I see no evidence of a geographical shift in the next few months. What I do see is increased finances, growing career satisfaction and even a new file in your relationship cabinet if you are willing to face your fears, your limiting beliefs and simply be so at peace with where you are that the new options can sneak in the side door. At this point, you're pushing against what you don't want with such intensity, that all your focus is there, and nothing different can happen. As Dr. Phil might say, "How bad do you want it?" Here's a thought: make a list of a few companies/industries that you would enjoy working for and daydream/fantasize/imagine yourself there. Don't waste another moment thinking about what you don't want.

Lynda