Lynda: I guess my question is similar to many others. It is about a guy, as usual. I moved with a guy I had only been with for four months. Things fell apart fast as I realized that the move made it more obvious that I was not in a good place emotionally or mentally, (I had been depressed for a very long time, years actually before meeting him). I doubted myself too much and felt that I was never good enough. Needless to say we broke up after eight months of living together but then reconciled after a four-month break. Again, we fought about the same things and we ended things completely in July o7. I am now in a much better place because I was able to step out and look at myself. I now love myself for who I am and I appreciate everything I have instead of always looking at what I didn't have. I wrote him an e-mail this past February or March. I explained to him that I had always been in a bad place and that I wasn't really "me" the way I knew I could be. I know he read it and I asked him not to respond though I hoped he would. I still think about him and I feel that things would be very different between us (in a good way) if we were to be together now, although I am not sure if he has changed. I was left w/out any closure from his side because he never explained to me why he did the things he did at the time.
So like many of the letters here, I want to be with him. I send him good thoughts all the time and hope that he is accomplishing the things I know he can. The obvious question here is, is there a future for us? I will not lie, as I do believe we understand each other, I just feel we were young at the time and felt that anything and everything was possible and it was easy when in reality it is not.
Oh, and I do have another question. I have been pulling out my hair since I was 16 (I am 24 now). I have gotten help from counselors and such but none of it has actually really helped the hair-pulling, (though it has helped me get to the great place I am at). I was looking into hypnosis as perhaps an avenue that could help me, (I really want to stay away from medications as I don't think they are the way for me personally). If I am feeling so much better about myself why hasn't my hair-pulling stopped? I realize you probably can't answer that but I assumed one went hand-in hand with the other. Thank you for your insight.
~ hoping for the best and that my heart is telling the truth.
Dear Hoping: I'm so happy you're feeling better about yourself. That's great news. Let me answer the easiest question first. Hypnotherapy is very effective with issues like hair-pulling. In my experience, the pulling is always due to an underlying pattern or belief. Hypnotherapy is definitely worth exploring. It's entirely possible for someone to feel good about her/himself and still be caught up in unconscious patterns. Now to your love issue. I wish I had happy news for you (and please keep in mind this is just my interpretation of the energy of the moment), but an ongoing relationship with the man you mentioned doesn't seem to be "in the cards" for now. I think one of the hardest things for most of us to realize (re: relationships) is that often we attract people who come into our lives for reasons very different than we initially assume. Our true soul mates are the ones who trigger difficult experiences and deep learning. You probably won't agree with this, but it seems to me that if you were with this man, the unconscious behaviors/feelings he stimulates would return. Love is possible, but I think it's with a different person. Allow the one who is coming into your life within the next eight months to be your next joyful experience.