I was very moved by your posting about psychic vampires. I feel I have come in contact with one and I am seeking your advice on how to defend myself from future "attacks". My psychic vampire was a lover of mine. We broke up for good over a year ago, but he was also my boss. He is now married to and has a child with my former very close friend--their child was born a couple of weeks ago. We no longer work together and I only see him on occasion and when I do, I avoid him. I have since formed a very nurturing relationship with another man. We love each other very much and I feel we have a future together. This man, who I am with now, was witness to the whole heartbreak and worked with me and my boss/lover/vampire. Over the summer, while I was away visiting a friend overseas, I had a very tangible feeling that something happened to my former lover. I had a dream that my sister had a baby and that she didn't want it. These two things confused me very much, until I received an email from my former lover (which was addressed to me and my new partner) telling me that he and my former friend were having a child. I wrote to him and told him that I wished him the best, but that for obvious reasons, it was distressing to me that he felt it appropriate to email me and my new partner with this news. I didn't hear from him for some time, until he tried to befriend me on Facebook
. I ignored this request and continued on with my life. A couple weeks ago when his child was born, he again sent an email to me and my partner to tell us about the birth of his child (which I already knew about because we have many mutual acquaintances). I wrote to him once more and told him to please refrain from emailing me about what was going on in his life, and then I blocked his email. Two weeks later, I am overcome with the feeling that he wants to contact me (and I am almost certain he has tried, but cannot). It hurts me very much as he was and is someone I care very deeply for, and I feel that he is hurting very much. However, I feel very protective of my new life and my new love and I want to protect myself. Obviously, we did not have very much closure in our relationship, but I feel this is because he does not want to close the door and wants to continue to haunt me. I feel very tired much of the time and I am trying very hard to keep this man out of my psychic space. My friends tell me that he looks very sad when he talks to them and I feel as if I always know when he is thinking of me. I desire healing and I desire happiness for both of us in our respective lives, but I don't know how to do this when I feel he doesn't want to leave me alone...and obviously, I have trouble shutting him out or leaving him alone. Please let me know if there is anything I can do. I pray about it all the time.
Desperate for healing
Dear Desperate: You already know this, but I'll say it anyway. Psychic vampires can only feed on us if we invite them to. It's an energy exchange. One thing about psychic vampires is that they're very appealing. Dramatic. Passionate. Intense. We get addicted to them and the drama/trauma. It really can become a life-defining relationship. You are not responsible for how he feels. You can't fix him or make him healthy. You can only do that for yourself and you've clearly indicated you're ambivalent about making the healthy choices. The only way to deal with this kind of energy manipulator is to turn your attention elsewhere. Focus on what is good with your life, on what you'd rather have. He can't feed on you if you don't give him your vein (energetically/metaphorically speaking). My dear, the first thing to admit is that you don't have trouble shutting him out or leaving him alone. You simply haven't wanted to. That is the first step to freedom. Don't respond to his emails. Ever. Don't ask friends about him. Don't return phone calls. Don't take action when you perceive he is "needing" you. This is the tough work because you're truly addicted and we want our drug of choice. Even if it makes us feel bad. Every time you talk/write about him, you put an energetic invitation into the mail (so to speak). The life you've created seems so much healthier to me. I hope you'll choose it.
Best wishes, Lynda